Heaven and Hell

18th Chapter - Back to England

(October 1981)

Leaving her old life behind, Serena found that she quickly grew attached to her new life. Time passed at a slower pace in Two Oaks; no one felt the need to hurry. After constantly having been on her guard and living an interesting but stressful life, Serena soon learned to appreciate the quiet and peace.

Albus had been right, Henrietta was the nicest woman Serena had ever met. She reminded Serena a bit of Mrs. Knicks who had lived next door to her parent's house. Henrietta had received her with open arms and had never asked for explanations. After her arrival, Serena had attempted to tell Henrietta about her past and her reasons for leaving Britain, having the impression that she owed that much to someone who was willing to take a stranger into her house.

But Henrietta had waved it aside with the comment, "I don't care why or from what you're hiding, dear. Albus said that you're trustworthy and that's enough for me. So let this worrisome subject be. If you feel like talking then tell me about England instead. I haven't been there since I was a child. And tell me about Hogwarts - I only went there for three years until my parents immigrated to America."

During the following months, Serena made herself useful and got the old house shipshape. She repaired the leaking tap in the kitchen, sealed a leak in the roof, cleared out the basement, weeded the garden, and helped Henrietta with the housework. If she could be sure that the few neighbours, all Muggles without exception, weren't going to see it, she would use magic. But she also enjoyed doing things the Muggle way, such as painting the front of the house with a brush and paint. Of course it took her longer, but she had plenty of time.

In the evenings, Serena and Henrietta sat together on the terrace, talking, playing cards, or just enjoying the sunset. Henrietta never tired of hearing stories about Serena's time at Hogwarts or about places that Serena had once visited. In return, Serena eagerly listened to Henrietta's anecdotes about her long and rather interesting life. While at Hogwarts, Henrietta had been a classmate and a close friend of Albus Dumbledore. So close, that after she had left Hogwarts they had stayed in owl contact. Serena was surprised to hear that besides being an excellent student, Albus had also been a mischievous boy who had caused mayhem as often as his brother Aberforth.

After finishing her education at Warwick's, the American equivalent of Hogwarts, Henrietta had been a midwife for over sixty years - a choice of career that blessed her with loads of memorable experiences. The only thing that Henrietta regretted was that she had never had children. She and her husband had wanted a big family, but fate had begrudged them this bliss. It was one of life's ironies that the woman who had brought more children into the world than she could count wasn't able to have children of her own. After her husband's death Henrietta had been rather lonely, and she was delighted to do Albus a favour that would get herself some company.

Sometimes, at night, Serena woke up screaming and covered in cold sweat. Nightmares plagued her sleep. She always found herself in one of the houses that had been the home of their numerous victims. But instead of the false bodies she found Henrietta, Albus and other people whom Serena deeply cared for. The dreams always ended with Voldemort telling her that this time the dead bodies were genuine and there was nothing she could have done to prevent their deaths. On these occasions, Henrietta always came with a glass of hot milk, comforting Serena until she fell asleep again.

Time went on, and Serena's belly grew larger. Sometimes she wondered how it was possible for her body to become that huge, only to see the next morning that it again had grown a bit more. On a sunny day in May she gave birth to her son Jon. The boy seemed to be determined to outgrow his mother as soon as possible. He was not only a large baby, he put on weight and size with such speed that Serena could almost see him grow when she watched him for a while.

Jon was everything to Serena. Soon, she couldn't imagine having ever been without him. It was like Dumbledore had foreseen - busy with raising a lively, curious, and seemingly untiring boy demanded her constant attention. Serena only seldom found the time to think of her former life. The nightmares became rare and finally ceased completely. It was as if her old life had been a nightmare that faded away after waking up in Two Oaks. Serena's bliss was perfect; she had found peace of mind and was content with life.

Unfortunately, even heaven on earth wasn't free of dark clouds. A few months after Jon's birth, a letter from Albus Dumbledore arrived. Amongst other things, he mentioned that James and Lily had become parents of a healthy boy whom they had named Harry.

Serena hadn't seen her brother for years, hadn't even spent much time thinking of him. But Albus' letter reminded her of his existence and with a sudden and mighty blow Serena realised that she missed James more than she had thought. Whilst reading the letter, all her pent-up feelings broke free and Serena couldn't hold back her tears. Henrietta brought her warm milk and gave her a comforting hug, but it was a long time before Serena's tears ceased flowing.

The very next day, Serena wrote a long letter to James, congratulating him for becoming a father and wishing all the best to the young family. She told him about her own son, Jon, about Henrietta and her new life. Lastly she added her wish for a reunion and sent the letter away.

But Tiponya, the owl that Serena had borrowed from Henrietta, returned one month later, the unopened letter still dangling from her leg. Either the owl couldn't deliver it because James and his family were in hiding, or her brother didn't want anything to do with his sister. Hoping for the first, Serena tried it again, providing the great horned owl with a few charms that would help her to find the addressee. But whatever she attempted, it was in vain. The owl returned each of the next few letters a couple of weeks after she left, always untouched.

Tiponya was quite miffed about being repeatedly sent thousands of miles over the Atlantic Ocean for nothing. Whenever Serena came near her, the owl picked at her and fluttered in her cage to make it as difficult as possible for Serena to tie another one of her letters to Tiponya's leg.

Finally Serena showed some understanding and sent her next letter to Hogwarts, asking Albus Dumbledore to forward it to James. She wasn't sure if Albus knew where James was hiding but she deemed it worth a try.

Henrietta's owl needed two weeks to reach Great Britain, spent one week in Hogwarts Owlery, recovering, and took another two weeks to return to Two Oaks. This time, she didn't carry the letter that Serena had sent, but an answer. Serena's heart started pounding with anticipation when she opened it, but one look at the handwriting managed to nip any hope in the bud. The answer wasn't from her brother, but from Dumbledore.

He had indeed been able to deliver her letter to James, but Dumbledore couldn't possibly force him to read it. Nibbling at an owl treat, Tiponya gave Serena reproachful glares for sending her on such a strenuous task again and again.

"Don't worry," Serena said in an apologetic tone, hanging her head. "I won't send you again. Jim obviously doesn't want to read my letter."

She crushed the letter into a ball and threw it in the fireplace. Gloomily, Serena stared at the crumpled parchment. That proved beyond doubt that James didn't want any contact with her.

"No, Jon!" she suddenly burst out. In a more gentle tone, she added, "Parchment isn't for eating, particularly if it's been lying in the fireplace."

Serena bent down and took the crumpled letter away from her son. Jon had learned to walk a few months ago and since then, Serena had spent the better part of her time chasing after him. Jon was faster than his short legs led one to suspect. If she didn't watch him, even for a moment, he instantly went off to explore his surroundings, regardless of whether it was safe or dangerous for a scant one-and-a-half-year-old. Recently, he had made a habit of tasting everything that was small enough to go in his mouth, like the letter that he had fished from the fireplace. Fortunately there hadn't been a fire lit, Serena thought.

When Jon started to cry over being deprived of his newfound treasure, Serena gave him his cuddly teddy instead. Jon regarded her with a distrustful look, suspecting bribery, but then accepted the replacement and waddled away. A few moments later he had already forgotten about the parchment, immersed in a dialogue with his favourite teddy. Jon knew very few words and the toy didn't speak at all, but in the boy's imagination it was a totally normal conversation.

Serena gazed again at the letter in her hand. She had wasted more than a year with writing letters that no one read. It was high time for something else, something more effective. If she made an appearance on James' doorstep, he couldn't ignore her. And she would adamantly refuse to leave him alone until she had talked to him.

Since Serena was still on the wanted list of the British Ministry of Magic as well as on Voldemort's own wanted list, Henrietta brewed a bottle full of Polyjuice Potion and put a few of her own, white hairs into it. Serena booked a seat on the Knight Bus, packed up a few things and left Jon in Henrietta's care. She had no idea where James lived, so her first destination was Hogwarts. The headmaster would know where to find James, and since he knew the truth about Serena, he wouldn't hesitate to give her this information.

When Serena stepped through the iron gates, entering Hogwarts grounds, she felt like she was being taken back to another time. The castle stood strong and tall as ever, seemingly uninfluenced by the passing of time. The mild October sun stood low, casting a golden glow over the trees of the Forbidden Forest. On the Quidditch pitch, students in blue robes, apparently Ravenclaws, used the last hours of daylight for their training.

Serena hadn't been here since she had finished her education at Hogwarts. And even though this had been only three years ago, it felt like the memory of another life. A pleasant memory.

Elated, Serena strode along the narrow path up to the castle until an aching back reminded her that she was impersonating an old witch and she slowed down. Arriving at the oaken front doors, she reached for the handle. At that moment the portal was opened from inside and a black robed wizard stepped in her way.

Serena was about to greet him and ask for Professor Dumbledore when she recognised him and the words stuck in her throat. None other than Severus Snape stood in front of her.

Seeing an old witch in the entrance, he stepped aside to let her pass. But Serena didn't move; she only stared at him.

"Well, can I help you somehow?" Severus asked her, hardly masked impatience showing through in his tone.

"Erm ... yes ... no ... maybe. I don't know ... Can you repeat the question?" Serena stammered. The sight of Severus had caught her totally off guard.

"Can I help you?" Severus repeated with irritation.

"Yes, indeed... I'd like to see Professor Dumbledore," Serena finally answered, pulling herself together.

"Well, I'm sorry, but he isn't here."

"And when will he return?"

"In two days."

"Oh. Where's he gone?"

"I don't think that this is any of your business, Mrs...?"

He drew out the last words, reminding Serena that she hadn't introduced herself.

When Serena didn't answer his unspoken question, he gave up waiting for her to move aside and squeezed himself past her. "Excuse me," he said, "I haven't got all day."

Astonished, Serena watched him hurrying down the path to the gates until he was out of sight.

What the hell was Severus doing at Hogwarts? And on a day when the headmaster wasn't there? Coincidence? Serena made a mental note to inform Dumbledore about it. A Death Eater at Hogwarts wasn't something to be ignored. But first she would find out if Dumbledore truly wasn't at home.

She entered the castle to find Professor Flitwick, who came out of the Great Hall.

He confirmed Severus' statement. "I'm sorry, Ma'am, Professor Dumbledore is away on business. Unfortunately he didn't deem it necessary to inform the staff as to where he's gone. You had better come back the day after tomorrow."

Disappointed, Serena thanked Flitwick for the information and left. She didn't doubt that Dumbledore was away on Order business, and because of that he had kept his destination for himself. But two days? Her supply of Polyjuice wouldn't last that long. Of course she could hide in a hotel, not leave her room, and wait in her natural appearance. But the danger of being discovered increased with every hour she stayed in Britain.

Who else would know where James was? His best friends perhaps? Serena knew of their whereabouts as much as she knew about James'. But they weren't actively hiding, so it would be easier to find them. The greater difficulty would be to convince one of them to lead her to James.

But first things first. She couldn't convince anybody as long as she didn't know where to find them.

As soon as Serena left Hogwarts grounds, she Apparated to Hogsmeade and entered the post office. The clerk gave her an odd look when Serena asked for an express owl. Usually, people simply handed over their letters and left it to him to tie it to an owl and send it out.

Serena served up a story about her letter being highly secret and that it would go up in flames if anyone other than herself or the receiver touched it. This convinced the clerk and he disappeared in the back of the store, returning with a cage containing an owl.

Once outside again, Serena cast a Localisation Charm on the owl and sent it out to Sirius Black. Sirius was the closest of James' friends, so the chances that he knew where James was were the best. Two hours later, when Serena noticed that the owl wasn't moving anymore, she concentrated on the charmed owl and Disapparated.

She landed in a street, lined with terraced houses on both sides - a typical workers' housing-estate. A quick check confirmed her suspicion that the house in front of her was secured by an Anti-Apparition-Barrier. That was the reason why she had landed outside, although the owl was inside of the house. And she had Apparated in the nick of time; shortly after her arrival she lost the bearing on the post owl, which meant that Sirius had detected the charm and disabled it.

* * *

Severus sneezed loudly and then cursed even louder. He had been searching for an old potions recipe in his loft for two hours. Since he wasn't sure which book contained the recipe, a simple Accio Spell wasn't applicable, and he had to do the search the cumbersome way. But each box that he opened only served to swirl up more dust and contained all sorts of things except the book that he was looking for.

This was his second month of teaching and Severus was already wondering whether or not it had been a good idea to accept Dumbledore's offer. Soon after his secret meeting with Dumbledore, the headmaster had found out whom the Dark Lord was using to keep an eye on the goings-on at Hogwarts - Rabastan Lestrange, a seventh year who was likely to become a Death Eater, following in the footsteps of his older brother Rodolphus. At the end of Rabastan's education, however, the Dark Lord found himself wanting a new mole at Hogwarts. The job advertisement in the Daily Prophet served its purpose perfectly and Voldemort had sent Severus to a job interview.

His new position as Potions Master was more stressful than Severus had thought - more stressful than Dumbledore had given him reason to expect, the cunning old fox. His work wasn't limited to giving lessons. There were essays to mark, lessons to prepare, staff meetings to attend, and detentions to hold. The little brats were a real pain in the arse, and he couldn't always get away with passing on their detentions to Filch. Filch's day only had the twenty four hours of everyone else's day, and other professors also assigned detentions with the caretaker quite frequently.

Were the children of today indeed worse or had he just not noticed it when he had been a student himself? Severus hadn't been such an incompetent, inattentive, insolent brat, that was sure.

Frustrated, he pushed aside the currently open box and was rewarded with another cloud of dust. If the next box didn't contain the blasted recipe, it could stay wherever it was and rot forever. The recipe would have eased his work, but he could teach another potion that was similar and served his purpose just as well. Severus opened the next box and looked at the content. Again, the wrong container, he realised with a sigh. This box contained a Death Eater robe and mask, an Invisibility Cloak, a violet dress, shoes and numerous other clothes and things that had once belonged to Serena.

After she had left Britain, he had packed up her belongings and put them away in the loft.

Severus gazed at the soft violet fabric of the dress. Serena had looked so beautiful in it, like a goddess. Serena - he hadn't thought of her for quite a while. She had been accused of murder, but one day before her trial she had escaped from St. Mungo's and disappeared. No one knew where she was. The Dark Lord had sent out several Death Eaters to find and eliminate her, but Serena was nowhere to be found. The Ministry had also set Aurors on her trail. Rumours said that the infamous and dreaded Alastor Moody was one of them. But he didn't do his work any better than the rest of them, and likewise hadn't been able to arrest her.

Severus could have found her easily; he would just have had to follow her bracelet. But he hadn't done it. After Serena's escape, the signal had become extremely weak, scarcely perceptible. Apparently she had left the country - a reasonable move. Suddenly Severus noticed that the signal was stronger and clearer than usual. This could only mean that Serena was back in Britain. What motive could she have to leave her seemingly safe hiding-place and return to where prison or death awaited her, depending on who caught her first? Did she believe that two years were enough to let the dust settle on her actions?

It wouldn't do any harm if he found it out, Severus thought. This was at least better than inhaling dust for hours and sneezing himself to death. He took Serena's Invisibility Cloak and put it around his shoulders. Then he left the house and Disapparated, concentrating on Serena's bracelet.

Severus found himself in the middle of a street that was lined with dozens of red-brick houses, hunched together on both sides of the lane. Dusk was setting in and the lit street lamps bathed the parked cars in circles of dim orange glow. More and more lights appeared behind the windows of the houses, lights that were clearly caused by electricity and not candles. Muggle laundry was drying in the front gardens, smoke emerged from the countless chimneys and somewhere in the distance a dog barked in response to a shouting male voice.

Severus wondered what Serena could possibly want in such a typical Muggle residential area. Or, for that matter, where she was. He couldn't see her anywhere, even if her charmed bracelet was close.

All Severus could see was a white-haired, old lady who rang the doorbell of the house on his left. She looked oddly familiar to him, and then he remembered the old witch who had wanted to see Dumbledore when he had left Hogwarts. She had behaved rather strangely, had stared at him as if she had never seen a wizard before.

The front door of the house opened and a young man stepped out. Severus would have recognised him anywhere, even if the man hadn't been bathed in light pooling out from the house behind him: Sirius Black.

Hidden under his Invisibility Cloak, Severus snuck closer in order to overhear their conversation.

As he came within earshot, he heard Black scoff, "Time hasn't been very kind to you, Serena, has it?"

Severus craned his neck but couldn't spot anyone but Black and the old witch. Where was Serena?

The old witch answered, "Really funny, Sirius. I'll laugh later if you don't mind. I cannot risk being recognised, and this form serves my purpose. But I didn't come to listen to your jokes. I'm looking for my brother, and I suppose you know where I can find him."

Severus caught his breath. This old witch was Serena! She had altered her appearance, most likely with Polyjuice. That was why he hadn't seen her.

"What do you want from James? He hates you, and he certainly won't want to see you. Neither do I. Actually, I see no reason why I shouldn't hand you over to the Ministry," Black snarled at her.

"I just want to talk to Jim. Try for reconciliation. There are a couple of things that I need to tell him. I wrote letters, but they never arrived."

Black snorted. "They did. But when James saw that they were from you he sent them back, unread. When you became a Death Eater, you betrayed everything James has ever believed in. Just because your pals turned against you doesn't mean that James will forgive you. Especially not after your parents died because of you. As far as he's concerned, you don't exist for him anymore."

"Sirius, please take me to him. I can explain everything. Give me a chance to talk to Jim. Five minutes. Then he can throw me out if he still wants to." Serena's voice became more and more desperate, but Black didn't yield.

"No, I don't trust you. Is it coincidence that you turn up on my doorstep right now when Voldemort is drawing ever closer to James? How would I know that you're truly trying to talk things out with your brother and not helping your master to track James down?" Sirius shook his head. "No, I won't help you. And for your information: your little trick with the owl won't work with James, he's taken precautions against being found. Now get out of my sight before I have you arrested!"

Serena stood still for a while, staring blankly at Sirius, unsure of what to do next. It was definitely too early to assume that she had already given up, Severus thought. He supposed that she inwardly debated if she should force Black into cooperation with magic, perhaps with the Imperius Curse.

Apparently she had come to a decision because she heaved a sigh and reached into her pocket. Black, who had been aiming his wand at her the whole time, waved it in a warning gesture.

Serena slowly took her wand out of her robe, but didn't use it. She offered it to Black, handle first, and said, "Well, here's my wand. Take it. Chain me up. Blindfold me. Then I'll be unable to do anything and I won't know where you take me. By all means, Obliviate any memories of Jim's whereabouts afterwards. But take me to him, let me talk to him, please!"

Severus could almost see the wheels in Black's mind turning, trying to decide if Serena was being genuine or not. Would it actually matter? If she gave herself to his mercy, she wouldn't be able to do any harm. If Serena had any ulterior motives and carried a hidden plan, then it was so clever that Severus couldn't recognise it behind her seemingly innocent behaviour. Black couldn't see through her either. He took Serena's wand and pocketed it.

"If James doesn't want to see you, you'll leave without arguing. And you'll never return, or I'll take you to Azkaban personally. If this is a trap, you won't see the morning, I promise you. Do you understand?" Serena nodded, her face brightening up with the prospect of finally seeing her brother.

"Stretch out your hands," Black commanded. Serena obeyed and Black touched her arms with his wand. Handcuffs appeared and closed around her wrists. Then Black checked her for any hidden weapons, charms or replacement wands, but didn't find any. Finally he grabbed her left upper arm and they vanished.

Severus stared at the spot where both of them had stood just a moment before. Serena wanted reconciliation with her brother? He couldn't help thinking that it sounded like a lame excuse. After being thrown out, Serena had never mentioned her family, let alone reconciliation. And Black was right, it was too much of a coincidence that she turned up now of all times, when the Dark Lord had withdrawn Lucius Malfoy from his task to find the Potters and had taken over himself. Severus found it much more believable that she was trying to find her brother because she could use him as bribe to gain the Dark Lord's forgiveness. She was a Death Eater and her brother would never forgive her for that. He was certainly blaming her for their parents' death, which was another reason why any try for reconciliation was doomed to fail from the start. And Serena should know him well enough to know this; he was her brother, after all.

Her plan even had a good chance of succeeding. The Potters had been on the Dark Lord's blacklist for two years now, and not only because they were Serena's relatives. Lucius hadn't been able to find them. Potter had always kept one step ahead of Malfoy. Recently, the Dark Lord had lost his patience and gone off in search of them by himself. But he hadn't been successful either. If Serena delivered her brother to the Dark Lord, she would do him a great service. And, just as his punishments were hard, his rewards often were generous. There was indeed a chance that he would forgive her - a chance much better than the chance that someone as proud and obstinate as James would forgive her.

And Black led her directly to him. A nice stupid friend he was! He hadn't even found the charm on the bracelet. Who knew what else he had missed.

Suddenly Severus saw it crystal clear: this was his chance to repay his life debt to James Potter. Potter had saved Severus from the werewolf, and now Severus could save Potter from his sister. Then he would be quits with Potter at last.

Concentrating on Serena's bracelet, Severus Disapparated.