Heaven and Hell

14th Chapter - Changes

(October 1979)

Two days after Severus had left Serena in front of St. Mungo's, he came home in the evening to find a grey-black tabby cat sitting in his front garden. As if it had waited for him, the cat ran up to him when he approached his house and rubbed against his boots.

Severus didn't like cats. Serena had once picked up a stray cat and brought it into his house. In Serena's presence it looked as though butter wouldn't melt in its mouth. But as soon as she was out of sight, the cat started climbing the furniture, leaving ugly scratch marks, or running over shelves and throwing their contents down, which included valuable potions ingredients in fragile containers. Severus had demanded that the beast stayed out of his house, but Serena had blamed him for the havoc that the cat caused.

As cats were sensitive beings, she had explained, it was only natural that it got scared in Severus' presence, sensing his dislike for it. He would only need to overcome his aversion, and the cat would stop running amok among his possessions.

But fortune smiled on him and presented him with a much more convenient solution. Three days later, Serena delivered a batch of potions to the local apothecary and returned with a dejected expression and a piece of paper that she had found nailed to a tree-trunk in the village. It showed an unmoving picture of a little Muggle girl, holding a cat that looked exactly like the feline monster that Severus had locked in Serena's room when she left. 'Have you seen my pet?' was written in bold letters across the photograph and contact information of the cat's owner was added at the bottom.

After Serena had returned the cat with a heavy heart, making a little girl blissfully happy, there hadn't been another cat in his house. Serena had dallied with the idea of getting a pet, but Severus had adamantly refused to endure another one of those beasts in his house.

The tabby cat expectantly eyed the front door, looking ready to slip in as soon as Severus opened it.

Annoyed, Severus hissed, "Bugger off!"

When it didn't move, he lifted his foot to give the cat a hearty kick, but it jumped aside and stayed cautiously out of his reach. Severus couldn't help but wonder if he knew this animal. It seemed familiar to him, though he didn't know where he had seen it before.

Casting another threatening glare at it, he opened the door. The cat seemed to ignore his glare and interpret the open door as an invitation. Quick as lightning, it whisked through between his feet and flitted into the house.

"Damn moggie! You've got no business here!" Cursing, he run after the cat to shoo it out of his house before it started emptying the shelves.

The cat did not seem interested in wrecking havoc, though. It sat in front of his fireplace, nowhere near anything fragile, and waited for him. When Severus stepped closer, it suddenly transfigured into a witch - Minerva McGonagall. She flicked her wand, and the front door slammed shut.

Realisation dawned upon him. He had seen McGonagall's Animagus form before. In their first Transfiguration lesson, years ago, she had given a few examples of what belonged to the wide field of Transfigurations. Serena had been excited about the cat, and pointed out to him that the fur around her eyes looked as if she was still wearing her square glasses. These unusual markings had been what had seemed familiar to Severus.

"To what circumstances do I owe the favour of your company, Professor?" He drew out the last word in a mocking tone, emphasising the fact that he wasn't a Hogwarts student anymore.

McGonagall gave him one of her typical stern looks, this time expressing disapproval, but also a hint of masked uneasiness. Severus got the impression that she would rather not be here, in his house, with him, but she made an effort not to show it. He felt a flash of satisfaction for the fact that he seemed to intimidate his former professor.

"Professor Dumbledore sent me," she said. "He'd like to meet you. He's awaiting you at Hogwarts."

Snape snorted disdainfully. "What makes him think he could give me orders? He wants something and I jump to it? If it's important, he can always send me an owl, or stop by himself."

"An owl isn't secure enough. And he thinks it's safer for you if you're not seen together. What makes me wonder is why he cares about your safety at all." McGonagall made no secret of her opinion about Severus. Perhaps she was not intimidated by his manner so much as his Death Eater status, and thus potentially dangerous nature?

"Out of curiosity, what does he actually want?"

"I don't know. All he said was that he'd like to talk to you about a patient in St. Mungo's. You'd know whom he meant."

Severus froze. Dumbledore knew about Serena? How she had come to St. Mungo's? How could Dumbledore know this? Had someone seen him that night? But he had been concealed under the Invisibility Cloak. Had Serena perhaps regained her consciousness and recognised him without him noticing? But why would she tell Dumbledore? Why did Dumbledore interfere at all? What did he have to do with it?

"I'll think about it. Tell him that," Severus answered brusquely and cast a meaningful look at the door.

McGonagall gave the curtest of nods before she transfigured back into a cat. Severus opened the front door and she slipped out.

Severus kept his word and thought about Dumbledore's invitation. He wondered how much Dumbledore possibly knew. And if it was better to meet him or to stay away from Hogwarts altogether.

When Lord Voldemort had found Serena missing, he had badly hexed Lucius Malfoy in a fit of rage. No one had seen Malfoy since. Suspecting that someone had helped her to escape, Voldemort suspiciously watched over all Death Eaters and looked out for treacherous signs in their behaviour. Since Severus had been a friend of hers, and she had lived in his house, he was a particularly strong suspect. So Severus didn't intend behaving somehow conspicuously, for example by visiting the Dark Lord's archenemy.

But an opportunity arose three days later that he couldn't let pass by; being as curious as he was to find out what Dumbledore knew and wanted. Severus was in Hogsmeade, making enquiries about one of the Aurors on his list. After having finished his work, he Apparated into the Shrieking Shack. A secret passage led from the shack to Hogwarts, ending below the Whomping Willow. If he used this underground tunnel, no one would see him going there. A cold shiver ran down his spine when he remembered the last time he had followed this passage in the other direction.

* * *

It had been in his sixth year. Ever since Valentine's Day and the break-up with Black, Serena had hid herself away in her dormitory. She wanted to see no one, and so Severus had killed time by aimlessly prowling about the castle. The sun was already low down on the horizon. Passing a window on the first floor, he caught sight of Madam Pomfrey walking across the lawn outside, leading Remus Lupin to the Whomping Willow. Severus stopped to watch them. Madam Pomfrey bent down, and suddenly the Willow grew rigid. Severus flattened his nose against the windowpane, but he couldn't make out what exactly Pomfrey was doing. A moment later Lupin vanished between the Willow's roots and the matron returned to the castle.

This wasn't the first time that Lupin disappeared, and when he returned he always looked tired and sick. Severus had wondered what Lupin did and had even secretly followed him. But he had never made it past the Whomping Willow, no matter how hard he had tried. The violent tree had once almost broken his arm. Fortunately Serena had been able to seal the worst cuts, and she hadn't asked questions. So Severus hadn't been forced to go to Pomfrey and explain the cause of his injury.

"You're dying to know where he's going to, aren't you?"

Severus spun around. Sirius Black stood behind him and regarded him with a mocking smile. Severus cursed silently, he had been too occupied with the goings-on outside to hear Black sneak up on him. Apparently Black was alone, and Severus folded his arms in front of his chest, surreptitiously fingering his wand that he kept up his sleeve.

"I don't suppose that you'll tell me," he answered coolly.

"Of course not. But I can't prevent you from finding it out by yourself either."

"As if you had to; the Whomping Willow is already doing a fine job there."

"The Willow? Don't tell me that you still haven't identified the knot on its trunk that paralyses the tree? I wouldn't have thought you're that stupid." Black clapped his hand over his mouth, looking troubled because of his slip.

Severus turned on his heel and stormed out. Only stopping when he stood in front of the Whomping Willow, he scrutinised its trunk. There was the knot Black had spoken of. Severus let his gaze wander around, pondering how he should press it when the Willow didn't let him come near. His eyes fell on a long stick that lay in the grass. This had probably been the reason that Pomfrey had bent down. He picked it up and hesitated. What if Black had played another prank on him? What if the tree didn't freeze when he pressed the knot, but became even more violent?

Curiosity finally prevailed over suspicion and he pressed the knot. And behold, the Willow stopped moving. Cautiously, he stepped closer and eyed the hole between the Willow's roots. What would he find down there? He had spent much thought on this question, had thought up the most obscure theories. Now he would finally see the answer.

"No, Snape, don't go down there!" Severus heard someone shouting. Turning his head, he saw James Potter running towards him, and Black reluctantly following Potter, a long distance behind.

Whatever was in this hole, they wouldn't prevent him from finding it out, Severus thought, and jumped down. It was dark, but only for a moment until he lit his wand with a Lumos Spell. All he could see was a long tunnel that disappeared in the darkness. Severus hurriedly followed it.

A few seconds later he heard Potter again calling, "Snape, stop! Don't go further, that's dangerous!"

Dangerous, ha! He wouldn't fall for Potter's cheap trick to scare him. Severus heard Potter coming nearer and ran faster. The tunnel seemed to drag on forever. When Severus began to wonder if he would ever come to an end, he suddenly heard a noise, not far ahead of him. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. It sounded like a howl, distorted with pain. Did they maybe hide an awful beast, and Lupin was looking after it right now, feeding it perhaps? Was his sickness a result of his meetings with this monster?

Inwardly rejoicing that Potter and his gang would certainly be expelled if Severus uncovered that they secretly kept a dangerous, in all likelihood illegal monster on Hogwarts grounds, he rounded the next bend. His run was abruptly stopped when he collided with something huge, furry, and growling. Severus looked up and stared, paralysed with horror, at the rows of long sharp fangs that filled the enormous mouth of a werewolf!

Potter, who had caught up with him, grabbed Severus' arm and yanked him back, just in the moment when the werewolf let out another deafening howl and moved in for the kill. Potter shouted, "Stupefy!" and a red flash hit the werewolf, temporarily knocking him down.

"Out here! Hurry up!" Potter yelled urgently at Severus and quickly pushed him in the direction where they had come from.

The werewolf was already back on its feet and leaped at them. Severus was hurled along the tunnel, slid a few more yards along, and finally was stopped by a thick root that hung down from the ceiling and smacked against his head. He lay on the ground in a daze, while Potter continued to throw Stunning Spells at the beast. Before everything went black around Severus, he thought he saw a huge black dog running past Potter and barking at the werewolf. The werewolf's rage seemed to lessen, and finally he turned and disappeared in the tunnel, followed by the black dog. But that dog looked so much like a Grim that Severus was convinced that either his last hour had come, or his aching head was creating hallucinations. Or both.

* * *

On his walk through the subterranean passage, Severus passed the root that still hung in the way. If he examined it closely, he could even see some faint indentations where his head had hit it.

He snorted ill-temperedly. After awaking in the infirmary, despite his throbbing headache, he had quickly drawn the conclusion that the werewolf must have been Lupin. Suddenly everything had made sense: why Lupin regularly disappeared, why he was always sick, why they hid him under the Whomping Willow. And Black had known of this, of course he had, and had deliberately told Severus how to freeze the Willow in order to feed him to the monster.

When Severus remembered what had happened afterwards, it still roused his bile. Black hadn't been expelled, nor Potter, not even the werewolf Lupin. A deduction of points and a detention for Black had been the only punishment for the Gryffindors. Instead, Dumbledore had threatened him, the victim of attempted murder, with expulsion if he didn't keep details about the incident a secret.

At that time he had been left with no alternative and had submitted to Dumbledore's order. But things had changed. He wasn't a student anymore; Dumbledore couldn't blackmail him any longer. Whatever the headmaster of Hogwarts wanted, Severus didn't have to fulfil the old wizard's wishes. He would listen to what Dumbledore had to say, and then he would decline and leave him alone, just because he could.

When Severus reached the Whomping Willow, dusk had already set in. So he made it unseen to the double front doors and entered the castle. It was lunchtime, and a murmur of chatting from students and professors emanated from the Great Hall. Still remembering the way to the headmaster's office, Severus didn't bother to check the Great Hall for Dumbledore; instead he climbed the stairs to the second floor. He didn't meet anyone on his way, and since he didn't know the gargoyle's password, he sat down on a bench that lay in the shadows of a window recess and waited.

About half an hour later, the headmaster came up the stairs. He stepped to the statue of the gargoyle and said, "Good evening, Mr. Snape. I'm glad that you could come, at last. Please follow me to my office."

While Severus got up, Dumbledore said the password, and then they ascended the spiral staircase.

"I thought, Hogwarts would be secured against unwelcome intruders," Severus said with a sneer, fighting the strange urge to feel welcome and to submit to the winning presence that Dumbledore emanated. "But I had no difficulty getting in. Perhaps you want to revise your security measures."

"Oh, but unwelcome intruders are kept outside of Hogwarts grounds. Expecting your visit, I modified the wards around the Shrieking Shack so that they could let you in."

Severus swallowed. Was there anything that the old wizard didn't know? Not very keen on spending more time than necessary in the company of someone who appeared to be omniscient, Severus decided to skip the small talk and come straight to the point.

"So," he asked as soon as they reached Dumbledore's office, "why am I here?"

The headmaster sat down behind his desk, gesturing to Severus to take a seat as well. "Because you came. I hope you didn't think of my invitation as an order to make an appearance."

Severus remained standing, and didn't touch the cup of tea that appeared in front of his offered seat either. "This isn't an answer. You sent me a message that you wanted to speak to me about Serena. Who told you that I brought her to St. Mungo's? Was it Serena?"

"No. She has no clue how she came to the hospital."

"So who else told you?"

"You did, just now." The headmaster's eyes twinkled with amusement. "I had surmised as much. You two are friends, so you were the most logical choice. And now you've confirmed my theory. If I had been wrong, you couldn't possibly have known whom McGonagall was talking about."

Severus bit his tongue. Was that Dumbledore's secret? He wasn't that extensively informed, but people told him a lot, assuming that he already knew. And Severus had fallen for his trick!

"A nurse from St. Mungo's, a former Hogwarts student, recognised her," Dumbledore continued, "This was a good thing because Miss Potter refused to speak to anyone, which made it difficult for the hospital staff to find out who she was or what happened to her. The nurse sent an owl to Miss Potter's family, informing them of her patient. When she didn't receive an answer, she contacted me."

Dumbledore chuckled softly. "She remembered that Miss Potter was called to my office relatively often, especially in her last year at Hogwarts. She thought, if I had so many serious talks with Miss Potter, I could perhaps have one more."

Severus listened with attention, but made an effort not to let it show. Anyway, he wasn't sure if Dumbledore told him about Serena because he just liked to talk about her or if he had sensed Severus' interest and did Severus a favour in telling him because he knew that Severus wouldn't ask. Whatever Dumbledore's motives were, Severus certainly wouldn't allow himself being led to believe that he owed Dumbledore something.

"Well, the nurse was right," Dumbledore continued, ignoring the frown on Severus' face. "I could convince Miss Potter to break her silence. She told me that she got herself in trouble with Lord Voldemort, which resulted in his threat to execute her. She doesn't know that you saved her life, though. I wonder why you did it. From your perspective, she betrayed your master. Wouldn't you be obliged to hate her for what she did?"

Severus didn't answer at once. Dumbledore had hit the nail on the head. He should wish her dead, but he didn't. He should hate her for deceiving his Lord, but he couldn't. He nourished quite different feelings for her, even if she didn't return them. If at all, he felt hatred for her vicious behaviour when they had been out to kill, for her enthusiasm with which she had done her duty. He was a lousy Death Eater.

But of course these contemplations were nothing he would ever admit to the wizard in front of him. He answered, carefully keeping his face an unfathomable mask, "This is none of your business. We aren't your students anymore."

Dismissing with a shrug that Severus didn't want to speak about this topic, Dumbledore carried on, "By saving her life you betrayed Lord Voldemort as well. If he should find this out, he would kill you without a second thought."

"I'm aware of this."

"Does he suspect you already?"

"If he does, he didn't tell me so. I still wonder - what concern is it of yours? You apparently know that I'm a Death Eater, so of what importance is it to you if I'm dead or alive? And why don't you call the Aurors to arrest me?"

"Mr. Snape, I'm not interested in ruining your life by having you thrown into Azkaban. You won't need my help for that, you can just carry on with your life as you have so far, and you'll end up there sooner or later. No, I asked you to come because I'd like to offer you a way out of your current situation. You betrayed Lord Voldemort. I ask you to do so again. Our fight against him is highly dependent on information about his next steps, his organisation, his means. Unfortunately we only have few spies, and currently no one who is in such a trusted position as you are."

"You want me to spy on the Dark Lord for you?" Stunned, Severus sat down on the chair that he had been offered earlier. Whatever he had expected of this meeting, it hadn't been this.

Dumbledore nodded in confirmation, wearing a serious expression. "There is something else. I'm sure you remember your Potions Professor, Avenicus Godpot. He's not getting any younger and plans to retire in the near future. This will leave me in want for a new Potions Master. I was thinking of you. Your potions skills have always been exceptional."

"You want me to teach Potions - here?"

Severus was beginning to wonder if this conversation was real or if he had one of those strange, absolutely illogical dreams. Because he couldn't see any logic in Albus Dumbledore, the Dark Lord's archenemy, asking a Death Eater to teach at his school.

Well, dream or not, he didn't even need to consider this offer, there was no way of accepting it. "I can't take this job. Firstly, I have absolutely no experience in dealing with children or in teaching..."

"This is mostly a question of practise," Dumbledore quickly dismissed this objection, as if he had expected to hear it. "Of far more importance is the potions knowledge, of which you posses plenty. I'm convinced that you'll manage to teach the art of potion making to my students properly."

Severus shook his head. "Secondly, which is far more important, the Dark Lord would never approve of it."

"He would if he thought you were here to spy on me. All you need to do is to plant this idea in his mind, preferably in a way that makes him believe he's come up with it by himself. Then he'll not only approve of you teaching here, he'll order you to do so."

This was becoming more and more irrational. Now Dumbledore didn't only want him to become a spy, but a pretend double agent - to act as if to be spying on Dumbledore while actually spying on the Dark Lord.

"Your teaching here would benefit you as well. If our cooperation should be discovered, there's no safer place for you than Hogwarts," the headmaster added.

Severus shook his head, blinking, but it didn't help him to see this offer in any other, more logical light.

"Why do you do want me to do this? Surely not because of your fondness of me. So why?"

"As I said, we need spies, and you're the right man for this job. The same applies for the position as Potions professor. And you would relieve me of another one of my worries."

"Which?"

"Sooner or later, Lord Voldemort will infiltrate his agents into Hogwarts again. He attempted it already, but we have been able to uncover and remove his mole. If he sent you, we wouldn't need to worry anymore who'd be next."

Well, this sounded a bit more reasonable in Severus' ears. While he wouldn't completely put it past Dumbledore to choose someone as unlikely as him for the sole reason of helping a misguided soul finding their way back to the straight and narrow, Severus found it easier to believe that the wizard had no other alternative than to take a Death Eater for his strange plan.

"So I'm to serve as your insurance against the Dark Lord's spies. What makes you think I'd even take your offer into consideration?"

"Well, you wouldn't be discussing it here with me if you didn't want to be convinced, would you?"

"But this is a very delicate matter. How can you trust me not to betray you to the Dark Lord?"

"You saved Miss Potter's life. If you deem a person so important for you, that you even risk your life for hers, then you cannot be completely depraved. Then there must be something good in you, maybe even a conscience. You also proved to be capable of deceiving your master, and successfully concealing your actions. That's something to start with. If you should accept my offer, I'm sure there will arise plenty of opportunities to confirm my initial trust in you."

"So you ask me to risk my life, which I must say is already complicated enough, to help you gain an advantage in your fight against the Dark Lord. What do I get out of it?"

"The extremely gratifying feeling that arises out of the knowledge of having done good."

Severus scowled at the headmaster, considering it beneath his dignity to comment this ridiculous answer.

"I suspected that this reason, valid as it may be, wouldn't trigger your interest. But maybe another: I'm convinced that Lord Voldemort won't oppress the wizarding world forever. When he falls, his followers will end up in Azkaban. You certainly don't want to partake in their fate, do you? Your cooperation would spare you such an end. You'd be a free man after that."

An owl swept into the room in this moment and landed on Dumbledore's desk. It insistently held its leg out to the headmaster, and when he had removed the roll of parchment, it pecked urgently at his arm until he opened and read the letter.

Severus used this pause to mull over the things that Dumbledore had said to him. Despite his first impression that there was no logic, no common sense in the offer, it somehow rang true and reasonable. It didn't matter if one betrayed the Dark Lord once or several times. If he found out, the consequence would be death, with a considerable amount of pain preceding it. Severus didn't have anything to lose. And instead of spending the rest of his life in the company of Dementors that sucked every good feeling and sanity out of him, he could leave all that behind and begin a new life.

During the past weeks he had become more and more aware that his Death Eater life wasn't like he had once imagined it. He didn't mind brewing potions for the Dark Lord, and he didn't mind the hard work that was necessary to satisfy these potions requests either. The prospect of being able to use the Dark Arts whenever he felt like using them had also been part of his decision to join the Dark forces in the first place.

But things had developed in a direction that wasn't to his palate. He didn't want to torture people to death whose only crime was to be of lesser blood. He didn't want to be repeatedly reminded that he was different because the others enjoyed it. After having overused the Dark Arts, they also had lost quite a bit of their appeal. He had come to the realisation that it had been a mistake to join the Death Eaters. Professor Dumbledore offered him a second chance, a possibility to put his error right.

And if he was honest with himself, he had already considered the option of quitting. He had dismissed it, though, since no one turned his back on the Dark Lord and lived to tell the tale.

Spying, however, wasn't exactly what he had thought about. He would still act as a Death Eater, would still have to partake in activities he didn't want to. But he could at least help to bring this to an end, maybe even a faster end than without him helping Dumbledore.

How ironic, on his way to Hogwarts he had been determined to reject everything the old man could possibly ask of him. Now, Dumbledore's request went beyond his wildest dreams (or nightmares) and he was seriously considering accepting it. Had he lost his mind or did Dumbledore have some kind of power over him?

Probably both, because when he saw that Dumbledore had finished reading his letter, Severus cleared his throat and heard himself saying, "I'll only report to you, and you won't tell anyone about our agreement, least of all the Ministry. There are traitors who feed the Dark Lord information, including classified ones, and I don't want to risk him finding out about me. I also don't want Serena to know who saved her. If the Dark Lord should get her, which isn't unlikely, he has means to squeeze this information out of her."

"All right," Dumbledore assented.

After a moment's hesitation, Severus added, "The mole in the Ministry gave a list with names of Aurors to the Dark Lord. You better warn them, he wants them dead." He took his part of the list out of his robe and gave it to the headmaster. "Serena has another piece, and Lucius Malfoy the third. One of the names on his list was James Potter. And because of Serena's treason, the Dark Lord wants to kill all of her family. You should warn them too."

Dumbledore nodded gravely. "Thank you, Mr. Snape, for your cooperation and your information." He took the letter and put it in his pocket. Then he rose from his seat. "I'm sorry to break this off rather abruptly, but this letter is urgent, I must leave now. Could we meet on another day to talk about details?"

"I'll stop by when I can without arousing suspicion," Severus answered. "One last thing: Your plan to get me as teacher and have the Dark Lord believe I was spying on you won't work because he has already a new source of information at Hogwarts. I don't know who it is, if professor, student, or a who at all, but until you stop this leak, the Dark Lord won't see any need to send me to Hogwarts. Once you solved this problem you could put an ad in the Daily Prophet about seeking a new professor for Potions. Add some requirements that not every halfway skilled pill roller can fulfil. The Dark Lord will surely rise to such an opportunity and order me to apply for the job."