Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Harry Potter Severus Snape
Slash Angst
The Harry Potter at Hogwarts Years
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Published: 01/12/2005
Updated: 02/09/2005
Words: 146,361
Chapters: 30
Hits: 275,831

Green Eyes Sublime


Story Summary:
When Harry returns to Hogwarts for his sixth year, only Severus seems to truly notice how deeply Harry's despair goes. Since Dumbledore is as blinded as everyone else, Severus decides to take matters into his own hands and help. But doing that means opening up his own soul and secrets to the Boy-Who-Lived, because Harry isn't going to just heal in one day. SS/HP, SLASH and depression related theme.

Chapter 21

Chapter Summary:
Harry returns to Hogwarts for his Seventh Year with a new determination to overcome all obstacles in his way. It doesn't take him long to realize that there is just a little more that he has to learn in order for him to win the love of a master. And in the confines of love and war, Severus must now learn when to let Harry go. SS/HP SLASH and Violence.
Author's Note:
Thanks: To my wonderful beta readers Amanda_Saitou and Philo whose wonderful help kept me sane.

Chapter Twenty-one

Melting Motion Blur


"I have a report here of your previous six years living with the Dursleys. What do you think of them?"


"Harry?" Gently.

"I don't think anything of them. They did what they had to do. I'm here now, so what does it matter?"

"They did what they had to do? You said they locked you in a cupboard and treated you like a servant. Is that what you think you deserve?"

"Is that in the report Jean-Claude? Is the bit about me being in a cupboard there or the referral to me always as 'boy'? Isn't it unwise to use only my point of view? They fed me. They gave me a place to stay when my parents died. Isn't that what you see in your report?"

A raised eyebrow. "You are angry? Why? Who are you angry at Harry?"

"I'm not angry." Softly and through clenched teeth.

"Is it your parents? Are you angry at your parents for dying and condemning you to live with your relatives?"

"Condemning me?" A humorless laugh. "Do you even know what that means? Condemning. No I wasn't condemned."

"Then what do you refer to it as, Harry?"

"It is my destiny." Sarcastic. Hurt. Angry.

"You said you survived it. You say even now that you survive. Don't you think that to some, you are very brave?"

"Bravery had nothing to do with it. I was incredibly scared for every fight I had with Uncle Vernon and when I met Voldemort, I was always two steps away from passing out because of how afraid I was of dying. If that makes me brave then what does that make wizards like Severus and Dumbledore or my parents or Neville's parents or Sirius and Remus? What about Malfoy, whose destiny dictates that he live his life to one day bow on his knees to a very evil bastard? Or any of the Death Eaters who have a Killing Curse hanging over their head for every time they mess up?"

"You think them brave?"

"I think we all just survive the way we know how."

"Je pense que tu es très courageux, Harry. Toutes les choses que tu fais, tu les fais du fond du cœur. Tu les fais, non pas pour dire que tu as puissant, mais parce que tu as une bonne âme." Thoughtfully and very softly.

"What?" Confused.

I think you are very brave, Harry. Everything you do, you do from your heart. You do them, not to say that you wish to be powerful but because you have a good soul.

"How did you survive when you were weak and there was no one who knew about the days that you were locked in a cupboard and called 'boy'?"

"I didn't." Quietly. "I broke into little pieces inside every day. And every night I would put myself back together and wait for the day to come when I wouldn't need to do it anymore."

"Do you still need to do this?"

"Yes, but I'm stronger now. I don't need to cut anymore to deal with the pain. I'm getting better and it's because Severus helped me."

"It sounds as if he means a lot to you Harry."

"He does. I think we might even be friends by now. Well, as much as I can be friends with a wizard who is unfair and biased, that is. He has a bad habit of being unpredictable and he says I am insufferable! Bloody git. He's the one that's irrational." A smile...and a blush.

"Perhaps I would like to hear what he thinks of you."

A laugh. "You and me, both."


Rumor had it that Professor Snape was never returning to Hogwarts again.

After the initial two weeks, the rumors had expanded to include the fact that Professor Snape was likely dead. By the time the Christmas holidays began to roll around, most of the students couldn't care less what the real reason for Professor Snape's absence was. By then they were no closer to figuring out whether or not he truly was dead.

Most said that demons didn't die so easily.

They would prepare for his return in January and in the meantime, enjoy what blessed peace there was in Hogwarts without the Potions professor's presence.

The official report in the Daily Prophet said that on that fateful night in November, Snape Manor was broken into by no less than ten Death Eaters in search of something that still could not be determined. Of course 'possible Death Eater' Severus Snape was still residing at Hogwarts School at the time, because of his position as Potions professor. No one knew why the Death Eaters would break into the Manor (when Snape would surely have just handed them the key to the front door and removed all spells if they had asked nicely), but the wards on the old Mansion had not taken too well to being breached. Three of the ten bodies were recovered at the scene when the Aurors arrived. There was evidence of the presence of four more bodies but as to where the house transported them was beyond all knowledge. The remaining Death Eaters had apparated (apparently) to You-Know-Who (perhaps), who had not taken such news well.

He had summoned all older Death Eaters 'loyal' to him (maybe) in an angry rage.

Thirty Wizarding homes, two Muggle bakeries and a school (not yet confirmed to be either magical or Muggle) were burned three hours later within the space of an hour.

There were neither survivors nor bodies to be found.

In fact it seemed as if the establishments were somehow (utterly miraculously) evacuated before the Death Eaters struck. Rumors had it that You-Know-Who had not been particularly pleased with this turn of event (but then what was he to do?).

Neither hide nor hair of any survivor/victim or of Professor Severus Snape was seen since then.

For the students of Hogwarts the events went somewhat differently, from what they remembered. Not to say that many people remembered a lot since about five things occurred that fateful day.

The Deputy Head Boy, Ron Weasley had entered the Great Hall holding hands with his girlfriend and Head Girl, Hermione Grangers for an early lunch and was accompanied by three other Gryffindors. Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas and Neville Longbottom had been laughing with each other, throwing little comments over to the couple as everyone made their way over to their table. This was not all that curious actually, except that for the first time it became rather apparent that Harry Potter seemed to rarely eat with them anymore.

The Gryffindors had entered followed by the other Deputy Head Boy, Draco Malfoy, and his army of Slytherin followers.

They had all said hello to each other in nasty tones and veiled insults then Malfoy, Weasley and Granger had exited the stage left by taking their seats. The others had not taken the hint. Instead a verbal dispute developed ranging from name calling to wand raising.

Everyone in the Hall was by then so occupied with watching the goings on that hardly anyone noticed when the professors entered stage right.

Points were taken, scolds were given and no one noticed that now not only had Harry Potter not been there to witness the quarrel, but Professor Snape was also absent. More food had appeared and everyone became focused on eating again.

An hour later, mail had arrived.

The noise level had risen in the Hall as letters were opened, packages were ripped into, sweets were shared and comments were made. Everyone was all in all very responsive to their mail.

Then Draco Malfoy had risen to his feet at the Slytherin Table and ran through the open door, clutching his letter in his hand.

None of the other Slytherins had reacted in such a way. Most seemed surprised at their leader's actions and many began to curiously ask each other what it was that Malfoy had gotten in his letter that they seemed to know nothing about. Pansy Parkinson did not look happy and Zabini was actually turning a shade of green from jealousy. It seemed that Malfoy's father (still locked up in Azkaban) had disclosed something that Zabini's had not. At least, that was what the younger Slytherins were overheard reporting to each other during the following weeks.

In any event, the Hall was once again blanketed by noise.

Everyone wanted to know exactly what Malfoy's letter might have been about since no one had ever seen him react in such a way before. The professors had a difficult time calming everyone's curiosity down, but with a good bit of persistence the room's noise level went back to a normal lull. Most people had already eaten all that they could and there was talk of leaving to get to classes. The Third Year Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff students had Professor Snape next so they were all lingering longer than they should.

Fifteen minutes later the Head Boy, Harry Potter had entered the Great Hall.

Two minutes after that, he fell to his knees, screaming in agony.

The Hufflepuffs, whose table was closer, vowed that there was blood oozing from his scar. The Ravenclaws, more observant, swore that his forehead was not the only place bleeding and in fact there was blood from his nose as well and tears streaming down his face as he screamed. Dennis Creevey, a Gryffindor, spoke of a light blue glow around him that seemed to intensify into swirling transparent colors before the Hall began to shake. Tables, chairs, plates and forks, made a loud rattling noise as students screamed and grabbed unto the moving edges of their tables.

Then suddenly there was a snake.

It was huge. It was the Slytherin snake. It was green with diamond colored eyes and had appeared out of nowhere.

It wound itself around the screaming form on the ground, now gasping and sobbing for breath from the pain, almost comfortingly. Then it struck, sinking its sharp fangs into the vein at Harry's throat.

Only Albus, Ron and Hermione saw it, though.

Everyone else forgot about it as soon as it struck. All they saw was a misty green swirl and Harry Potter falling unto the ground in an unconscious slumber.

Dumbledore had sprung from his seat and swiftly gathered Harry into his arms then with a pop he...displaced himself (everyone had agreed that since apparition could not be done within Hogwarts, only a displacement charm or a port-key could have worked).

Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger had immediately ran out of the Hall.

Everyone else was so stunned that only when the order came for everyone to report to their Common room did anyone remember to move.

The Slytherins were the first to notice.

It took another day for the rest of the school to realize that Professor Severus Snape was missing from Hogwarts.


Harry remembered the events in a slightly different way.

He had a lot less to work with since he had missed first the letter to Malfoy, then the fleeing of the Deputy Head Boy from the crowded Hall and later the movement of himself to the Hospital Wing. He had been unconscious for two days following the events and it was only in waking that he was told of Snape's absence.

No one thought that he would be interested in Severus' disappearance and Albus, who knew that Harry might be concerned, did not wish to bother Harry.

In the month that followed, Harry did not asked any questions. Not once.

Instead, Harry's determination to complete his extra training doubled two folds. Most of the professors found this to be very encouraging. He made excellent progress in Transfiguration and Charms.

In Wandless Magic, Potions and Defense Against The Dark Arts he became exceptional.

There was not a moment that Harry was not found inducing poison or practicing Wandless spells. Both tasks were incredibly dangerous since the poisons were the most potent and usually took just hours to kill their victims. Harry's goal was to become immune to them all, even if it meant that he spent his nights retching into the bathroom or had to go to class with very high fevers most of the time.

The Wandless magic was no easier. Hermione had warned him of how dangerous it was but Harry was determined to get it right. When he wasn't throwing up in the bathroom he was lying on the floor with Hermione wearing a very worried expression on her face as she bathed his forehead in a variation of Soothing potion and forced him to periodically drink Pepper-Up potion. Most of the time, since he was on the poisons, they could not risk giving him the potion to drink and so he would lay semi-conscious on the ground or in Hermione's room. He would be a sickly shade of pale with dark hollow eyes, breathing unevenly as he stared up at the ceiling lost in thought and a grim determination set on his face.

His fingertips would be burned and bruised so badly by the unrestraint magic that he would force to focus into spells, that Ron always held them soaked alternatively in various Healing potions as he laid. Yet, he always took a deep breath, pulled himself up and walked out with a smile on his face for any lower year student that passed by.

He hid his discomforts well. He was determined to be fully prepared and to never give up.

No one suspected that Harry Potter was always moments away from poisoning or magically exhaustion. No one knew but his friends and they understood his reasons even if they fought him every step of the way.

Little by little, Harry began to change.

He still smiled, still laughed, still played Quidditch, still won, but he was different. Something in him seemed to burn with a hidden fire and it was in his eyes and in every word of encouragement or advice that he offered. Everyone noticed and it made them proud.

Harry Potter was one of the best Head Boy's that Hogwarts ever had. He had matured so much and seemed to become even more worthy of his position as the days wore on. Everyone wanted his advice or opinion. Even in his classes, his views were worth gold. Indisputable. Always precise.

Harry dreamed in nightmares.

Screams of torture, words of cruelty and mockery, visions of green lights and the Cruciatius spell filled his mind. The more he dreamt was the more determined he would become to learn it all. When his body fought and was weak he fought back with grim determination and a fear that burnt a hole inside him.

When he woke, gasping for air and sweating in terror, in the middle of the night he would grab his invisibility cloak and roam the castle as he always did.

And always he would end up in his training room with Severus' ring on his finger, lying in his black velvet couch as the room transformed into Severus' quarters. Sometimes there would be the scent of Rhododendrons in the air and sometimes everything was so still and so silently that he would scream in anger and fear.

Then he would jump up, make some more potions, drink some more poisons, practice some more Wandless spell then fall unconscious unto the floor. Ron and Hermione always found him by then and silently, together, they would levitate him to the nearest bathroom and heal him as best as they could.

He had to find himself without Severus this time around.


"Hey Harry! What are your plans for Christmas?"

"Don't know yet, Will. Chances are I'll be here. Why? Are you going home for the holidays?"

"Me? No. My parents decided to do a tour of Europe. Knowing them, they'll end up in Lithuania and not want to come back to jolly old England in the end. They asked, but I thought it would be best to stay here at Hogwarts."

"Alright. Then I guess it will be the two of us against all lower year students again. Should be fun. I hear there may be heaps more this year than last year."

"Yes. Imagine our fun trying to get a moment of peace. Will your friends be staying?"

"Ron and Hermione? Hmmm...I don't know. I don't think so, but maybe they change their minds. I actually want them to go home. They should be with the people they love."

"Do you still draw or paint? I notice that I haven't seen you out here in a long time and since you were staring so intently at the lake and don't have your things, I'm guessing that's a no?"

"I'm just taking a break. I've been busy. There are too many things to think about for inspiration to find room to grow."

"Oh, well that's not good. Maybe something will come along to inspire you soon."


"So what do you think of Professor Snape just up and leaving like he did? It's very strange isn't it? I'm sure he's a Death Eater. He probably killed all those people and apparated the bodies and himself as far away from the scene as he could. I don't understand why the Ministry isn't out hunting him."

"Right. I'm sure they have good reason."

"Harry...did I say something wrong? I'm sorry. You probably don't want to talk about the bastard."

"You're right. I don't want to talk about him."

"Yeah. So... I guess I'll be seeing you around then? Christmas holidays should be more fun now that we're Seventh Years and this is the last one we'll spend here."

"It should be fun. I'll see you around."

Will turned and walked away towards the castle. Harry returned to staring at the lake. Dumbledore watched the little interlude with a serious expression on his face.

Something had to be done about the situation.


"Ron, I'm worried about Harry," Hermione said softly to the dark figure that laid beside her in her room. "Maybe we should tell Dumbledore. I think he needs to see his MagiPsych again."

Ron sighed softly, pulling her tightly into his arms, then kissing the top of her head as she rested on his chest.

"He doesn't need to see his MagiPsych 'Mione." he said softly.

"How can you say that? Ron, he's practically killing himself with how far he pushes his body now. It's like he has a force inside him that won't let him give up. I look at him and I can see this crazed light in his eyes. I knew this would be all wrong. Didn't I warn Dumbledore that Harry is still too fragile mentally to be doing advanced lessons? Now look at him. He'll probably have a relapse soon and begin cutting or drowning himself in potions again."

"'Mione," Ron stopped her soft tirade. "I think he's in love with him. We both know Harry very well. Of course, he would walk to hell and back for the person he loves. How many times has he risked his life for us?"

"What?" Hermione rose up so that she could look at her boyfriend and was surprised to see just how serious Ron was. "Harry doesn't love Snape. It's just a little crush or something. They haven't spent enough time together, and sure maybe last year Snape helped him but how could Harry fall in love so quickly?"

Ron smiled. "Maybe Harry kept a good bit of it secret. Have you seen his paintings? Professor Snape is the subject of a lot of them. Something tells me that Harry didn't pull those scenes from his head."

"His paintings?" Hermione looked intrigued. "I've only seen a few of them and they're the ones he showed us. There are more of Professor Snape there? How did you get to see them?"

"It doesn't matter how I saw them Hermione," Ron said gently. "The point is that Harry didn't suddenly develop this liking of Snape this year. It's been building."

Hermione became lost in thought as she muddled over this sudden angle. She really hoped that Harry was alright. It tore her apart to see her best friend so different. She was okay with the more focused Harry of course and she was proud that he managed to maintain his grades in regular lessons but sometimes he looked so sad or so sick that she was worried that he was pushing himself too far.

"He misses him," Ron said into the silence that had fallen. "He's just trying to fill the emptiness."

Hermione gave Ron a teasing look. "When did you get so smart on love? Didn't we agree that I would be the one with all the answers?"

Ron laughed and kissed her lightly. "We did didn't we? Well, I'm the one with all the brothers. Believe me, men react very different than women in love."

"So what do we do?" Hermione asked, resting her head on his chest again.

"I don't know," Ron said slowly. "I think we just have to help him cope with Snape's absence. Maybe Dumbledore has something planned."


"Harry may I have a word with you?"

"Of course Headmaster."

Dumbledore gave Harry the password to his office and told Harry to go up and wait. Harry did just that.

There were sandwiches and orange juice laid out on the table as if Dumbledore had known that Harry hadn't eaten all day because he had been feeling rather sick and had not wanted to risk eating dinner also.

Picking up the glass of juice, Harry walked over to where Fawkes was preening in his cage. The gate to the cage was open so as soon as Harry approached the phoenix pushed his head out and waited for Harry to pet him.

"Hello. You look healthy today," Harry said softly as he stroked the flame colored feathers on the phoenix' head.

Fawkes looked up at him with sadness, as if he knew there was something that was not quite right with the wizard who stood before him.

"Don't look at me like that," Harry smiled sadly. "I'm fine. I promise I'll get better as soon as I get everything right."

Fawkes did not appear convinced.

Instead he stretched his beautiful wings and took flight. Circling the room once, he landed on top of Harry's head, cooing softly and peering downwards.

Harry tilted his head just a little so that he could see into the magical bird's eyes and was surprised to see tears. Closing his own eyes, Harry waited for the tears to fall, knowing that there was no way to stop the healing instinct of the bird and not quite having the energy to dispute the gesture.

The tears fell like drops of rain on Harry's forehead. They slid along his scar and down his cheeks.

Immediately, Harry felt the light throbbing in his head stop and the burning in his veins from the gradual increase of poisons disappear. His stomach settled in a way it had not for a long time and his lips lost their feeling of always being parched.

Fawkes returned to his cage and Harry smiled.

"Thank you Fawkes," he whispered, stroking the phoenix' head once again. Fawkes returned to preening his feathers.

"Harry, you should sit."

Harry turned at the sound of his Headmaster's voice. Dumbledore walked over to his table and Harry took the advice and sat on the chair provided.

"I hope Fawkes made you a little better. I've been telling him about you and he became rather worried also. I know he's been wanting to see you for a while now," Dumbledore said, observing Harry very carefully.

"I'm sorry that you became worried Headmaster," Harry apologized softly.

"Well Harry, I do worry about you too much sometimes I think," Dumbledore conceded with a smile. "I worry about you and Severus. Sometimes I lie awake and fear for the entire Wizarding world, but I'm old and I get attached rather easily. You shouldn't have to do that just yet Harry. You should be taking one day at a time and not wear yourself out trying to mold yourself into the hero everyone expects."

Harry hung his head, biting his lower lip in guilt. That was as good a declaration by Dumbledore that he knew about Harry's late night potion sessions and the fight he struggled in to gain immunity to the poisons, strengthen his defense against the Dark Arts and cast Wandless spells.

"I was just -" Harry began to say but Dumbledore interrupted.

"I know what you were doing Harry. I understand why too," he said quietly. "I'll have you know that he is doing the same thing where he is. Why, two days ago I swore he was about to hex me when I asked how he was coping."

Harry looked up at the mention of Severus.

"How is he? Is he okay? Is he coming back?" Harry asked rapidly.

Dumbledore smiled. "He is doing quite well. He tells me that there is no way that he is remaining where he is beyond the holidays. All the victims of Voldemort's attack have been safely relocated in secret and with everything almost settle on the issue, he will most likely get his request to return here in January."

"That's good," Harry muttered.

"Yes. In fact," Dumbledore's eyes began to twinkle as his smile widened. "I believe that in another two weeks he will be in just the mood to tolerate someone else's presence. Would you like to see him Harry?"

Harry began to nod in such earnest that he was sure he was going to pass out from dizziness.

"Good," Dumbledore rose from his chair to hand Harry a silver quill. "This is a portkey. At exactly midnight on his birthday it will be activated. You can pop in as his present from me!"

Harry left the office in a daze, clutching the silver feather shaped quill tightly and grinning from ear to ear.