- Harry Potter/Severus Snape
- Harry Potter Severus Snape
- Slash Angst
- The Harry Potter at Hogwarts Years
- Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Published: 01/12/2005Updated: 02/09/2005Words: 146,361Chapters: 30Hits: 275,831
Green Eyes Sublime
- Story Summary:
- When Harry returns to Hogwarts for his sixth year, only Severus seems to truly notice how deeply Harry's despair goes. Since Dumbledore is as blinded as everyone else, Severus decides to take matters into his own hands and help. But doing that means opening up his own soul and secrets to the Boy-Who-Lived, because Harry isn't going to just heal in one day. SS/HP, SLASH and depression related theme.
- Chapter Summary:
- When Harry returns to Hogwarts for his Sixth Year only Severus seems to truly notice how deeply Harry's despair goes. Since Dumbledore is as blinded as everyone else Severus decides to take matters into his own hands and help. But doing that means opening up his own soul and secrets to the Boy-Who-Lived because Harry isn't going to just heal in one day. HP/SS SLASH and depressing thoughts.
- Author's Note:
- Thanks : To my beta readers YamiNeko2 and Philo whose help is very much appreciated.
A Working Compromise
Severus walked through the halls of Hogwarts towards the dungeon with a scowl on his face and anger radiating from his eyes. This was way too soon for him. He had not even planned how he would deal with Potter's problem and now it seemed the boy had another problem for him to deal with.
He knew exactly what Potter had been up to.
He had known the moment he had seen the blood but it had taken him by surprise. He cursed himself for that slip now because he should not have been surprised at all. How many times had he seen the same symptoms in the Slytherin students over the years? How many times had the other Heads have to deal with this issue in their own houses?
He should not have been surprised, but he was because it was Harry Potter and not some other student this time. He hadn't realized that it might have gone this far.
"Potter, this is my quarters."
He stopped suddenly before a very odd looking door and the Gryffindor following almost died from relief. They could have practically been walking in circles for the amount of twists and turns that the Potions teacher had taken. In the end Harry had begun to wonder if this was the same route that all the Slytherins took whenever they had to get to their rooms. The rooms for all the head teachers of the houses were not a part of the residences but had to be located near them. He had not been inside Professor McGonagall's own but all the Gryffindors knew where it was. He assumed it was the same for Snape and the Slytherins.
"Potter," Snape said again and without a word Harry refocused his attention on the door.
It was hard because his arm was feeling numb by then, but he had to admit that this was one of the more fascinating doors of Hogwarts that he had ever seen. It stood like any other door with hinges and a doorknob. Except the knob was in the exact opposite of the place one would expect it to be. It was on the side the hinges were on even though there was no doubt that the door was firmly closed.
Harry watched as Severus tapped the knob with his wand and muttered a strange spell word, before turning to look at him.
"Knock three times then turn the door knob," Severus instructed him.
Harry wanted to ask why and what all this was about but instead he did what he was told. As soon as he turned it the knob began to slide along the door as if it was sliding through air. Then, settling in the spot it was originally expected to be, it opened as any other door would.
"Do all the Slytherins know how to do that?" Harry asked impressed.
Brushing past him, Harry almost didn't hear when Severus answered, "No."
Inside, the door closed behind them. They were standing in a room that was neat and yet very odd to be in. Along the walls there were shelves. Some was covered in rows and rows of books and the rest held vials and bottles of potions. In the centre was a long table full of parchment and quills and other writing equipments. The floor was covered in wall-to-wall creme coloured carpeting. To the right of the room were three other doors.
"This is my personal office area. That door leads to my bedroom, that to my private potion brewing room and the other to the bathroom," Severus pointed out.
In reply, Harry asked, "Why am I in here Professor?"
"Take off your school robe Potter, I will be right back," Severus said, walking into his potion room without answering Harry's question. "Don't. Touch. Anything."
When he returned Harry was still standing in the centre of the room with his uniform still in place. Severus had expected that though, so without a word he held out the potion he had retrieved to Harry.
"Drink this," he commanded.
"What is it?" Harry glared. He wasn't going to drink anything from the man before him, because he knew exactly how much Snape had always wanted the opportunity to poison him.
Snape looked as if he really wanted to answer with something harsh but instead he calmed himself long enough to reply to the suspicious teen.
"It will stop the pain in your arm and stop the bleeding long enough for me to examine the wound."
Harry face took on a determined quality and his voice, when he spoke was very defiant. "There is nothing to examine Professor. I was in a hurry to get to the Gryffindor Tower and I passed too close to one of the suit of armours."
"Potter don't begin to insult my intelligence," Severus snapped at him. "Your uniform shows no sign of being torn and even if you begin to pretend to have mended it, the blood is originating from the inner region of your arm. I doubt that even the most ambitious suit of armour could get to it if you were indeed rushing by as you claim. Now drink the potion and let me see your arm before you bleed to death on my carpet!"
Severus reached across to take Harry's arm but Harry panicked.
"No!" he shouted shuffling backwards in his haste the escape. Instead he collided with the table behind him.
"Potter," Severus called to him as he took a step forward.
Harry slid to the ground, legs tucked up to his chest, he wrapped his arms around himself and began to rock back and forth. Tears began to slide silently down his cheeks but he did nothing to stop them. Standing before him, Severus took a deep breath before he approached the distressed teen.
"Potter, I'm not going to hurt you," he said as evenly as he could. "I won't punish you or get angry for what you did. I only want to see the wound and stop the bleeding. I'm here to help you so excuse me if I refuse to allow you to die from extreme loss of blood."
Harry didn't speak or move, but he began to sob softly so the silent crying was broken.
Severus stooped before him, but Harry's eyes remained glued to the floor. His rocking and sobbing remained constant.
"Potter," Severus tried again. "I have to heal the wound. It will either be me or Pomfrey and I'm certain you won't want me to take you to the Hospital wing for this."
The sobbing and rocking continued.
"I'll leave the scar there if you want," Severus continued softly. "I know it's important for you to have them there. I just need to stop the bleeding and to seal the wound."
Harry sniffled. The tears finally stopped flowing and he stopped rocking. Then slowly he extended his arm.
Severus gave him the potion. "You have to drink this first."
Harry drank the potion and immediately the dizziness from loss of blood was gone. The tingling sensation in his arm and fingers lessened also. Severus slowly rolled up the blood soaked sleeves of Harry's robe and was finally able to see the wound. Upon inspection he realized that it wasn't as deep as all the blood loss made it seem. Besides, from the other scars on the arm, Severus could see that Harry had cut much deeper at other times before.
He pulled a small vial of a light blue cream from his pocket and rubbed some onto the fresh wound and watched as it magically closed and diminished until it was as the other line of white scar lines that marked Harry's otherwise perfect skin.
"Where's the one for your godfather?" Severus asked still softly when he was finished.
Harry quickly retracted his arm. His eyes were glaring suspicion.
"I just want to see if it is healing properly. I won't do anything if you don't want me to." Severus explained. "Besides, I don't like Muggle healing. It takes too long and it never heals properly."
Harry nodded his understanding. The question of how Snape knew that he had cut for his godfather, burned on his lips to ask but instead he replied softly, "It's on my leg."
With a quick wave of his hand and some more spell words, Severus removed the patch of Harry's pants that covered his knee and thigh.
The wound was certainly done deeper than the more recent one and though Severus assumed that it must have been at least two months old it was still very red and looked very tender.
"You can heal it if you want," Harry said breaking the silence they had fallen into. "Just...I want it to look like the other three."
Severus nodded and rubbed the cream onto the badly healed wound. It immediately lost its light red colour and became another scar on Harry's leg. These scars weren't just thin white lines though. They were definitely more obvious. Just as Harry intended them to be.
While Severus magically fixed his pants back Harry looked at the man with an unspoken question in his eyes.
"It's a potion I developed for this exact purpose Potter," Severus answered as he stood up. "So no, you will not find it anywhere else, not even Knockturn Alley. Only special types of individuals desire to have scars left when they heal a wound."
"Oh," was all Harry said as he too stood up and prepared to leave. "I have to go."
"Alright," Severus said. His eyes had returned to being unreadable and he stood aside to allow Harry access to the door. "But if you wish to speak about this or you need any help then you may come and see me, Potter. You know how to open the door and I am here most of the time."
Without answering Harry walked over to the door and opened it. With his back still facing his Potions professor he finally replied softly, "No offence Professor Snape, but you would still probably be last person I would talk to."
Then he slipped out and closed the door firmly behind himself. Severus watched him leave without a word.
That was the most civil he had ever been to Potter or even any of the other students and he knew it wouldn't be the last. Potter would be back he knew and Dumbledore would expect for him to help him. That meant that he would be expected to be tolerable for the most part to the Wizarding world's 'Golden boy'. He really hoped that in that event Potter would at least try to be just as tolerable otherwise he feared he might end up killing the boy himself.
From the presence of those other scars on Potter's arm, and he assumed more were on the other arm too, Severus realized that maybe Harry Potter was different than he always assumed he was. One did not self-injure if one led a golden life filled with happiness. It required a lot of pent up pain inside to promote the idea of bringing pain to the surface intentionally.
Severus should know, he had been teaching at Hogwarts for a while now and he had a lot of experience with this problem.
"Harry, may I have a word with you please?"
Harry tried not to groan as he turned around. Would this day never end? He had once again been heading in the direction of the Gryffindor tower when the Headmaster approached him and now it seemed as if he wouldn't be able to fall into bed as soon as he hoped.
'Well, at least the halls are empty.'
Dumbledore looked at him with pity. He uncannily understood everything he saw in Harry's eyes and silently vowed not to make this one of his characteristic long and frivolous conversations.
"He's only trying to help you Harry. You should speak to him. He understands more than you think he does."
Harry shook his head, knowing exactly who the 'he' was. "No. No he doesn't understand Headmaster. This is Snape, remember? The only help he wants to give is the one where I end up dead at Voldemort's feet."
Dumbledore smiled just a little at the brash statements and small lack of formality in Harry's speech. Perhaps Harry didn't entirely hate the Headmaster then. Perhaps he may have even forgiven him for the past year. Just this once Dumbledore decided not to correct Harry on the fact that Snape was still his professor and should be addressed as such.
"Ah, but he just helped you didn't he?" Dumbledore asked, still with the small smile.
Harry's eyes narrowed. "Well, I'm sure that as we speak he's probably writing it down in his Great Book of Evil that this was one of the biggest mistakes he ever made in life. Right up there with ever leaving the Dark Side."
"Harry," Dumbledore's voice warned and Harry gave him an apologetic look.
"He hates me Headmaster," he pointed out. "He thinks I'm some spoilt, self centred child, cherished unnecessarily by the world and kissed by the gods. He'd rather I have nothing to do with him, I suspect. I bet he thinks he owes it to you or worst my father!"
Dumbledore laughed. It was probably exactly what Severus would think. "Perhaps that is true of him Harry, but I'm sure you think some pretty nasty things of him too."
Harry blushed a little. But then, Dumbledore hadn't been asking him a question, because it was common knowledge in Hogwarts that Harry and Severus were not the most agreeable people when in each other's company.
"Teach him Harry," Albus said a little softer. "Tell him about your life and see how he responds. I suspect he'll actually be willing to listen after everything tonight. And you listen to him because if there is anything about pain and darkness, Professor Snape knows. Perhaps you will learn something about him too."
Harry nodded to show that he would consider it. It was the only thing he could do at the moment. This had been a long and tiring day and he was beginning to develop a serious headache. Even worse, not counting Moaning Myrtle, two people had discovered his secret today. One he would rather not know anything but the bare essentials of his life and the other whom he should have know would find out about it sooner or later. There was nothing at Hogwarts that Dumbledore didn't know. Harry should have remembered that.
"Well I will be off then. I ran out of peppermint puffs today so I will have to see to changing my password. I can't have it being something I no longer have in my possession now can I?" Dumbledore said with a huge grin and the twinkle back in his eyes. At the amused look that Harry had, Albus fought the urge to pull the teen into a bone-crushing hug.
He didn't though, Harry was sixteen now so he doubt he would appreciate, if every, being hugged in the middle of the halls by the Headmaster and an old man as such.
As each left the other's company they both felt a little better, their minds more at ease.
As soon as Harry finally entered the Gryffindor common room, his two best friends bombarded him with questions. Everyone else had gone to bed by then since the room was empty, but Harry didn't feel like allowing any more persons inside his secret life tonight so with a few vague answers that satisfied Ron and piqued Hermione's interested, he managed to talk them into allowing him to turn in also.
"Goodnight Harry," Hermione said to him softly before she pulled him into a very tight hug.
Harry hugged her back loosely at first then very slowly just as tightly. He wondered how much she understood and if she knew there was anything to understand at all. Hermione was always the perceptive one with the level head and as much as he cherished Ron's friendship, it was at times such as these when he truly appreciated having a female as another best friend.
"'Mione, let him go," Ron seemed to be blushing for both Harry and himself as he spoke. "We're not eleven anymore you know. You can't just launch yourself at us whenever you feel anymore."
Giving Harry a small smile as she released him, she turned to Ron with blazing eyes. "Well if you don't want me to hug you any more Ron Weasley, then that's just fine. Harry doesn't mind and I don't so I'll do as I please and hug him all I want."
She turned and began to walk away but then suddenly stopped and spun around to face them again.
"As a matter of fact, I'll very well hug you if I please too, so there!" she declared, then proceeded to walk up the stairs that led to the girls' dormitories.
"Fine!" Ron shouted a little delayed but he was still blushing as he focused his attention on Harry again. "Girls. I don't think we'll ever understand them mate."
As Harry made his way up the stairs to his room, he thought it best not to point out that Hermione was the only female Ron seemed to find so increasingly hard to understand.
Half an hour later as Harry laid in his bed trying to force himself to fall asleep, Ron's voice called out from his own bed in the darkened room.
"Are you sure Snape didn't try to hex you or give you another detention Harry?"
Harry smiled to himself. "Yes Ron I'm sure. It was nothing really important, just wondering if I was absolutely certain I wanted to stay in Potions for sixth and seventh year."
"Yes he would ask that! I hope you told him that quite unfortunate for him the three of us would most certainly be remaining there. We did get the grade afterall, though heaven knows how we managed!" Ron said as hotly as a whisper would allow.
Harry laughed shortly to show his expected amusement, but a few minutes later Ron's voice whispered again.
"Are you sure though Harry? He could give you detention and not tell you and when you don't show up he sticks another one onto... -"
That was the farthest he got in his rant because from the dark Dean snapped, "Bloody hell Ron he said he was sure! Let it go mate or discuss this in the morning!"
For good measure Seamus added, "Right. Besides, he wouldn't be able to get away with that Ron. Harry wouldn't let him."
Ron gave a loud, "Ha!" and Neville snorted in his sleep but after that there was no sound. Everyone had fallen asleep. Everyone that is, except Harry, who laid awake thinking. About his friends and their expectations of him...and about Snape.
The first person to ever offer emotional help to the Boy-Who-Lived.
When the knocks sounded at the door, Severus looked up from the parchments he had been grading. He checked the time with a spell. It read 2:00am in light green mist, which meant that at least one rule was being broken.
Three knocks, a pause then the door was opened cautiously and Harry stepped into the room.
Severus gave him a look lacking any interest then returned to marking the parchments again. He heard the door click close, but that was the only sound as Harry stood and stared at the man sitting at the desk in the centre of the room.
"How many other students know how to do that?" Harry finally asked.
"Just you Mr. Potter," Severus answered without looking up.
"So the spell you cast on the door knob was for it to allow me to use it?"
"Very good Mr. Potter."
There was a pause, then "Why do I need to knock? Do you have to do that too?"
Again, Severus' eyes remained on what he was grading. "Do you knock on your own door at home Potter?"
"Do you knock on your relatives?"
This time Severus looked up. Harry was busy holding a staring competition with the floor.
"I suppose you mean if I knock at other people's door if I need to have a chat with them or something? Well, if that's the question then, yes." Harry looked up to meet the other man's eyes. "But I would never knock at my uncle's door, Professor. I rather like my days with the least amount of scolding as possible."
Severus nodded then returned to his work. "Well, Potter, the doors of Hogwart's are very particular as I'm sure you've realized by now. The door expects you to knock if you're not it's permanent resident. If you didn't knock it would assume that you are very rude. Believe me Potter, then is nothing worse than a magical door snubbing you."
Harry genuinely laughed at that image and though Severus' featured did nothing to show it, the Potions Master considered it his second good deed for the year.
He did however retrieve one of his most prized parchments and transfigured it into a couch before his desk. On the cushion of the backrest, the Snape Emblem had been transferred as a large pattern on the otherwise velvet black fabric. Harry smiled shyly as he approached the desk and stretched out onto the couch, his head on one armrest and his feet near the other.
"Tell me about your relatives Potter," Severus said as he dipped his quill into the inkbottle near his hand. "Why would they scold you for simply knocking on their door?"
"Well alright, but only if you call me Harry. Calling me 'Potter' reminds me too much of potions class..." Harry left the sentence hanging, knowing that Snape knew exactly what he meant.
"Alright, you may also address me by my given name, but only if you give me your word, that you understand, that if you call me Severus anywhere outside of this room I will turn you into a turning minute glass on my desk for a day."
Harry rolled his eyes but as he stared up at the ceiling his mind raced as to where to begin his story.
"My aunt and uncle are probably the most unlikable pair of Muggles you will ever meet and their son Dudley, can only be described as a walking hippo on two legs. Believe me, even that is an insult to the poor hippo, in my opinion...!"