The Altar Deserter

Chapter One

Pansy Parkinson: Altar Deserter

Ten years, seven months, and five days after an eight-year-old Pansy Parkinson pledged to never marry, a nineteen-year-old Pansy Parkinson was sitting in a rather stiff chair in her fiancé's bedroom. As, expected, she was fuming, ready to smash Draco Malfoy's face whenever he finally showed himself. At the moment, she was busy trying to shred a Morgana: Goddess of Camelot book to pieces. "Tell me, Daphne," she snarled to her best friend, "why is it that Malfoy spent his entire life trying to either run away from me or bother me in some extremely annoying manner, then decided to bloody marry me, even though he has the power to override the betrothal?"

Daphne Greengrass shrugged and tucked a curl of hair behind her ear. "Because he wasn't the one who decided to marry you?" she suggested. "It was his mother and your father who finalized the decision..."

"I know that," Pansy said sourly. "I'm blaming Malfoy because it's- it's more..."

"You'd rather blame Draco than blame his mother and your parents," Daphne said dryly, smirking. "And you'd blame his father if he wasn't dead. Of course it's easier to blame Draco."

Pansy scowled. "There's no need to be sarcastic, Daphne."

"Well, think of it this way. Back at Hogwarts, we Slytherins had to band together against the coalition of the other three Houses, just because we were Slytherins. During that time, you and Draco became friends." Pansy snorted derisively, but Daphne plowed on. "You can't just blame Draco for this, even though he can easily be blamed for about a million other things."

"Since when have you become a philosopher?" Pansy sneered. Daphne sighed. "If Draco's going along with this, then he's not my friend any longer." She returned to destroying the trashy romance novel.

"Hello, sorry I'm late." The voice didn't sound very apologetic. Pansy rolled her eyes as Draco strolled into the room, followed by Crabbe and Goyle, as always, even in his own house. "Hello, Daphne." Daphne acknowledged him with a nod of her head.

"Malfoy," Pansy spat.

Draco pretended to look affronted. "Well, what's this? Pansy's a bit cranky today... what's that you're reading?" He grabbed the book from her and scrutinized it. "Rather dull, isn't this?" He smirked, then plopped himself down on Pansy's lap.

Pansy shrieked. "Bloody... Get the hell off of me!" She began writhing under Draco's weight, snarling and hitting him with her fists. "I will hex you, don't get me wrong..."

"Hmm..." Draco said innocently. "I wonder where those nasty little threats are coming from. Ah, well, this chair is quite comfortable." He leaned back and pinned Pansy against the chair, causing her to growl in frustration. Crabbe and Goyle were chuckling dim-wittedly to themselves. Daphne rolled her eyes. "Oh, look, a face in the chair!" Draco said in a mock delighted voice, twisting around and staring at Pansy's infuriated face.

"Are you trying to get me to kill you?" Pansy said.

Before Draco could reply, there was a knock at the door, and a house-elf came in, followed by Percy Weasley, aide to the Minister of Magic, and Wesley Chesterfield, the head news editor of the Daily Prophet. A young reporter Pansy didn't recognize was behind the other two. Draco sprang up from the chair, managing to paste a look of indifference on his flushed and embarrassed face before their eyes landed on him. "Good morning, Malfoy," Percy said stiffly, blinking slightly at Draco's disheveled state.

"Weasley." Pansy willed silently for Draco not to make a comment about Percy's poverty, but to no avail. "I wonder," Draco said, eyeing the patches on Percy's robes with disdain, "if you're not here just so you can see something that costs more than a Galleon." Percy was the least-paid of the Weasleys. Under Minister Fudge, he had been very successful, but as soon as Fudge was replaced by Madam Bones, Percy had descended into poverty. Being an aide was an honorable but very low-paid job.

Percy bristled. Chesterfield didn't bother to quote Draco; it was commonplace to see the two arguing at the ministry... almost as common as seeing Ron or Harry and Draco trading insults. "I'm here," Percy said forcefully, gritting his teeth, "on Ministry business."

"And why is it necessary to conduct Ministry business in my bedroom?" Draco replied coolly.

"It's an urgent matter," Percy said, his eye twitching with annoyance. "You are aware, of course, that there is no statute of limitations for the crime of being a Death Eater. Recently, I'm afraid you've been accused of Dark activities under the leadership of Lord Voldemort. And so has Miss Parkinson."

Pansy involuntarily covered her sleeve where the Dark Mark was hidden under at the mention of the Dark Lord's name. Draco's arm jerked slightly. Percy noted this with a slight smile. "How dare you!" Pansy managed to choke out. Daphne was looking in the other direction. Pansy felt a rush of anger at her cowardice, but said nothing.

"Miss Parkinson, if you can prove you weren't a Death Eater, you will have my sincerest apologies," Percy sneered. "If you could please reveal your left forearm."

Pansy's mind began to race in a panicked way. If she lifted her sleeve... As far as she knew, there was no way to prove her innocence. "Next you'll be asking me to disrobe and dance naked in front of you," she said scathingly, trying to keep the wobble out of her voice. "Dream on, Weasley."

"There's actually no need for Pansy to do anything," Draco said suddenly, looking as if he had just come to an important decision. "Allow me," he said, pulling out his wand. Percy immediately pulled out his own wand, but Draco shrugged and headed for his wardrobe. He opened it, and then tapped his wand onto one of the sides, which slowly opened up, revealing a magically concealed space. "There's no denying it."

"Draco, what-" Pansy said, jumping up. What was he doing? Had he gone insane?

Draco held a hand up to her, then reached into the space, dragging out a black bundle. Percy's eyes widened in anticipation. Pansy glanced out the window and found herself looking at a gaggle of Aurors waiting outside. She closed her eyes for a moment, then let out a breath to calm herself.

"You never expected me to actually be a goody-goody and not join up with the Dark Lord?" Draco said conversationally, unrolling the bundle. "Catch, Creevey," he added, throwing the robes to the young reporter behind Chesterfield. Creevey, who now looked vaguely familiar to Pansy, caught them, too scared to do anything else. "Mask, robes," Draco pointed out. "Mark." He rolled up his left sleeve. There was a faint red blemish in the shape of a skull and snake on it: the remainder of the Dark Mark.

"So," Percy said, pointing his wand at Draco. "I'll call for the Aurors. We have a confession."

"That's where you're wrong," Draco said, smiling in a disconcerting manner. "You won't be calling for anyone." He waved his wand, and the door suddenly slammed shut. "As the head of the Malfoy family, I control the manor." Creevey's eyes widened and he whipped out his wand, dropping the robes. Chesterfield looked Petrified. Percy gulped. "You know, I could torture all three of you right now, and no one would know," Draco added.

"Our Aurors will find out sooner or later," Percy said.

"By Aurors, you mean Potter, right?" Draco said, smirking. "Saint Potter always saves the helpless civilians and hopeless cases from the scary bad Death Eaters, doesn't he?" He grinned. "Potter knew I was a Death Eater, and he supported it."

"Liar," Creevey said.

"Oh, no," Draco replied. Pansy relaxed; Draco was just playing around now. He clearly had something that could save them. "You see, if Pansy had her way, she would have blurted out the truth, but then I wouldn't have been able to have my fun with you." He reached back into the hole and pulled out a box. "I trust you know what this is, Weasley. Don't bother me again." He tossed the box to Percy, who caught it one-handedly, rather clumsily.

The Ministry worker opened the box and peered inside. Pansy caught a glimpse of a phoenix-shaped object, then Percy closed it again, nodding fervently. "Of course. This incident never happened. Have a good day, Malfoy." The three men left. There was a yell from outside as Percy ordered the Aurors to follow him.

"What was that?" Pansy asked.

"Dumbledore gave it to me," Draco answered, sighing. "Emergency purposes. Now all of Potty's fellow Order members are going to think that I support Muggles."

Pansy shrugged. "You and I both know we spied for the Light because the Dark Lord was a hypocrite, not that we support the Mudbloods and their cause. We can continue Slytherin's mission by using subtler ways to reduce Mudblood influence."

"Let's talk about something else," Daphne said quickly. Pansy scowled, but forgave her for her earlier behavior. After all, she would have done the same thing.

"Where were we? Ah... the wedding," Draco said.

"Why won't you call the betrothal off? All you need to say is 'I don't want to get married'! Why can't you?" Pansy said.

"But you see, Pansy, it's not as if I'm planning to marry you either," Draco drawled, seating himself on the arm of one of the chairs.

"Of course you're not," Pansy snapped, before blinking in confusion. "What?"

"I'm calling it off. But... it wasn't very easy to set this up," Draco explained. "I went to Gringotts and transferred all the bills for the wedding to my account. Mother will never notice; she's got her own account. And I've paid for all travel expenses and so on... You can run away from the altar for all I care."

"Seriously?" Pansy said, eyes widening. Draco rolled his eyes and nodded. Pansy's jaw dropped, and she began to giggle. "Imagine their faces!" she said. Daphne shook her head and smiled. "Daphne won't tell, will you, Daphne?"

"No," Daphne said. "Too much fun to ruin." Crabbe and Goyle grunted, giving their word.

"So we're set," Draco finished.

***

"Welcome to the wedding of Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson... two of the wizarding world's most prominent people! I'm Elaine MacGregor, and we're here at Centaur Peak, which I'm sure you all know is one of the most popular outdoor wedding spots in England. There's a lovely lake right next to the field I am currently standing in..." Elaine coughed for a moment, then continued on. "Right now, we're just waiting, but it should be starting soon... I see Joey Jenkins of the Chudley Cannons walking over there! Many celebrated figures around here, you know. Before we take a brief advertisement break, let us remind you to enter the WWN's Thousand Galleon Raffle! That's right... just Floo the office, and you'll get a raffle ticket for just two Sickles! And now for our sponsors."

Elaine turned off her radio mouthpiece and scowled. "I should be doing the International Conference of Magic!" she complained. "Not this tripe. I don't give a damn about some rich member of society..."

"Well, you could write for the Prophet, but the wireless is already being covered by Chesterfield," Colin reminded her.

"I'd rather not write about the conference," Elaine whined. "Why can't we quit the WWN part of the Daily Prophet, and just stay on the paper?"

Colin frowned. Her last statement had made no sense at all. He shrugged. "I suppose I can announce if you'd-"

Before he could even finish his sentence, Elaine had shoved the radio mouthpiece into his hands. "Go ahead. I'll write about this... I don't want to announce the stupid raffle anymore like it's my purpose in life."

Colin sighed. "Welcome back to the wedding," he intoned grudgingly. He was even worse than Elaine at announcing; he was extremely awkward. "I'm Colin Creevey, reporter for the Daily Prophet and announcer for the WWN; Elaine is unable to announce at the moment. Right now, I am watching the guests being seated; there are many famous names on the guest list for this particular wedding. Ginny Weasley has just passed with her good friend Neville Longbottom. Later, we'll be seeing Harry Potter and his longtime friend Hermione Granger... they'll join up with those two. After Ginny and Neville are Cho Chang - Seeker for the Tutshill Tornadoes - and her current boyfriend, Oliver Wood, Keeper for Puddlemere United. One must wonder how they get along before Tutshill vs. Puddlemere matches..."

"Interview!" Elaine hissed. "Add some flavor to the bloody thing, won't you?"

Colin rolled his eyes. "And now, we'll be interviewing one of these people... I'm sure you'd like to hear them, wouldn't you? Miss Chang, how's it going?" he said, crossing over to Cho.

Cho raised a confused eyebrow, then looked in Elaine's direction. "Er... great, Colin," she said. "It's nice being here. I love weddings." Her expression said that something about this wedding was distasteful to her.

"Thanks, Cho," Colin said. "And here come Harry and Hermione. Harry's being a naughty bachelor at the moment, but Hermione's currently rumored to be involved with Ron Weasley, who was unable to make it today due to the International Conference. Of course, there have been numerous on and off romances in the past between Ron and Hermione. Both Harry and Hermione are training to be Aurors, along with Ron."

Next to Colin, the reporter from Witch Weekly was speaking to a Quick Quotes Quill. Colin rolled his eyes at the absurdity of her article. "Harry and Hermione seem to have gone with the Muggle look, which seems to be popular among the celebrities these days; we've already seen Ginny and Neville in white, now there's Harry and Hermione in black. This has to be because of their school days enmity against Draco and Pansy... Harry's gone with the magical contacts today, nice touch with the sunglasses on his head, and Hermione's got a lovely long dress on... love her hair, curly piled on top."

"Here comes Narcissa Malfoy behind Harry and Hermione. She looks lovely today: Pink robes and hair in a bun. Very motherly. She's being escorted by Walter Greengrass, father of Miss Parkinson's best friend. Behind them is Severus Snape, in his trademark black robes."

Colin frowned and tried to keep himself from being seen by Snape, who had been quite nasty to him when he had been in Potions. Unfortunately, Harry, who didn't know about Colin's Snapephobia, waved and grinned at him. "Hey, Colin," he said, looking at the WWN radio mouthpiece. "I thought you were writing," he added in an undertone.

"I was," Colin muttered nervously, glancing at Snape, who was now looking in his direction. Just then, a squealing fan of Harry's ran past the barriers and accosted him, waving a piece of parchment in front of his face.

"Please sign it, Harry!" she said, jumping up and down. She looked to be about fifteen years old.

"Er..." Harry said, taking the parchment. Hermione sighed, Snape looked sour, and Narcissa and the rest of the procession of famous guests looked confused and annoyed. "What's your name?"

"Oh, surely you know it!" the girl giggled. "We went to Hogwarts at the same time!"

"Erm... Jane?" Harry guessed. The girl shook her head, grinning. "Mary?" Again, no. "Kate?" Another shake. "Lindsay? Betty? Stephanie? Carol?"

"Rose Zeller," Hermione suddenly said. "Hufflepuff, right?"

Rose Zeller threw a very nasty glare in Hermione's direction, causing her to recoil slightly. "No one asked you," Rose grumbled.

"Miss Zeller, you have interrupted a procession," Snape intervened. "As this is the summer, I cannot punish you, but I'd advise you to get off the aisle."

"A small break in the parade of guests," Colin said into the radio mouthpiece. Elaine nodded at Rose slightly from her spot across the aisle. Colin sighed. "Let's ask Miss Zeller some questions... she's the very dedicated fan who, er, paused the festivities. Rose, why are you here?"

"Colin," Hermione said exasperatedly.

"Mr. Creevey!" Snape snapped, looking murderous.

"All right, all right, Professor," Colin said. "Rose, this way." He guided her to the side of the aisle. "Now-"

"AHHHHHHH! He's harassing me! He's touched me!" Rose screamed, pulling away from Colin and losing her head completely. "Help! Someone help! Sexual harassment! HELP!"

"Oh, dear Merlin," Colin muttered, closing his eyes in horror. "No one's harass-"

"HELP! Harry, help me! This awful thing's trying to molest me!"

"What's going on here?" The entire audience and those on the aisle silenced immediately. People were pushed aside one by one as a very peeved Draco Malfoy bowled towards them. Colin gulped. The last time he had seen Malfoy, the former Slytherin had been showing off his Dark Mark. Rose began to shake violently. Malfoy saw Harry and smirked. "Obviously it was Potter."

"Yeah?" Harry said challengingly.

"Didn't expect you to show up."

"Why'd I get invited, then?" Harry quirked an eyebrow.

"Draco, get the wedding moving; everyone's about to arrive!" Narcissa said, sounding impatient. "Be mature, for once!"

Malfoy looked as if he wanted to shoot back that he was mature, but instead, he bit his tongue and said, "Off the aisle, Miss Zeller. Potter, Granger, move it. Creevey, shut up." He strode off, Rose following mutely behind him.

"Er... the procession's started again," Colin said quietly into the radio mouthpiece. "Quite an... interesting interruption." From somewhere, music began to play. "And that signifies the start of the actual wedding, as the last guests are seated," Colin said, backing up until he was even with the other media wizards and witches on his side of the aisle.

He continued to mutter into the radio mouthpiece, outlining the line of people that filed into the area. The sun was shining rather uncomfortably into his face, forcing him to squint. Finally, he saw a mass of white through his eyelashes (If I ever get married, I wouldn't make the bride dress in something that makes her look like a cake, he thought.) The robes had obviously been expanded and puffed. Next to Colin, the Witch Weekly witch was scribbling notes furiously.

A cloud shifted over the sun, so that Colin could finally see clearly, if only for a little while. The great white object that was Pansy had almost reached the spot where everyone else was. Suddenly, just before she reached the end of the aisle, she tugged her arm away from her father's, turned abruptly, and sprinted off in the direction she had come. It took a few seconds for the guests and those in the wedding to realize what she was doing, and by then, Pansy had already cast off her robes, revealing a Muggle shirt and jeans, grabbed her wand from the confused wand-bearer at the spot where the carriages were parked, and Disapparated.

"The bride seems to have... deserted the wedding!" Colin gasped. "She's run away!" There was chaos as many of the guests began shouting and muttering amongst themselves. Harry, Neville, and Ginny looked delighted, and even Hermione couldn't keep the amused grin off her face. Cho and Oliver were cackling with laughter, and Snape looked even more sour and murderous. Narcissa Malfoy and the Parkinsons looked lost.

Colin looked in Malfoy's direction, expecting to find him jumping up and down in rage or at least breaking things to pieces (by hand, as his wand was with the wand-bearer... a very useful precaution in Colin's opinion). Instead, he beheld a rather calm Draco Malfoy, smirking to himself in an arrogant way while leaning against a pillar, his arms crossed. The maid of honor, Daphne Greengrass, also looked rather pleased, and Crabbe and Goyle were their usual troll-ish selves. The group looked odd against the backdrop of so many panicking people.

They knew what was going on. Colin knew that immediately. They had obviously planned this. But he wouldn't say anything... better to make Malfoy look as if Pansy had decided to stand him up.

***

Pansy Parkinson: Altar Deserter

By Elaine MacGregor

Yesterday, at the high-profile wedding of Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson, the bride ran away from the altar seconds before the marriage rituals began. The reasons are yet unknown...

***

A Second Stand Up

By Frank Filman

Only a year after her first "almost wedding", Pansy Parkinson ran away from a marriage to Blaise Zabini, a famous figure in the wizarding world, known for his co-ownership of Zabini Enterprises with his father, Telemakos Zabini. Her motives are still yet to be found...

***

Parkinson Breaks Another Heart

By Olive Green

This time it only took five months for the notorious Pansy Parkinson to desert yet another man at the altar. The groom this time was Theodore Nott, a respectable member of the Ministry. Miss Parkinson's reasoning still has not been discovered...

***

Yet Another Stand Up?

By Christopher Pickering

After two years, the wizarding world believed Pansy Parkinson was ready to settle down. However, Miss Parkinson recently escaped from another marriage, this time to Ministry ambassador Terry Boot, right before the ceremony. As of now, her reasons are still unknown...

***

Corner Cornered

By Elaine MacGregor

Pansy Parkinson has done it again. One year after her last wedding fiasco, Miss Parkinson left her fiancé, Michael Corner, a Ministry official, at the altar. And still, none know why...

***

After every stand-up, an enormous sum of money would end up in the Parkinson's vault and also in the groom's vault. In fact, if counted (it wasn't in most cases, for most of the families had full vaults), the amount would add up to the amount spent on the respective wedding. No one ever complained about Pansy's sudden change of heart at the altar.

Of course, no one knew why except for a certain group of former Slytherins...