Evil Masterminds, or Becoming Draco Malfoy

Chapter Two: Ewww!!!

    Madeline Higgins was pissed. Thoroughly, resoundingly pissed. Hannah had interrupted a very special moment for her.

    Well, not so much a moment for her as a moment for two of her favorite people. Okay, so they weren’t actually people but fictional characters, in a fictional story. A story that she had been reading, until Hannah had rudely burst in their dorm room, grabbed Madeline’s upper arm and dragged her out.

    “Hannah, you crazy hoe, let go of me!!!” Thank Merlin Hannah was used to such verbal abuse and knew not to take it seriously, else she would have been mightily offended. “I had just gotten to the best part! Falcon was fighting the duel with Rossiter when Gwendolyn showed up (Hannah had proceeded to pull Madeline toward the boy’s dorm) and she stepped on Falcon’s rapier… or was it a colichemarde? (while Madeline briefly pondered to herself, Hannah lead her up the stairs) Anyway, he had told her to stop dancing on his deadly weapon, well, not in so many words, of course, he’s much more articulate than that, but she yelled at him to stop and listen to her, but no one would (and finally, Madeline had been thrust across the threshold of the boy’s room now, but she was too busy ranting to notice), no one being Falcon and Rossiter and the doctor and the seconds, Horatio Glendenning and Jamie Morris for Rossiter and Hector Kadenworthy and Perry Cranford for Falcon, you know, Perry, the one with the peg-leg, and Gwendolyn told them that Naomi had been kidnapped!”

    Psychobabble concluded, Madeline finally took in the scene before her. Draco Malfoy, bound to a chair and gagged.

    “Hannah!” she exclaimed. Then, with an impressed look at the aforementioned girl, “You kinky thing, you!”

    Hannah gasped and threw a hand over her mouth, wide-eyed. Malfoy’s eyebrows shot through his hairline. The criminal masterminds then jumped up from Ernie’s bed where they had been sitting and walked into Madeline’s field of vision.

    “She didn’t tie him up, we did.”

    Pause. Suddenly, Madeline’s face screwed up into a visage of total disgust. “Ewwww!!!”

    Hannah once again, gasped. Malfoy turned a disturbing shade of green. Justin’s eyebrows knit in confusion. Ernie blanched, then turned a violent shade of red.

    “No! No! No! It’s not like that, we didn’t do it for that!”

    Madeline ignored his protests. “I knew there was something funny about you, Ernie Macmillan, but Justin! You have corrupted a poor, innocent boy, Ernie, I blame it all entirely on you!!!” She pointed a condemning finger at him. “You should be ashamed of yourself!”

    Hannah’s hand over her mouth was now covering a desire to laugh. Malfoy closed his eyes, visibly preventing himself from retching. Justin was still, and probably always would be, confused. Madeline would remember the day Ernie Macmillan resembled a tomato until she died.

    Ten minutes later, after a rapidly disclosed summation of Ernie and Justin’s actions, with only a brief interruption when Justin asked Madeline who had kidnapped Naomi and why (which Ernie proceeded to ignore to continue with his explanation). Now, they were having a staring contest. Or so it would seem. Madeline was gazing at Ernie intently, which gaze Ernie returned with a slight question in his eyes.

    “You knocked unconscious, and then kidnapped Draco Malfoy,” said Madeline slowly.

    “Yes.”

    “And you brought him to your dorm room.”

    “Yes.”

    “As opposed to a convenient broom cupboard or supply closet, where he would not have seen who you were or overheard your diabolical plot.”

    “We plan on keeping him a week,” said Ernie indignantly. “A broom cupboard would be rather uncomfortable, don’t you think?”

    “And the comfort of your hostage is essential to your mission,” she replied, her tone drenched in sarcasm. “You then tied him to a chair, with rope, no less, as opposed to some magical binding spell.”

    “Yes, well, we couldn’t think of any binding spells that lasted longer than three hours.”

    “Did you research it at all?”

    Ernie stared at her blankly. The thought never crossed his mind.

    Malfoy rolled his eyes. Madeline closed hers briefly.

    “The ropes are knotted, at least,” Ernie announced defensively.

    Madeline walked around the back of Malfoy’s chair to check.

    “Ernie… they’re double-knotted. You tied the ropes into a bow, like you would a shoelace, and then you double-knotted them.”

    “I didn’t know any other way to knot them!”

    “Did you research it at all?”

    Malfoy thought that this Hufflepuff was beginning to sound distinctly like Hermione Granger. He cringed inwardly.

    Madeline went back to her seat on Justin’s bed rubbing her eyes. The interrogation continued.

    “And, after such a spectacular opening act, tying Malfoy to a chair in your dorm room, you proceeded to leave the door unlocked, so that any unsuspecting Hufflepuff could be struck silly with your utter lack of common sense!” she ended on a shout.

    Malfoy now thought that this Hufflepuff sounded like a Slytherin. He grinned beneath his gag.

    “Shhh!” Hannah hissed, glancing to the now locked door.

    “It’s not the first time I’ve raised my voice, so I really don’t think they’ll notice anything out of the ordinary!” Madeline flung at Hannah. With a sigh, she flopped back onto Justin‘s bed to stare up at his canopy with, fitting a true Hufflepuff, her aggressive tendencies spent. “So what is the next step in your deviant scheme?” she asked in a much weaker tone.

    “To give Malfoy a haircut,” Ernie stated with an emphatic nod. Unsurprisingly, he got a few strange looks. “What? It’s required to make the Polyjuice Potion, which I plan on brewing.”

    “Knock yourself out,” said Madeline with a dismissive wave of her hand. She sat up abruptly. “And who is going to be Draco Malfoy for a week?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

    “Well, um, we hadn’t quite decided on that yet,” replied Ernie, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “I was thinking if it came down to it, we could do a coin toss, or maybe rock, paper, scissors, although that might give me an unfair advantage, come to think of it.” He glanced toward where Justin was sitting.

    Justin didn’t seem to have noticed the implied insult. What he did notice was that Malfoy was suddenly no longer tied to the chair, the ropes un-knotted and on the floor along with the gag; he was on his feet, wand raised, poised for action, and with a maniacal glint in his eye.