Evil Masterminds, or Becoming Draco Malfoy

Chapter One: MWUHAHAHAHA

    They were in for an ass-load of trouble. Justin was mildly impressed that he could come up with such a crass expression, but he thought it quite fitting for the situation. There was no way they were going to get through this alive, or, at the very least, without being expelled.

    It had sounded like such a good idea at first. Ernie was the ringleader, the one who had come up with their diabolical scheme and the one who took charge. He had gotten them thus far, but as of the past few minutes, he had begun to look a little stumped. And stumped was most definitely not a good thing to be when the two Hufflepuffs had Draco Malfoy gagged and bound to a chair. Especially now that he had regained consciousness.

    The expression on Malfoy’s face would have appeared comical to Justin if he hadn’t have been so anxious. He had blinked a few times blearily, bringing his head up to take in his surroundings. It seemed that memory had flooded him all at once, and his eyes grew wide, then menacing as he struggled against the ropes and attempted to curse the two boys (whether with profanity or magic or both, Justin wasn’t sure) through his gag.

    It had been such an ingenious plan, or so Justin thought, to begin with. They were going to kidnap Draco Malfoy, make Polyjuice Potion from his hair, and pose as him for a while. It was the perfect retribution for all the taunting and snide remarks of their previous six years, keeping him bound for a week while they systematically destroyed his reputation. Justin had even found himself chuckling evilly, not the full MWUHAHAHAHA of true evil masterminds, but he had high hopes for the future. Well, technically Ernie was the evil mastermind. The evil mastermind that had just petered out.

    Justin’s anxiety increased tenfold, however, when (through lack of careful planning, or really, any planning at all), Hannah Abbott, after knocking once, walked through the unlocked door into the seventh year boy’s dorm where they were currently stationed.

    “Ernie, can you help me with this transfiguration, I just can’t seem-” She had been skimming the textbook in her hands, and when she finally looked up at the two, or rather three of them, she broke off, her jaw practically hitting the floor. Then she did hit the floor, with a resounding thump. She had fainted.

    “Oh, heck,” said Ernie, a pained and concerned look coming onto his face as he rushed to kneel by Hannah‘s limp form. “I should have locked that door!”

    Justin watched him, not at all sure what to do. Then he looked at Malfoy. He was no longer struggling against his ties, but now glancing between Ernie and Hannah, and the door. Justin distinctly saw Malfoy roll his eyes.

    Malfoy was wondering just how long it would take to be released. The two Hufflepuffs obviously didn’t have a clue as to what they were about, not planning ahead or thinking of future consequences. He also wondered whether they would ever realize that their door still standing open was not a good thing. And finally, he wondered if either Hufflepuff would have the balls to look up Abbott’s skirt while she was out. He seriously doubted it.

    He underestimated Ernie. Or overestimated… hmm… Whatever the case, the thought had crossed Ernie’s mind, however fleetingly. His main concern at the moment, however, was reviving Hannah. He tried casting ennervate, but, when that didn’t work, figured it must only work for magically stunned persons. He chafed at her hand, thinking that he had heard of someone somewhere doing this. He never considered for a moment taking Hannah out of the room to later convince her that she had imagined the dramatic tableau before her. He never contemplated any lies he could tell her to make her believe that he and Justin weren’t in the process of doing something underhanded and exceptionally un-Hufflepuffish. The thought of bribing her or threatening her to not get involved and keep quiet about the matter existed in an alternate reality for him, one that he could not begin to comprehend. Hannah was his housemate, his friend, and as of the previous Hogsmeade weekend, his girlfriend. She was also now his accomplice.

    Hannah awoke a few minutes later to find Ernie kneeling on the floor next to her, and Justin standing a few feet away, biting nervously at his fingernails. She was just about to scold him for that disgusting habit when, raising her head a little bit off the floor, she again caught side of Malfoy. She paled, squeaked, then stood so quickly Ernie was surprised that she didn’t fall right back down.

    “Wha- what’s going on? Why is Malfoy tied to a… what have you two done?!?” she spluttered, bouncing her eyes between the three boys, shooting Ernie and Justin accusatory glares.

    “It’s all right, Hannah, we’re just exacting revenge,” Ernie said in what he believed was an appeasing, calming tone of voice. And so it might have been, except the words spoken belied any comfort Hannah might have taken from it.

    She paled further while Ernie quickly explained the plan. Malfoy was listening too, obviously curious about what it was exactly that they intended to do. And he was not disappointed. The scheme itself was devious enough, however, he felt its execution was poorly handled. Hufflepuffs had no idea as how to go about doing this type of thing. This was a Slytherin’s area of expertise, he thought proudly; anything legally, morally, or just plain wrong was their specialty.

    “And it’s actually rather a good thing that you discovered us, Hannah, because now you can help us,” Ernie continued. “Justin had just asked me how we were going to make sure that none of our housemates found him, and I wasn’t sure what to say. Also, we don’t know which one of us is going to pretend to be Malfoy, although I think I should be the one to brew the potion, and-”

    “You want me to help you?!? Are you insane?!? I can’t keep a secret to save my life, and something as big as this… And I’m no good at planning or scheming or-”

    Thinking in general, Draco mentally added.

    “-anything like that!” Hannah finished. “I mean, this is a Slytherin type to do,”

    Damn straight! Malfoy even nodded his approval.

    “and I am most certainly not a… wait a minute! I can’t believe you guys didn’t think of this! We can’t have a Slytherin help us, be we can have the next best thing! I’ll be right back.” And she was gone, leaving Justin and Ernie staring after her.

    “Are we bringing someone else into this now?” asked Justin over his fingers.

    Ernie shrugged.

    Pause.

    “We are so screwed,” said Justin.

    Ernie nodded.

    Malfoy was thinking along the same lines, especially after Hannah’s ominous words. Who the hell was the “next best thing” to a Slytherin? Maybe she had some Ravenclaw friend that she was going to drag into this farce. A Ravenclaw might suit, if they were evil enough. A Gryffindor might be willing to help, but could certainly not bring anything to the table for the planning portions. And another Hufflepuff…

    Another Hufflepuff. Malfoy shook his head. Hannah had brought in another Hufflepuff. They were screwed.