The Secret Diary of Draco Malfoy: Aristocrat, Ne'er-do-Well, Rampant Homosexual

The Secret Diary of Draco Malfoy: Aristocrat, Ne'er-do-Well, Rampant Homosexual.

Chapter 9: March 1^st - March 16^th.

Tuesday 2^nd March.

Dear Diary,

Well, I think I'm almost definitely going to fail my final year. The reason being that Harry and I can't seem to drag ourselves out of bed. Oh well. Of all the reasons to completely screw up all my future prospects, that has to be the best one. I can't believe how fantastic Harry is!

We fooled around in the prefects' bathroom last night. Harry is even sexier when he's wet. Rather embarrassingly, we got so caught up with how fun the various types of bubbles were that we almost forgot to get to the sexy stuff. Harry had got some of the pink foam and had shaped my hair into devil horns, and I'd got those bubbles that don't burst for ages and was throwing them at Harry so that they stuck to him. We were giggling uncontrollably and generally having a grand old time. Then we both just looked up at each other in bemusement. "Seriously?" Harry said. "This is what we're doing with our alone time?" It was a bit of a worry. The rest of the evening went a lot more smoothly. Soapy sex is fun.

The whole episode has left me rather concerned, however. I'm not sure that Harry doesn't have some weird predilection to exhibitionism. We were just drying ourselves off and putting our clothes back on, when Harry says, cool as you like, "Hey, I hope Moaning Myrtle wasn't around this evening."

I looked up in bemusement. "Who's Moaning Myrtle?"

"Oh, you know, she's this ghost who likes to hang around in bathrooms. I hope she hasn't been spying on us."

I looked around the room in horror, then dragged Harry outside, despite the fact that his trousers were still around his ankles.

"Draco! Steady on! What's the rush?"

"What's the rush?" I cried in outrage. "Are you serious? Harry, please tell me you're not talking about that hideous, whiny ghost who, not content with getting hit once by the ugly stick, asked it to move in with her so she could indulge in a masochistic relationship with it? She could have been watching us? When we were doing stuff?"

"Well," Harry said awkwardly, "there's a chance. She travels through the pipes and sometimes spies on students in the bath through the taps."

"And you know this how?"

"Well, I snuck in there in fourth year, and she came out and told me."

I stared at him in outrage. "And you've been going back there since? Oh God, Harry, you don't know how many times I've used that bathroom! I've sung in there! I've practiced my sarcastic comments! I've had imaginary conversations with you that bordered on explicit! Ooh, I feel violated! I can't believe you waited until now to tell me."

He grinned. "Sorry, baby, I really did forget."

I decided to let it go, but I'm going to have to keep an eye on him. I suppose all that pressure Harry's under to be a good boy is bound to result in some sort of rebellion. Or some sort of weird ghost-voyeurism sexual kink. I mean, if that's the case, I'd be very understanding. I'd be willing to help him with his problem. I could even find a way to accept it - there must be some sexy male ghosts out there, right? We could get one of them to watch us. I mean, it would still be weird, but I could live with it every now and then to keep Harry happy. I draw the line at ugly, zitty, girl ghosts, though. That's just not right.

I stayed over at Harry's last night. Weasley and Granger were out when we got back to Gryffindor Tower - probably had some sort of bad hair convention to go to or something. We hung out with Ginny for a bit, along with Dean Thomas (who is actually pretty cool) and Seamus (who scares me). Ginny isn't too bad, when she isn't threatening to kill you. We talked about Quidditch for a bit, and Ginny has promised to teach me the Bat Bogey Hex. It will be awfully handy the next time I have a run-in with Blaise. I think I might set Pansy up with Dean, actually. He's intellectual and artistic, which she really likes in a man. Ooh, and then we could go on double dates! Oh dear, Harry and I have become one of those couples, haven't we?

I'm writing this in bed. I woke up really early today for some reason. I guess I'll have to wake Harry up in a bit so we can get ready for class, but I'm having too much fun watching him sleep right now. He really does have the longest boy-lashes I've ever seen. Oh, and he looks so vulnerable and defenceless without his glasses. He's so pretty, I could just watch him forever.

...

Harry just woke up. "Draco, would you please stop staring at me when I'm trying to sleep? It's creepy. Either come back to bed or go and find something to do."

I think he's asleep again now. He has a really nice mouth. And his hair's all scuffled up. He really is perfect. Uh-oh, he's not asleep. He just opened his eyes again. Now he's glowering at me. I should probably stop writing.

Wednesday 3^rd March.

Dear Diary,

Harry and I handed in our Potions assignment today. I'm confident that we've done pretty well. Harry isn't half bad when he puts his mind to it - all those years of partnering Weasley clearly dragged him down. I've been giving him a few tips on how to remember certain formulas, and I think he's starting to get it. I never realised how good it could feel to do something nice for someone before. Especially when you're rewarded in sexual favours!

Ah, things with Harry are going so well. I haven't quite plucked up the nerve to tell him that I'm in love with him yet. I mean, it's a big step. It would be lovely if he said it back, but then what if he just looks really awkward and changes the subject? Oh, I don't know. I mean, that kind of thing requires the perfect moment, doesn't it? It has to be completely right. And there is a sad lack of perfect moments in my life. I usually end up doing something to humiliate myself and ruin it all.

We had Quidditch practice earlier, which went well. I'm pretty pleased with my team this year. You know, I really don't know what's going to happen when I have to play against Harry. Slytherin and Gryffindor are definitely going to go up against each other in the Cup Final. Now, this is our last year and - as much as I adore Harry - I really want to win. I'm not entirely sure how to broach the subject with him.

Oh, thinking is hard!

Thursday 4^th March.

Dear Diary,

I posited my idea about Dean Thomas to Pansy over dinner tonight. She concedes that he's very attractive, but she doesn't know if it's a good idea for us both to be dating Gryffindors. She said that she wasn't going to go out with someone just so that I would have someone to go on a double date with, which I thought was a bit selfish of her.

Unfortunately, she said this in the hearing of Vince and Greg, who were slightly put out because I keep turning down their invitations for Harry and I to go on a double date with them. I felt a bit bad, but seriously, can you imagine? I know what it would be like. They'd want to go to some restaurant where they serve finger-food. Then they'd be feeding it to each other, and Harry and I would be sitting there, desperately trying to cover how uncomfortable we are. Then we would feel the need to start feeding each other, just so Vince and Greg wouldn't catch on that we were desperate to escape. And that can only lead to one thing - Food Porn. Food Porn with Crabbe and Goyle! So you see why we could never go on a double date.

Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot! Last night, Harry and I had our first ever argument since we started seeing each other!

We'd just had a shower together, and I was hanging out in Harry's dorm room, chatting to him while he put some of his clothes away. Suddenly, I noticed several pairs of his underpants lying on top of the pile. Now, I realise that it's quite far into the relationship for me to be noticing my boyfriend's underwear for the first time. To be honest, I've been too preoccupied with trying to get inside them to pay much attention to the garments themselves. Now, however, there were no such distractions. There they were, lying there right in front of me. The underpants in question were a rather showy affair, made of black satin. I couldn't help but notice that they were a little... incongruous with the rest of Harry's wardrobe. I mean, they just didn't look like something that Harry would buy for himself. I decided to get to the bottom (no pun intended) of the mystery.

"Harry," I began, "where did you get that underwear?"

He looked up. "What, these? Oh, Blaise got them for me last year."

I froze. "What?!"

"I said that Blaise got... them... for..." Harry's eyes grew very wide as he realised the danger of his situation. "Now, Draco..."

"Don't you 'now, Draco' me!" I yelled. "What is the meaning of this? You've kept the underwear that he bought for you?"

"Draco, please!" Harry remonstrated. "They're only pants! Let's not make a big deal out of this. It doesn't mean anything!"

"Oh no?" I cried dramatically. "I have touched those underpants! Harry, you have worn them while we were fooling around! Now everything we've done has been tainted by the presence of Blaise! You don't know what he might have done - those hideous satin vulgarities could be very dangerous dark artefacts!"

"Darling, please don't get carried away! I'm sorry, it really didn't occur to me--"

"Of course it didn't! It never does, does it? Well, I'll soon put an end to this!"

I aimed my wand at the offending garments and promptly set them on fire. They burned up pretty quickly - must have been cheap.

"Draco!" Harry yelled, extinguishing the flames with his own wand. "Draco, what the hell do you think you're doing! You could have caused a serious accident!"

"You should have thought of that before you paraded around wearing underwear bought for you by another man!" I retorted.

"And what was I supposed to do? Draco, that was the only underwear I have! Blaise made me throw out all my old stuff when we were together, and I haven't had time to go and get anything else yet. What am I supposed to do now? I don't have anything!"

"That's not my problem," I sniffed. "Excuse me, Harry, I have to leave."

"What? Oh, no you don't! You can't just--"

I was at the door, and I turned round just as I opened it. "Harry, goodnight. Perhaps you'll think twice now about wearing another man's underwear. The next time it happens, I'll set fire to them while you're wearing them!" I turned around, only to come face to face with Weasley, Longbottom and Dean Thomas, all of whom were evidently coming up to bed. They looked very confused. After all, it can't be every day that they come up to their dorm room to be confronted with an irate Malfoy screaming about underpants and pyromania. "Excuse me, gentlemen," I said imperiously, sweeping past them and out of Gryffindor Tower.

I went back to Slytherin, my mood very black. For once, I was glad to find Vince and Greg in the dorm, and even more glad to find that they hadn't finished off the supply of sweets my mother sent me last week.

"How do you do it?" I said through a mouthful of chocolate cake. "Seriously! How do you guys manage to hold down a serious relationship without it all falling apart?"

"Well, I guess it's about compromise," Greg said, putting a hand on Vince's knee. "See, when you're in a relationship, you both have to make a few sacrifices to make things work."

"Communication is also very important," Vince added. "You have to say if there's something bothering you, otherwise it'll only make things worse."

"Oh, I think I've got the hang of that. I'm pretty sure Harry knows very well by now that I'm not happy with him. But what if I did overreact? I mean, I feel like I was justified in my complaint, but... I set fire to his underwear!"

Vince and Greg looked at each other. "Well," Greg said, "I guess it was a little over the top. But then, you are a little over the top."

"Thanks," I said morosely. "I'm sure my melodrama will keep me warm at night after Harry dumps me."

Just then, Hedwig arrived with a message. "There you go!" Vince cried. "See, I knew Potter couldn't stay mad at you for long."

"Either that, or he's sent a dump-o-gram because he's too pissed off to do it in person," I replied, giving Hedwig an owl treat and nervously opening the message.

Dear Draco, (I read)

It would be a lie to say that I'm not still slightly pissed off about what happened. I've got to borrow Ron's pants now, and they've got flashing stars all over them. It's very distracting. However, if I know you, you'll probably be moping around your room, scared that I'm going to dump you. Well, I'm not. I mean, you did overreact a bit, but I can see why you'd be upset. It was inconsiderate of me to hang on to that underwear - I really hadn't thought about it. I'll get some more at the weekend. See you tomorrow at breakfast,

Love Harry xx

"Well there you go!" Greg said. "See, I told you everything would work out."

I dusted the cake crumbs off and got ready for bed in a much better mood. I was glad that Harry had apologised. I guess I did blow things out of proportion ever so slightly, though. Ah well, you can't have Draco Malfoy without 'drama'!

I'm off to meet Harry now. I've ordered him some new underwear, which should arrive tomorrow. I'll surprise him with it. No longer will the memory of Blaise Zabini and his heinous gigolo underwear darken my boyfriend's crotch! Oh, that sounded a lot less disgusting in my head...

Sunday 7^th March.

Dear Diary,

Well, Harry and I seem to have completely gotten over our little tiff. The new underpants arrived on Friday, and he was very pleased with them. They're from Charmani, and are exactly the same design that I wear, only his are white while mine are black. He looks really good in them. I think he was a bit puzzled with me because I kept making him pose in them next to me in front of the mirror. We really would make fantastic models, with our contrasting underpants and our contrasting hair... Harry wasn't too enthusiastic about it though.

He took me out for dinner last night to apologise for keeping Blaise's pants for so long. He even managed to persuade me to share a dessert. I'd better be careful - I can't let myself go just because I have a boyfriend now. The diet is back on first thing tomorrow. Right now, though, Harry has some chocolate spread which he wants me to lick off him and... it would be cruel not to, wouldn't it?

Monday 8^th March.

Dear Diary,

No chance to see Harry tonight because we both had too much homework. I ended up hanging out in the common room with Pansy, trying to work my way through a horrible Arithmancy worksheet.

Pansy has now been introduced to Dean, and I am pleased to report that she has formed a favourable opinion of him. Now, seeing as this is Pansy we're talking about, that's quite a big deal. Harry says that Dean thinks she's pretty, so it should only be a matter of time now. Ooh, I love match-making!

Pans wanted to know what was going on with me and Harry. I told her that everything was brilliant, apart from the fact that I'm still not quite able to bottom. Harry has been very understanding so far, but it just makes things a bit awkward. I mean, we'll be fooling around, and he always seems to take charge of the situation, then when it comes to the actual sex we have to sort of rearrange ourselves. I love him for being so patient with me, but I know that he really does want to top, and, if I'm perfectly honest, I really like the idea of letting him take charge. It's just the whole control thing with me. Also, what if it really hurts? I'm not good with pain. I nearly cried the last time I stubbed my toe, and I had to tell Theo that it was because I had something in my eye so as not to lose face.

I suppose I really should have made sure that we couldn't be overheard before I started telling Pansy all of this. The next thing I knew, Blaise was leaning over the back of my chair, a very smug look on his face. "What's that, Draco?" he said loudly. "Am I hearing you correctly? You're scared to be bottom? Really, I never thought I'd see the day. What the hell are you afraid of, exactly? Really, Draco, I'd be careful if I were you. Harry might put up with it now, but I can't imagine he'll stick around much longer if you're not giving him what he needs."

I thought that this was the perfect opportunity to try out Ginny's Bat Bogey Hex. It was quite amusing, and it certainly shut Blaise up, but I doubt that I've heard the end of this.

I guess Harry and I need to talk about it. Mostly because I'm now really paranoid that he's going to break up with me. I don't think he would. Would he?

One way or the other, I am now determined to get over my problem. I mean, I really do enjoy it when Harry takes control, you know? And I don't want to miss out on something I might really enjoy just because I'm scared. I'm sure that Harry would be very careful, and I do trust him. It's just a stupid thing that needs to be overcome. The sooner the better!

Tuesday 9^th March.

Dear Diary,

Well, I've spoken to Harry. He was pretty outraged about what Blaise said, and reassured me that he had no plans to end our relationship.

"But, Harry," I said, "are you sure you're not getting fed up? I mean, you've been very good with me, but it must be frustrating."

"Draco," he replied, putting his arms around me. "I think you're fantastic. I have a great time with you, you know that!"

"I know," I sighed. "Harry, I want to get over this problem. It's so stupid! I mean, what the hell am I afraid of? Harry," I said, pulling back and furiously attempting to conceal my nerves. "Harry, I want you to top me."

He laughed. "Good grief, you sound like someone about to go to their death! Baby, I don't want you to do something you're not comfortable with just because you want to make me happy."

"I am comfortable with it!" I cried.

He gave me a look.

"Well, I want to be! Harry, when you get all dominant and do things like pin my hands over my head and kiss my neck, it feels really good! I do enjoy it, really I do. And I want to go that extra step. I'm just a bit nervous about it, that's all. Please, can we try?"

"Alright," Harry sighed. "I mean, I like the idea of it too. But I don't want you doing this just because of what Blaise said, and if you're not comfortable, we won't carry on. Okay?"

I nodded. "We'll start slow. Maybe have a shower together or something."

"I'll be gentle," Harry said, pulling me towards him and planting kisses on my neck. "I'll start by kissing every inch of your body."

"Mmmmm..." I replied, the neck kissage making my knees go weak. "Maybe there could be some kind of sensual oil involved."

"Definitely," Harry growled. "And then I'll lick your--"

Unfortunately, we were put off at this point by a small sound behind us. We turned around to see the group of witches in the portrait behind us all watching Harry and I avidly, looks of lecherous enjoyment on their faces.

"Oh, please don't stop on our account!" one of then cried. "Carry on, do! You were just getting to the good part!"

"Er, shall we get out of here?" Harry said.

I nodded, and we scurried out of the room, followed by cries of disappointment.

Weirdos.

Thursday 11^th March.

Dear Diary,

Well, it hasn't gone so well. Last night, Harry kicked everyone out of the seventh-year boys' dorm, saying that we needed some alone time. Things went really well, until we were actually about to have sex. I was so sure that I was ready. But then, when the moment came, I completely freaked out. In fact, I started to hyperventilate, wrapped myself up in the blanket and hid myself under Harry's bed.

"Draco?" he called, peering under the bed. "Darling? Are you okay?"

"Perfectly fine!" I squeaked. "What could be wrong?"

"Well," he replied, "you're hiding under the bed. In regards to sex, that's not usually a good thing. Here, move up." He got on the floor and scooted under the bed next to me.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I do want to do it, really I do. I'm not entirely sure what happened there."

"Hey, it's okay," he said, reaching down to hold my hand. "We'll take as long as you need. I guess we just need to... take one thing at a time."

"Oh, Harry," I said. "I'm so lucky to have you."

"Hey!" he replied. "There's that sock I was looking for!"

I love Harry. He still doesn't know it, though.

Saturday 13^th March.

Dear Diary,

Well, today was a first! We went into Hogsmeade, and I spent the entire day hanging out with Harry and his friends. Who would have thought it? It wasn't quite as horrific as I thought it would be. I persuaded Pansy to come along in case everyone started to get too perky and sincere, and I needed a cynicism boost. I think she only agreed because I told her that Dean would be there. The two of them ended up going off for lunch together. I was torn between feeling smug that my match-making had resulted in success, and feeling put out that Pansy had so carelessly thrown me to the lions, so to speak.

The lions in question weren't quite as pissed off with my presence as I thought they'd be. I guess it helped that I was under strict orders from Harry to be on my best behaviour. Ginny and Luna turned up for a bit, which was cool. I like Luna - she makes me seem a lot less weird in comparison.

To my surprise, I didn't find Weasley and Granger as irritating as I'd expected. I find that if you just zone out when Granger goes off on one of her self-righteous riffs - you know, you just smile and nod, smile and nod - it's actually quite bearable. And she thinks that you're listening, so she's much nicer to you.

Weasley was a bit trickier. I've spent so many years now insulting his clothes, his family, the way he talks, the way he eats, etc. that I think it's going to take some time to really win him over. He got all grumpy when I tried to offer him a little harmless fashion advice. I don't know what his problem was - I was only trying to help! He cheered up a bit when I offered to pay for lunch, though. A-ha! That's the way to Weasley's heart! Who would have thought he'd be one of the Crabbe and Goyles of this world? I mean, he's always been so skinny. Oh, he'd better be careful - as soon as his metabolism slows down, he is going to get faaaaaaaaaat!

Oh well, none of my concern. I'll just ply him with cream cakes until he likes me!

Harry got a bit cross with me because I bought him some clothes. I told him that it was pointless having all that money if I couldn't use it to buy my boyfriend nice things. Besides, he needs to look spiffy if he's going to be on my arm. I wish he wouldn't get so proud all the time - I've never had any problem with people buying me things! I think it'll be okay, though. I told him how much I'd want to have sex with him if he was wearing the clothes I'd got, and his concerns just melted away. Funny, that.

Sunday 14^th March.

Dear Diary,

Just got back from Harry's. It's all so frustrating - why the hell can't I just give in and let Harry take control? I mean, I do really want to. We've made some progression. To put it delicately, fingers have been employed in the area, with very pleasing results. God, that sounded pompous, didn't it? It's like I was reading some kind of report. 'I am pleased to announce that, while fingers have been employed in Draco Malfoy's area and received positive feedback, more work will be necessary in order to achieve the desired outcome.' God, I can be a twat sometimes.

Monday 15^th March.

Dear Diary,

This is it. Tonight is definitely the night. I cannot stand a single one of Blaise's snide remarks about my inability to 'lie back and take it like a man.' I have never allowed anything to stop me from getting what I want in the past, and this is no exception. I will just have to force my whiney baby of a subconscious to submit to my will. Ooh, I got all dom/sub with myself just then. That could be confusing.

Oh, what the hell am I doing? I am going to go over to Harry's right now, and make him shag me, or face the consequences!

Tuesday 16^th March.

Dear Diary,

Drum-roll please...

I did it! I totally did it! I totally let Harry shag me last night, and it was totally, totally brilliant!

After I wrote my last entry, I stormed up to Gryffindor Tower, determined to resolve things once and for all. Harry was doing homework by the fire, but I grabbed hold of him and dragged him up to the dorms without a word. I locked the door behind us, and rounded on him. "Look, Potter, I think it's about time you stopped being so damn noble. Tie me up, gag me, knock me unconscious if you have to, just bloody well shag me already!"

"Slow down!" he cried. "I know this is frustrating and all, but I don't find the idea of making love to your unconscious body terribly appealing. I'm sorry if that's too noble of me."

"Harry," I said, taking a deep breath to calm myself down. "Could you please stop being such a Gryffindor? I am offering myself to you. Take me! Ravish me! Don't stop, even if I beg you to!"

"Again, not terribly appealing. Draco, I want this too, but I'd hate the thought of doing something that made you feel uncomfortable or scared. I love you."

I looked up, momentarily distracted from my tirade. "What?"

"I said, I love you," Harry replied coming up to me. "I'm in love with you, Draco."

"I love you too!" I cried, throwing myself at him. "Harry, I've wanted to tell you, but I was waiting for the prefect time. But... I guess the perfect time doesn't matter, as long as you say that you love me too. You really love me?"

"Of course!" he laughed. "How could I not?"

We started kissing, and one thing led to another, and... I was finally able to do it.

Harry thought that maybe if I was physically on top, it might be easier as I'd have more control. Just as we were about to go for it, I had a slight attack of the nerves. "Harry, I... I don't know if I can do this!"

He just fixed me with that steely look of his which, incidentally, really turns me on. "Draco. Yes. You. Can."

It turns out that he was right - I totally could! It wasn't really painful. It felt a bit weird at first, but then it started to feel really good. Then it started to feel bloody amazing. Once I'd got my confidence up, we both turned over so that I was on my back. Harry was so gentle and he knew exactly what he was doing. I don't know if it was because I'd finally given up control or because I knew that Harry loved me, but it was the best sex of my life. So far.

Oh God, I still managed to humiliate myself though. Right after we were done, for no apparent reason, I burst into tears. What the hell was that all about? I haven't cried properly in years, and that's the moment I choose! Harry was really concerned, and I was trying to hide my head under the pillow because I was so embarrassed.

"Um, Draco? Are you okay? Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying!" I squeaked. "It's nothing! Don't look at me!"

"Hey," Harry said, putting his arms around me. "It's okay, you know. I mean, this was a really big deal." He paused. "You were amazing."

My onslaught of embarrassing emotion seemed to have abated, and I came out from under the pillow. "Really?"

"You know it. Best I've ever had."

"Well, of course I am. Goes without saying."

We curled up in each others arms and lay there for a bit in silence. Harry was stroking my hair, which always makes me really sleepy and contented. "Harry?" I said, just before I dozed off.

"Yeah?"

"If you tell anyone I cried, I will eviscerate you."

"I know, it's okay. Love you."

"Love you too."

"Goodnight, baby."

"Night, Harry."