From the Eyes of the Werewolf

Happy Birthday, Padfoot

February Twelfth. It was Sirius' birthday. It was day that Remus looked forward to every year he spent at Hogwarts. Well, except for this year. With the news reporting that the dementors would be allowed to use the kiss if they caught Sirius...Remus couldn't keep his mind off of any thing else. His lessons with Harry had been a good distraction, but today there was no lesson. Remus was alone in his chamber, left with nothing but his thoughts. And his thoughts were all about Sirius and how much fun this day had always been in the past.

Hoping to take his mind off of the calendar, Remus scribbled out a note to Katie telling her all about his lessons with Harry and how far he had come in such a short time. But once he got past Harry and the Patronus his mind wandered back to Sirius. There wasn't much he could tell Katie about Sirius, and to be truthful, he didn't want to tell her much about him either. So he sealed up the letter and sent it off, short and simple as it was.

He walked over to the mantle and examined the picture placed there. The faces of his friends smiled back and him and he couldn't help but smile in return. The image of Peter kept sticking his tongue out at the photographic Remus, who in turn would ruffle his hair and push him out of the way. James, with that hair sticking up all over the place, was laughing as his glasses slipped from his nose. And then there was Sirius...looking innocent as he always did, but he was obviously getting ready to pull some unseen prank on James.

"Oh, Sirius..."

Remus didn't even realize he had spoken the words out loud because he was so lost in the memory of his youth. These three people had been his world at one time. These three people had done the impossible just to help him in his troubles once a month. These three people...were all gone now...

He could remember those days like they were yesterday. And lately all of the memories had been about Sirius. There were good memories of pranks they had played and Quidditch games that had been won. There were the bad memories of getting caught and serving detention for whatever stupid thing they were up to...and then there was Remus' favorite memory of all.

He turned from the mantle and headed into his bedroom. He lit a candle on his bedside table and sat down on the four-poster bed still lost in thought. Sirius had been the first one he had seen. Sirius had been the first one to really get the hang of it. Sirius had been the only one James didn't name. Remus slouched over and allowed his head to rest in his hands as the memory of that night swept over him and forced him to relive the moment.

****

Slumped over, head in his hands, Remus sat on the edge of his bed in Gryffindor tower. The moon was rising late tonight. Many would think that that was a good thing. The transformation would happen later, giving Remus a few more hours of daylight. Unfortunately, a late rising moon always meant extra tension and uncomfortable aching as he waited for the inevitable. The pull of the moon would start at the same time, but the wolf wouldn't be let out until later. Remus was especially on edge on nights like this, and his friends, well aware of his feelings, were always kind enough to leave him alone.

He wanted so much to be with them instead of up here. They had been working on the Animagus spell for quite some time now, hoping to be able to roam the Hogwarts grounds with the wolf and calm some of the tension Remus felt. But it was a difficult and complex spell that few grown wizards had managed to accomplish. Would three wise cracking fifteen-year-old wizards ever manage such a thing?

The loneliness was eating away at him and he wanted out of the castle. He wanted to pace. He wanted to roam and run wild, free out in the open - no - stop...

That's the wolf talking. You need to sit still and wait for Madam Pomfrey.

"Remus?" The voice startled him.

"Go away, Sirius." He knew it wasn't safe to be around his friends when the wolf was so close.

"I just wanted to show you something."

Remus shook his head. It wasn't like Sirius to bother him this late on the evening of a full moon and it rather annoyed Remus that his friend was being so inconsiderate. "Can't this wait until later?"

"Come on, Moony, turn around."

Moony. It was a name that James had started using to refer to the wolf a few years ago and had become a nickname of sorts for Remus. He didn't mind, seeing as how James had taken to calling Sirius "Snuffles" after he had suffered from a terrible cold three years ago.

Sighing frustratedly, Remus turned around. "Sirius, what could possibly be so important that..."

The words got lost on the way to his throat. He could only stare at the sight that greeted him. For it wasn't Sirius that stood in the middle of the room, but a large, black dog. Not really knowing what to say, his mouth hung agape at the appearance of the animal.

"Sirius?" he managed in a hushed voice.

The dog wagged his tail at Remus and walked around, showing off his magnificent form. Remus watched as his friend reappeared in a soft pop.

Sirius smiled brightly at Remus, whose mouth was now hanging fully open. "So, what do you think?"

Questions exploded in his mind and he didn't know which to ask first. "Does it...er...hurt?" Having his own experiences with transforming into an animal, Remus wondered if it was as painful to become an Animagus as it was to become the wolf.

"Well, it's different. I wouldn't say it hurts, but it does feel a bit strange. And I have to concentrate really hard to become the dog. Switching back to my normal self is easy though."

"Do you...well...that is..." Remus didn't quite know how to ask this one. It would reveal so much about the wolf that he was fearful for Sirius to know how it was for him. "Do you...er....know you're a dog? I mean...do you know that you're Sirius, but in a dogs's body?"

Sirius looked very puzzled. "What do you mean? Of course I know who I am."

"Oh," said Remus casting his eyes downward. "So then, can you...er...think - rationally? Can you say to yourself, 'I am Sirius Black, just in dog form'?"

The same confused look showed on Sirius' face. "Sure. How do you think I manage to switch back?" There was a pause of silence as embarrassment filled Remus' heart. He could feel Sirius staring at him. "Remus," Sirius broke the silence, "can you? Think, I mean...rationally?"

Slowly, Remus shook his head and softly said, "If I could, do you think I would have to be locked up in that ruddy house all night?"

Their eyes met and Remus could sense the empathy flowing from his friend. "I never understood, I guess. I'm sorry."

Wanting to change the topic, Remus asked, "What about other things? Does the world look different? How about your sense of smell?"

"Yeah, colors are strange, funny tints, you know. And as for my sense of smell..." a wide grin spread across his face mischievously. "Let's just say that it's going to be terribly easy sneaking around Filch from now on!"

Remus smiled back, "That good, eh?" Sirius nodded. "In your human form is it that good?"

"Nah, Remus," Sirius seemed shocked by the question, "I'm human. I can only smell as a human would. It's the dog that has the keen sniffer."

"Ah, I see." Again, he cast his eyes down.

"But that isn't how it is for you, is it?" Remus looked up at him as Sirius ran a hand through his long, black hair. "God, Remus, why have you never told us this?"

"Told you what?"

"THIS! All this about the wolf?"

Remus shrugged, "I guess I thought you knew."

"Knew?" Sirius sat down on the bed next to him. "What would make me think that as a human you have the same senses as the wolf?"

"There's the error in your logic, Sirius, for technically, I am not human." There was another long pause before Remus continued. "The wolf is only visible once a month, but deep down, he's always here. Why do you think I dislike Potions so much? How many times have you complained about the stench in that room? Imagine what it smells like to me!"

After a moment of thought, Sirius shifted and asked, "Well, I have a question for you concerning your animal form."

"What?" Remus was almost afraid to ask.

"Do the pads on your feet hurt like bloody hell?"

"What?" Remus began to chuckle.

"I went for a run outside before I came up here, you know, just to test it out. And good lord, the pads on my feet were aching after a while!" Remus laughed out loud. "Stop laughing!" Sirius said. "I'm being honest here!"

"I'm sorry, it's just that I wasn't expecting you to ask that. And no, the pads on my feet do not hurt. But then, mine are course and warn from wear. Where as yours are probably soft and uncalloused...like a puppy."

"I am not a puppy!"

"Yes you are...with your ickle puppy padded feet!" Remus teased.

"Shut up!" Sirius said with a smile.

"Pad foot! Ickle puppy pad foot! What till James and Peter hear about this!" he rose from the bed and opened the door to go down stairs.

"You wouldn't?" said Sirius standing.

Remus shot a glance at him over his shoulder. "As if I could possible keep this from them...Pad Foot!" He added the last bit as a tease, but Sirius just rolled his eyes.

"Great, another humiliating nickname. At least Padfoot isn't as bad as Snuffles!"

***

"Padfoot..." Remus said to himself, "how young we were then." Letting himself fall backwards, Remus lay on the bed looking up at the ceiling. "Young Mr. Black. I can still hear Dad calling you that you know?" He chuckled to himself. "Young...I haven't felt young in a long time."

He sighed deeply and let the quiet of the room sink in as he drifted off into unconsciousness. The candlelight flickered across the room, but Remus didn't bother to snuff it out. He just lay there still as could be, except for his eye lids that were fluttering closed. Before sleep over took him completely he muttered, "Happy birthday, Padfoot."