Razzle Dazzle/ Mister Cellophane

Razzle Dazzle

Cornelius Fudge stood by the fire in his long black cape parted slightly to reveal a sparkly purple pin striped suit. Beside him stood Professor Umbridge.

"Minister, I am worried about how we will be able to control the population with all the deceit floating around! Hogwarts will be a nightmare with Dumbledore!"

Slowly Fudge turned around, and on cue, cheesy music began to play softly. Slowly it rose in volume. Fudge whipped off his cloak and jumped up on the mahogany table and spread his arms wide. He gave her a large grin and began to strangely resemble Richard Gere.

Fudge:

Give 'em the old razzle dazzle,

Razzle Dazzle 'em.

**Fudge reaches down and tweaks Umbridge's nose**

Give 'em an act with lots of facts in it

And the reaction will be passionate.

Tell 'em it's all old hocus pocus

demean Dumbledore.

How can they see with blindfolds on their eyes?

Umbridge: What if they have trouble readjusting?

Fudge: That won't happen, they're just too trusting!

Fudge and Umbridge: Razzle dazzle 'em

For we know we are wise!

Fudge: Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle

Razzle dazzle 'em

**showgirls enter and surround Fudge**

Give 'em a tale that's so splendiferous

Contributions will grow more generous.

Fudge and Umbridge:

Give 'em the old Harry's gone crazy

Try to keep him quiet.

Umbridge: They'll believe every word you say!

**she does a weird little tap dance**

Fudge:

Throttle the fakes in the newspaper

Dumbledore's words will turn to vapor.

Fudge and Umbridge:

Razzle dazzle 'em

And they'll panic no more!

Everyone:

Give 'em the old calming handshake

Keep 'em feeling safe.

Fudge:

**being carried across room by showgirls**

Back since the days of old Paracelsus

Everyone hates when someone makes a fuss.

Everyone:

Give 'em a High Inquisition

Pass Decrees we need

When they're in trouble, take out that one pen.

Fudge:

When the bad staff is leaving in floods

We'll let you send away the half bloods.

Razzle dazzle 'em

Our new way must advance!

Fudge:

Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle

Razzle dazzle 'em.

Dumbledore's views to us are worse than bile!

Perhaps we'll check on the Dementors

The Dark Lord back? He's off his center!

Razzle Dazzle 'em!

Everyone:

*everyone comes together in the center of the room and poses for a picture*

Razzle Dazzle 'em!

Razzle Dazzle 'em!

Fudge and Umbridge: And they'll keep you in charge!

Mister Cellophane

The Gryffindor common room was filled with the post dinner noise of the scribbling of quills and the chatter of those who didn't do their assignments until a later hour. Ron looked up from where he was quietly sitting pouring over his Potions text in the hope of doing slightly well on his next exam. It was no use though, Snape seemed to have it in for him. Harry was seated on the opposite side of the room surrounded by some fans giving him post-Quidditch match praise. Then there was Hermione. She was busy as usual helping out a range of students with their Transfiguration and Arithmancy. Then there was him. No one came to him for help or praised him for his great flying ability. He was just plain old Ron, tall and gangly, with a long nose. There was the rest of his family, which were all famous in their own way. Percy was smart, Bill was cool, Charlie rocked at Quidditch, Ginny...well she hadn't been around long enough, and Fred and George were pranksters. Where did that leave him? Why was he the one chosen to be easily blended into the background?

If someone stood up in a crowd

And raised his voice up way out loud

And waved his Lion flag

In the midst of Slytherins

You'd notice him.

If someone in Potions class

Blew up Snape's precious flask,

And set the room on fire

You'd notice him.

And even without looking like Harry

Everyone gets noticed, even Terry,

Unless, of course, that personage should be

Invisible, inconsequential Weasley!

Cellophane

Mister cellophane

Should have been my name

Mister cellophane

'cause you can see great Harry

and smart Hermione

And never know I'm there!

I tell ya

Cellophane

Mister cellophane

Should have been my name

Mister cellophane

'cause you can see fun Fred

and counterpart George

And never know I'm there. . .

Suppose you was a little Kneazle

sniffing around on the ground

And found a large hunk of gold

You'd notice him.

Suppose you was a rich pureblood

And livin' in a big house, with nice clothes and silver hair

You'd notice him.

A human being's made of more than air

With all that bulk, you're bound to see

him there.

Unless that human bein' next to you

Is unimpressive, undistinguished

You know who. . .

Should have been my name

Mister cellophane

'cause you can see great Harry

and smart Hermione

And never know I'm there

I tell ya

Cellophane

Mister cellophane

Should have been my name

Mister cellophane

'cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me

And never know I'm there

Never even know I'm there

Would they notice if he was not there? Well eventually...but not now. They're busy with what they do. And what does he do? He barely got good marks, he was better with Quidditch facts than actually playing. Ron sighed and turned back to his Potions text. If only there was something special about him...just one.