Cell Block Tango

Cornelius Fudge:

And now the six merry murderers of Azkaban in their rendition of the "Cell Block Tango."

CELL BLOCK TANGO

Lucius: Potter.

Avery: Imperio.

Draco: Bang.

Colin: Uh-uh.

Wormtail: Crucio.

Nott: Lethifold.

Lucius: Potter.

Avery: Imperio.

Draco: Bang.

Colin: Uh-Uh.

Wormtail: Crucio.

Nott: Lethifold.

Lucius: Potter.

Avery: Imperio

Draco: Bang.

Colin: Uh-Uh.

Wormtail: Crucio.

Nott: Lethifold.

Lucius: Potter.

Avery: Imperio.

Draco: Bang.

Colin: Uh-Uh.

Wormtail: Crucio.

Nott: Lethifold.

All:

He had it coming.

He had it coming.

He only had himself to blame.

If you'd have been there!

If you'd have seen it!

Wormtail:

I betcha you would have done the same!

Lucius: Potter.

Avery: Imperio.

Draco: Bang.

Colin: Uh-Uh.

Wormtail: Crucio.

Nott: Lethifold.

Lucius: Potter.

Avery: Imperio.

Draco: Bang.

Colin: Uh-Uh.

Wormtail: Crucio.

Nott: Lethifold.

All:

He had it coming.

He had it coming.

He only had himself to blame.

If you'd have been there!

If you'd have seen it!

Wormtail:

I betcha you would have done the same!

Lucius: Potter.

Avery: Imperio.

Draco: Bang.

Colin: Uh-Uh.

Wormtail: Crucio.

Nott: Lethifold.

Lucius:

You know how people

have these little habits that

get you down. Like Harry.

Harry liked to save the world.

No, not sometimes. Always. Well, I

came home this one day and

I am really irritated, and

looking for a little sympathy

and there's Harry layin' on

the couch, just waitin' to save the

world. And not just from anyone.

From me. So, I said to him, I

said, "Harry, you try and save

the world one more time from me..."

And he did!

Lucius:

So I took my wand out of my pocket off the wall

and fired two warning spells...

...that reflected off his glasses.

All:

He had it coming.

He had it coming.

He only had himself to blame.

If you'd have been there!

If you'd have heard it!

I betcha you would

have done the same!

Avery:

I met Harry Potter from

Little Whinging about two years ago

and he told me he had grown up a Muggle,

didn't know magic too well

So, I started plotting against him..

He'd go to school, he'd come for the holidays,

then he went to the Weasleys.

Well, it was like heaven keeping track of him.

And then I found out,

"Advanced? No," he said to me.

Not advanced, my ass. Not only could

he do a good summoning spell.

...oh no, he could throw off the Imperius.

One of those extra talented wizards,

you know. So that night when

he came home. I gave him a zap of Imperio.

And he threw it off and put it on me!

Lucius, Avery, Draco, Colin, Wormtail and Nott:

Hah! He had it coming. (Potter, Imperio, Bang, Uh-Uh)

He had it coming. (Crucio, Lethifold!)

His power was

in its prime.

And then he used it. (Potter, Imperio, Bang, Uh-Uh)

Boy could he use it. (Crucio, Lethifold!)

I attempted his murder,

but that's not a crime!

Draco:

Now, I'm standing in the kitchen

cuttin' up the bats for dinner,

minding my own business,

and in bangs Harry,

in a rage.

"You been screwin' Hermione!,"

he says. He was crazy

and he kept on screamin'

"You been screwin' Hermione!

You used Imperius!,"

So I tried to curse him.

And then he ran into my knife, and went right through it!

His dang advanced magic!

All:

If you'd have been there.

If you'd have seen it.

I betcha you would have done the same!

Colin Creevey:

I met Harry when I started at Hogwarts.

I had heard all the stories about him all

my life. It was amazing meeting him, he was

so cool.

Later I worked in an office that kept watch

over important people in the

wizarding world, security, you know.

I passed on information on Harry's

location. Then one day, one of the places

I reported he was at was attacked

by Death Eaters.

Draco:

Yeah, but are you one of us?

Colin:

Uh uh, I didn't know it was a

Death Eater run buisiness!

Wormtail:

My master, Voldemort, and I did this double act.

And Harry, Harry used to travel

round trying to catch us. Now, for the murders in

our plans, we did these 20 tricky spells in a

row, one, two, three, four, five...

Splits hands, spread ear lobes, Cruico flips, Imperio flops,

one right after the other. Well, this one night

we are using Crucio, the two of us, sittin' up

in a hotel room, killin' and havin' a few

laughs and we ran out of victims,

so I went out to get some.

I come back, open the door

And there's Harry putting the

number seventeen on Voldemort

-the killing curse.

Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out.

I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was trying

to recruit more Death Eaters for Voldemort and someone told me,

that I even knew Voldemort was dead.

All:

He had it coming.

He had it coming.

He had it coming all along.

I tried to do it,

but if I'd done it, hurray!

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

All:

He had it coming.

He had it coming.

He had it coming.

He had it coming.

He had it coming.

He used his magic

(All along.)

in its prime.

(I did try to do it,)

And then he used it,

(but if I'd done it, hurray!)

there was nothing to it.

(How could you tell me)

I attempted murder,

(that I was wrong?)

but not a crime!

Nott:

I hate Harry Potter,

more than I can possibly say.

He was a real Good guy...

Sensitive...powerful.

But he was troubled.

He was always trying

to protect people. Never thought

about himself. So one

night I decided to be sneaky.

I had caught a Lethifold when

I was in the tropics, and I let

it loose in Potter's room.

I sat and waited,

I heard a yell, then nothing.

I was sure he was done for.

It turns out he knew the

Patronus spell. And he said it

with so much power,

it sent me flying out the

window with the Lethifold!

.

All:

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

Lucius, Avery, Draco, Colin, Wormtail and Nott:

He had it comin.'

He had it comin.'

He had it comin.'

He had it comin.'

He had it comin.'

He had it comin.'

His power was,

in its prime.

And then he used it.

Boy could he use it.

I attempted his murder.

But that's not a crime!

Wormtail, Draco and Nott:

He had it coming.

He had it coming.

He only had.

himself to blame.

If you'd have been there!

If you'd have seen it!

I betcha you would

have done the same!

Lucius: You save the world one more time!

Avery: Not advanced, my ass.

Draco: He went right through it!

Colin: I would never hurt Harry!

Wormtail: Number seventeen - the killing curse.

Nott: Patronus charm.

All:

I betcha you would have done the same!