The Bachelor/et

Author: Okay men.

A voice that sounds remarkably like Angelina Johnson: And women.

Author: And women, this is it.

A voice that sounds like the twins: The big one, the one we've been waiting for.

Author: Oh, shut up

Voice: Ok, A.

A /Author: Grrrr!

SS: Hiss.?

A: As I was saying,--

Voice: You were?

A: This is the second chapter, so I hope you like it! So, now for our next contestant, the good or evil depending how you look at it- Draco Malfoy

*Audience cheers and Draco saunters on to the stage.*

DM: Hello ladies, gentleman. Good day to you sir. *tips his hat to a man by the stage*

Author: So Draco, how are you feeling today? Good, I presume by your actions.

DM: Oh, yes, blowing up Weasleys and Potters, was my fetish yesterday.

Author: Well, good thing you didn't hurt them, 'cause look at your contestants!

*Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley, Pansy Parkinson, and Other Character step onto the stage*

DM: Good day, Weasley, Weasley, Granger, Potter, person, and--Pansy, I knew you'd show. You all are a little late.

HG: Err, well Malfoy, we're the choices.

*Draco jumps* DM: What? Oh, does this mean I have to choose between you all?

Author: Yes, we're waiting.

DM: Hold on, I need to talk to myself. Now, I can choose good or bad.

Loyal Draco: I will not do bad, must choose Pansy.

Rebel Draco: Rebel. Father bad. Choose Weasley or Weasley or Potter or Granger.

Loyal Draco: Pansy!

Rebel Draco: Good side!

*Loyal Draco slaps Rebel Draco and Rebel Draco punches Loyal Draco.*

Loyal Draco: You insufferable, Muggle-loving git!

Rebel Draco: You controlled, heartless, evil Death Eater.

Loyal Draco: What? I'm loyal, not controlled!

Rebel Draco: Loyal is Hufflepuff! I am good!

Neutral Draco: Now boys, stop bickering.

Logical Draco: Now, let's think about this logically--wait a second, I thought it was split personality which means two, not quartered personality!

DM: Um, you forgot me.

Logical Draco: Now what would that make it. Fifth-, Fifer, Fifthed, Fifter...

Rebel, Loyal, and Neutral Draco: Oh, shut up. *they scream* we agreed! *Scream again* we said the same thing! Ahhhhh!

DM: I can't choose.

A: all right, the audience will narrow down the choices.

*Only Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter remain.*

DM: Oh, thank somebody; I don't have many to choose from. Slashy, hmm. I think I'll pick Virginia Weasley, at least then I don't have slash.

A: Finally, Congratulations Ginny!

*Audience cheers as Ginny and Draco walk off the stage smooching. Everyone hears a "CRACK" and a "Ron!"*

A: Erm, as I was going to say.

Voice: You... Owie!

A: Please welcome the next competitor.

*Ron Weasley walks onto the stage with a little blood dripping off his fist.*

A: Nice hand, um, yeah. *Shifts uncomfortably* Why don't we bring out the contestants.

*Harry Potter, Padma Patil, Lavender Brown, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, Ginny Weasley, Other Character walk on stage. Blood is spotted on Draco.*

RW: My sister's in that collection.

A: I know; it's gross isn't it? I picked it up at some weird fic

RW: Severus Snape is my teacher, and a nasty one at that!

SS: Hiss.

RW: Draco Malfoy's bleeding from my fist; why would I like him? I didn't even dance with Padma.

*Padma gives a humph*

RW: Harry is my best friend; nothing more, nothing less.

A: Ok, ok, stop. You have Lavender Brown, Other Character, and Hermione Granger left.

RW: I don't feel like pulling an "OC" or even a "Mary Sue" right now. I hardly know Lavender; yeah she's pretty, but.... So I guess Hermione.

HG: Alright, as long you don't give me weird nicknames. It's getting annoying.

RW: What did you say, Mione?

A: Break it up, now. Don't even start. Good Bye!

*They walk off*

A: I'm sorry folks, I take forever and you hate me--

SS: Hiss.

A: Good timing, Sevvy Boy. Well, I'm going to have to leave you! Bye!

SS: Hiss Hissity, Hisswhata. *Snape is trying to speak Parceltongue and say, "Good Bye, review!"*

*Nagini slithers in hissing, "You called?"*

A = Author or Me.