The Bachelor/et

Author (A): Welcome to--drum roll please--The Bachelor/et! We will be seeing who is paired up with the most characters in the past, present, or future. Give it up for our first contestant--James Potter, what are you doing here?

J.P.: I thought I was the first contestant?

A: You're already married!

J.P.: But, but...?

A: Give it up for Lily Evans!

J.P.: I thought she was my wife?

Lily Evans: Hello Everybody!

A: Hello Lily, shall we bring out the guys?

L.E.: Only guys? Darn I was hoping there might be a few girls. After all, there is a lot (I repeat, A LOT) of gay guys.

A: Oh well, sorry Lilz. Anyway, bring in the guys!

*Severus Snape and O.C. who happens to move next month or become a death eater walks onto the stage*

S.S.: James, where are you?

J.P.: What? Oh, I need to be there?

S.S.: No, that's ok, I'll take Lily

O.C.: What? I get her more than you!

*S.S. and O.C. get into a cat fight*

Minerva McGonagall: Hey, some cats are very respectable and do not wish to be used in those terms--

S.S.: Hiss

A: Hiss is used for snakes, Snape.

S.S. Hhkkk (Severus makes weird cat noise)

O.C.: Raaarr (Also makes cat noise)

*Someone makes a catcall and covers their mouth when they realize catcalls are not for this situation. S.S and O.C. get broken apart.*

J.P.: Ok, what did I miss?

A: Ok, get in line boys! That's it. Ok, Lily, who do you like best? We've got you down three.

L.E.: Well, I don't know. O.C. is going to be the most wonderful person in the world and then he will move or become a death eater. If I reject S.S. then he'll become a death eater and later spy when I die... Or there is J.P., who will be a sexist pig or player before he falls in love with me. Well, I guess J.P. is it; after all, he is my future husband!

A: Well thank you Lily. Next up is Sirius Black.

S.B.: Why, hello Ladies.

A: Err, Sirius, I'm sad to inform you that one of the choices is male.

S.B.: Really? Well, I always knew I was attracting to both sides. Hello, men.

*Sirius flutters his eyelashes*

A: Erm, anyway, bring out the choices!

*O.C. (I'm back again); Remus Lupin, Hermione Granger, and Severus Snape (again), and James Potter walk out onto the stage.*

A: James go back.

J.P.: Oh, I don't come on anymore?

*James walks backwards to get off the stage*

*Sirius screams and runs around like a little girl*

A and H.G.: Hey! We are only around 13 here. And we are girls.

S.B.: Ahhhhh! My best friend, my godson's best friend, and my worst enemy are my choices?

O.C.: Hello there? You forgot me.

S.B. Ah, thank you oh god/goddess of light!

*Sirius kisses her/him/it and she/he/it grins at the others who sulk. The others throw a hissy fit.*

S.S.: Hiss.

*They bombard the Author and tear apart the stage. A screams and runs away from the mob. Finally A gets the mike*

A: We'll see you all next time at (Who Wants to be--err) The Bachelor/et!

J.P.: I can leave now?