Going Under: The Journal of Draco Malfoy

Going Under: The Journal of Draco Malfoy

Chapter 13: COMING OUT OF THE SHADOWS

April 1^st 12: 17 pm

Today is called the day of fools and I feel like one for letting you drag me out here. I don't know how I let you talk me into this crazy idea of yours, but here I am following you to find my mother's grave. I told you it was not safe and that I didn't need to go, but you dismissed both of my thoughts and now here we are. I must admit that although I hold firmly to my first idea that this is not safe I know in my heart that I was wrong about the second. I do need to be here. I need to say my last good-bye and face the reality of my mother's death. I almost feel silly following along behind you, but I need you to lead me, I was afraid that I would turn back if I was ahead of you. I try to occupy my mind with other things, like the fact the whole school now knows of us. After all that arguing over how and when we should tell them, it just happened one day. You walked over to my table and hauled me to kiss me. Just like that everyone found out. To think you were the one that was so worried and you were the one who told the whole world with that kiss. I think all hell broke out around us, but we were too busy with kissing to even notice. Slowly people are getting over the shock and I think that most everyone has calmed down. Most people just leave us alone knowing that if you hurt one of us the other will be right there to defend them. The fiercest enemies are now the fiercest allies. Secretly I know they are all wondering how long this is going to last. In my mind I want to believe forever, but as we get nearer to my mother's grave I feel that something is coming. Step by step, dread builds inside of me. I fear something is coming out of the shadows, and I don't know if I will be able to stop it.

"Draco, I have found it."

Those words jolt me back into the moment. I look ahead and see you stopped over a black marble headstone. I feel my body begin to shake and I hesitate. You walk back to me and take my hand.

"Don't worry, I am right here," you said as you lead me towards the grave.

I reach it and I just stare for a few moments. The red rose in my hand trembles and carefully I lay it down upon the protruding earth.

"I am going to give you a few moments, Draco. Don't worry I will not be far."

"Harry it is not a good idea to get separated here, I am getting a bad feeling ."

"Really, Draco I will be fine. You need this time alone. Trust me."

"Okay, you won't be far right?"

"Right," you said as you took a few steps away from me.

I turned my attention to the sight in front of me. My legs just gave out and fell down to the ground. Words seemed to be caught in my throat and there were so many things I wanted to say. I ran my hands over the headstone and traced her name with my fingertips. Ice seemed to settle in my veins and I wanted to scream at the injustice of this moment. You were never given a chance to be happy and then you were ripped from this earth much too soon in such a brutal way. The anger and the guilt began to rise once again inside of me and I forced them back down. Now was not the time for that. Now was the time to be near you and tell you I love you. I took a deep breath and the words began to tumble out.

"Mother I know you are listening right now so first I want to say that I would have been here sooner, but I just couldn't face the fact you are really gone. You were my first love and the only one who ever protected me from the monster that hurt us both. I feel so lost now that you are gone and sometimes it gets hard to breathe knowing you are not at home waiting to greet me on breaks or holidays. I am also filled with guilt that I was not there to help you. I can hear you in my head saying, "Little dragon it is not your fault," still I feel the weight of your death upon my shoulders. I don't want you to worry though so I will try to believe that you died to protect me and that I must live for us both now. I promise I won't give up mother. I will fight him for you, and for Harry. I will always love you and you are in my heart forever. I will always be you little dragon." I felt a little bit of peace wash over me and the weight lifted a tiny bit inside my chest. It was hard to say those words, but I needed to say them out loud and feel like maybe she heard me. I was just about to stand up and find you when I heard a terrible sound. My father's voice echoed behind me and I felt my blood freeze.

"Well, Draco I thought you would have been more careful. When you love something you don't let it go especially when there is something that wants to do it harm."

I spun around to see you held tightly in my father's grip.

"Draco don't listen to him," you screamed.

"Silence," my father said as he hit you across your face.

"No don't hurt him!" I yelled. "Please father what ever you want I will give it to you. You don't want him. Let him go and I will come home with you I swear."

"I don't think so my son. The Dark Lord will be extremely pleased with my gift of Harry Potter. Oh don't worry though, I will break him in before I hand him over." With those words he forced his lips down upon yours and I watched you struggle against his assault.

"Please," I begged. "Let him go!"

"No, you will suffer for what you have done to me and this family. I will break him and then I will have broken you." With that he disappeared, taking you with him. The only thing that remained was the sound of my screams that tore through the night.