Going Under: The Journal of Draco Malfoy

Going Under: The Journal of Draco Malfoy

Chapter 12: TRUTHS REVEALED

March 19 8:13 pm

Another letter arrived for me today. I was surprised to see it come, not by a family owl but by one that I did not recognize. It was in a pale white envelope and I could tell it was my mother's writing by my name written so gracefully on the front. It shocked me at first and in a panic I dropped it on to the table. You looked across the room and I saw the confusion in your eyes. It looked like you wanted to come over and see if I was all right, but I quickly gave you a look of reassurance and regained control. I put the letter in my robe and I continued my day like normal. The letter just sat in my pocket calling me to open it, and several times I had to feel it just to make sure it was real. Finally I am alone in my room and I letter sits in my trembling hands. I am almost afraid to open it. I am worried the floodgates will open and the pain will rush out like a tide and over take me. The urge to see what it says is stronger so I carefully break the seal and pull out the letter. My eyes scan the writing once, twice not really believing what I am reading. After the words sink in I know that I must find you. The message in this letter was not just for me, but also for both of us and it is going to change the course of our lives forever.

"Harry," I said. "I need to speak with you." Your friends stared in disbelief at the way I had approached you and called your by your first name. The look of shock was on your face as well, but you gracefully stood up and followed me out the Great Hall.

As soon as we were out the door you quietly said, "Did you think that was a great time to announce we were together or what Draco?"

"Sorry, Harry, but what I had to tell you was more important than what the school is going to think of us."

"It might have been nice if you would have TOLD ME! I mean I think I can smooth things over with Ron and Hermione I mean it's not like you kissed me or anything, but still Draco they are going to think that was a little odd!"

"None of that matters anymore. In fact maybe I should have kissed you, I would have loved to see the look on all their faces!" I was trying to calm my nerves with humor and it looked like you were unimpressed.

"Draco, this is not funny! What the hell is going on?"

"You are right, Harry what I have to tell you is not funny. In fact it is a matter of life and death." I avoided your gaze and stared at my feet. This was going to be harder than I thought.

"Draco, what happened?"

"You remember the letter I got this morning?"

"Yes."

"It was from my mother."

"Your mother? But how can that be, I mean, she is .." you trailed off not wanting to say the words.

"I know, Harry. She must have sent it before. It was like she knew what was going to happen to her. It is hard to think that she didn't try to run or anything, but that is not the point of me coming to you. I can tell you about my feelings later right now I need to tell you the most important thing in the letter."

"What is it, Draco? Why do you look like death gave you a visit?"

"Because maybe he will. My father knows, Harry. I don't know how, but he knows!"

"What! How can he? I mean that is why we didn't tell anyone at school. We didn't want it to get back to him!"

"I know, Harry. I don't know how, but my mother wrote in her letter to be careful because he is furious. However he found out the fact that he knows is not a good thing. That is why I don't think it matters if everyone else finds out. Since my father knows, we are fucked, Harry." I fell to the floor letting the weight sink into my body. I knew there was no way I could save Harry now. With this knowledge my father will hunt down and kill Harry, and maybe even me without a second thought. All I had wanted to do was love Harry and be loved by him. Now he will pay with his life.

"I am so sorry Harry," I whispered.

"Don't Draco. I am not sorry for anything. Eventually we knew something like this was going to happen. We can face him, Draco. Don't worry, we will figure something out together."

"Maybe I can go to him and beg him for forgiveness. Maybe I can tell him it was nothing and then he will leave you alone."

"NO! YOU will not go see that monster! I will not let you sacrifice yourself for me."

"I have to do something, Harry! I can't just wait around until he kills you! I can't lose you. I am nothing without you. You are everything, the hero, and the light. The world needs you, Harry, they don't need me. Please let me do this! Let me try to save you!" I screamed

"Fuck that! Fuck being a hero! I don't want to save anything or anyone except for you. You are the only thing that matters, Draco. You are not nothing, you are my everything. I need you, Draco. I will not let him have you. We will do this together or not at all!" You grabbed me and kissed me hard. It was a kiss born of desperation, of possession. I felt warm drops on my face and I knew you were crying. Crying for me, crying over the thought of losing me. It was then I knew it would be so much worse to do this alone, to leave you without me. I don't know how, but the great Harry Potter needed me. Draco Malfoy was needed, was wanted, and was loved. I couldn't give that up if I tried.

"Please Draco," you cried as you continued to kiss me. "Please I can't lose you. I need you. I need you!"

"Shh Harry. Call me crazy, but I can't give you up, not even to save you. I can't let you go. I will never let you go. Don't cry, we will do this your way, together."

I felt you relax against me and take a deep breath. I knew I must have been crazy to agree to you, but I can never stand to see you cry. I would give you the stars or my life if you asked me for it. I realized in those precious seconds that I had really changed. No longer was I running away or not trusting you. I had given you my whole heart and only you had the power to keep me together or break me into pieces. Never had I been so vulnerable or needed anything like I needed you. I thought I would die if I lost you even when I didn't know who you really were. Before I had even kissed you, or made love to you the thought of losing you made me grow cold inside. Now that that I know you, know that your kisses feel like fire and your touch makes me whole I could never face this world without you. I don't know how I came to this, but I don't regret one moment of discovering you or falling in love with you. I really am in love. Not some obsession, not some childhood crush or hero worship. I love all of you, including your flaws, and your need to stand by my side even if it costs you everything. The truth has been revealed, both to my father and also inside of my heart. You are my truth, Harry, and I pray that I will always be able to find you no matter what may come.