Going Under: The Journal of Draco Malfoy

Going Under: The Journal of Draco Malfoy

Chapter 14: TANGLED WEBS

April 7 11:00 pm

I don't even remember how I got back here. They must have sedated me because I woke up in the hospital wing. I vaguely remember yelling that you were gone and trashing the Great Hall. All the rage exploded and I needed to destroy everything around me. When I awoke I was told that I had slept for two whole days and they asked if I was calm enough to explain what had happened. Dumbledore just stared at me with pity in his eyes and I felt like I was going to crack. I felt like a caged animal, trapped within these walls knowing that something bad was happening to you. I wanted to let my soul shatter into millions of jagged bits. I wanted to smash my fists into the stone walls until blood poured down the cool stone. I wanted to cry thousands of tears until I was dry and hollow inside. I felt my control slip and I pulled it back. I had failed you once; I would not fail you again. The story poured from my numb lips and the words mingled into a tangled web I felt I could never escape from. I bound myself into the web and weaved the broken shreds of my sanity into each strand. Once the tale had ended I knew that I was no longer Draco Malfoy. I was this twisted web, constructed of pain and rage. I felt nothing but the emptiness of you being gone. A hole where there was once a heart. They tried to talk to me, but I just started blankly at the wall. They tried to touch me and I lashed out in a rage that was all consuming. I crawled further into the web and waited to fade away among the delicate pale threads. There I imagined every horror that my father was inflicting upon you, I was tormented by the images of the Dark Lord finally having the boy who lived within his grasp. I breathed and it hurt, I blinked and it hurt, my heart would beat and it would hurt. Pain pulsed through me, replaced me until I was pain itself. Then the anger came and surged through my body, awaking it with its power. It breathed life back into my body and brought with it the need to search and destroy. No longer could I hide in this web, I broke free and fought my way back towards the light. I could not give up; I could not let you go. I will find you. I will bring you home.

April 8^th 8:17 pm

FUCK THEM! FUCK THEM ALL! I HATE THEM! The anger that woke me up is now burning through my body eating away all rational thought. They will not let me help you. I went to Dumbledore and begged him to let my go to my father. He told me no, said it was too risky. I screamed at him all the things that my father had done to me hoping he would see! The blind fool just shook his head and again told me no. I went crazy, breaking everything in his office. He just watched me with that same pity in his eyes. I raged and screamed until I fell to the floor. He told me that they were doing all that they could. He told me that they would bring you back. Maybe in pieces I screamed at him. He just stared at me with sadness in his eyes. I didn't understand him. I didn't understand anything anymore. You were gone and they would not let me help you. I looked into his eyes and it was like he knew something I did not.

"Don't do it, Draco," he whispered as I turned to leave. I closed my eyes trying to block out those words. It didn't matter what he said. With or without his help I was going to save you and I found they way to do it lying on my bed when I finally made it back to my room.