Going Under: The Journal of Draco Malfoy

Chapter 6 : NOTHING ELSE MATTERS

January 1^st 8:00 am

The harsh morning light is now pouring full stream into my room. I watch you try and hide from its piecing glare as you snuggle closer to me. I don't want to wake you, but I know I must.

"Harry," I whisper. "Harry, wake up."

"Come on, Ron, let me sleep a little longer."

"Ron? Did you just call me RON?" I was just about to push you onto the floor and maybe knock some sense into you when I watched as you cocked one eye open and your face spread into a huge grin.

"Fuck you, Harry Potter! You have been awake the whole time. You called me Ron on purpose! How could you even think of calling me by the weasel's name? Besides if I ever found out you were waking up naked with him in your bed I would kill you both slowly, very slowly."

"Relax, Draco. You are the only one I would ever want to wake up naked with. Speaking of which, why are we talking when we could be putting the fact that we are both naked to good use?"

You leaned in slowly for a kiss and I found myself drowning again in the taste of you. I pulled away breathless, and when you leaned in again I stopped you. I watched your smile turn into a pout, and I had to fight so hard not to give in to you.

"Harry, stop looking at me like that! It's not like I don't want to shag you senseless but unfortunately we don't have time for that right now. I should have been down for breakfast a half an hour ago. If I don't go my father will be here any minute looking for me. If he finds you here..." My voice trailed off at the thought, and I felt a tremor of fear run through me.

"Go," you whispered as you ran your fingers gently down my cheek. "I will wait for you." My eyes lit up and I pulled you in for a kiss. "If you kiss me like that again I am going to change my mind, now go!"

"I will eat as quick as I can and come back. I put a silence charm around the room so feel free to explore. The house elves can't come in because my room is charmed to keep them out. My father put the charm on my room so when he..." My words trailed off again. I took a breath and made myself continue. "So when he came to me, nothing would bother him." I saw the pain in your eyes at my words and I hated it.

"Everything is alright now, Harry. I have you. Don't dwell on it. I try not to. The bathroom is off to the right take a shower, and brush your teeth, you have horrible morning breath!" Those words caused a pillow to be tossed at my head, and a smile to light your face. I reached over and gave you one last quick kiss, and headed down to breakfast.

The fear began to rise in my chest as I headed into the dining room. I try to enter quietly, and take my seat, but as soon as my father sees me his eyes nail me in my tracks.

"Draco! Where have you been all morning? Breakfast is served promptly at 7:30! You know the rules by now! Luckily for you your mother distracted me enough this morning so I shall forgo your punishment at this time."

My mother's distraction was written all over her face. Fresh bruises were beginning to darken her cheeks, and her robe was torn in many places. She tried to smile as I sat down, and I could see the pain in her eyes. It took all my strength not to run to her and help, but I knew what kind of punishment I would receive if I tried so I forced myself to stay seated. We ate breakfast in silence, and I carefully snuck food into my robes to bring back to Harry. The meal ended with out incident, and my father announced that he had to head into the village to pick up the supplies he couldn't get yesterday. He glared at me when he spoke making sure that I knew that I was the reason he had to head back to the village. He rose from his chair, and we took it as our sign to rise and exit also.

"Walk with me, Draco," he said as he headed towards the door. I saw the fear in my mother's eyes, and I tried to calm it by a quick reassuring glance in her direction. As soon as we were out of sight of mother my he roughly grabbed me by my arm. He held on so tight that I knew my arm would carry a bruise.

"Draco, my beautiful son." His words carried a under current of lust and I knew what was coming. "You escaped my punishment this morning, but you will not escape it tonight. If had my way I would drag you up those steps right now and take you, but because of your little stunt yesterday I have to go into the village. Fortunately for you I will not return until late, but when I do return you will be the first thing I seek. Be ready for me, Draco. I am ready for you." With those words he pressed his body against mine so I could feel just how ready for me he was. I felt the bile rise in my throat, and when he released me I had to force myself not to run. With a swish of his cloak he was gone, and I hurried back into the dining room to check on my mother. She smiled weakly, and I ran to her side.

"I am so sorry, I should have been down here sooner. Please forgive me, mother." The tears I had held back now stung my eyes.

"My beautiful, Draco. My little dragon. You have no reason to be sorry. If my actions kept your fathers hands off you at least I have done a little to protect you. I am the one that should be sorry. I could have done a better job all these years."

"Don't you dare say that! You tried, but he has always been too strong. I should have tried harder to protect you."

"Stop, Draco. This guilt will get us nowhere. Go now, I know you have a guest waiting for you."

My eyes widened in surprise and with wonder in my voice I asked, "How did you know?"

"I checked on you this morning. Your father is not the only one who can get in your room. I saw you two sleeping peacefully so I decided to provide a little distraction to give you time. You have this afternoon Draco, but then he must leave. If your father finds him here I won't be able to protect either of you. Now go, and enjoy your time."

I hugged my mother still in awe of what amazing woman she was. I turned to go, but then realized I should stay and help her. The look in here eyes told me not to fight her on this so I turned back around and headed up the stairs.

I took the stairs two at a time excited to see you. Even though I had only been away an hour I had missed you.

"Harry, it's me," I said as I opened the door. I was not prepared for the sight I saw when I walked in. There you were bent over looking through my music collection, wearing my clothes. In the background I heard music drifting through the room. It was a song by one of my favorite muggle groups, Metallica. I just stood there and watched you as you bobbed your head up and down to the music. You seemed so captured by the beat that you didn't even notice when I slid up behind you. I grabbed you and pulled you back against me.

"Well, I never thought I would to see the day when the great Harry Potter would be standing in my room, wearing Slytherin colors, and listening to my music."

I heard the smile in your voice when you said, "I never thought I would see the day when I would have Draco Malfoy wrapped around me, whispering in my ear."

I spun you around so that I could really see you. "I always knew that you would look good in green and silver. Red and gold were never your best colors."

"Shut up, Malfoy. You know that I personally feel that red and gold would look great on you!"

"Fuck you, Potter."

"Didn't you already do that?"

"Yes, and I think I need to do it again."

"I think that is the best thing you have said all morning," you whispered as you kissed me.

"Yuck. Morning breath," you said as you laughed and pulled away from me.

"Ha, Ha very funny, Harry! I can take a hint. Why don't you eat the breakfast I brought and I will jump in the shower?"

"You know I don't care, I was only kidding. I love the way you taste." You tried to pull me back to you but I resisted.

"I don't think so Potter! You eat. I shower. This is the game you started." With that I let you go, and headed into the bathroom.

I stepped out of the shower into the warmth of the steam. It clouded the mirror, and I wiped it away my father's voice echoing in my mind. I pushed it away as fast as it had come. It was replaced with my own dark thoughts. You know you will have to let him go, Draco. Shut up! I won't listen to you! You cannot keep him. Please just let me have today. Very well, but you know Malfoy's destroy things, if you keep him you will destroy him. I know.

The voice stopped in my head, and I left the bathroom letting my dark thoughts die in a swirl of steam. I headed out the door and when you saw me I could feel the desire surge within you. You covered the distance between us in two quick steps, and sealed your lips against mine. Your hands roamed my body, and you pulled me to the bed. I fell on to it, and you fell with me never breaking the kiss. Your hands explored my body, and your lips followed their path. I was wondering how the shy Harry Potter got so good at seduction when your hands undid the towel at my waist and it fell to the floor. All thoughts were abandoned when your hands slid up my thigh and your tongue followed. I got lost in a moist warm haze, and I felt my control slipping. You brought me to the brink and then pulled back bringing your lips back down upon mine. One brief kiss was all you gave, and you pulled away again. I could see the fire raging in your eyes, and I knew what you wanted. You reached down took my face in you hands, and as you spoke your eyes darkened and turned to jade.

"I want to claim you, Draco. Wipe that monster's touch off your body; erase it from your soul. Be mine, Draco. Now, forever and beyond."

Your words mingled with the music gently playing in the background. It was in that moment that I felt the pieces of my shattered soul mend. I knew only you and the power of your words.

"Make me yours, Harry."

Your clothes came off and ended up in a pile next to my bed. You gently turned me around, and whispered words of encouragement in my ear. The music drifted over me and you began to take possession of my soul.

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Soft caresses along my spine, and butterfly kisses trailed upon my pale skin. I trust your touch, the way your skin is so close to mine. Your warmth spreading through me like fire. Our hearts beating as one.

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say

And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

I open to you, welcoming you into my body. Trusting you in every way. You push inside me, healing the broken pieces of my life, thrust after thrust.

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

I never cared for anything but you. The past is erased, and I know only you now. The pulse of your veins, the beat of your heat, the flow of your blood. You create a peace inside me. No pain, shame or guilt. Just the pleasure of you. The completeness you bring.

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

I don't care for what they will say. I don't care about what they will do. The world is ours now. We own it.

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters

Each thrust of your hips claims me as yours. So close to the brink, yet so far away from reality. Harder and faster you drive away my demons, and I feel myself finally let go. I am free, whole, and I am yours now. Nothing else matters.

CHAPTER 7: DREAMS TO REALITY

January 1^st, 5:00 pm

I lie in your arms, listening to your heartbeat, and for the first time in my life I am at peace. The day has passed in a blur of making love and sharing stories. Telling each other things we have never told another soul. Secrets, hopes, and dreams we are afraid that may never come true. There is only one thing we have not spoken of ,and that is of our future together. It is a question that is on both of our minds. It goes unspoken, yet it lingers still between us. I decide to break the silence although I am not ready to speak of what I do not know.

"Harry, we need to eat. I hate to let go of you, but I am starving! Let's get up, take showers, and have some dinner."

"Sounds good to me. All that activity wore me out! No wonder they call you the sex god of Slytherin!"

"Oh, be quiet you! I don't know who started that horrible nickname. You are the only one I have had the pleasure of wearing out. Now get up." I pushed you hard and you rolled off the bed.

"Fuck, Draco! What the hell was that for?"

"For calling me Ron this morning. Payback's a bitch, Potter," I said as the laughter rolled through me.

"I am going to go take a shower, and I would advise you to watch your back, Malfoy."

"Did you just threaten me, Potter? I would advise you to watch your back, Harry," I said as I grabbed you from behind. "You never know just where I will strike." As I spoke I bit you hard on your neck leaving two beautiful teeth marks.

"You'll pay for that, Draco." You spun me around and pinned my body to the wall. You pushed your knee in between my legs and flattened your body against mine. I tried to kiss you, but your grabbed my head and exposed my neck. You bit down just hard enough to mark me, and kissed the flesh you had just marked. Then you kissed me hard driving your tongue into my mouth, kissing me like you could never get enough.

"Remind you of the first time we kissed, Draco. I never told you how hot you made me that day. You took possession of my soul with that first kiss. It was the first time in months I had felt alive. The smell of my blood, the cold of the stone, the heat of your kiss. I was lost in the taste of you, the feel of you pressed against me. I fell in love with you that day."

"I thought you would hate me after what I did to you," I whispered.

"There is a thin line between love and hate, Draco. I am starting to think that I never hated you. That I loved you from the moment I saw you. Maybe it was always love, and we were too blind to realize it. I will never be blind again. I love you, Draco Malfoy, now and forever."

"I love you, Harry Potter, now and forever." We sealed our declaration with a kiss. Our clothes fell to the floor and took me right there against the wall. All the words in the world could not tell me all your body told me in those moments. I felt you reach the very core of whom I was. Each thrust driving the way you felt about me deep into my soul. You held nothing back, spilling everything of yourself into me. I welcomed it, and responded by pouring myself into you. The earth shook with the force of our love. The room began to spin, and I melted into you. We were one now, and forever.

I heard the shower start and I began to search for your wand. It was the ultimate betrayal of your trust, but I knew you would try to protect me and I could not let you do that. My search didn't take long and when I found it, I hid it among my robes. The plan I had thought of was now set in motion and I knew that I could not go back. The clock chimed and I knew the time had come. A took a deep breath and headed into the bathroom.

The spell hit you before you had even turned around. Even when casting a spell on you I am a coward, hitting you in the back so that I would not have to face you. I dressed you and dragged you to my walk-in closet. The weight of you was nothing compared to the weight of my guilt. I tried to make you as comfortable as possible, and then I cast a silence charm around the closet. I kissed you one last time, a kiss you would never remember, and a betrayal you would never forget. I walked out and slammed the door behind me. All there was left to do was sit and wait.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke to the feel of his hands on my body. They felt like snakes crawling over my skin and I wished I could disappear. With in seconds he had grabbed and pushed me to the floor.

"Take off your clothes, slowly." I stood up and did as I was told. His hands roamed my naked body, and I pushed down the urge to throw up.

"Get on your knees." My body dropped down. I heard the crack of the whip before I felt it. The first strike hit and the pain radiated through my body. I bit my lip so that I would not scream. I tried to think of you to dull the pain, but I know you are now awake and I know you are screaming and pounding your fists into the closet door. I wish I could tell you that everything will be alright and not to worry. The fifth blow hit me and the pain barely registers anymore. All I can think of is you. Don't scream for me, Harry. My screams are all I need. They bounce inside my head and echo in my ears. He got tried of using the whip so he started to hit with me with his fists. When his assault ended, and I was bloody and my skin raw, that is when he took me. He had hurt my body on the outside now he hurt me from the inside. Too weak, and dying from the pain I laid there and prayed for it to end. When it was over he left me lying in my own blood on the floor.

"Clean yourself up, Draco. You are getting blood all over the Persian rug." With those words he left.

My thoughts of getting to you filled my head, and I crawled to the closet. I opened the door, and you rushed out screams coming from your lips. I collapsed to the floor, and to your horror you watched me fall.

"Oh my god, Draco. What did he do to you?" You fell down beside me, and wiped my blood soaked hair from my eyes. I felt tears hit my cheeks, and I didn't know if they were yours or mine.

"You locked me in there, you knew he was coming. Why, Draco? I could have saved you, I could have protected you. My beautiful Draco. I will kill him. I swear I will kill him."

The words sounded hollow when I spoke, and I gritted my teeth because of the pain.

"You have to go, Harry. Please go now."

"I will not leave you like this. I am staying to take care of you, and then I am going to make that monster suffer. He will not hurt you again. I promise you, Draco."

"Harry..." My words died as new wave of pain took hold of my body. I waited until it had passed, and then I spoke. "Harry, you don't understand. You must leave. You have no choice. I brought you some time, but he will be back now go."

"NO! I will not leave you, do you understand me? I am staying right here. I am going to hold you and heal you and protect you. I love you, Draco. I will not leave you, not now not ever. Please tell me what to do to help you."

I knew you would never leave, and I was going to have to force you to go. You could not make this easy on me could you Harry?

"If you want to help me, hand me my robe. I am so cold, Harry." The moment your hand touched the fabric you knew it was a portkey. I watched the horror flash in your eyes, and you had just one second to utter the words, "DRACO NO!" You vanished into the air, and I was left all alone.

"Please forgive me, Harry," I whispered to the nothingness. Then the darkness took me, and everything faded into black.