Blessed Release: The Pardon

Blessed Release: The Pardon

Chapter Five: A Midsummer Night's Snooze

With your feet in the air

And your head on the ground

Try this trick and spin it, yeah

Your head will collapse

But there's nothing in it

And you'll ask yourself

Where is my mind?

-The Pixies

Lucy was lost. Not just oh-my-I've-gone-the-wrong-way-I'd-better-backtrack-and-then-I-can-find-my-way-home-again lost, but more like a oh-god-I've-gone-the-wrong-way-shit-now-I'm-going-to-die-what-was-that-noise-where-am-I? lost. Not that it overly fazed Lucy. She simply continued walking, positive that even if she did die she'd go down in history as the single girl who dumped Draco Malfoy. No one did that and got away with it, although that particular Slytherin rule had never been tested, it was just the thought of what he could do if you double-crossed him. Lucy contemplated her funeral happily, thinking of all the people who would be there, how she would look oh-so gorgeous in a pure silk white gown with ribbons and flowers entwined in her hair...she was so preoccupied that she walked straight into a large oak log, tripped and fell, bruised both knees and twisting her ankle. She whimpered quietly, and it suddenly occurred to her how spooky it was in the forest. It was fine with a fire, and other people to protect her from the hidden terrors, but now the darkness pressed against her eyes and she was sure she heard a howl somewhere not too distant.

Her whimper grew into a full-blown yelp as something brushed past her face.

"Who's there?" she cried into the darkness. But there was no answer; just the whispering leaves of trees moving gently in the wind.

Lucy moaned softly and lay down in the dead foliage of the forest floor. Although you may think: "I could never sleep alone in the middle of the Forbidden Forest" Lucy was not like you. She sank slowly into a fitful sleep, filled with nightmarish creatures.

~

After Becky's return, Hermione found herself completely and utterly disgusted. It wasn't that the girl was unkind, or evil, but simply that the second she arrived all she could do was make out with Draco. Hermione had no problems with public affection, seeing as she and Harry partook in it quite frequently, but this was overdoing it. Every time she turned around Becky and Draco were looked in some lip wrestle or another. It appeared to be a twenty-four hour snogfest, allowing breaks only for breathing.

Hermione didn't want to admit she was jealous. She believed in always congratulating people when something good happened to them, even if she felt as if her insides were burning as she did so. But this was impossible. For one, Draco had once been - and still was - an insufferable prat who delighted in others misery, and who used emotional instead of physical abuse to make his victims feel like scum. And then there was Becky, on the outside a likeable, pretty girl, but the second you said the wrong word she became bitter and twisted, making Hermione suspect that if she were a Hogwarts student she would be in Slytherin.

That night as she prepared for bed, no longer wearing Draco's clothes but now an old nightdress that Cassandra had rustled up for her, she thought that falling asleep would be the best thing. In the morning she could steer clear of the couple now joined at the mouth, which was just the thing she needed right now. She needed time off. Hermione folded back the blankets of her bed, and hopped under the sheets. Fortunately Cassandra had accepted electricity, and the bed was heated by an electric blanket. Hermione's feet immediately warmed, and she leaned over to turn off the light switch and her blanket. The room was thrown into pitch darkness, and sleep came quickly to Hermione. But with sleep came dreams...

~

Draco didn't prepare as much as the others did for bed. After saying swift goodnights to Becky, he slammed the door to his room shut, flopped onto his bed and slept. Again, with the dreaming.

~

Harry read for an hour then turned off the light and went to a dream-filled sleep quickly. Well, there you go.

~

Lucy fluttered her eyelashes in what should have been a watery predawn light. Instead, the light was grey, foggy and wouldn't have been amiss in a B-Grade horror movie graveyard. She sat up, confused at the state of things. Truly, everything was extremely bizarre, but Lucy loved the type of things she was seeing. Fireman poles stretched to the heavens, looking rather like silver trees with no branches or leaves. Also, the ground was gently sloped, providing a few ridges and hillocks, but nothing that she would have to overly pump her muscles to get over. All in all, it seemed like quite a nice place until a rolling pin the size of a house fell down from the sky and barely missed smashing her into the dust.

Lucy screamed, a shriek that reverberated onto nothing. But there was no time to contemplate her brush with danger, as soon there were other, more pressing matters to be dealt with. Such as the giant kitchen utensils now falling at random from the grey looming clouds. So Lucy, for the second time in just one hour, found herself running, which was not really an enjoyable pastime for her.

Fortunately soon after she began running the booms and crashes of forks and spatulas slicing into the ground faded away, and Lucy came to a halt. This was partly because she was no longer in any immediate danger and partly because she had just found someone else in the bleak landscape. The fire poles had long since disappeared, and had been replaced with doors. Plain, wooden doors, mostly. Except now Lucy saw a door open from the inside (or was it the outside?) and someone entered Lucy's dream. This was not unusual, as Lucy tended to see a lot of people she knew in her dreams, but never before had she seen this particular person in any of her reveries. That was because this wasn't someone Lucy thought fondly of. In fact, he was the Number One most hated person on her ex-boyfriend's hate list. Which was saying a lot, as Draco's hate list was five hundred people long. (Draco was not a calm and loving person.)

It was Harry Potter.

~

"It's all coming to plan, Schnookie."

"What's coming to plan?"

"The plan! The only thing I've been talking about for the past six hours!"

"Oh, that plan."

"Yes, that plan. Now go and get Wilson for me."

"Uh, may I ask why, oh Marvellous Mistress?"

"No you may not."

"Thank you, Mistress."

"Why are you thanking me, you foolish cat? Get out of here or you won't get any catnip for your supper!"

Schnookie muttered under his breath. "I don't even like catnip anyway."

"I can hear you, dear cat, and you shall not be eating because of it!"

"Bitch."

~

Lucy: What are you doing here?

Harry: What are you doing here?

Lucy: I asked first.

Harry: I don't know what I'm doing here and I'd pay to leave.

Lucy: I know why you're here! *Sounds Shocked* It's because you want S-E-X!

Harry: Great. Some girl I never talk to thinks I've invaded her dreams for sex. I can completely see why people envy me.

Lucy: You're lucky if you think about it. A lot of people would kill to be in your place.

Harry: Yeah, but I wouldn't.

Wilson: You guys are cool!
Harry: Who the hell are you?

Wilson: I am the bringer of bad news. I have bad news.

Harry: Well duh.

Wilson: Excuse me? No duh is a product of fear! Now apologise.

Harry: *meekly* Sorry.

Wilson: Now, do you want the bad news first or the easy-medium-good-slash-bad-inconsolable-terrible-house-destroying-killer-of-small-children-oh-my-god-I-wish-I-was-dead-right-now-news?

Harry: Whichever one involves Draco Malfoy falling off a large cliff into a shark and jellyfish infested ocean that smells bad because of all the chemical waste that has been dumped into it.

Wilson: *Checks Clipboard* Sorry, no Draco Malfoy falling off a large cliff into a shark and jellyfish infested ocean that smells bad because of all the chemical waste that has been dumped in it. But a Great White Jellyfish in Florida mauled a man.

Lucy: Where's that?

Wilson: Good question, seeing as Florida is nowhere near England. It's in America. You know, the United States?

Lucy: I think I've heard of them somewhere.

Wilson: Indeed, you should have. America is huge, and almost everyone loves it.

Lucy: Sounds good. Maybe I'll go there someday.

Harry: I've heard they have good television shows.

Lucy: Tele-whattie?
*Shock Horror! Lucy, Being A Pureblood, Has Never Heard of Television! Everyone Gasps in Horror*

Harry: Who keeps saying that?

Disembodied Voice: It is I, the disembodied voice! My disembodiment happened when my host body, the Half Invisible Man from the Greatest Story Ever Told, went into hysterics because the Giant X dumped the Misshapen Circle for Milly.

Harry: Isn't Milly that PE reject who works for Malfoy's aunt?

Disembodied Voice: Who in the what now?

Lucy: Wait a minute...Draco says that! You're just a sham, a shameful, shameful sham. Sure, you may be the best sham in town, but it's the shamming that's a sham and it's shameful. SHAM!

Wilson: How many times can you say sham in one sentence?

Disembodied Voice: I'd say about twenty times before you got tongue-tied.

Wilson: Wanna bet?

Disembodied Voice: You're on! I bet thirty galleons. Okay, one, two, three...

Wilson and Disembodied Voice at the same time: Sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sahm, shamhm...

Wilson: ha! Take that! Twenty-ONE times before we got tongue-tied! Pay up!

*A Disembodied Hand Parts the Clouds and Pays Up. Wilson Dances*

Wilson: Hey, where'd they go?

*Harry and Lucy have VANISHED. In the Distance they can be Seen Running into the Sunset*

Disembodied Voice: But we don't have sunsets here!

Wilson: You lose; sucker! I installed a sunset this morning! Pay up!

Disembodied Voice: No fair! You cheated!

~

"See what good Wilson did, mistress? I say you should get rid of that pathetic excuse for a dream monster."

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! You are a useless cat! No one likes you! Milly doesn't like you, and she loves cats! You are completely and utterly and totally useless!"

"Sticks and stones, mistress, sticks and stones."

"Quit living in the past, Schnookie. That saying is so last year."

"Oh really? Then why were you using it just yesterday?"

"Fine, that saying is so yesterday. Just leave me alone. Oh, and get Coral for me, will you?"

"Not Coral, mistress! She'll make things even worse!"

"It's my choice and you can't do anything about it. Besides, you should be able to bond with Coral quite nicely. You are of the same species, after all."

"Coral's a loser with no brain cells."

"That's below the belt, Schnookie. And if she's brain cell-less, then what are you?"

"The most eligible bachelor since Elvis went over to the other side?"

"No, Schnookie. You're just sad."

~

Coral waltzed into the Dream Land. She knew this place well, seeing as Cassandra often called for one dirty deed or another to be completed here. She recognised the two Dream gates, one of Horn and the other of Ivory, through which Dreams entered a sleeping person's mind.

Coral didn't like the gates. Both were foreboding, although the one of Ivory was prettier, as whatever small amount of light escaped from the Real World glinted onto its surface and reflected gently upon one's eyes.

Coral hummed as she passed the gates. A recent song, one that featured in a lot of the trashy teen movies she'd been watching recently. You see Coral was often neglected. Like Schnookie, she was a cat, but not as alluring and useful (no matter what Cassandra said) as he was. She spent most of her time in the deep dungeons that ran like a labyrinth under the temple. Cassandra had installed cable a few months ago, and Coral watched as much free-to-air television as she could. Often it was straight-to-video trash that had been dredged up from the dank corners of studios, where executives thought: "Hey, this'll be great for the kids!" Unfortunately, they didn't count on adults (or rather cats with the brains of a human adult) watching the garbage that showed every Saturday night.

So Coral lived for those times when she was called upon to do fieldwork. And Coral had been all too happy to do this particular assignment, since it involved young wizards. She loved messing with their hormones, and this was the exact kind of attitude that Cassandra needed for her 'Plan.' A slightly dim-witted busybody who enjoyed watching adolescent teens love lives collapse right in front of them. It was a rather fulfilling pastime.

And as Coral was walking, she came upon Draco, lying fast asleep on the top of a well. Some Dream-Goblins had kidnapped his slumbering body and were just preparing to drop him to certain death at the bottom of a Treacle Well.

"Shoo, you creepy Goblins!" cried Coral. "Messing up people's lives is my job! And that's the boss's nephew."

The Dream-Goblins shuddered. Cassandra was not well thought of in the Dream Land.

"Whatever you say, Cap-I-tan," said the Goblins, chuckling wetly at their pathetic attempt at a joke, and then shuffling away. Coral tutted and wandered over to Draco, who still slept soundly. She shook her head slightly at the evil deed that her mistress commanded her to obey. Out of a mysterious and invisible pocket she pulled a flower, a pulsing, blood red flower. Coral jumped upon Draco's chest, being careful to balance so that he didn't topple into the Treacle Well, and squeezed a thin, clear jelly onto Draco's eyes.

"Yuck," said Coral, then recited a verse from her favourite Shakespeare play:

"Churl, upon thy eyes I throw

All the power this charm doth owe.

When thou wak'st, let love forbid

Sleep his seat on thy eyelid:

So awake when I am gone,

For I must now to Oberon."

And with that, she jumped neatly and gracefully to the ground, and prayed to every god she knew that Draco wouldn't wake just as some ghastly Dream-Goblin shambled past.

~

"Is it done, Coral?" asked Cassandra.

"Yes miss. The horrible deed that you requested of me has been completed."

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen. Now don't give me that look, Coral. I've got another mission for you. One that's just as important as the one that you recently undertook. This one involves some handcuffs, a swimming pool and a fur coat. Do you think you're up to the challenge?"

Coral nodded. She was up to anything that Cassandra threw at her.

"Well, then listen close, and I'll tell you..."

~

Draco was running, his feet pounding hard on the rough surface of the wet pavement that ran in front of the designer stores that he was trying to get into. But for some reason the store attendants believed that Draco had recently invoked a five-finger discount on a number of expensive garments. This, of course, was blasphemy in Draco's eyes, and he couldn't understand why the assistants were doing exactly the opposite; they were not assisting him, they were hindering him. His feet twitched. Somehow without realising he had sat down to rest on a bench, and hadn't gotten up. A number of odd passers-by greeted him by lifting their hats or waving handkerchiefs.

Draco smiled vaguely for politeness' sake, but didn't reveal that he had no idea who half these people were, and that, if truth be told, he was rather creeped out by the way common pedestrians seemed to know his first name. Also, why would couples be out for a walk in the park when it was, almost literally, raining cats and dogs. They actually looked more like kittens and puppies.

Suddenly a homeless man loomed out of the darkness beneath the park bench and waved a tin can in front of Draco's paler than usual face.

"Penny for the poor, young master?" asked the beggar, with a slight snigger. Draco stared carefully at the man's gnarled and wrinkled face...it was so familiar...when Draco realised who it was he actually screamed and tipped the park bench backwards in fear.

"What are you doing here?" Draco asked in an accusatory tone. Again the homeless man sniggered.

"Nothin', that's what. A big fat nothin'." Draco nodded, unaware that his upper lip was curling disdainfully. It would now appear, to the untrained eye that Draco was sneering at the poor bum. A few clean-cut couples tsked, and then continued on with their walk. Draco was severely disturbed when a slimy hand rose from a perambulator and wiggled its dirty fingers at him. A wet voice gurgled:

"That's not how we treat strangers, Draco."

Draco shuddered. He knew where he was now, seeing as this was one of most recurring and horrifying of his many and frequent nightmares. It would begin the same, with him running down the street, blocked from entering one shop or another, and then it would progress to the beggar in the park who eventually, after tormenting him, drew a butcher's knife and stabbed him in the leg, whereupon his life's blood would spill onto the pavement and he would die in an extremely over the top manner.

Draco pinched himself and woke up. He was sitting on top of an immense well, and though there was nothing that proved this Draco immediately knew that it was a Treacle Well. He sighed loudly, seeing as the Treacle Well was completely normal to him, and got up. He peered into the dank depths of the Well, but saw nothing but glistening golden globs sliding gently down the stone sides. Draco shrugged and walked through the Dream Land.

Gradually the landscape changed, its sloping hills turning into flat ground, and the sky brightening to a colour that could be called cheerful. But as the background became nicer, Draco found that many more hideous monsters were shambling past, grinning toothless mouths and waving claws that hadn't been cut in years. One of the most horrible was a giant swan that Draco almost walked into; and seeming incredibly offended it bent its head down to Draco so that it stood eye to eye with him, opened its beak and with a putrid breath proceeded to scream insults and oaths. It then swayed slightly, and waddled off.

When Draco heard a human voice he had to choke back tears of relief, because, well, he was so relieved. He ran over the last remaining hillock in that cursed Dream Land, and stopped dead when he reached the crown. Sitting somewhere below was a familiar, bushy-haired Mudblood, clapping her hands lightly to eerie music that was played by invisible instruments and musicians. She was sitting on a giant toadstool, her feet resting on a smaller mushroom, with her head turned away from Draco and towards a huge stage that looked like it didn't belong in the Dream Land. But really, everything belongs in the Dream Land.

But what was most important were the things that were on stage. A large pig was roasting over an open fire, but its eyes were wide and twinkling in a very alive manner. Also, sitting next to the fire, was an old man wearing a yellow raincoat and wellies. He held a fishing rod in one hand and a small dog in the other, the latter of which was trying in vain to lick his face. Standing behind the old man, slightly veiled by the shadows, was a woman with spider's legs and a woman's body. She was rather like a centaur, only of the arachnid variety. Then the woman stepped forward and spoke.

"I, Arachne, am Queen of the Spiders. Hear my call, brethren, and bid my heed...um, line?" then, to Draco's surprise, she was prompted by Hermione.

"Answer me and cower at my feet. I am in need of your assistance," said Hermione. Draco walked slowly forwards, and the spider lady suddenly dropped a large clump of hair that she was trying to cut from her own body.

"Demon!" she cried. "Away, demon!" The spider lady spat at him, and a yellow, poisonous looking glob landed just short of his feet. It burned slowly through the ground, creating a little tiny hole that was immediately filled up by dirt again.

Missing the danger, another 'actor' appeared on stage, which called out in a booming voice: "Behold, I am Saint Boots, here to stop this manic spider woman!"

Indeed that man was a saint, or at least he was emitting a saint-like glow, and was holding a crucifix over his heart. And he fulfilled the second half of his name by wearing boots. Saint Boots turned, saw Arachne, saw what Arachne was looking at, and screamed like a six-year-old girl.

"Demon!" he screamed. "Demon!"

Hermione turned to see what the commotion was, and sighed. "Saint Boots, Arachne, Father Time. This is Draco Malfoy."

Neither backed down. In fact, Arachne just seemed to get angrier. "You!" she shrieked. "Draco Malfoy? Flouncing around like you're some kind of god. I'll tell you who's a god, Aries, that's who! He looked better in a leather vest than you ever would!"

She jumped off stage and made for Draco, but surprisingly Hermione grabbed the spider woman by her thick, matted hair and pulled her back. Even more surprisingly, Arachne paid no attention to Hermione and dragged her forwards so hard that Hermione's shoes, or boots really, left deep gouges in the earth. Finally Hermione leaned forwards and whispered something in her ear, something that sounded suspiciously like: "Leave him to me. I've got a big steak knife in my drawer at home and it's got his name on it." Arachne looked unhappy, but she subsided.

Meanwhile Draco was feeling rather sick. His stomach was knotting uncomfortably, as it sometimes did when he saw female swimsuit models that he had taken a liking to. Also he could feel his veins throbbing with blood, and his heart pumped in his ears, causing a splitting headache that made Draco thump onto the ground, clutching his head miserably.

"Hey Malfoy, are you okay?" Draco heard his voice being called from somewhere far away. He moaned and called out the first thing that came into his head. "Coffee..." he groaned, and then passed out.

~

Somewhere far, far away, in a land some people like to call Reality, Cassandra cackled and watched her nephew slump to the ground. All her slaves were assembled behind her, Milly, Sally, Schnookie and Coral all stood at attention. Cassandra stood in front of a huge mirror that showed the Dream Land.

"Mirror, mirror, standing tall, who's the angriest of them all?"

The mirror's contents spun until they had rearranged themselves, and suddenly Harry Potter's face swam into view.

"Alright," said Cassandra. "You all know what to do. This must work out properly. I want this boy," she waved her hand vaguely at Harry. "To attack Draco at dawn. I want Lucy out of the picture; she's just complicating things. And I want Hermione to...I dunno, any ideas?"

"Become a snivelling wreck?" suggested Milly.

"Perfect," announced Cassandra. "And I want you all to look your fiercest!"

Scowls and sneers appeared on the faces of Cassandra's slaves as they marched out of the room, ready to destroy the life of Harry Potter. Oh, and Draco.

Quotes:

All the power this charm doth owe

When thou wak'st, let love forbid

Sleep this seat on thy eyelid:

So awake when I am gone

For now I must to Oberon"

- A Midsummer Night's Dream