Marauder MST - The Philosopher's (Sorceror's) Stone

Harry Potter And The Philosopher's (Sorceror's) Stone - MSTed!
By Admiral Albia

Chapter Two; The Vanishing Glass - Part 2

After lunch they went to the reptile house.

Sirius - Oh, the excitement!

It was cool and dark in here,

Peter - Like a refrigerator with the door shut.
James/Sirius/Remus - ?
Peter - Never mind.

with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts of lizards and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and stone.

James - Figures. We always said Slytherins slithered...
Remus - (to himself) Slythered, surely...

Dudley and Piers wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick, man-crushing pythons.

Sirius - Any man-crushing python with a brain would crush Dudley.
James - Please God!

Dudley quickly found the largest snake in the place.

Remus - The Dudley of the snake world...

It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon's car and crushed it into a dustbin

Sirius - (to the snake) Go on then!

- but at the moment it didn't look in the mood. In fact, it was fast asleep.

Sirius - Typical. They're always so lazy...

Dudley stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the glistening brown coils.

Peter - Let me guess... he thought they were chocolate.
James - Actually, I can think of something else that fits that description a lot better...
Remus - Ewww...

'Make it move,' he whined at his father.

Sirius - Taken by itself, that sentence can become very dodgy.
All - *think about this* EURGH! SIRIUS!

Uncle Vernon tapped the glass, but the snake didn't budge.

Remus - This is cruelty to animals. Why should it move if it's asleep?

'Do it again,' Dudley ordered.

All except Sirius - *shudder*
James - I don't think I'm going to be able to get that image out of my head now.

Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly with his knuckles, but the snake just snoozed on.

Peter - I think I like that snake.

'This is boring,' Dudley moaned.

Sirius - Well duh. It's a snake. They're not exactly the most lively creatures on the planet.

He shuffled away.
Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself - no company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long.

Peter - Depends on whether they make a nice rhythm or not.
Sirius - Actually, it'd annoy the snake either way, because it'd shake up its body when the ground vibrated. Snakes are very sensitive to that... 's how they catch their prey.

It was worse than having a cupboard as a bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door to wake you up; at least he got to visit the rest of the house.

James - On a good day.

The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were on a level with Harry's.

Remus - (reading ahead again) Uh-oh...
James - What?
Remus - ...I don't think you're going to like what happens next...
Sirius - Does it eat Harry?
Remus - No.
Peter - Then we're fine.

It winked.
Harry stared. Then he looked quickly around to see if anyone was watching. They weren't. He looked back at the snake and winked too.

Peter - Uh?
Sirius - You watch, they'll be winking in Morse code soon... and the snake'll do SsssssssssssssOSssssssssssss...
James - Sirius, can we skip the bad jokes please?
Sirius - Why, certainly. Gimme a skipping rope.
Remus - (to James) Gag him with it.

The snake jerked its head towards Unlce Vernon and Dudley, then raised its eyes to the ceiling. It gave Harry a look that said quite plainly:
'I get that all the time.'
'I know,' Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn't sure the snake could hear him. 'It must be really annoying.'
The snake nodded vigorously.

Sirius - *gasps* He's communicating with a lower lifeform!
James - (mutters) I've been doing that for years... (aloud) I don't think the snake heard him. It's probably luck.
Sirius - First of all, I heard that mutter, and secondly I was talking about the snake.
James - *lunges at Sirius*

'Where do you come from, anyway?' Harry asked.
The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry peered at it.

Peter - I think your son needs stronger glasses, James... James?
Remus - He's trying to murder Sirius. Ignore them.

Boa Constrictor, Brazil.
'Was it nice there?'
The boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on: This specimen was bred in the zoo. 'Oh, I see - so you've never been to Brazil?'

Sirius - *having now fought James off* In a nutshell, scoodle-bumpkin...
All - *stare*
Sirius - What? It's a line in a play I read. Sticks in the mind somewhat, that's all.

As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of them jump: 'DUDLEY! MR DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT'S DOING!'

James - My son's talking to a snake, that's all... wait... my son.... is talking.... to a snake.... ACK! *faints again*
Peter - Maybe James is going to marry You-Know-Who's sister or something.
Remus - But then why would Voldemort kill his sister?
Sirius - Because he's Voldemort?

Dudley came waddling towards them as fast as he could.

Sirius - DUCK! There's one coming through!
Peter - One what?
Sirius - Duck.

'Out of the way, you,' he said, punching Harry in the ribs.

James - *still out cold* FOUL!
Sirius - Fowl actually.
Remus - Oh, great, he thinks we're playing Quidditch...

Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened - one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror.

James - *STILL out cold* What's he gone and done this time?

Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor's tank had vanished.

Peter - Nice trick!
James - *finally waking up* What was? Where's Filch? Why aren't we invisible if we just pulled a trick?

The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out on to the floor - people throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits.

Sirius - Yes, but... that's where the snake's heading... so surely it makes more sense to go somewhere else?

As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said: 'Brazil, here I come ... thanksss, amigo.'

James - *is staring blankly and gibbering quietly*

The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.

Remus - So's James. Sort him out, Sirius, would you?

'But the glass,' he kept saying, 'where did the glass go?'

James - But the boy... where did the boy learn it?

The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong sweet tea while he apologized over and over again.

Sirius - Here, James... have a nice cup of pumpkin juice...

Piers and Dudley could only gibber. As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn't done anything except snap playfully at their heels as it passed,

Peter - And I thought it was a nice snake.

but by the time they were all back in Uncle Vernon's car, Dudley was telling them how it had nearly bitten off his leg, while Piers was swearing it had tried to squeeze him to death.

James - It didn't, did it?
Remus - No... but then again, remember that time we ran into Filch on a full moon? All I remember was tearing his robes a bit, but by the time it got to Dumbledore he's been viciously attacked by a pack of werewolves and their prey, only got away by the skin of his teeth and had to sacrifice Mrs Norris.... I don't even like cat.

But worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers calming down enough to say, 'Harry was talking to it, weren't you, Harry?'

James - What did I do wrong? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

Uncle Vernon waited until Piers was safely out of the house before starting on Harry. He was so angry he could hardly speak.

Sirius - Apparently PISS is contagious...

He managed to say, 'Go - cupboard - stay - no meals,' before he collapsed into a chair and Aunt Petunia had to run and get him a large brandy.

Peter - Mr Dursley, drinking like that is very bad for your health.

Harry lay in his dark cupboard much later, wishing he had a watch. He didn't know what time it was and he couldn't be sure the Dursleys were asleep yet.

Sirius - Best time of his life?

Until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking into the kitchen for some food.

Sirius - Close.
Remus - *reading ahead* Just to warn you guys, we're going on a guilt trip now.

He'd lived with the Dursleys almost ten years, ten miserable years, as long as he could remember, ever since he'd been a baby and his parents had died in that car crash.

James - WE WERE KILLED BY VOLDEMORT!
Remus' mother (from downstairs) - THAT'S NOTHING TO JOKE ABOUT, BOYS!
Peter, Sirius, James - Yes, Mrs Lupin...
Remus - Yes, mum...

He couldn't remember being in the car when his parents had died.

James - Possibly because he wasn't?

Sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of green light

Sirius - Avada Kedavra. Well, James, you were certainly killed...

and a burning pain on his forehead.

Peter - A scar is born...

This, he supposed, was the crash, though he couldn't imagine where all the green light came from.

Remus - *sighs* Not exactly bright, our Harry, is he?

He couldn't remember his parents at all. His aunt and uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask questions. There were no photographs of them in the house.

James - Oh, charming.

When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away, but it had never happened;

Sirius - Of course not. What, are you some kind of optimist?

the Dursleys were his only family. Yet sometimes he thought (or maybe hoped) that strangers in the street seemed to know him.

Remus - That's a contradiction in terms. If they know him, then they're not strangers , are they?

Very strange strangers they were, too. A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. After asking Harry furiously if he knew the man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the shop without buying anything.

Peter - *suddenly realising* Oh yeah... he's famous because he defeated You-Know-Who, isn't he...

A wild-looking woman dressed all in green had waved merrily at him once on a bus. A bald man in a very long purple coat had actually shaken his hand in the street the other day and then walked away without a word. The weirdest thing about all these people was the way they seemed to vanish the second Harry tried to get a closer look.

All - (bored) Disapparition...

At school, Harry had nobody. Everyone knew that Dudley's gang hated that odd Harry Potter in his baggy old clothes and broken glasses, and nobody liked to disagree with Dudley's gang.

James - I disagree with Dudley's gang.

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