Ask Moony

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

Ask Moony

Dear Moony,
Sirius has been pranking all the girls non stop. He took one girls tampons and made a garland of them and another time when James was at one end of the hallway just standing there and Lily was walking in his direction, he went in front of Lily and started throwing tampons out of a basket as if he was some sort of flower girl at a wedding. Needless to say, Lily freaked out along with the tampon-less girl. Then another time he stuffed green jello in out pillows and mattresses. He dyed one girl's hair puke green and anothers blonde, squirted honey on us while we were sleeping, toliet papered our dorm, stole some first year girl's chocolate, switched our soap to grease, put peanut butter in our shoes, and stole our homework. Can you please tell him to stop? All the girls have gathered to form a plot to kill him that I can't say I won't help out with. -annoyed with sirius
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Annoyed with Sirius,
I tried! I really did! It just doesn't work!
Moony

Dear Moony,
PLEASE HELP ME! This morning I woke up to the squeaking in my ear! THE SQUEAKING! Then when I opened the curtains around my bed, a knife swung at me. I went to open my trunk and darts shot out of it. I think someone is trying to kill me, most likely the girls of Gryffindor. I tried to apoplogize but then they found the rest of the jello. How can I get them to stop trying to kill me?
-Padfoot
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Padfoot,
Really? You just now figured it out? I have for years! I think you should hide and apologize.
Moony

Dear Moony,
Lily almost confessed that she liked James. Now that we have more evidence of Lily liking James, we've perfected are plan for getting them together. Meet us at in the common room at 11:00 tonight.
-Lily's Dorm-mates
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Lily's Dorm-mates,
I'm there.
Moony Dear Moony,
Malfoy and Snape won't stop beating up my little brother. So I punched Malfoy but then I get detention and they didn't even though they severly injured my brother. Can you please hurt Malfoy and Snape?
-mad at slytherins
(from little-lost-one)

Dear mad at slytherins,
We do every single day.
Moony

Dear Moony,
I keep seeing a big black dog. I think it's a Grim. The Divination teacher even saw a Grim in my tea leaves then said my life line is extremely short. Am I going to die within the next 24 hours?
-Seeing Grim
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Seeing Grim,
I think it's a prank...Sirius can get rid of it for you, no fear.
Moony

Dear Moony,
My friend keeps claiming to see a Grim. I told her its just Sirius but she wouldn't believe me even though most of the school knows he can become a dog. I also told her the Divination teacher is a fraud but she worships the professor. How do I convince her she will not die soon?
-concerned
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Concerned,
Hasn't she read the Harry Potter Books?
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Abigail appears. She looks horrified. "No!" she says. "This is getting too non-canon! Moony has never read the Harry Potter books! None of the students have!" she takes a deep breath. "Okay, let's end this now." She takes out a very long wand and points it at students, Marauders, Gryffindors, and reviewers. "Obliviate!" Everyone looks dazed. "Now, there are no Animagus or werewolves at Hogwarts," she tells the crowd in a hypnotic voice. No one believes it but Abigail seems satisfied and disappears in a puff of purple smoke, leaving no one knowing about the Harry Potter books in this time area.
Whatever.

Moony

Dear Moony,
Out of random curiousity, what is your motto. Mine is "Ignorance is bliss."
-Cypher
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Cypher,
'Not being around Sirius is bliss.'
Moony

Dear Moony,
Have you ever had a dream so realistic that you couldn't tell dream from reality?
-Morpheus
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Morpheus,
Yes. There was this strange person called 'Abigail' who told me she ruled me and knew my future....and then there was a light. Moony

Dear Moony,
We were trying to find the Council of Elrond when we stumbled upon a meeting with these people in black robes. The leader we assumed was Elrond so we got these marks on us that burn occasionly. What are they?
-The Curious Hobbits aka Merry and Pippin
(from little-lost-one)

Dear T.C.H.A.K.A.M.A.P,
Death Eaters.
Moony

Dear Moony,
What is normal?
-confused
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Confused,
Good question.
Moony

Dear Moony,
Like why does this girl like keep calling us like sheep?
-Preps of Gryffindor
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Preps of Gryffindor,
This ain't southern California, honey. And Abigail should know because she was just there.
Moony

Dear Moony,
In your opinion, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Scientificly, which came first, the chicken or the egg?
-chicken or egg?
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Chick or Eg,
The toast. Scientifically, it was the frying pan.
Moony

Dear Moony,
Who is your favorite teacher? Some one asked me who mine was so I asked James who his was but his was too busy obssessing over Lily and I'm afraid of Sirius. I need to know yours so I can tell the person mine (what ever your is).
-Wormtail
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Wormtail,
Pick one! Mine is...me! *blinks* Where did that come from?
Moony

Dear Moony,
Sorry, was it YOUR t-shirt? I didn't know. I'll get the house-elves to launder it, and then put it back. As for my sister, I am now sporting pale pink hair. Not that I mind, I like this shade. But it doesn't really go with my eyes. Well, I suppose it does. They're brown. How Can I change my eye colouring back to normal? And could you tell Sirius to stop throwing blue-heaven milk-shakes at me? He ruined my best skirt.
-Blue and Pink Shirt Filcher
(from silver-sparklze)

Dear Blue and Pink Shirt Filcher,
Thank you! There's an eye-color charm that Lily knows...she's the Charms prodigy, don't ask me! Sirius doesn't listen to me, it doesn't do any good.
Moony

Dear Moony,
Could you PLEASE do something about James harrassing Lily? She broke down in tears in the Library yesterday, because he'd been chasing her around, confessing his undying love since 5am. I'm guessing that would have given you guys a break, but it does nothing for me. By the way, which animal is nier, an owl or a wolf? I wouldn't ask, but my cousin Athena wants me to draw her a picture with either animal, and the full moon, and the goddess she was named after in it. -Tear-ified Artist
(from silver-sparklze)

Dear Tear-ified Artist,
Sorry, we've been trying to restrain him all week. Did nothing. No clue. Sorry.
Moony

Dear Moony,
OK I believe you that you didn't steal my chocolate. You just don't seem all that hyper no offense. But Sirius moved my chocolate somewhere else and I can't find it! I fainted in Transfiguration today from a sugar low! Caffiene is just no substitute! Tell me where he hid it pwetty pwetty pwease? *puppy eyes*
-In desperate need of chocolate
(from Erenriel the Elven Canuck )

Dear I.D.N.O.C.,
Honeydukes has chocolate, or there's a large collection under Sirius's bed.
Moony

Dear Moony,
My mum and dad are Lily and James Potter, Wormtail is a deatheater who told Voldemort where my mum and dad were hiding with me, Sirius is now dead and you were Professor Lupin at Hogwarts in my thrid year. There has that answered anything? hm?
- Harry Potter
(from melaniewilliamsandharrypotter)

Dear Harry Potter,
Um....you know that St. Mungo's has a place for you, right?
Moony

Dear Moony,
Suddenly, all these does with big green eyes are haunting my dreams. (female deers, I mean.) What should I do?
~Prongs
PS: Can you PLEASE tell Sirius to quit enchanting my underwear so they are patterned with pink and purple bunnies?
(from Fireblade)

Dear Prongs,
I wonder why. Maybe LILY EVANS???? Sirius doesn't listen to me...you're his best friend, you tell him.
Moony

---

Notebook: little-lost-one, so sorry about everything! things get hectic when I get these by email because whenever someone pressed enter, it just says rn and I have to go replace it and HTML it and answer all the questions...hope I got everyone! 6 got so long there was no memory available to complete the operation! So that's why there are two parts. I said 6 would be long...oh well.

Evan, Lemon, sorry your quesitons weren't in here...I don't do gay/slash. I don't have anything against it, but I just don't write it. You are still afrofrizznistick, though!

Important note! Anyone who lives in England, please tell me! I need information on British Radio for my plotbunny 'Sirius Black and the Muggle Radio.' Just leave your email, thanks! More Important Notes! There will not be very many Ask Moony chapters left! School is starting and as I usually get thirty to three emails a day, I will not have time to write Ask Moony as well as everything else. I might do some more over Christmas break, fall break, any days off, next summer...but I will be mostly too busy. Chapter updates will be few and far inbetween! Sorry and thanks to all my awesome reviewers! Next chapter will be strange in which I make an appearance, very strange, and more of a note than anything else. Now to end this really, really long note....