Ask Moony

Note: Thanks so much for the reviews! Ask Moony questions in the reviews and they shall appear. But be warned, I'm leaving on vacation for two weeks and no updates shall appear...maybe Saturday, but probably not. Enjoy while you can! And if you need something to read, read all my favorites and the rest of my stories.

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Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

Ask Moony

Dear Moony,
I don't have any boxers left. I think the House Elves are keeping them. Evil, rotten little creatures. I'm not wearing any right now as I'm writing this. Can I borrow a pair from you, it's a little breezy at the moment.
-In Need of Underwear (Padfoot)
(from Lemon)

Dear Padfoot,
If you wouldn't prank the house elves, that wouldn't happen to you. Go back to sleep. You have your own column, quit invading mine.
Moony

Dear Moony,
I'm in love with you! Please love me back! I want to go out with you, Sirius, James and Snape! All at once.
-Hopelessly in love with you
(from melaniewilliamsandharrypotter)

Dear Hopelessly in love with you,
You have serious problems. Sirius, James, and Snape are worst enemies. How can you like all three at once. I'm attached, read the Lion's Roar.
Moony

Dear Moony,
Dead people stalk me. It scares me. How do I make them stop?
-creeped out
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Creeped Out,
Use a spork, knock the dead people out with a spatula, or attack him/her with a spoon to make the dead people go away. And get counseling.
Moony

Dear Moony,
I keep on insisting that the government is out to get me. All my friends and family say I'm paranoid. How do I convince them the government really is against me?
-not paranoid
(from little-lost-one)

Dear Not Paranoid,
You are paranoid. Get counseling or a good memory charm.
Moony

Dear Moony,
My dorm-mates just poured owl droppings into my book bag. Then at lunch they took my potions homework and scribbled that I loved the Professor and wanted to marry him. I think it was because I was up all night complaining about the decor.
-Woe-Is-Me
(from LeperMessiah)

Dear Woe-Is-Me,
Treat your dorm mates nicer. Put Puking Potion in their morning pumpking juice and put Dungbombs in their beds. Then give them a good memory charm if they suspect you .
Moony

Dear Moony,
My dorm-mates are at it again! This time they hid my clothes and threw me in the lake at the Yule Ball! Oh, what should I do? I'm just always the victim.
-Woe-Is-Me
(from LeperMessiah)

Dear Woe-Is-Me,
Stop whining. Put Dungbombs in their beds.
Moony

Dear Moony,
I feel my dorm-mates aren't respecting me. They hide my underwear and steal my stuffed bunny. They say that it's because I whine too much. But it isn't my fault.
-Woe-Is-Me
(from LeperMessiah)

Dear Woe-Is-Me,
Don't you have anything better to do than write to me asking for advice. Geez, what am I, an advice columnist?
Moony

Dear Moony,
I have a problem. I'm in love with this really sweet, funny, cute, smart guy. But I think he may be an evil monster. What should I do, go out with him because I'm in love with him, or shun him because of a problem he can't help?
-Hoplessly Confused
(from silver-sparklze)

Dear Hopelessly Confused,
If he's a sweet, funny, cute, smart guy, how can he be an evil monster? Stop confusing me, woman!
Moony

Dear Moony,
You said to my best friend that she should say yes when Sirius asked her out, but when she did he laughed and said that she was an idiot. She's very depressed and all she can do is cry! Could you possibly kill him with an umbrella or something?
Angry best friend
(from Katie Black)

Dear Angry Best Friend,
You try killing Sirius with an umbrella. We all have. Sorry about your luck.
Moony

Dear Moony,
You see, last year, me and my friends flushed a green and pink tie-dyed marshmellow down the Slytherin toilets to clog up the plumbing. Now, I think that Mr. Marshity-Warshity Mellow is stalking me for his ultimate revenge! I don't wanna die! Everyone will laugh at my funeral! What do I do? Ah! Help me, he's right there! No, wait, those are just your boxers...
Prongs
(from insane werewolf luva)

Dear Prongs,
I was there, remember? I think you need to go back to sleep. Go get a Sleeping Potion from Sirius.
Moony

Dear Moony,
I like burning incense but my dorm mates get mad. What should I do?
-Nice Smells
(from onerios lykos)

Dear Nice Smells,
Use a simple Scent-Masking charm.
Moony

Dear Moony,
My best friend has a huge crush on you and won't stop talking about you. She's still my best friend, but she won't shut up and I'm sick of it. Either ask her out for me or tell me how to get her to shut up about you, other than a silencing charm.
Annoyed
(from phoenixangel)

Dear Annoyed,
Um, I'm attached. Maybe a good Memory Charm?
Moony

Dear Moony,
Once a month something really strange happens to me... I go kinda loopy. What is it?
-Golden*Faerey
(from Golden*Faerey)

Dear Golden*Faerey,
You're a girl. You have PMS. I'm not. Don't ask me feminine questions.
Moony

Dear Moony,
Can you do me a quick favor and please tell Padfoot to PLEASE stop stuffing the pillows and mattresses in our dorms with green Jell-o? Lily's just about ready to kill someone, she's so frustrated. I'm beginning to fear for our safety. Can you PLEASE do something?
Fed up with Jell-o
(from hpfreak2001)

Dear Fed up with Jell-o,
I suggest an Unbreakable Locking Charm on the door, maybe put a picture frame out front to guard it with a password, and put wards on your dorm so they squeak like styrofoam when anyone enters but you. Sirius hates the squeak of styrofoam, just between you and me...
Moony

Dear Moony,
Why won't you return my owls?!?! What? Just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I object!
-Legally in Love
(from PhoenixGirl1234567)

Dear Legally in Love,
What's a Vanderbilt? What's white trash? I am not familiar with Muggle jokes...and I'm attached.
Moony

Dear Moony,
I have a cat that's so fat she can't lick herself. Do you know any spells that can make her thin again?
-Fat Cat
(from leo-the-hyperactive01)

Dear Fat Cat,
Starvation. Maybe an UnEnorgement Charm?
Moony

Dear Moony,
Someone knows where my secret stash of Chocolate Frogs is. Every time I go check on it, it seems that it always has less and less Frogs in it! It's you isn't it! *glares at Moony* Maybe it was Peter? But I know it was you! I know it!
P Padfoot
(from Lemon)

Dear Padfoot,
No, it isn't me. It's the House-Elves. They're out to get you. Go back to sleep. Stop invading my column; you have your own.
Moony

Dear Moony,
When will I be able to find a clean pair of underwear? I haven't worn any for a week now! I'm desperate! I don't like the freedom any more! It's getting scary now. I NEED UNDERWEAR! Maybe I can sneak into one of the girls dormitories and snatch a pair?
Padfoot
(from Lemon)

Dear Padfoot,
I repeat, LOOK IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER. Quit invading my column, you have your own, and go back to sleep.
Moony

Dear Moony,
My friend's mad at me because I said her pink cardigan was ugly, and threatened to join forces as a Death Eater with You-Know-Who. What should I do?
-Terrified Friend
(from Little House Girl)

Dear Terrified Friend,
For some reason, I have a strange impulse to scream: BURN HER NOW! KILL HER NOW! so I'm going with my instincts.
Moony

Dear Moony,
I I talk to myself and my frinds think I am Schizophrenic. that's cause you are! No I am not! yes you are. no I am not!
- Not Schizophrenic
(from ChickoftheDarkMoon --she thinks)

Dear Not Schizophrenic,
You have some serious problems...I suggest you get counseling.
Moony

Dear Moony,
Why does everyone hate me? I haven't done anything wrong.
-Not in love anymore
(from Katie Black)

Dear Not in love anymore,
We don't all hate you. It's all in your head.
Moony

Dear Moony,
I'm deathly afraid of monkshood, silver bullets, and mirrors. What's wrong with me?
--Scared Of Monkshood, Silver Bullets, and Mirrors
(from Fireblade)

Dear Scared of Monkshood, Silver Bullets, and Mirrors,
Maybe you're just a freak. Ever considered that?
Moony

Dear Moony,
Padfoot keeps charming Mrs. Norris to follow me everywhere. You're my last hope, how do I get this cat away from me??
-Wormtail
(from Lissy)

Dear Wormtail,
Kill her and do us all a favor.
Moony

Dear Moony,
You told me to use a spork to get rid of the dead people but I don't know what a spork is.
-creeped out and confused
(from little-lost-one)

Dear creeped out and confused,
A Spork is a Muggle invention--it's a spoon but cut like a fork. Ask Lily for one--she has several.
Moony

Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!

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