A Fair Idea

Lavender and Parvati stared at each other in horror.

'What have we done?' Lavender gasped.

Parvati shook her head dazedly as if she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. It was too late. There was no going back now.

At that moment, Ginny Weasley burst in through the door to the sixth year girls' dormitory.

'Hey, Hermione, I was just wondering if I could borrow your-' Ginny stopped mid-sentence as she took in the scene. Her jaw dropped and she screamed.

It was a high-pitched, terrifying shriek that reverberated all around Gryffindor tower. So abrupt and piercing that it made poor old Crookshanks to cower in fright and caused Seamus Finnigan to suddenly drop his pants. "Accidentally" in front of all his innocent and unsuspecting room mates.

'Good god, Finnigan!' howled Ron. 'Nobody needs to see that!'

'Did anyone else hear screaming?' asked Harry, ignoring Seamus who was wriggling back into his boxers in the most unattractive way. 'We should go check it out.'

The others agreed readily enough, being the courageous, gallant Gryffindors they were. Harry bravely led the way down the winding staircase and into the common room.

'What's going on here?' Harry asked Colin Creevey. Over the years, Colin had rather grown out of his gawky loser phase. Now he was the Hot Photographer Guy who was never without his camera, which he mostly used to take photos of the prettiest witches in Hogwarts. His wall was covered in gorgeous, pouting girls wearing very little; the Patil twins, Cho Chang's younger sister Meiling, Natalie McDonald, Orla Quirke, Fleur Delacour's English cousins and Ginny Weasley (although everyone was super careful not to tell Ron about it). Even Blaise Zabini didn't mind having her photo on Colin's wall - it was a bit of an honour really.

'No idea,' said Colin. 'Apparently the screaming was coming from the girls' dormitories.'

'Probably just a stupid spider in Parvati Patil's bed,' snorted Dean Thomas.

Ron went red.

'OI!' he snapped loudly, making them all jump. 'They're freaky little shits, alright?'

'Okay Ron, just calm down,' said Harry coolly. Dean was looking nonplussed. 'I wonder what's going on up there.'

All of a sudden, they heard footsteps descending the staircase. Ginny appeared, looking visibly shaken. The Gryffindor boys gathered eagerly around, wanting to know what was going on.

'Gin!' cried Ron, getting there first. 'What's the matter? Is everyone alright?'

He had grabbed both of her shoulders with his hands, and she stared numbly at him with a shell-shocked expression.

'H-Hermione!' gasped Ginny tearfully. 'She's....she's gone over to the Dark side!'

Ron jerked backwards in alarm, straight onto his best friend's foot.

'Ow, fuck Ron!' mumbled Harry irritably. 'That really hurt...'

'What?' yelled Ron. 'Ginny? What are you talking about?'

Ginny burst into loud, heart-wrenching sobs, 'N-Now sh-she's s-soooooo m-much prettier than ME!'

*

Hermione observed herself in the mirror complacently. She felt quite calm, despite everything. In fact, she was feeling quite liberated.

'It suits you,' said Parvati, who was brushing Hermione's hair. Her long, dead straight and completely BLONDE hair. 'You look amazing.'

'I do....' agreed Hermione. 'The whole thing is giving me a bit of a buzz, actually.'

And it was. Hermione could hear pleasant ringing sounds echoing about her head, making her feel very light and floaty. But the feeling soon stopped when she realised mid-brush that she still hadn't finished her potions essay.

'Sorry Parvati, do you mind? I've got to get this assignment done,' she said briskly, getting up to grab her textbooks.

Parvati rolled her eyes. 'Isn't it due Tuesday?'

'So?'

'Well, it's only Thursday today.'

'What's your point?'

Parvati sighed and put down the hairbrush. 'Nice to see you haven't changed,' she said sarcastically, leaving the room.

Sunlight danced in through the windows, illuminating the silky, golden locks falling straight past her slender shoulders. Hermione smiled; a smile that showed off all her pearly white teeth.

'Why would I be any different?'

*

After Ginny had run off through the portrait hole, bawling her eyes out, Harry and Ron had decided that whatever the fuss had been about, it wasn't anything very important. Besides, it was time for lunch. They decided to go down to the Great Hall and since Hermione was nowhere to be found, they went alone.

They hadn't been eating for very long when someone entered the Hall. The Gryffindors had all gone silent, staring at the newcomer. Dean Thomas knocked over his goblet onto the floor with a loud clank.

'Oh my god!' he breathed, eyes wide and goggling. 'Don't look now, but I think Britney Spears just walked into the room!'

No one bothered to ask him who Britney Spears was. Colin's camera was clicking and snapping away feverishly.

'Please stop,' hissed Hermione, flushing red as she walked past him down the aisle. She made her way quickly over to where Harry was seated.

'Hermione?' he asked faintly when she had arrived.

Hermione smiled and sat down. Ignoring the stares coming from the rest of the school, she turned to face Ron, who was gaping at her in disbelief.

'Could you please pass me the peas?'

*

Draco Malfoy sneered down at his plate.

'Eat up, Draco,' said Blaise warningly.

He smirked. 'Yes, mother.'

Blaise sighed. 'Shut up. You need your vegetables.'

Draco rolled his eyes, but he grudgingly dug a fork into the green, mushy pile of peas. Blaise could be a real bitch when she got mad, and she'd been extremely edgy all week.

He was just contemplating pulling out his wand and aiming a good Evanesce spell at the peas on his plate, when a commotion coming from the Gryffindors distracted him. Stupid scar-head Potter had probably fainted again. He was such a drama queen.

'Flaming Merlin!' gasped Blaise, dropping her fork in surprise.

'Watch it!' snapped Draco. The dirty fork had fallen just inches away from his newly pressed sleeve.

'Draco,' said Blaise, slapping him on the arm. 'Look over there. Tell me.....has Hermione Granger gone blonde?'

He scoffed. 'That's not funny Blaise. You know perfectly well I'm the only blonde worth looking at in this du-'

Draco stopped mid-sentence. Walking towards the Gryffindor table was the mud blood Granger, with half the school staring after her. She was the most gorgeous creature he had ever laid eyes on. And she was blonde.

Draco seethed. Draco fumed. This was an absolute catastrophe. NOBODY had the right to steal his limelight. He stalked over to the Gryffindor table before Blaise could stop him.

'You little bitch!' he spat at Granger.

Hermione looked up in surprise. By now, every one of the students in the Great Hall was watching with bated breath. The teachers were wondering if they should step in. Nah, they decided, shrugging at each other. Hogwarts hadn't seen a good, decent bitchfight in at least fifty years, and this one was promising to turn out scandalous.

'Excuse me?' said Hermione angrily. 'What are you on about, Malfoy?'

Draco spluttered, gesturing wildly. 'You know perfectly well! This! This! You've gone blonde!'

Hermione blushed. She twirled a strand of her golden hair nervously. 'Do you like it?'

Harry's jaw dropped and Ron looked incensed. Draco was taken aback.

'Hermione!' cried Harry. 'What are you doing? Don't talk to him.'

'I can talk to whomever I please, Harry,' answered Hermione coldly. She turned back to Draco, who was staring at her appraisingly. He wasn't really sure what to say.

'I don't know,' he answered finally. 'It does add a certain extra-something.'

Hermione beamed, and fluttered her lashes. Ron almost fell off his chair. Malfoy saw him and smirked. A vague plan was starting to form in his evil, twisted, Slytherin mind.

'So...fancy a snog then, Granger?'

Okay, so maybe it wasn't that vague.

'Look Malfoy! Just piss off!' exclaimed Harry. He was growing extremely alarmed at the look on Ron's face, and even more so at Hermione's behaviour. Perhaps the fumes from the hair dye had muddled up her logic. Not that Lavender and Parvati had used any dye...Harry was just too unimaginative to consider other slightly more magical and mess-free ways of altering natural hair colours.

Hermione shrugged and stood up. 'Why not. I've got nothing better to do.'

'Hermione...' said Ron weakly. 'What are you doing?'

She smiled at him pitifully. 'Something I should have done a long time ago, Ron.'

'Right on, Granger,' Malfoy smirked. 'I'm blonde and you're blonde. You know it's going to be double the fun.'

Harry and Ron stared open-mouthed at them.

'Here's a knut, Weasley,' said Malfoy irritably, throwing a coin at Ron. 'Why don't you go owl all the women you've ever slept with, and then bring me back the change.'

They sauntered off together, Malfoy's arm around Hermione's shoulder. Everyone started pinching themselves and each other, checking to see whether they were truly not dreaming. Blaise watched Draco leave in disgust and Crabbe and Goyle were looking dumbstruck. Ron just stared at the knut in his hand.

*

As Draco and Hermione reached the staircase, Ginny Weasley appeared. She almost tripped and stumbled the rest of the way down when she saw them. Her eyes widened dramatically and her bottom lip trembled.

'I HATE YOU!' she raged at them suddenly, and without bothering to further expand on that point she stormed back up the stairs, weeping hysterically.

Draco was utterly perplexed. 'What was that about?'

'I have no idea,' she answered cluelessly.

'Well, it's not like I care anyway,' he shrugged, leading her away. 'By the way, the Astronomy Tower's free tonight.'

Hermione gave him her sweetest smile. 'Well that's where we're going then, isn't it?'

*

Ron stared gloomily out the window. The other Gryffindors had long ago realised it would be best just to leave him alone. Harry, showing uncharacteristic concern for someone other than himself, Hagrid or Sirius, was sitting across the room discussing the situation with Parvati and Lavender.

'Poor darling,' said Lavender tearfully. 'That must have been terrible.'

'Do you think he'll be alright?' asked Harry in a low voice.

Parvati bit her lip. 'I don't know... broken hearts need time to mend. And sometimes they may never fully recover...'

'Are you sure there's not some sort of spell to make him...I dunno...stop moping about so much?'

Lavender and Parvati both looked at him scornfully.

'No,' sniffed Lavender. 'There isn't. Just let him mope. He needs to heal.'

Ginny entered through the portrait hole, and came to sit down next to them, puffy eyed and tousle-haired.

'Oh, sweetie!' said Parvati sympathetically, giving her a sisterly hug. 'You poor, poor baby.'

'I can't believe she'd do this to you, that absolute cow!' wailed Lavender, flinging her arms around Ginny. Parvati followed suit and Harry, alarmed, backed as far away as the couch would allow.

'Ginny....what?' he asked faintly.

'I saw them coming up the stairs,' said Ginny. She didn't seem to realise that both Parvati and Lavender were still clutching her like their long-lost child.

'Who?'

'Hermione and Malfoy!' snapped Lavender irritably. 'Oooh...I could just slap her!'

'But.... What does Ginny have to do with anything? I thought it was just-' said Harry, confused.

'I have to not be here,' said Ginny suddenly, and she moved away over to where Ron was sitting.

'But....' cried Harry desperately. 'I don't understand....'

'Don't you know?' asked Parvati in surprise. 'I thought everyone except Ron knew.'

'Knew what?'

'Malfoy,' said Lavender. 'Ginny's crazy about him. Everybody knows he's off-limits. Well, at least to the Gryffindor girls.'

'Yeah, otherwise I would have snagged him ages ago,' said Parvati, modestly inspecting at her nails. 'Apparently, Hermione didn't get the message.'

Harry was gob smacked. 'Malfoy? Really? You think he's hot?

'Oh come on,' said Parvati, rolling her eyes. 'Don't tell me you've never pictured him naked.'

'Well,' answered Harry, thinking carefully about it.

'The point is,' Lavender interrupted. 'We now hate Hermione.'

'Well,' said Harry, still thinking about it. 'Well, well, well.'

*

'Hey, Ron,' greeted Ginny, sitting down glumly next to her brother. Ron didn't reply. 'You okay?'

He continued to gaze blankly out the window.

'Ron?' she asked. 'Hello? Earth to Ron.... Come in, Ronald Weasley!'

Nothing. Ginny sighed.

'Ron, a million Galleons just fell into your trunk.'

Still no reply.

'Voldemort's back.'

Ron didn't even blink, and she had said You-Know-Who's name. This was serious.

'Ron, I'm in love with Malfoy.'

'Okay,' said Ron gloomily. Ginny fell off the window seat. Ron didn't notice. Either he was dangerously unhinged or...perhaps he thought she was just joking.

Colin Creevey burst in to the common room, gasping. It was the most excited anyone had ever seen him since fourth year.

'Harry! Ron!' he gasped, wheezing slightly...but very sexily so.

Harry looked up. Ron didn't.

'It's Malfoy!' cried Colin with fervour. 'He's hanging off a TELESCOPE up on the ASTRONOMY TOWER! Come and see!'

The Gryffindors, including Ron who had jolted out of his irksome stupor, all rushed out of the portrait hole outside into the grounds. They squinted up at the sky and saw indeed, to their amazement, a dark figure dangling precariously off one of Professor Sinistra's extra-long telescopes by the neck of his robes. And standing safely on the balcony beside him was Hermione Granger, wand outstretched, her newly pale, golden hair blowing in the wind.

'You bitch!' Malfoy was screaming. 'I'll get you for this, you crazy, demented, flipping mad Mudblood!'

'Yeah, yeah,' said Hermione in a bored voice. 'Save it, Ferret-boy.'

Draco's eyes filled with angry tears despite himself. 'I don't believe this. I thought you loved me....'

'I don't love you!' Hermione choked in surprise. 'You are one seriously deluded rodent, Malfoy.'

'But...' he protested. 'You and me.... We're the same sort! You're blonde....I can relate to that.'

'Well relate it to my ass, Malfoy. You're a shallow prick and Ginny doesn't deserve you.'

'What?' yelped Draco. 'What's Weasley got to do with anything?'

'Quite a lot, surprisingly,' answered Hermione.

'Why are you doing this, Granger?' he asked her unhappily, and he sounded so sad that Hermione almost felt sorry for him.

'Revenge, mostly.'

'For what?'

'For what?' cried Hermione. 'Are you kidding me? For making my life miserable! For making Ron and Harry's lives miserable! You're a terrible person and you treat other people like dirt! And you cheat at Quidditch!'

'Well yeah,' he agreed brightly. 'But you have to admit, that song I composed for the Weasel king last year......exemplary piece of poetry, that was.'

'It's not funny!' said Hermione indignantly. 'It really hurt Ron's feelings, you know...'

Draco snorted inappropriately. 'You like him, don't you?'

Hermione blanched. 'W-what?'

'You. Like. Him,' sneered Malfoy. 'It's so obvious.'

'We're friends,' said Hermione, as calmly as possible.

'Granger and Weasel sitting in a tree....eff-you-see-kay-I-N-G!' sang Malfoy gleefully.

'Shut up!' she said through gritted teeth, holding up her wand again threateningly. Malfoy stopped singing quickly and glared his Avada Kedavra glare.

*

Down on the castle lawns, the Gryffindors were all gathered excitedly.

'What's going on up there?' wailed Ginny.

Ron was watching anxiously. 'Do you think Hermione's alright?'

'I think Hermione's got it pretty much under control,' said Harry.

'She's gone barmy!' said Ginny fearfully. 'Malfoy could fall and die from there!'

'Who cares,' said Ron.

*

Hermione looked down over the railing of the balcony and smiled.

'Have a nice fall Malfoy,' she said.

'No, please don't!' cried Draco. 'I'm sorry I called you a Mudblood! I'll never do it again, I promise! Just don't let me go; I'm too sexy to die!'

But Hermione waved her wand and the telescope promptly tipped downwards, letting him go. The Gryffindors froze, staring helplessly as Draco plummeted down the castle walls, hurtling past turrets and towers so fast that he appeared a blur from below. Ginny started to run.

She pulled out her wand and cried furiously the first spell that came into her head.

'Wingardium Leviosa!'

Draco stopped falling abruptly, but drifted down to hover three inches above the ground. The students watching breathed a sigh of relief.

'Bugger,' Ron muttered. 'So close!'

*

Draco looked about him in surprise. He was alive! Before he could marvel about it any further, he was knocked painfully to the ground from behind.

'Sorry!' cried a voice, and Draco got up and brushed himself off irritably. Ginny Weasley was standing before him, her brilliant copper hair flying in wisps across her flushed face. She brushed them away nervously, blushing even redder. Well, stack me, thought Draco. She was quite pretty, really.

The rest of the school was now surging out into the grounds, wondering what all the commotion on the lawns was about. Ginny stood about watching Draco curiously as he tried to put things in perspective. Recent events had obviously left him mixed-up and traumatised, she calculated.

Draco glanced upwards towards the tower. Granger had disappeared. He was furious. How dare she humiliate him in front of all these people? In front of his arch-nemesis, for Merlin's sake, fucking Harry "The-Boy-Who-Loved-Attention" Potter. Actually, he was surprised the bloody sod hadn't passed out yet. But just then he glanced over towards the Gryffindors, and sure enough, Potter was clutching his scar and moaning loudly. The others were all gathered around him anxiously. Draco was disgusted.

*

In actual fact, Harry's scar was not hurting. Ron had accidentally bashed him on the head in his haste to get to Hermione, who had left the Astronomy tower and was making her way towards them.

He arrived in front of her, breathless and wide-eyed.

'Oh Ron!' she cried, and flung herself into his arms, sobbing. 'I'm so sorry! I didn't want to go off with Malfoy. It's just....I had an idea....but I couldn't tell anyone and it was so-'

'Hermione,' said Ron helplessly. 'It's okay.... Please don't cry...it's alright.'

Hermione disentangled herself and smiled shakily, a smile that made Ron's stomach flip unexpectedly. 'I'm sorry...I didn't mean to scare you.'

Ron's ears went pink. 'No...I'm not scared of you.'

Hermione laughed and dried her eyes with the sleeves of her robes.

'Hermione...' he said in a strangled voice. 'I...um...'

'Yes?'

By this time Ron's face was decidedly the same colour as his hair and he was fidgeting nervously. He looked so adorable that Hermione was tempted to laugh.

Instead, she reached for his hand and squeezed it, smiling. Ron looked up at her in surprise, and grinned back.

'Hermione,' he said. 'You're not going to hang me over the Astronomy tower, are you?'

Hermione laughed and stood up on her tip-toes to give him a brief, sweet kiss.

'That depends,' she answered lightly. 'On what you really think about my hair. Go on, give me your honest opinion.'

Ron smirked. 'That's easy.'

'Oh really?'

'Yeah. Keep it blonde.'

Hermione laughed and shook her head. 'Where's Harry?' she asked, suddenly remembering.

'Whoops. I think I accidentally injured him before...' he said hastily, turning around to look for his best friend.

'Ron!' she scolded, as Harry came walking up to them.

'Hey, Hermione.' He grinned. 'Great show.'

'Thanks Harry,' she said, smiling back. 'How's Malfoy?'

Harry snorted. 'Busy, I think.'

They all looked over to where Draco was standing with Ginny. Ron turned even redder than before.

'I'M GONNA KILL THAT BASTARD!' he howled, and Hermione and Harry had to suddenly grab hold of either side of his robes to stop him storming over.

*

Draco saw the Weasel and Granger talking by the castle entrance, and he was livid. They were going to pay for this. They were going to suffer horrrible, horrible deaths, most likely prolonged and extremely painful.

As Draco turned back towards Ginny, another devious plan started to form in his evil, twisted, Slytherin mind.

Before he knew it, Draco had pulled her towards him and his mouth was over hers in a hot, fiery kiss. And before she knew it, Ginny had slipped her arms about his shoulders and was kissing him back, shutting out Ron's furious howls echoing across the castle grounds.

Ah, thought Draco. Revenge was truly sweet.