Drama Action
Multiple Eras
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire
Published: 04/25/2002
Updated: 06/24/2002
Words: 81,279
Chapters: 30
Hits: 96,527

Harry Potter & The Thousand Mysteries

A. A. Yarrum

Story Summary:
When Harry returns to fifth year, he finds himself faced with a whole lotta problems- Voldemort, puberty, exams, Ron & Hermione to name but a few. A lot of characters enter into his life from his previous shenanigans, There’s a Christmas Ball, OWL exams, Sirius, Lupin, and more!

Chapter 08

Author's Note:
This is my fic- bear with it, it gets better!


'Ready for takeoff!' said Harry into his walkie-talkie.

He kicked off the battlements of Gryffindor Tower, and began hovering when he reached the tip of the North Tower.

'Ready,' he said into the handset.

He looked around. Hovering above the South Tower, he saw Ginny balancing on her broom.

He could see Ron on a Cleansweep Seven, drifting in the breeze above Dumbledore's tower.

Hermione was speaking into the walkie-talkie, while standing on the battlements of the Astronomy Tower.

Lee Jordan was floating above the Great Hall, while George was floating above the South Tower. Fred was hidden in a disused classroom on the fourth floor.

'One,' came Fred's voice down the handset. 'Two.' Harry pointed his wand at Gryffindor Tower. 'Three!'

'Silencio Quietus!' shouted Harry, and a pale blue, almost white ball of light shot out his wand and hit Gryffindor Tower. He saw six other magical cannonballs hit the tower simultaneously.

'Mission Complete!' said Fred's voice through the walkie-talkie. 'Return to Tower.'

Harry zoomed towards the battlements and dismounted his broom. Beside him, Ron, Ginny, George and Lee did the same.

'Excellent!' said Ginny. 'I can't believe that worked!'

'Of course it worked,' said George. 'We planned it all out, and we've done it a thousand times before.'

'There's still a lot more to do!' said Lee. 'We need to organize the bar!'


'Glutos Viscous!' said Harry, and a small blob of superglue blossomed out the end of his wand. He wiped it along a plank of wood, and stuck it to the frame he had already conjured.

Behind him, Ron and Hermione were conjuring glasses. Unfortunately, they had to be conjured one by one, and Fred and George insisted that there be two glasses each per person, which meant at least eight hundred glasses. At the moment, their total was one hundred and sixty two, minus eleven breakages, and that was after forty-five minutes work.


Harry was fixing the taps that lead to the barrels, which he had concealed underneath his newly built bar, when Fred came over.

'Harry, we're going to have to ask you a favour,' he said.

'What?' asked Harry. He was already covered in grease and grime, and it was only twelve thirty.

'Will you be barman tonight?' asked Fred.

'What? No I will not!' he said, outraged. He wasn't going to be stuck as a crappy barman all night.

'Well who will then?' asked Fred, exasperated. 'We'll pay you.'

'Hang on, take over here a minute,' said Harry, and dashed off.


The green pear tickled and squirmed, and turned into a door handle, which Harry promptly turned and pushed.

'Hello, have you seen Dobby?' he enquired of a house-elf.

'Yes, sir, Dobby is working in the dessert section today, sir, over there. Is I able to get you anything, sir?' The elf looked at Harry with large, green, tennis-ball sized eyes.

'No thanks,' said Harry, and set off for the Dessert section.

'Harry Potter!' squealed Dobby, when he saw Harry. 'Harry Potter, hello, Harry Potter, hello!'

'Hello, Dobby,' said Harry, chuckling. 'Dobby, could I ask you a favour?'

'Just a minute, please, Harry Potter, till I finish this violet sorbet!'

He finished squeezing balls of pink ice onto a serving bowl, and hopped over to Harry.

'Hello Harry Potter! Is Harry Potter wanting a favour of Dobby! Yes, Harry Potter, Dobby says yes, and will do what he can!'

'Hang on a minute, Dobby. I was wondering if you and a few of your elf-friends could help out at a party in Gryffindor Tower tonight, as barmen or barmaids. But you can't say anything to anyone about it, it's all very hush-hush.'

'Of course! Of course!' squeaked Dobby. 'It will be me and Hetty and Franky and Joey! Of course. What time?'

'Is eleven forty-five on the battlements of Gryffindor tower okay for you?'

'Yes, yes, Harry Potter! It is! Dobby will see you at eleven forty five, then!'


'Sorted!' said Harry to Fred, as he struggled up the last steps of the girls' staircase.

'What?' asked Fred.

'Elves...' said Harry, struggling for breath, 'Elves...Dobby...here...quarter to...twelve!'

'Excellent, Harry!' exclaimed Fred. 'We've finished your bar; you just need to paint it. And we're on five hundred glasses! Everything's finally started to come together. We should be ready by eight!'


Eight o'clock, however, came and went. It was quarter past eight before they could finally leave, having finally set everything up. Luckily, the battlements were large and spacious, and they had rigged up an invisible barrier to stop anyone falling off.

The bar was in pristine condition; Harry had covered it in a layer of varnish. The sweets and other food from Honeydukes were laid out in baskets along one huge table, which was draped in a Gryffindor banner. George had rigged up a radio to the WWN (Wizarding Wireless Network), and Ginny had conjured up tons of seats and beanbags and couches. And there was a large space in the middle.


Harry and Ron fled across the common room, and into their dorm, where Seamus, Dean and Neville were already ready.


When they finally came out of the dorm, they were immaculate in their new dress robes, and met Parvati and Lavender in the common room. Parvati was wearing long, tight blood-red robes with a drooping neckline and a long slit up the side, and a black, silk cloak. She had had her hair cut- it was straight and silky and hung to her shoulders, and the ends were dyed red.

'Hello, handsome,' she said to Harry, and kissed him on the cheek.

'Hiya,' he said, and took her by the arm.

They accompanied Ron and Lavender down to the Entrance Hall, where they stood talking to Hermione, who had once again used liberal amounts of Sleakeasy's Hair Potion.


'What's Celestina Warbeck like?' asked Harry.

'Oh, she's wonderful!' said Parvati. 'She plays brilliant songs and can play about sixty instruments! She's fabulous on the cello!'

Just at that moment, the doors to the Great Hall opened, and the students poured in.

Like the Yule Ball the year before, the house tables had been abandoned, and instead there were smaller, circular tables, that could each seat about ten or twelve people. Above them, white sheets with scary faces drawn on them floated about, while huge, floating pumpkins drifted around. Large orange and black streamers snaked through the air, like watersnakes, and the floor was covered in a thick, rolling mist, which meant they couldn't see their feet.

Harry, Parvati, Ron, Lavender, Hermione, David Drake, Fred, Angelina, George and Alicia all sat down at a table together, and waited for the top table to be filled.

Suddenly, some typically spooky, horror-movie music filled the Hall, and the teachers came, in a long procession, through the doors.

Professor Dumbledore was wearing bright orange robes streaked with black, and had replaced his hat with a hollowed-out pumpkin. He was smiling cheerily at the assembly. Professor McGonagall was wearing black robes, which were torn around the sleeves and at the bottom, and she had put on a lot of white make up, black lipstick and black eyeliner, making her look even more dangerous and creepy than ever. Professor Snape had opted for the traditional black, with some silver streaked throughout. For Snape, this was going totally wild- Harry suspected he might be drunk.

The rest of the teachers were suitably bedecked for Hallowe'en, each dressed in black or orange or something else ghoulish. Professor Flitwick had huge bat-wings attached to his back, which he spread open and closed several times as he made his way to the top table.

The biggest surprise came, however, when Professors Lupin, Moody and Lockhart accompanied in Professor Janney, dressed in a long, black dress with a dash of bright red lipstick and what looked like a raven for a hat.

'Is that Lupin?' whispered Parvati to Harry.

'Looks like it. Look at the state of Gilderoy!'

Someone had obviously neglected to tell Lockhart it was Hallowe'en- he was wearing a set of sky blue, luminous robes, which seemed to be producing their own eerie light.

The music stopped, and Dumbledore got to his feet.

'Happy Hallowe'en!' he cried, raining his arms. 'I hope you like our costumes, we went to considerable expense!' A few of the teachers laughed. McGonagall wiped away a tear, which caused more than a few whispers.

'Someone spiked the water in the Staff Wing again,' said Harry, and everyone at his table laughed.

'I trust you all have a good time,' continued Dumbledore. 'In an hour, we will move outside to the grounds, for the Ghost parade, but for now, will you please welcome the best singing sorceress ever to grace these four walls with her presence, Celestina Warbeck!'

A woman with long blonde wavy hair stepped out and onto a small raised platform against one of the walls, and picked up a guitar.

'Thank yew, laideez an' gentlemen!' he cried, in an American accent different to Professor Janney's. While Professor Janney's was short, soothing, and clear, Celestina Warbeck's was slightly more hillbilly.

'My first song tooooo-night is gonna be Kansas Ain't Ma Home!' She began strumming on her guitar. Dumbledore took Professor McGonagall's hand, and she laughed, and they both began waltzing. Soon, Professor Snape was dancing with Professor Janney, and Professor Sprout was dancing with Professor Lupin.

'May I?' asked Harry, extending his hand to Parvati?

'Bien sûr, monsieur!' she replied, and they both stood up, joining the rest of the dancers.

Soon, almost the whole hall was on their feet. When the song finished, they burst into applause.

'Thank yew, thank yew,' said Celestina, smiling. 'This one's for you, Daddy!' she said, looking upwards

'You work all day,

For some old man,

You sweat and break your back.

Then you go home to your castle,

And your queen won't cut you slack.

That's why you're losin' all your hair,

That's why you're overweight

That's why you flicked your pick-up truck

Right off the Interstate.

There's a lot o' bull to hand yew

There's nothin' yew can do!

Your wife don't understand you,

But I do!

Oh, your wife don't understand you,

But I do!

Oh, no one understands you,

But I dooooooooooo!'

The Hall burst once more into rapturous applause. Celestina smiled and waved.

'This is my final song befor' dinner, folks, so yew better dance yourselves up an appetite!

An Old Man

Turned Ninety-Eight

He won the Lottery

And died the next day

It's a Black fly,

In Your Chardonnay

It's a Death Row Pardon

Two Minutes too late

And isn't it ironic

Don't you think?

She snapped her fingers, and her acoustic guitar turned into an electric guitar.

It's like ra-ee-ain

On your wedding day!

It's a free ride

But you're bored anyway!

It's that good advice

That you just can't take!

And who would've thought?

It figures!

The song continued for a few more verses, before, after more tumultuous applause, the dancers returned to their seats.

'That was excellent,' said Harry, as he pulled out Parvati's chair for her to sit down.

'Told you it would be,' she said, picking up a menu.

They sat in silence, perusing their choices.

'I think I'll have the spaghetti, please,' said Harry finally, and a plate of steaming spaghetti appeared on his plate.

'Me too,' said Fred.

'I'll have the Boeuf en Daube,' said Parvati.

'I'm gonna have the stew,' said Ron.

Soon, they were tucking into a delicious meal.

'So, anyway,' said Harry. 'We were in the middle of the station, having missed the train, Hedwig, my owl, hooting like mad, and muggles all around us.'

'What did you do?' asked Harry.

'We did what any reasonable thirteen year olds would do,' said Ron.

'We took a flying car!' said Harry, as if it were the plainest thing in the world. The entire table burst into laughter. Harry and Ron had been telling their story of missing the train in second year.

The doors to the Great Hall suddenly burst open, and all the candles in the room were suddenly extinguished, so that the only light came from the giant pumpkins, floating around the room.

'Follow us!' sang the giant pumpkins, and they began to float out the doorway.

Follow us, and you shall see,

A fabulous spectacle,

Of Catastrophe!'

Everyone in the Hall stood up, and followed the Pumpkins into the dark Entrance Hall. The mist, which had previously been confined to the floor, was now everywhere. Harry felt Parvati clasp his hand.

'What's going on?' she asked.

'I don't know,' he answered, and they huddled together.

The crowd spilled out onto the grounds. The grass had been grown up to Harry's hip, and the students and teachers began to wade through it, following th pumpkins. The mist was swirling around them.

'This is so freaky!' said Parvati.

Suddenly, Harry felt something grab his leg.

'What the hell was that?' he cried. Around him, he could hear screams. People were shouting. Suddenly, the mist began to clear.


'What's that?' asked Parvati nervously.


'God knows,' replied Harry, slowly.


The air was filled with a shrieking laughter, manic and eerie.


Unexpectedly, about forty white things shot out of the grass and began flying at breakneck speed through the air.


'AAAAAAH!' screamed Parvati, and buried herself in Harry's chest, as one of them shot at her.


'They're ghosts!' exclaimed Ron. 'It's the Ghost Parade!'


An unearthly wail filled the air, and then some creepy, eerie music filled the air. A ball of fire exploded in the air.


Another Ball of fire. Harry saw it was a torch, placed high on a huge pole.


Another torch went up.


And Another. And another, and another and another.


Suddenly, the ghosts all sped towards an old looking, dingy Victorian mansion that had been erected in the grounds. There were a few orange lights emanating from it.

A high-pitched, piercing howl filled the air. Parvati clung to Harry harder than ever.


There were suddenly a lot of squeaks in the air.

'Bats!' cried someone, and true enough, hundreds of bats descended on them, flying in their faces and in their hair.


Everyone around them was screaming.


The bats went away, but still the muffled drumbeats filled the air. Some faint droning began to come from the forest.

'What now?' whispered Harry.


Over the tops of the trees, silhouetted against the starry sky, some massive fireflies, droning like machines appeared, and descended on them like the bats.


More screams. They certainly knew how to do scary Hallowe'en parties at Hogwarts, thought Harry.


The bugs left, but they new they wouldn't be safe for long. There was a quiet in the air that made everyone nervous with fear. Lightning streaked across the star-spangled sky.


There was a slithering, rushing sound, and out of nowhere a huge snake reared up out the tall grass, fangs bared.


It snapped its jaws, and disappeared. Moment's later, it resurfaced, looking more menacing still in the fire glow.


It reappeared beside Harry and Parvati, raising it's giant head, fangs bared. It snapped, but, of course, missed.


It disappeared once more, and they saw it snaking away through the grass, towards the old house in the distance.


The skies opened, and it began to rain heavily. Raindrops lashed them like whips, bouncing off their heads.

'INTO THE CASTLE!' shouted Professor Dumbledore. His voice magically magnified.

'QUICK! BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE! LOOK!' He pointed towards a huge, black dragon with orange markings, which was lumbering across the grass towards them. It opened its jaws, and roared, spurting bright red fire at them.

'HURRY, CHILDREN!' he called, smiling wildly. The students began to hurtle for the Entrance Hall, which was now fully lit. The dragon took flight, and circled the castle. Harry and Parvati ran up the stone steps, clinging to each other madly.

People left and right were screaming. When they finally made it into the Entrance Hall, one of the last few, Professor Dumbledore hurried in after them and hauled the huge oaken doors shut.

'Phew,' he said, wiping his brow. 'Happy Hallowe'en!'

They heard the dragon roar one last time, before there was an almighty bang, and the hall was illuminated in a flash of blinding white light from outside, and the roaring noise stopped.

There was a few moments silence, before someone started laughing, and soon the entire hall, including Harry, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Ron, Parvati and Lupin, were howling with laughter.

'Dear, dear,' said Dumbedore, checking his watch. 'I'm afraid that's it for tonight. See you in the morning.

'Night, y'all!' said Celestina. Fred and George walked up to her, autograph books at the ready.

As Harry reached the Gryffindor Portrait Hole, he found a crowd of excitable, talking Gryffindors outside.

'We can't get in!' said one of them.

'Help!' cried another.

'You can't get it,' said Fred, from the back, accompanied by Celestina Warbeck, 'because you don't know the password.'

'Yes we do, its chickens!' said a second year.

'No, it's not,' said George. 'It's PARTY!'

The Portrait Hole swung open, and the whole of Gryffindor house above second year swamped in.

Neither Harry, nor anyone could really be sure what happened that night, but, by all accounts, it was a very swingin' party.