On Borrowed Time

On Borrowed Time

Chapter 7 - Re-living the Painful Past (Tuesday - October 1, 1996 continued)

"Harry, please talk to me! HARRY!"

Hermione had been trying to catch up to Harry as he ran across the Quidditch pitch.

"I said I don't want to hear it, Hermione."

"I am sorry, Harry. I don't know what came over me---"

Harry finally turned to her, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"No really?!? You just ran to aid Malfoy instead of me!"

"That was not really my intention---"

"Do you have feelings for him?"

"No, I don't even---"

"Seemed pretty obvious to me and to everyone in that room that you do!"

"I don't! I was just helping out a---"

"You love him, don't you?"

Apparently, Hermione has had enough of Harry's habit of interrupting.

"WOULD YOU JUST LET ME TALK!?!"

"No!"

"NO? You don't want to listen to me Harry? You don't even want to hear what I have to say? Why are you being like this?"

"Because!"

"Because? BECAUSE? Because you said so? "

"Yes!"

"Why does it always have to be your way Harry? You're no special than me or Ron or Draco. Why do you have to be treated like a prince?"

"Treated like a prince? Are you serious? Where have you been? My life has been hell, Hermione!"

"And just because you have had a bad life, you expect us all to follow your every whim?"

"No. I just don't want you near him! I expect... I expect---"

"Tell me what you expect from me, Harry. Tell me!"

"Honesty! That's all I ask from you, Hermione. HONESTY!"

"Honesty? That's what you want? Have you ever heard of the saying 'You reap what you sow?'"

"Don't change the subject."

"You want honesty, Harry? Then tell me honestly. What happened between you and Voldemort, huh? How did you kill him, Harry? Why are you so afraid of telling Ron or me? I thought you value honesty. How could I be honest to someone who lies?"

"I am not lying! I just don't want to talk about it! There's a difference."

"Don't tell me you see a difference because there is no difference!"

Harry's nostrils were flaring, his breathing deep and fast. She noticed his hands tighten as he held his broom for his knuckles had now turned white. He turned away

"Do you love him?" he asked

"NO!"

"Then why did you help him?"

"I only helped him because I felt sorry for him. He wanted to befriend me but I turned him away. You told me to stay away from him and I did. I thought our relationship is the most important thing in the world. I felt guilty for yelling at him while explaining why I can't be friends with him. I felt guilty, Harry! That is all I am guilty of. That's the only reason why! I don't feel anything for him. I love you and only you... but you don't even believe what I say. You don't even respect me enough to listen to what I want to say! You won't even let me explain---"

Hermione felt her throat constrict, preventing her from talking. The streaming tears dampened her cheeks while those she was able to hold in fogged her vision. She turned away as Harry touched her hand and moved her face when he tried to wipe her tears. When she looked back at him, he was looking straight into her eyes.

He placed his palms on her cheeks, and positioned her head so that their foreheads touched.

"I shouldn't have turned away when you were explaining," he said. "I should not have been jealous. I know you love me. It's just that... it hurt when you ran for him and helping him instead of me. My heart ripped in two, Hermione."

"I know," she said as she pulled him into a hug. "I am sorry. I will never do that again, I promise. I'll stay away from him, no contact with him at all, I promise. Just forgive me."

"I will forgive you if you forgive me."

"Deal."

They looked into each other's eyes again before laughing at the sight of each other. Hermione pulled out a handkerchief from her pocket, but Harry took it and wiped her tears with it. When her cheeks were dried, he pulled her into a passionate kiss.

"Oh for Pete's sake!" shouted Ron as he and Ginny walked towards them, broom at hand. "One minute you two are each other's throats, the next, you are macking each other again! You two are confusingly sickening. I am just about to vomit."

"Well, at least we're outside," joked Ginny as he handed Harry his broom. "We don't have to worry about cleaning anything. Barf away, Ron."

Harry and Hermione just laughed with her. Harry then took Hermione's hand.

"Are you going to watch us practice?" he asked.

"I suppose."

"I know you don't like sports all that much. You don't have to stay. But I promise, tonight I will tell you everything you need to know."

"Everything?"

"Everything that I have hidden from the three of you."

"For real, Harry?" asked Ron. "You are going to tell us what happened when you battled You-Know-Who?"

"His name is Voldemort, Ron."

"Stop saying his name, Harry," laughed Ginny. "Ron might pee on himself and I think he forgot to bring a change of underwear."

"GINNY!"

*****

That very same night, after Harry, Ron and Ginny had showered after their practice, Harry them together in Hermione's room and told his story.

"You guys remember that day, don't you? We all went to Hogsmeade earlier that day for Butterbeer and to shop for sweets. When we got back to the dormitories, I found this thing in my coat pocket that looked like a Remembrall. A note was attached to it. It stated that the item was a time-activated Port Key. I was to hold it between my palms at the strike of midnight that night and that thing will lead me straight to him. He also told me to bring Godric Gryffindor's sword with me.

"The note also stated that Voldemort wanted to see me. He wanted me to prove that I am brave enough that I would not tell any of you where I was about to go to and who I was about to meet. He said he wanted to strike a bargain with me... and I decided to take it. The deal was that the two of us are to battle each other. If I die, then he finally wins. If I were to even to wound him, not even mortally, he would let me end his reign and take his life, no questions asked.

"Don't think I did not think things through, because I did. I thought of all of the possible things that He could have lied about. That was why I did not tell any of you. I knew you were to place me in a body-bind curse just to stop me.

"I know you think it was suicide, but I concentrated more on the good that might come out of it."

"The good?" interrupted Hermione. "You could have been killed!"

"I was thinking about the greater good, Hermione. If I were to defeat Voldemort, that just ends it all. If I didn't... well let's just say I got a bit too cocky. I wanted revenge... I just wanted to get him so badly. If I could have, I would have made sure he died the most slow and painful defeat ever. He was the reason my parents and Sirius were killed. In addition, I will never forget the fact that he tried to kill me! He made my life a living hell and that's why I wanted to send him to hell!"

An awkward silence fell amongst them. Harry turned towards the window again.

"Anyway, I used my Invisibility Cloak to get out of the ground and then I ran straight into Hogsmeade. At the strike of midnight, I was teleported right into this room, where Voldemort awaited me. I thought that at least a hundred Death Eaters would be there ready to slash my throat upon his command, but there was none. I thought that the second I arrive, he would point his wand at me and kill me right then and there. He didn't. I don't know if it was true, but he told me that he did not even have his wand with him. I thought it was all a sick joke or a really eerie nightmare because it all seemed so unreal. Voldemort just would not do something like that. Not unless he had a different plan. And apparently, he did.

"I thought he was to charge me at any second. When I saw his sheathed sword by his belt, as a precaution, I pointed the sword at him as he walked closer towards me. He then started to talk.

"If it isn't the heir of Gryffindor, he said. The last time a Gryffindor and a Slytherin met, Slytherin killed Gryffindor. We will see if that happens this time.

"That's not going to happen, I growled. No way in hell will I let history repeat itself.

"He just chuckled. Neither would I.

"His statement confused me a little. I asked myself, did he mean that he wanted the Gryffindor to defeat the Slytherin? I interpreted that he wanted me to kill him. Let me continue.

"I think I have lived for such a long time now, he said. I have gone through so much, I lived through so much... my life is history in itself.

"You changed the course of history, alright. You changed it for the worse!

"Don't tell me you blame me for it? I became the way I am because I was made into one. Do you have any idea how someone's well-being can be fully incapacitated to know empathy and feel anything for others? Well, you do with those relatives of yours. But I got it much worse than you ever did. No one cared for me in that place. I hated that place, but it built character. I thought you would turn out just like me. I had my hopes."

"But I didn't, I argued. And I will never be you!

"You're wrong there, Harry. You are EXACTLY like me. We are both half-born, we both have parents taken from us at a very young age and we both had bad lives until we learned of Hogwarts. If we were born the same year, I could swear that you are my twin.

"He was so close to me at that moment and that was the reason I jabbed him right at the heart. He just looked at the sword that was stuck on his chest, before collapsing to the ground. As he lay there bleeding to death, he spoke to me about the prophecy. The prophecy of the little boy, which is I, who was to finally defeat the Dark Lord. He told me that if he was able to turn back time, he would have taken me in his stead and be his right hand man.

"Did you know that if anyone was to know of what happened in here, people would think of you as powerless? The only reason you defeated the Dark Lord is because I chose to die. History occurred the way it was meant to be and the prophecy had come true. But there was a part of the prophecy that no one has told you before, Potter.

"I was quite confused by what he meant. I mean, there was more to the prophecy? How complicated can a prophecy be? Let me continue.

"He was gargling by now. Did you know of the next part of the prophecy, Harry? No one ever told you? Let me tell you then. You were to kill me, Harry, and you were to take my place as the next tyrannical figure in the Wizarding World. You see, Harry, any which way, evil wins. If you let me live, I will kill you. If you kill me, you will fulfill the rest of the prophecy and spread evil in the Wizarding World yourself.

"NO! I shouted. I am not you!!! I am not evil! And I will never follow in your footsteps.

"You are mortally wrong, Harry. How dare you question a prophecy? Prophecies always happen. There is no way out of it. Your life proves it all! Kill me or I will kill you with your own ancestor's sword. KILL ME!"

Harry became silent for a few minutes, not looking any of the others.

"And you killed him," said Ron. "You killed him then, didn't you?"

"I did," said Harry as he quivered. "And I killed him out of due hatred and confusion and spite. I did not just kill him. I beheaded him."

Multiple gasps came out of Harry's friends' mouths as he continued with his story.

"I was so mad at him, the prophecy, and everything else in my life... I was not done. I stabbed him a couple more times as to make sure he really was to die. I then took out my wand and pointed it at him. My hands were quivering right in front of me, but I did it. I said it."

"Said what?" asked Ron stupidly. "One second, you used the Killing Curse?"

Harry turned away again before nodding his head.

"That was why I couldn't tell anyone. I just... It's an unforgettable curse. I could go to Azkaban for this!"

Hermione rushed to Harry's side and gave him the biggest hug she has ever given anyone.

"You did it as to protect yourself. You hid that knowledge from anyone out of fear. It's alright, Harry."

"I don't want to be in Azkaban. Sirius and Hagrid were there and I know it was a rather unpleasant place."

"Your secret's safe with us, Harry," said Ginny as she also hugged Harry. "We swear it on our lives."

"She's right about that, mate," added Ron. "We won't tell anyone."

"I am just sorry I did not tell any of you sooner."

Hermione just kissed his cheek.

"It's alright, Harry. We understand completely."