Hogwarts Horror

Hogwarts Horror

It was your normal, predictable day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Well, as normal and predictable as it got in a school for magic. And to tell you the truth, this was only what everyone thought when they woke up this fine Thursday morning. The fact is that this was about to become the least-normal, most unpredictable day that Hogwarts had ever seen.

One could only hope that no one would remember it.

Perhaps I ought to introduce myself? You can call me Lone WolfDragon, or just LWD, for short. I, myself, was having a fairly normal day - as normal as it gets around me, though it was hardly predictable (that being the normal part) - when all of a sudden, I find myself smack dab in the middle of the last place I had expected, but, of course, one of the first places I wanted to be: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

I don't know whether Hogwarts was just due for one weird day, or if my presence made everything go crazy, but whatever, or whoever, caused it, I seriously doubt their mental mediocrity.

Anyway, I ended up popping into Hogwarts just as most everyone was waking up. I didn't say or do much, as I didn't really belong there and didn't want to draw attention to myself, but I did watch. Even if that hadn't been my original intention, I don't think I would have been able to help but watch everything.

And man, did I see some weird stuff.

It all began to get noticeably weird when the majority of the school was in the Great Hall for breakfast. Some other people were still waking up (I'm not really sure how I knew this, but I just kind of did), and still others were getting dressed or studying for quizzes or finishing last-minute homework. Most of the students, however, were in the Great Hall, and I didn't see an empty seat at the Staff Table.

Well, except Professor Trelawny's seat, but she's just... weird.

Now, when I say everyone was in the Great Hall for breakfast, I just meant that they were there. The one thing that they should have been doing, they weren't doing: eating.

This sparked my attention instantly because, really, who in their right mind would pass up free food? I certainly wouldn't, as I love food, but you know, maybe zombies came in the night and sucked out the students' stomachs so that they would never be hungry again. But when I didn't see any zombies, I figured there ought to have been another reason, and so I moved on down the line.

Then, of course, I noticed that, not only was the staff not eating, but hungry, expectant looks decorated a lot of the students' faces. However, the food just wasn't decorating the tables.

This, in itself, began to make my stomach growl, so I turned my attention to Dumbledore, who had stood up to address the student body. I noticed he held a letter in his hand.

"I must inform the students and staff of a recent discovery. I have just received a letter from the House Elves down in the kitchens. They have been inspired by a program known as S.P.E.W., and have gone off on their own to become Vegetarian BoyCotters of Meat-Eating, and so we will have to find our own resources with which to make our meals."

A numerous number of gasps went through the crowd of students, followed by moans and stomach grumblings, but Dumbledore continued. "However, you must not despair! We never thought that this would happen, because the House Elves had remained here for the entertainment Professors Trelawny and Sinistra gave them each night, by belly-dancing on top of the Christmas fruitcake. However, for some unknown reason, we decided to create a backup plan." He held his arm out. "Hagrid, bring in the backup plan!"

The Great Hall doors burst open and in galloped two men on horseback. After a moment, of course, I realized they were not men on horseback at all, but two centaurs, and the strangest-looking centaurs I have ever seen. One had a black coat, while the other was brown, and both had long, ratty hair that hung down past the shoulders of their equine bodies. Their tails drug behind hem across the ground, looking as though they had never been trimmed in their lives. Their hooves were scratched and chipped, and their flesh was covered in cuts and bruises. The strangest parts of all, however, was that the black one had a hook instead of a left hand, and the brown one, instead of a back hoof, had a peg leg. Both wore patches over their one eye, and the black one had about fifty-six earrings in his left ear, making his head tilt permanently to one side. Scars decorated their faces, and when they smiled, there were both empty spaces and golden teeth.

The black one raised his hook and let out a hefty "'Argh!"

Meanwhile, the other juggled two knives and three pieces of meat. "Who's hungry?" he asked in a French accent, and someone from the throng of students actually consented to being hungry and so, the centaur threw a piece of meat like a frisbee, and then flung a knife. It twanged into the stone wall next to the student, the large piece of meat dangling from its sharp edge, dripping with juice. The student ripped the knife out of the wall and, without a second's hesitation or cause for concern, devoured the piece of meat right off the knife, and chucked the knife back at the centaur. He caught it in his juggling act without needing to even pause.

That's all I really remember about breakfast, because after that, I think I passed out.