The Awakened Sleeper

Author's Notes: To my reviewers: thank you. Keep 'em coming! As always, I have to thank PirateQueen. Your help is greatly appreciated.

"Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one. "
- Stella Adler

Chapter 8

Art and Soul

The moment Severus put his hand in hers, Lily felt happier than she had in a long time. She couldn't explain why. Maybe there was no explanation for it - it just was. After insisting that she choose the venue where the sketching would take place, Lily dragged Severus - who protested greatly about being carried off like a rag doll - through the corridors of the castle, receiving strange looks from the students who had not gone into Hogsmeade as they rushed by. For once, Lily didn't care what anybody thought about her. Even if it was only for a little while, she felt as carefree as she had always wanted to be.

When deciding on where she would like to have her portrait drawn, there was only one place that came to mind - her tree by the lake. As soon as Severus realized where he was being dragged to, he started grumbling about the wind. Even though the gusty winds had died down quite a bit, Lily spent several minutes assuring Severus that he would not have to contend with rustling sketchbook pages as he worked. Once he realized there was no way Lily was going to back down, he reluctantly relented. With that bone of contention out of the way, Lily hoped that the two of them would be able to get through the remainder of the day without another nasty row.

"So," she said, dropping her bag on the ground and looking at Severus expectantly, "how do you want me to pose?"

Severus stood there looking extremely uncomfortable as he answered, "I don't know. I've never sketched someone at their request before. It's your picture - you decide."

"You argued with me for five minutes about where we should do this. Now you're willingly giving up control?" Lily threw her hands up in mild frustration. "What gives?"

"Believe it or not, I don't enjoy arguing with you every ten minutes," Severus answered. "Besides, the sooner we get started, the sooner we can get back to what we should be doing in the first place - working on that blasted potion. So just make a choice, and let's get on with it already!"

"Fine," Lily mumbled as she sat down next to the tree, her back facing the lake. She took her ponytail down and shook her hair out, letting the fiery red tresses cascade past her shoulders. "How's this?" she asked.

Severus sat down a few feet across from Lily, studying her face and the surroundings. His permanent scowl seemed to relax a bit as he said, "It'll do." He took out his sketchbook and a set of art pencils. Crossing his legs, he balanced the book on his lap and asked, "Why'd you take your hair down? It wasn't necessary, you know."

"I don't know. I thought it would look better, I suppose. Do you want me to put it back up?" Lily hastily swept her hair back into a ponytail and held it in place. "Which do you prefer - up or down?" She didn't think it was possible for Severus Snape's skin to get any paler, but his face blanched at the question. Did I just embarrass the unflappable Severus Snape?

Busying himself with selecting the right pencil, he said, "It's your hair; wear it any way you like."

"You didn't answer my question, Severus," she countered, unable to resist taking the mickey out of him. "Which do you prefer - up or down?"

Continuing his quest to find the perfect pencil, Severus refused to look up at Lily as he said, "It's of no consequence to me how you wear your hair, but since you're so desperate for my opinion, I'll give it to you. Leave it down. When you wear it in a ponytail, you look like a five-year-old. You look your age when you wear it down."

Lily released her hair and smiled. "I'll leave it down then."

"I'll alert the Daily Prophet straightaway."

"Quite the comedian, you are." Something had been bothering Lily for a while, and this seemed like a good time to finally get it off of her chest. "So...while we're on the subject of hair...what's up with yours?" she asked cautiously.

Severus finally looked up, staring through a curtain of the hair in question. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice saturated with suspicion.

"Don't take this the wrong way, okay? I'm not trying to belittle you or make you feel badly. It's just that, you seem to take care of yourself, hygienically speaking. You don't smell or anything, so obviously you take the time to bathe yourself on a regular basis. So, again I ask - what's up with your hair?"

"You're sitting there telling me you've questioned whether or not I bathe regularly, and you don't want me to take it the wrong way?"

Lily squirmed under the intensity of a glare that would freeze boiling water instantaneously. Nevertheless, she had started this and she would finish it. "I'm just curious as to why your hair always looks so..." She paused as she tried to choose a word that was the least likely to anger Severus. "...unkempt."

Pushing said hair out of his face, Severus replied harshly, "If you must know, I do wash my hair."

"With what?" Lily blurted out before good common sense could stop her.

"Soap and water," he muttered through clenched teeth.

"Do you even attempt to lather - never mind, that's none of my business. Look, since you gave me some hair advice, here's some for you: try using shampoo instead of soap. It'll work much better, trust me."

"Thank you for the unsolicited advice," said Severus acerbically. "Unlike some people, I have much more important things to worry about than how my hair looks. If people don't like it, they can sod off."

Suddenly, the true reason Severus didn't bother with his hair hit Lily like a ton of bricks. "Yeah, why worry about your hair when you can just use it as another way to shut people out?"

"What?"

"You heard me," she said, a touch of triumph in her voice. "All that limp hair in your face is yet another way you keep people from getting too close to you."

With a scowl, Severus said, "I thought we were finished analyzing my life today - my mistake. I'll just pack up and go back to the library -"

"NO!" Lily exclaimed. She had wanted to help him relax, but all she was doing was pissing him off even more. "I'm sorry. I'm shutting up right now, I promise."

Severus stared at her for a minute, as if he was trying to make sure she wasn't going to open her mouth to speak again. Seemingly satisfied, he relaxed again and began making broad strokes across the page. Lily kept her promise and remained quiet for quite some time as she watched Severus work.

Every few minutes he would look up, his eyes exploring her face. Lily felt like his eyes were looking through her, as if she were a ghost. There was a sense of detachment in his gaze - until he looked into her eyes. When he locked his gaze onto hers, Lily got the sense that he was searching for something; searching for the truth she had alluded to earlier. Just like the first time she looked into his eyes, she felt compelled to keep staring into them. They were boring holes into her soul, leaving her feeling vulnerable and naked. Lily wanted to look away, just as she did before. However, she realized that if she truly trusted Severus the way she said she did, she had to convince him of that with actions, not just words.

After what seemed like an eternity, Severus finally broke eye contact and went back to his drawing. This time it was Lily's turn to release a breath she hadn't realized she was holding in. Hearing her exhalation, Severus looked up and said, "Problem?"

Lily could feel the blood racing to her cheeks as she said, "No, no; I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You look a bit flushed."

"Oh, it's just the wind bringing a little color to my cheeks," she lied. "Go on."

With a disbelieving cock of his eyebrow, Severus went back to work. As Lily continued to watch him, she noticed his sullen expression melted away as he became more involved in what he was doing. He certainly didn't look happy by any means, but he didn't look like his usual gloomy self either. He looked...calm.

Lily could understand why he was able to find serenity in his artwork. It was something he could do by himself. For someone who shunned the company of others, that was a very important factor. Also, it was something he had control over. After getting a glimpse of what his home life was like, Lily had a feeling that he rarely had control over anything that happened to him.

After a little while, boredom began to set in. Lily hadn't spoken to Severus because she didn't want to disturb him while he was working. Unable to stand the silence any longer, she said, "Severus?"

"Hmm?" he answered distractedly as he continued to work.

"Why don't all of your drawings move?"

As if he were just realizing that he was being spoken to, Severus looked up frowning. "What are you asking me?"

Rolling her eyes, Lily repeated, "Why don't all of your drawings move?"

In response, Severus tossed one of his art pencils to Lily. She caught and looked at the black pencil, turning it to see the gold engraved lettering on its side. "Scrivenshaft's Professional Grade Art Pencil, #3," she read aloud.

"I found the set at Scrivenshaft's on my first trip to Hogsmeade third year," said Severus. "I couldn't afford them at the time, so I saved my money and used Muggle pencils until I could buy them."

"Oh. When were you able to buy them?"

"I sent away for them last summer. They arrived the day I drew that first picture of my mother." Severus went back to the drawing, indicating that he had nothing else to say about the matter.

This new information had Lily's mind racing. Whatever it was that had made his mother so depressed in those pictures had happened only a few months ago. Plus, Severus had admitted using Muggle pencils. Most Slytherins would do without before using anything made or used by Muggles. Yet Severus had no problem with it. Perhaps there were Muggles in his family as well. No, that couldn't be the reason why; he's a Pure-blood, isn't he? Whatever the reasons were, Lily wouldn't find them out today. She had promised that she wouldn't pry into his life anymore, and she was going to keep that promise.

About ten minutes later, Severus called out, "Come here."

Lily scrambled to her feet, walked over, and sat down next to him. "Are you finished?" she asked eagerly.

"Just about. Since you were so interested in learning about how the pictures move, I thought you might like to see this."

Lily grinned. "That was very thoughtful of you. Be careful; I might start thinking that you actually like me."

"I never said I didn't like you," Severus said, the corner of his mouth upturning slightly.

"Oh, really? So how was I supposed to take it when you said you've been plagued by my 'pestilent presence' since you received the potion?"

Severus, who had been putting finishing touches on the picture, looked up and said, "I was irritated. You're just a bit too...cheerful for my tastes. Too cheerful and too nosy."

"Well, you could use a little more cheer in your life, I think. And it's not nosiness, it's...concern," she replied, smiling as she remembered the words Cressida had used when Lily had accused her of being nosy.

"Humph," Severus snorted. He turned back to the picture and wrote his initials in the bottom right hand corner of the page. Then he reached into the pocket of his robes for his wand. "Watch closely," he said as he touched the wand to his initials. "Finite," he murmured.

Lily leaned over to watch the portrait that was still on his lap. At first she was staring at a static image of...it couldn't be her. The face staring back at her was the face of a woman, not a sixteen-year-old girl - not the one she saw staring back at her in the mirror every day. All of its features were the same as hers: the almond shaped eyes, the hair that fell just past the shoulders, the full lips. Yet there was a confidence that Lily had never seen in her own reflection. The image was sitting a little straighter than Lily normally did, with a grin that suggested it was privy to some secret information that no one else knew. However, the smile did not reach its eyes. There was something in those eyes that Lily could not quite place. Was it sadness? Disappointment? Fear? Weariness? Maybe it was a combination of all those possibilities and more.

Lily continued to stare at those eyes until the lids slowly began lowering themselves. Her mouth gaped open as she watched the image of herself gradually blink and open its eyes again. Every few seconds, Lily noticed something else moving in slow motion as if she was watching a cartoon frame-by-frame. A few strands of hair fluttered across the face of her pencil-drawn doppelganger bit-by-bit. She could see a leaf being slowly carried off by the wind. Soon the movements began to increase until the image was moving at a normal rate of speed.

"Well?" Severus asked expectantly.

"Oh, sorry!" Lily had been staring so intently at the drawing that she had forgotten Severus was sitting there waiting for some sort of response from her. "I've never seen a picture come to life like that. It was...neat," she said rather distractedly.

"Neat? I shudder to think what your critique will be of the picture itself."

"I'm in awe right now," she replied apologetically. "I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect this. Is this what you see when you look at me?"

Severus hastily closed the book that was still sitting in his lap. "I knew it. I knew you wouldn't like it. That's why I didn't -" He was unable to finish his statement due to the fact that Lily had clamped her hand over his mouth.

"Would you just shut up, stop jumping to conclusions, and answer my question?" She snatched the book from his hand, quickly flipped through the sketchbook to find her portrait, and held it up in front of him. "Is this what you see when you look at me?" she repeated insistently.

His eyes roved over the portrait for a moment before he looked into hers. "I draw exactly what I see; no more, no less."

Lily turned the book around so she could look at the picture again. "You see more in me than I've ever seen in myself. You see confidence and strength where there is none."

"You sell yourself short. I didn't add any embellishments to the drawing; I didn't need to. I wouldn't have drawn you that way if those qualities hadn't been there to begin with."

Lily simply nodded as she mulled over Severus's comments and continued to study the picture. After a few minutes observation, she couldn't help but notice that her hand-drawn counterpart had lifted and tugged at the locket around its neck more than once. "Severus, why do I keep tugging at my locket?"

He looked at her like she had lost her mind. "Because...that's what you were doing while I was drawing."

"Was I really?" asked Lily, completely mystified by this revelation.

"You do it all the time. Didn't you know that?"

Lily shook her head in disbelief. "No, I didn't."

Severus's mouth twitched as if he was trying to suppress laughter. "You do it whenever you're thinking particularly hard about something."

"How is it that I have a habit that I know nothing about?" Lily giggled at the absurdity of the situation. "That makes absolutely no sense at all! I wanted you to do this so that you could learn more about me. Instead, I'm learning things about myself that you already know."

"There is one thing I'm curious about," he said. "What were you thinking about when you were tugging at the locket?"

Lily rolled her eyes as she said, "How should I know? I didn't know I was tugging my locket, remember?"

"True, but surely you can recall what was going through your mind while I was sketching you. Or are you really as thick as some of your housemates?"

Lily ignored the dig at her intelligence as she tried to sift through all the thoughts that had flitted across her mind as she sat for her portrait. Naturally, most of her thoughts during that time had been centered on Severus and his sketching. After a while, her mind had started revisiting memories that she had purposely filed away because remembering them caused her too much pain. While Severus was sketching her, Lily had allowed her mind to wander, inadvertently giving him much more to work with than she had intended.

"There it is!" Severus exclaimed so suddenly that Lily was startled out of her reverie.

"What?" she asked in annoyance.

"The look that was in your eyes when you were tugging the locket; it was there again. What were you thinking about?"

Now that the tables were turned, Lily understood why Severus had gotten so cross with her earlier. She wasn't in any hurry to reopen old emotional wounds, but she did promise him that she would tell him whatever he wanted to know. Avoiding his gaze, she fretfully plucked a blade of grass from the ground and began twirling it between her thumb and forefinger.

"I don't know why, but something about this day reminded me of a day that I spent with my family a long time ago," she began wistfully. "Maybe it was the wind, or simply the fact that I was sitting outside."

"So, what happened?" prompted Severus.

"Nothing really. My parents, my sister, and I spent the day at a park together," Lily answered as she began tearing the blade of grass into little pieces. "This was about a year before I received my Hogwarts letter; before we knew about my abilities. It was actually a pleasant memory; one of the last ones I have of us all together and happy." She sprinkled the little bits of grass onto the ground as she waited for Severus to respond.

After several minutes of silent contemplation, he said, "When I was trying to draw your eyes, it took a while to figure out what was there. At first you looked a little annoyed, then disappointed, and finally you just looked sad. If it was such a happy memory, why was there...pain in your eyes?"

Lily chuckled, the sound of it mirthless and hollow. "Let's just say my sister and I don't get along very well anymore." She could feel the familiar pressure of tears welling up in her eyes. "It hurts to remember because I don't think we'll ever be happy together again," she said, her voice trembling slightly as she tried to blink back the tears that were threatening to spill over. You will not cry in front of him, she angrily thought to herself. Pull yourself together! Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile on her face as she said, "Is there anything else you'd like to know about me?"

Severus simply shook his head. "As thrilling as this little interlude has been, I think it's time we got back to work, don't you?"

Grateful that she wouldn't have to share anymore of her innermost thoughts, she grinned and replied, "Yes, we really should get back to work. May I make a suggestion?"

"You'll make it with or without my approval, so why ask?" he inquired as he began putting his supplies away.

"You never get tired of trying to make people feel stupid, do you?"

A small smile crept over Severus's face as he said, "It's one of the few pleasures I get out of life. Of course, you make it incredibly easy when you ask stupid questions like that."

Knowing it would be a complete waste of time to continue this particular conversational thread, Lily ignored him and said, "Let's work in one of the classrooms instead of going back to the library. I am so sick of being in the library, aren't you? Besides," she continued with a sly smirk, "when we have another row, I'd like to be able to yell at you properly."

"When we have another row?" asked Severus.

"One of us is bound to get in a strop about something. Another argument is a foregone conclusion at this point."

"You have mastered the art of irritating me quite thoroughly," he drolly agreed, "so you may have a point there. And I'm not too keen on returning to the library either, so I don't have a problem with working in a classroom."

"Well, that settles it! I was dreading going back to that library. If I never see it again it'll be too soon." Lily made a movement to stand up, but Severus stopped her.

"Wait," he said. He took his wand, tapped Lily's picture with it, and muttered, "Diffindo." Severus caught the page as it fell away from the sketchbook and offered it to Lily. "I can't have a picture of you taking up residence in my sketchbook, so here."

"Thanks, I think," she murmured as she took the picture. "It really is a lovely picture, Severus."

"Thank you," he replied stiffly as he shoved the sketchbook back into his bag. "Now, as hard as it will be, given my considerable amount of talent, I have to ask that you not tell anybody about my little hobby."

Lily produced a rather loud snort of derisive laughter before she said, "Get over yourself! I can keep a secret, Severus. Besides, I told you that you can trust me. I'm not a blabbermouth." She stood up, walked back to the tree, and picked up her bag. When she turned around, she was surprised to see that Severus remained seated on the ground. "Aren't you coming?"

"You go ahead. I'll meet you in the Entrance Hall."

Lily opened her mouth to ask why, but quickly shut it again. She decided that she didn't really need to know why Severus wanted to stay outside a little longer. "Okay, then," she said, her voice giving away her bewilderment. Without another glance, Lily walked past him as she began her trek to the castle.

As she walked, she couldn't help peaking at the picture she still held in her hand. She marveled again at the stunningly rendered image of herself. He thinks I'm beautiful, she mused to herself. He sees beauty when he sees me. Lily didn't quite know what to think about this sudden revelation, but when she felt herself blushing, she was suddenly very glad that Severus had decided to stay behind.

*~*~*~*

Severus waited several minutes before glancing over his shoulder to make sure Lily was a good distance away. He retrieved his sketchbook and opened it to the first blank page he came to. Rummaging through his bag again, he found the pencil he had used to sketch Lily's portrait.

After looking around to make sure he was completely alone, he touched his wand to the tip of the pencil and muttered, "Repeto." When he released the pencil, it hovered in the air for a moment. Slowly, the tip of the pencil turned toward the blank page. Without warning, the pencil began feverishly making strokes on the paper, as if some mad artist wearing an Invisibility Cloak was guiding it across the page. After a few minutes, the pencil signed his initials with a flourish, fell on the sketchbook, and rolled onto the ground. Severus was staring an exact duplicate of the picture he had just given to Lily.

Once again, he touched his wand to his initials and softly uttered, "Finite." Severus watched the picture slowly come to life as his fingertip lightly traced the outline of her face. As he stared at her eyes, he thought about the memory that Lily shared with him. So, it seems the two of us have more in common than I thought we did. Both of us have been given an unhealthy dose of family dysfunction. He remembered the sound of tears in Lily's voice as she told him why her memory was so painful to recall. She doesn't get along with her sister? There's more to it than that. I wonder what happened between the two of them that would cause Lily to cry at the thought of her.

Severus was about to close the book when he observed something very odd. Lily's likeness picked up the locket that was resting beneath her jumper and began pulling it along its chain. The action in and of itself wasn't odd. What was strange was that the hurt and pain in Lily's eyes intensified as she did it. He continued to watch the drawing a few minutes more to see what would happen next. As soon as the locket was dropped, the look in her eyes softened. Whatever hurt Lily is feeling is connected to that locket somehow. That locket has something to do with the bad blood between Lily and her sister.

He gathered the last of his supplies and began shoving them into his bag. Perhaps if I find out what happened, I can figure out what it is that makes her tick. Maybe then I can learn why I can't stop thinking about her. Severus stood, shifted his bag onto his shoulder, and started walking toward the castle. Maybe then I can be free of her...