The Awakened Sleeper

Author's Note: I updated pretty quickly this time around, huh? Actually, Chapters 5 and 6 were meant to be one chapter, but it was much too long. So I had to split it in half. Thanks to my great reviewers. Your comments always keep me motivated to continue this tale. Thanks again to PirateQueen, who really helped me with a tricky spot in this chapter. Enjoy!

"Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not understood."
-- Henry Miller

Chapter 6

Confusion Is Nothing New

Unfortunately, Lily wasn't any closer to identifying the mysterious potion when she sat down next to Severus at the start of Monday's Potions class.

"I spent most of Saturday and all day Sunday searching for our potion," Lily said as she began taking supplies out of her book sack. "The only thing I learned is that it takes two washings to get library smell out of my hair." She turned to look at Severus. "I saw you hidden away at a corner table yesterday. I thought about joining you, but you were so engrossed in what you were doing that I didn't want to disturb you."

"You needn't have worried," said Severus as he looked up from his Potions textbook. "I didn't find anything either."

"Do you think we may find something in the Restricted Section?" Lily inquired.

Severus raised an eyebrow at Lily. "Why do you assume I would know?"

"Oh, please. Everybody knows you spend more time in the Restricted Section than anyone in our year. Surely during your...studies you've come across something that may help us."

Turning back to his book, Severus stiffly replied, "I'm going to ignore the thinly veiled implication that I've been pursuing something less than honorable during my time in the Restricted Section." With a sideways glance in her direction, he said, "To answer your question, I'm not sure. Maybe there's something useful in the Restricted Section, maybe not." With that, Severus gave the book his full attention.

Lily simply sat there, momentarily lost in her own confusion. It was common knowledge that Severus Snape spent much of his free time studying the shadier side of magic. For years, Lily had heard rumors that Severus had been more than proficient in several Dark spells before he had entered Hogwarts. Perhaps that was all they were - baseless rumors and nothing more. Now, it seemed as though she had offended him. Lily wanted to say something to put things right, but she didn't get a chance because Professor Slughorn had just bustled into the room.

"Let's get started everyone," Professor Slughorn said, smiling broadly. "Time is of the essence today. I know you all have been working very hard on identifying your potions the last few weeks. So I've decided we'll do something fun today," he said as he bounced on his toes, clearly excited about the day's lesson.

Since her first year, Lily had always found Professor Slughorn very amusing, particularly when he was excited. The enthusiastic bouncing coupled with his rotund belly had always reminded her of a beach ball. The image was particularly vivid today, as Professor Slughorn was wearing a striped waistcoat. A discreet snort of laughter escaped her as the thought of the Professor's bouncing belly popped into her mind.

Severus once again looked at Lily out of the corner of his eye. "What's the private joke?"

"It's nothing," Lily said, biting her lip to keep from laughing even louder than she already had. She looked over just in time to see Severus give the slightest of shoulder shrugs. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, Lily directed her attention where it belonged.

"...and that's why you'll be brewing a Euphoria Inducing Elixir today," Professor Slughorn continued. "While it isn't terribly difficult to make, the ingredients have to be added in precise amounts to diminish the various side-effects." Looking at his pocket watch, he added, "We've just enough time during this class period for you to brew and test your potions. Everyone get your supplies out quickly. You'll find the list of ingredients and instructions in Advanced Potion-Making, page 115."

"Severus," said Lily as she opened her textbook to the appropriate page, "I didn't mean to imply that you've been up to something...bad in the Restricted Section."

Severus simply looked at her, one eyebrow cocked up in disbelief. Lily was quickly becoming accustomed to this particular facial expression, as Severus had used it several times in her presence.

She rolled her eyes in resignation. "Oh, all right! I did mean to imply that you've been up to something in the Restricted Section. It's none of my business what you do with your free time. Interest in the Dark Arts doesn't necessarily mean you're plotting world domination."

Severus took a mortar and pestle from his Potions kit. He dropped a dried Billywig sting into the mortar and began grinding it into a powder. "I suppose I can't blame you for assuming I've been up to no good," Severus said pensively. "If any one person could pull off world domination, it would be me."

Lily laughed loudly, but quickly feigned a loud cough to cover it. "Maybe so," she managed to whisper through the laughter. She quietly began taking out her supplies as well. "You know, I've started thinking of you as, well, someone I could become...friends with," said Lily hesitantly, her eyes downcast as she began grinding her own Billywig sting. "People don't automatically expect the worst from their friends, Severus. That's exactly what I did, and I'm sorry."

As they prepared their ingredients in silence, Lily wondered what was going through Severus's mind. He had neither accepted nor rejected her apology. Lily hazarded a quick glance at him to see if she could determine his state of mind, but to no avail. As usual, his stony countenance betrayed only what he wanted it to, which at the present was very little. Lily went back to chopping her dried Kava root, deciding not to worry about it. If there was one thing she'd learned about Severus Snape, it was that if he had an opinion about something, he would make it known sooner or later.

Sure enough, ten minutes later Severus finally decided to clue Lily in on what he'd been thinking about. "As a potential...friend," he reluctantly began, "I suppose I should put your mind at ease. I spend time in the Restricted Section because I enjoy staying informed. This is a school; I thought the pursuit of knowledge was encouraged here."

Ignoring the hint of sarcasm in Severus's voice, Lily said, "Albert Einstein once said that information is not knowledge." She added a drop of Essence of Belladonna to the water that was rapidly bubbling in her cauldron. "He was a Muggle scientist, by the way."

"I know who Albert Einstein was," Severus replied dryly.

"Oh. I just assumed - there I go making assumptions again. Sorry," said Lily rather sheepishly.

Severus glanced at Lily as he also added a drop of Belladonna to the water in his cauldron. "Never mind that; what were you were saying about information not being knowledge?"

"I think what Einstein meant was that obtaining information is just the first step. Knowing what to do with that information, how to use it or even if it should be used - that's what true knowledge is."

He extinguished the fire under his cauldron and looked up at her. "So, basically what you're saying is just because you know how to do something, it doesn't mean you should do it."

"In a nutshell...yes," Lily said after putting out the fire under her own.

"Obviously, I haven't been practicing anything that I've read in those books, because we both know that the Headmaster would have kicked me out of Hogwarts by now if I had." The corner of his mouth upturned slightly. "That aside," said Severus, "your apology is accepted."

"Good," replied Lily, grinning broadly as she did so. She turned back to her cauldron and dumped the chopped Kava root into the hot water. "According to the textbook, we now let the Kava root steep in the water until it turns dark brown and add just the right amount of powdered Billywig sting. Then we'll be finished." Lily looked up at Severus and noticed that he had a strange expression on his face. He looked both thoughtful and conflicted at the same time, as though he was trying to make a decision. After a minute or two, he finally spoke.

"Add a sprig of peppermint to the potion before you add the Billywig sting," he said rather quickly, almost as if he wanted to say it before he changed his mind.

Lily quickly consulted her copy of Advanced Potion-Making. "I don't see anything about peppermint listed in the book."

"Can you sing?" Severus asked.

"Huh?" The question caught Lily completely off guard. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the question."

Lily sighed in exasperation as she said, "I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, if you must know. Why?"

"One of the side-effects of this elixir is excessive singing," Severus answered. "When it's time to test the elixirs, this room is going to sound like the bloody Top of the Pops gone insane. The peppermint will counteract the singing. So, unless you want everyone to hear your less than melodious voice, I suggest you add the peppermint sprig before you add the powdered Billywig sting."

Lily was wary about adding the peppermint to her elixir. She wanted to trust Severus, but she wasn't willing to sacrifice her schoolwork to do it. I won't add the peppermint to my potion until I've seen him add it to his. I know he won't jeopardize his own work.

Secure in the knowledge that she had found a solution to her minor dilemma, she smiled at Severus. "I'm not too keen on letting everybody hear how terrible a singer I am. Thanks for the tip." As she checked the color of her potion, she said, "By the way, how do you know about Top of the Pops? That's a Muggle television show." Lily had just realized that Severus had exhibited knowledge of Muggle society not once, but twice during their conversation. Slytherins usually were not well known for their grasp of anything related to Muggles.

Stone-faced once again, Severus replied, "As I said earlier, I like to stay informed."

"Have you been taking Muggle Studies?" Lily certainly didn't remember hearing about any Slytherins in their year signing up for that particular course.

"No," said Severus, his voice revealing no emotion. "I read a lot."

"So, basically what you're saying is your 'pursuit of knowledge' isn't limited to the Restricted Section of the library."

"In a nutshell...yes," Severus said, amusement once again flickering across his face.

Professor Slughorn picked that very moment to boisterously exclaim, "Miss Evans and Mr. Snape! I see that your potions are coming along quite nicely - not that I had any doubts, of course." He stood in front of their table and addressed the entire class. "By now, your potions should be the color and consistency of hot chocolate. It is time for you to add the final ingredient, but be careful. You must make sure you've measured out the precise amount of powdered Billywig sting. If you add too much...well, let's just say you'll get a bird's eye view of the classroom."

Lily and Severus each picked up a sprig of peppermint. Severus immediately dropped his peppermint sprig into his cauldron.

Well, Lily thought to herself, it's now or never. She hesitantly dropped the peppermint into her cauldron and peered inside. Seeing that the potion had not changed in appearance, Lily began to relax. So far, so good, she thought as she measured the Billywig powder. When she was absolutely sure that she had measured the right amount, Lily dumped the powder into the cauldron. The powder seemed to sizzle as it dissolved in the potion. As the powder dissolved, the color of the potion slowly turned from dark brown to yellow. The color of the elixir was so bright it shone like liquid sunshine.

"Now, it's time to test your elixirs," said Professor Slughorn. "Bottle your potions. I'll call you up to my desk one at a time and administer two drops of your own potion to you. If you've successfully brewed your elixir, you should feel slightly euphoric and nothing more.

"On the other hand," Professor Slughorn continued, "if you were not able to successfully strike a balance with all of the ingredients of this potion, you will experience some very...amusing side effects." His walrus-like mustache twitched a bit, as if he were trying not to laugh.

Anxious to learn if she had managed to produce the elixir properly, Lily quickly ladled it into a vial and cleared the rest of her equipment away. As she waited to be called to the professor's desk, Lily couldn't help worrying. She had witnessed Severus drop the peppermint into his potion with her own two eyes, so sabotage wasn't a concern anymore. Now, she was nervous about how she would react to the elixir. Was singing the only side effect? What if she had done something wrong prior to adding the peppermint? Did she add the right amount of Billywig sting? What would happen if she hadn't?

Lily looked over at Severus. He was sitting back in his chair, his arms folded across his chest. The look on his face clearly indicated how very bored he was. It was the look of a person who knew he had nothing to worry about. I wonder what a euphoric Severus Snape is like, she mused. Lily was just about to find out, for Professor Slughorn chose that precise moment to call Severus to his desk. Lily watched intently as Severus strode confidently to the front of the classroom.

"All right, Mr. Snape, what have you got for me today?" Professor Slughorn asked as he accepted the vial from Severus. He swirled the contents of the vial as he held it up to the light. "Mmm...the color is flawless, and the texture," he said as he pulled the stopper out of the vial, "is perfect. I expected nothing less from you, my boy!"

"Thank you, Professor," replied Severus in a tone that implied that he had received this sort of praise many times in the past.

Professor Slughorn sniffed at the air around the vial. "Is that peppermint I smell? What an unconventional addition!" Beaming, he clapped Severus on the back as he said, "Apparently, you've had some experience with this elixir. Trying to offset the more...embarrassing side-effects, are we?"

Severus gave Professor Slughorn a look that plainly said, "Let's get on with this." However, "Yes, sir," were the words that actually came out of his mouth.

Professor Slughorn frowned slightly at the expression on Severus's face. "Erm...anyway, it's merely a formality at this point, but if you'll kindly hand over your dropper, we'll test your potion immediately."

Lily watched with bated breath as Professor Slughorn administered two drops of the elixir on Severus's tongue. For a moment, Severus simply stood where he was, seemingly unaffected by the potion. Lily began to worry. Maybe the peppermint did ruin the elixir! As Lily continued to stare at Severus fretfully, she began to notice a subtle change in the black eyes that had unnerved her days ago. It seemed like they were glazing over just a bit. And then it happened.

Severus Snape grinned. Not just a normal grin; a goofy-happy grin. Lily covered her mouth with her hands to keep the laughter from escaping. As she looked around the room, she realized she wasn't the only person trying to conceal laughter.

"Just as I thought - a perfectly brewed Euphoria Elixir!" gushed Professor Slughorn. "You'll receive full marks, Mr. Snape. You may have a seat."

"Sure," Severus said, his voice calm and mellow. Still grinning, he sauntered back to his seat and plopped into it.

Lily goggled at Severus in amazement. Even though magic had been a part of her life for over five years, she still marveled at its results. Only magic could replace Severus Snape's usually dour appearance with the incredibly silly expression that was currently plastered on his face.

"Are you okay, Severus?"

"Yeah," he said with a light chuckle. He slumped down in his seat, stretched his legs out under the table, folded his hands across his stomach, and said, "I feel great. Right as rain, actually."

Lily didn't know how long she could keep looking at Severus in his present state. Somehow, the concept of a perpetually blissful Severus Snape was disturbing and downright creepy.

"Lily Evans," called Professor Slughorn.

Lily grabbed her vial and dropper and made her way to the professor's desk. Even though her table was right in front of Professor Slughorn's desk, the walk seemed to take an eternity. When she finally reached him, she nervously thrust the vial into his hand.

"My, my, Miss Evans! A bit eager to find out how you performed, eh? Well, at first glance, I can tell you that you have absolutely nothing to worry about," Professor Slughorn said as he shook his head. "A girl of your talents still doubting herself - imagine that! Let's get on with the test, shall we?"

Lily watched as Professor Slughorn uncorked her vial. After he'd had a look at the elixir, the professor commented on her brilliant use of peppermint - which earned her a not-so-subtle snort of laughter from Severus. Finally, it was time for Lily to try out her elixir. She handed Professor Slughorn her dropper, opened her mouth, and closed her eyes. She felt two warm drops of liquid fall on her tongue, and then nothing.

That was a letdown, Lily thought to herself. Just as the thought entered her mind, she began to feel a warmth in her chest. The warmth quickly radiated from her heart to the rest of her body, and as it did she felt a lightness that she'd never felt before. All of a sudden, Lily felt what it meant to be literally carefree. She felt as though all her problems had been purged from her system, never to return again. Lily wanted to let everyone know what pure bliss felt like. A song might be nice, she pondered, but maybe later. I think I'll just smile the biggest smile I've ever smiled! That's exactly what she did.

Professor Slughorn beamed as well. "Another successful elixir! Well done, Miss Evans! You may take your seat."

Lily just continued to smile as she walked back to her seat. She felt like she was floating on air, so she looked down at her feet. She was amazed to see that they were still on the floor.

As she took her seat, Severus lazily rolled his head in her direction. "So, how do you feel?"

"Honestly, I feel like singing, but I don't think I will...thanks to you." Lily languidly leaned over the table, propped her head up with her hand, and studied Severus intently.

After several minutes had passed, Severus sniggered lightly and asked, "What?"

"What what?"

"What are you staring at me for?"

Lily sighed contentedly. "I was just wondering how you knew to use the peppermint in the elixir."

By this time, two students who had not used peppermint in their elixirs were singing rather badly at the top of their lungs. Severus found this particularly humorous and proceeded to laugh at them.

"Severus, are you even listening to me?" Normally, Lily would have been very annoyed that she was being ignored. Right now, she was so filled with joy that she simply didn't have enough room for any other emotions. That thought alone made her smile even more.

Severus took in a deep breath to calm himself. "Ah...I haven't laughed that hard since...last Friday. I with you then, too," he said thoughtfully.

"How did you know about the peppermint?" Lily repeated.

Severus shrugged his shoulders. "My mother used to make this potion all the time. She'd slip it into my father's food whenever she had to give him bad news. It softened the blow. Hey," he said casually pointing to the ceiling, "I didn't know McLauren could float."

Lily looked up to see the Slytherin floating toward the ceiling. "Oh," she said airily as if she was used to seeing people floating in the air of their own accord. "That's what Professor Slughorn meant by 'a bird's eye view of the classroom.' I guess Magnus used too much Billywig powder."

"Mr. Potter!" Professor Slughorn shouted. "Grab your partner's ankle tightly and escort him to the hospital wing, please. Just set your potion on my desk."

Lily watched as James walked up to Magnus McLauren, grabbed him by the foot, and pulled him toward the door. It looked like James was holding a rather large, person-shaped balloon. When Magnus's head clunked against the doorjamb, Lily began giggling uncontrollably.

By now, the room was filled with a cacophony of bad singing and laughter, as nearly everyone had tested their elixirs. Lily spent the remainder of her time in class with her eyes closed, trying to match each harshly warbled song to the poor soul singing it.

"Is that Sirius singing something about 'hot, strong love'?" Lily asked nonchalantly, eyes still closed. Severus confirmed her guess by laughing so hard he fell out of his seat.

Lily watched as Severus struggled to get back in his chair. "That would be a yes, I suppose..."

*~*~*~*

Once Sirius sobered up enough to be properly mortified about his dreadful interpretation of a sappy love song, he began remembering everything he'd witnessed during Potions class. He had seen Lily and Snape not just coexisting peacefully, but actually being friendly toward each other, while James had to sit and watch the whole bloody mess transpire. James had stopped looking like a pathetically wounded puppy about a week ago, but Sirius could tell it still bothered him to see Lily and Snivellus together. As far as Sirius was concerned, it was time for him to take action - not just for James, but for Lily's sake, too.

He decided to begin his intervention by attempting to talk some sense into Lily. She was a smart girl; surely she would listen to reason. However, before he could begin his mediation, Sirius would have to catch up with her first.

"Oy, Lily!" Sirius called as he caught a glimpse of her several yards ahead of him in the corridor. Lily turned around to see who was calling her name as he sprinted forward to meet her.

"Hi, Sirius!" Lily exclaimed a little too cheerfully. Apparently, she was still experiencing the last vestiges of the Euphoria Elixir.

"Hello. How are things going for you, Lily?" It's probably best to start the conversation light, Sirius thought to himself as he fell into step beside her.

"I'm great. How about you?"

Sirius shrugged his shoulders. "I can't complain. Potions was insane today, wasn't it?"

Lily giggled softly and said, "I don't think I'll ever forget today's lesson. By the way, your rendition of 'A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love' was inspired. I'm sure it will become a modern day classic."

"Ha ha," Sirius said. "That smirk of yours is Slytherin worthy. I reckon you picked that up from your new friend."

"What's that supposed to mean, Sirius?" Lily asked.

"Nothing at all. It's just that I've noticed how friendly you've become with Snape."

"There's no reason for me not to be civil toward Severus. We're both very serious about our schoolwork, and it would be counterproductive to treat each other badly."

"Well, from where I was sitting it looked like more was going on between you two than just a civil partnership." Sirius snidely chuckled as he continued. "I mean, it looked like I actually caught the tiniest hint of pleasure on Snivelly's face today - even before he took the elixir."

Lily stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face Sirius. "I guess my elixir has run its course, because you're really starting to wind me up."

"How much do you know about Severus Snape, Lily?" Sirius asked.

"I know what I need to know, Sirius."

"If you're voluntarily electing to spend time with him, clearly you don't know enough."

Lily narrowed her eyes at Sirius and folded her arms across her chest. "You know, last time I checked, I still had a mother and a father, but you and Cressida are obviously ready to take their places. I suppose I should just owl them and let them know their services are no longer needed."

"Lily, we're only warning you because we care about you. I know the two of us aren't the best of friends, but I like you a lot. You're a great girl, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, Lily replied, "Look, I appreciate your concern, Sirius, I really do. But I'm a big girl; I don't need you butting into my life. Besides, you hate Severus. Why would I listen to anything you have to say about him?"

"You don't have to take my word for it," Sirius said softly. "You've been on the receiving end of his nastiness. You tell me - how did it feel when he called you a Mudblood, just for trying to stand up for him?"

"Sirius," Lily said, her voice laced with cold fury, "I'm warning you - you do not want to go down that road with me. He wouldn't have needed helping if you and James hadn't been bullying him that day."

"That's beside the point, Lily!" Sirius couldn't believe that Lily was actually defending the oily git. "The fact that he is ready to hate you just for being who you are...doesn't that mean something to you?"

Lily stepped up to Sirius and looked him in the eye. "The fact that he apologized to me means a hell of a lot more. It tells me that he's willing to admit that he made a mistake. It isn't easy to admit when you're wrong, but Severus did. Tell me, Sirius," she whispered, "have you ever apologized to Severus for making him look like a fool in front of half the student body?" Lily studied Sirius closely, letting the question hang in the air between them for a moment. "I didn't think so," she said with a smirk.

Sirius glared at Lily, the quick rising and falling of his chest evidence of his growing anger. "He's got you fooled, Lily, but sooner or later he's going to show his true colors. For your sake, I hope it's sooner rather than later."

"Sirius, as far as I'm concerned this conversation is over. If you'll excuse me, I've got to get to the library." She stepped around Sirius and stalked away. Sirius stood there, shaking his head in disbelief. Why couldn't Lily understand that he was only trying to help her?

*~*~*~*

It was nearly eleven o'clock and the Slytherin common room was mostly deserted. Under normal circumstances, Severus would be in bed sleeping. However, since his nightmares had become increasingly worse over the course of the last few weeks, Severus didn't see much point in going to bed anymore. So he used his extra waking hours to his advantage and continued to pore over numerous books on potion-making, desperately hoping to learn something about Slughorn's mystery potion. He was so focused on what he was reading that he didn't hear Evan Rosier approaching.

"Severus, why are you still in h-here?" Evan asked as he stifled a yawn.

Severus, still immersed in his research, didn't acknowledge Evan's presence. He continued to read his book as if he were still the only person in the common room. This did not sit well with Evan, who had grown accustomed to being the center of attention during his time at Hogwarts. He walked up to Severus, stood behind him, and gave him a good thump upside the head.

"OUCH!" Severus jumped out of his seat reacting to both the pain in his head and the fact that Evan had startled him. "What is your problem, Rosier?"

"I asked you a question, and you completely ignored me."

"So you decided to hit me?" Severus asked incredulously. This was the second time this week someone had decided to hit him to get his attention. "What is it with you people lately? Has somebody been beating sixth years with a stupid stick?"

"Huh?"

Severus took a deep breath as he sat down, rubbing the back of his head. "Never mind. Why aren't you in the dorm?"

"Oh, no; I asked you first," Evan countered as he fell into the chair across from Severus.

"Well, I don't know, Evan. Let's see what we have here. I see books," Severus said as he lifted some of the books off the table, "books, and...more books. Could I have been...studying, perhaps?"

Evan narrowed his eyes at Severus. "Obviously. What I meant was why are you still studying?"

"I've got to figure out what this potion is soon, or I won't have time to prepare it," Severus said wearily.

"Surely you can continue studying tomorrow morning. I mean, you do plan on sleeping sometime this term, don't you?"

"Sleep is overrated. Do you know how much work I've done over the last few days?" Severus started gathering all his materials since it was apparent that he wouldn't be getting much further in his studies. "I'm perfectly capable of functioning on three hours sleep each day."

"The way you were trying to keep from napping in your dinner the other night suggests otherwise," Evan drawled. Severus glared at Evan in response, wondering why he continued to associate with him.

Because you've still got another year here and you can't afford to have him as an enemy, a small voice sneered in the back of his mind.

"Anyway," continued Evan, "to answer your question, I was nearly asleep when I remembered that I left my transfiguration notes in here. Have you seen them?" he asked as he began shuffling books around on the table.

Severus reached into his bag and retrieved the notes. "I was going to pin them to the announcement board," he said as he handed the notes to Evan. "You're lucky I'm the one who found them. You would have been rummaging through wastebaskets looking for them if someone else had."

"I appreciate it," Evan said, folding the notes and tucking them away in the pocket of his dressing gown. "It's good to know someone around here is watching my back, not trying to stab me in it." He ran his fingers through his thick mane of dark brown hair, as he studied Severus shrewdly. "Now that I've told you why I'm here, why don't you tell me the real reason you've been in here studying these Potions texts all night?" he said, leaning back in his chair.

"I haven't got a clue what you're referring to, Rosier," Severus responded, his face and voice completely deadpan.

Evan grinned devilishly at Severus as he said, "I may not take Potions anymore, but Slytherins talk. I've heard little whispers all day about how you've been making nice with that Mudblood partner of yours."

"I was under the influence of a Euphoria Elixir. I was being nice to everybody. So what?"

"Oh, I heard about that, too," Evan chuckled mockingly. "I think I would have paid money to see that. Anyway, from what I heard, you were being nice to her long before you took that potion."

Severus said nothing. Inside, his annoyance with Evan's prying was simmering into a mild anger. However, his outward appearance betrayed nothing.

Evan took Severus's silence as a cue to continue speaking. "It looks as though you were listening to me last Friday after all." He let the chair he had been leaning back in fall to the floor dramatically. "You're trying to get into her knickers, aren't you?"

The mild anger had now rapidly bubbled into rage. Severus stared at Evan, his eyes gaping and his fists clenched under the table. "What?" he quietly asked.

"Oh, come on, Severus, this is me you're talking to here," Evan said, leaning across the table. "You know I won't tell anyone."

Severus shook his head. "I know you won't tell anyone, because there's nothing to tell. I'm just trying to get through the term with a passing grade, and playing nice with the little Gryffindor is the only way to do it."

Evan wiggled his eyebrows as he said, "It's also the only way to get her to open her legs, mate. You can sit there looking sanctimonious if you want to, but I know you've thought about it."

Severus was used to Evan's perverted ramblings; that wasn't surprising. What was surprising was that Evan was right, in a way. Thinking back over the last few days, Severus realized that he had been thinking about Lily way too much. He had wondered how she had become so good at Potions when she'd had no magical experience prior to attending Hogwarts. He'd often wondered what she was doing when they weren't together. And as painful and embarrassing as that day had been, Severus had not been able to forget about how Lily stood up for him last June. Yes, Severus had been thinking about Lily Evans more than necessary, but he certainly hadn't thought about her in...that way. Now that Evan had planted that little seed, it was only a matter of time before it sprouted in Severus's mind as well. Damn him, Severus thought to himself.

Evan got out of his seat, walked around to where Severus was sitting, and stood next to his chair. "Hey, we all play these little games to get what we want. Just make sure the game doesn't play you."

Severus looked up at Evan and frowned. "How so?"

Evan squatted so he could speak to Severus face to face. "Don't let feelings get in the way of what you want. Just give her a good ride and make a clean break. When feelings get involved, things get right messy. But I'm sure that won't be a problem for you, Severus."

Evan clapped Severus on the back as he stood up again. "Like I said, your secret is safe with me. Just let me know how it turns out." Evan gave Severus a wink and a smile, turned around, and headed toward the boys' dorm.

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to figure out what had just happened. As if I don't have enough problems, now Rosier thinks I'm just as warped as he is. Maybe that's a good thing. It'll keep him off my back for a while, anyway. He reached into his bag, pulled out his journal, and lifted the Concealment Charm he'd placed on it. Severus always felt better after depositing his problems into the little book. Picking up his quill, he began to write.

20 September 1976

I'm so tired. Why can't I sleep without experiencing that dreaded nightmare over and over again? The lack of sleep hasn't had an affect on my work yet, but I find my mind wandering more and more everyday. My thoughts always turn to her. I opened this journal so I could write down what an ass Evan Rosier is, but here I am writing about Lily Evans her. Why? I don't want to like her. I shouldn't like her. She's been my academic rival for years and a damn Gryffindor on top of that. I can't even bear to write her name in this journal because that would be an actual admission of my feelings. That would make it real; make it true. Yet, through my actions, I've already admitted it to her, haven't I?

I thought this project would be the bane of my existence, but I was wrong. I actually enjoy spending time with her. She's probably the smartest person in our year (after me, of course). I could talk to her about something as mundane as her preferred method of chopping ginger roots for hours. And she's funny. I've laughed more in the past several days than I have in the last five years. She has this ability to make me forget that I'm not supposed to like her.

I must be losing my mind. Lack of sleep has been known to cause mental instability. Maybe that's why I can't stop thinking about her. This insanity has to stop. I have to work with her; there's no getting around it. However, I don't have to engage in conversation with her. I don't have to laugh like a giddy little fool around her either. I'll speak to her only when I need to and only about Potions. There's no need for us to talk about anything else. Rosier was right about one thing: emotions do make a mess of things.

Author's Note: The chapter title is a line from the song "Time After Time," by Cyndi Lauper. Also, "A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love" came from HBP chapter 16.