The Love That Lived

My Oxygen

It's funny, how swift life-changing events can happen. It's stranger still, that one insignificant action - a train of thought even - can ultimately impact on and change your life forever.

I'd had four life changing events throughout the course of my life.

And I was only twenty one when I was killed at the hands of a supposed best friend.

I guess in a way, that my insignificant act of saying hello to Peter Pettigrew on the Hogwarts Express in first year was a bad move - but that's a different story.

Life-changing events aren't always necessarily pleasant or good things, as I've quickly discovered. However in saying that, I believe only good has been derived from them. Skeptical you may well be, but let me explain.

My first ever life-changing event happened at the tender age of sixteen. A tumultuous time for any teenager - heightened tremendously by the fact the Lord Voldemort was steadily gaining power.

This is possibly why she shone so much brighter. Against the darkness that was the Wizarding World, she epitomised everything I thought to be good in the world.

It took me about five seconds to fall in love with Lily.

It took me another five years to gain her attention.

Finally, in out last year at Hogwarts, I managed to pull my head in and in the process gained her approval - and love.

A simple act, you may well think.

But turning over that new leaf changed my life forever.

It lead ultimately to my death, yes. But it also lead to the utmost joy I'd ever experienced. Loving Lily came as easily to me as loving Firewhiskey did for Sirius.

I'll never stop loving her.

My second life-changing event happened when her and I were married.

We had our son.

Many of you know him as 'The Boy Who Lived' or the Boy Who Defeated The Dark Lord or you may even know him as Harry James Potter.

To me - to us - Harry was just our baby. He was a legend of our love. Again, he signified to me what was good and right in the world - what we were all fighting for - what we were fighting to preserve.

I'm in no doubt that Harry's birth made me a better person. People said he looked just like me. Yet whenever I looked at him, I saw Lily all through him. He encompassed all of Lily's beauty and grace, all of her spirit, understanding and kindness. Every time I looked at my son, every day I saw him, it made me into a stronger person, I person I wanted to be, just as Lily had done. Harry taught me to never take anyone or anything for granted.

I cherished every second I was with him. I hope he knows that.

When Dumbledore told us about the prophecy, I can't say we were exactly happy about it. In fact, I took it pretty badly. I didn't understand why an innocent child should have to brandish such a burden from an era he hadn't even existed in. This had nothing to do with Harry. Why should he have to suffer from something he knew nothing of - something he was too young to even comprehend?

I vowed I'd never let anyone hurt him. I'd die before I let anything happen to my son. As it transpired, this would be my third life-changing event.

My fourth was allowing Peter to be Secret Keeper. When I look back on it now, I realise how foolish I had been. Lily was skeptical, but I trusted him instantaneously.

I don't blame Sirius, I could never blame Sirius.

I do however, blame Peter. I blame him for being a coward. I blame him for handing us over to Voldemort. I doubt I will ever forgive him, even in death. People say you learn to forgive and forget, but how can I forget such a dreadful deed? He took me away from my son, my wife, my home. He took my life. I'll never forget that, so I will never forgive either.

This last, and by far the most significant life-changing event generates a lot of blame, a lot of anger.

But as I have said, I believe good has come from it too. With the anger, it has brought about passion, love and admiration.

I have a constant and never-ending admiration and love for Lily, who faced Voldemort fearlessly, refusing to succumb to his wishes.

I have an admiration for Remus, for having such strength in the most difficult times of his life. People forget he has no one. I have Lily - and now Sirius as well. Remus had Sirius for a short period of time, yes, but not during the most distraught hours of his life. When we were killed, Sirius was in Azkaban; Remus dealt with our deaths by himself, and does again now as Sirius passes on towards us.

I admire Remus' strength to carry on. I doubt I could have.

I admire Harry.

There's far too many things to say about son and I fear my ramblings would not even begin to suffice.

Just let him know I admire his courage. Tell him I think about him ever single waking moment.

Tell him I'm proud he was mine.

This train of thought will never leave my mind and therefore this is how I know that there is still good in the world, whichever realm of it you may reside in.

Harry and Lily were my oxygen.

They continue to be so in death. And, ironic as it seems, that is something that shall never die.