- Rating:
- PG-13
- House:
- The Dark Arts
- Characters:
- Harry Potter Sirius Black
- Genres:
- Angst Drama
- Era:
- Harry and Classmates Post-Hogwarts
- Spoilers:
- Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire
- Stats:
-
Published: 01/17/2005Updated: 11/06/2005Words: 43,740Chapters: 12Hits: 6,445
Last Mistake
Xadeiri
- Story Summary:
- Years have gone by, for Harry was no longer a student of Hogwarts, nor was he the boy that he once was. His battle with the dark side marked the defeat of the one that destroyed his parents, his friends, and countless number of lives, including his very own. After the destruction of Voldemort, Harry's life was stolen during a single moment of weakness. Before he realized what had happened, a race towards reincarnation began as the dead interfered with the living. Soon, Sirius and the rest of the world would find out that Harry's death was more than what it seemed.
Chapter 01
- Posted:
- 01/28/2005
- Hits:
- 736
- Author's Note:
- Things to look out for in this and future chapters are the paragraphs in italic. Anything in italics are either flashbacks (which there will be plenty) or dreams. I've also made a thread where I will announce the posting of new chapters. Subscribe if you wish to be informed of my updates.
Chapter one - Dangerous Reminisce
The ex-convict sat in a remote pub, with a newspaper in hand and an unwavering frown etched on his face. What was once a relaxing sight became nothing more than a reminder of something he could never have. The world outside was lively, busy, exciting, and happy. He thought the last word bitterly. Happy. He hadn't felt such an emotion for quite a while.
There was no escape from those smiles he had bypassed everyday and everywhere for as long as he was alive. Alive. It wasn't a word he would use to describe what he felt his existence was now. Sure, like any living being, he ate, drank, and slept, but he wasn't alive. He simply lived. It was as if all his ability to express his emotions had died away, never to be returned.
One major difference between the others and him was that they would smile, maybe not always or a whole lot, but at least occasionally. He couldn't remember the last time he smiled. In fact, he didn't think he remembered how to smile anymore. Those smiles he saw...sickening. Their happiness caused him his greatest lost. And he didn't think he could ever forgive the world for killing the one person he had loved most.
Not wanting to fuel his anger further, he returned his attention to the papers in his hand. He opened it expectantly, as if he knew what the contents would include. His eyes involuntarily drifted to an article headlined "Mysterious Vigilante Kills Again". There was a moving picture of the setting of the crime scene on the corner of the page. He skipped over to the writing.
London, England - For weeks, mysterious killings have circled around the outskirts of London. All reported victims have been identified with an incriminating record. To this point, four of them have been discovered as former Death Eaters who had abandoned their position after the demise of their leader, You-Know-Who, and three have been suspected to be involved in some other newly formed criminal organization known as the "Snare Snakes" or "SS." Whether they descended from former followers of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, is unknown. In fact, much is unknown about them at this time.
In the meanwhile, most wizards and witches are thankful that some of these criminals are no longer amongst us. However, there is a general fear for this mysterious vigilante whose presence is among us. Aurors at the scenes has identified a series of patterns from these killings. Larnie Jordan, an auror at the scene, comments, "All of the victims have been slit by their throats, or stabbed in the heart. They were given a swift execution. There were no signs of torture or struggle found in all related incidents. We do not know if the one responsible for these deaths will continue to murder other criminals. Therefore, we are using our utmost resources to find this vigilante before he poses an immediate threat to the community. Good vigilante or not, the law was broken."
Due to the unique style of execution (the usage of a sharp weapon instead of the Killing Curse), the investigation has been weltered. Aurors have even considered a muggle perpetrator, but that idea was swiftly dismissed because it was very unlikely for a muggle to overcome a wizard and their wand. The single fact the Department of Magical Law Enforcement had been positive enough to release to the press was that the perpetrator is a wizard and not a witch.
The latest victim was a man by the name of Reuis Jeffers, a fugitive that has been on the run from Aurors for killing a muggle family and an innocent bystander near the Hogsmeade area during the most recent muggle attack. It was also rumored that he was one of the few who had a part in the passing of the late Harry James Potter. Authorities have yet to uncover the connections of these murders and refused to comment on Jeffers' connection with Potter.
As he digested the article, his faced stayed emotionless, except for the frown that has been permanently stitched to his visage. Discreetly, he paid for the Firewhisky and left the pub swiftly, the crumpled newspaper discarded in the trash.
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The sun revealed the exquisite beauty of this spring afternoon. Not many were dwelling in the lush environment since it was a school day. For the teachers, it was no exception. The DADA professor sat idly at his desk when he heard a knock on his door.
Not particularly in the mood for guests, he told whomever that stood on the other side of the door that he was occupied at the moment. He went to see who had such an insistent stance on wanting to see him when the knocking did not cease. The door opened to reveal a young girl, looking desperately at him with apologetic eyes.
"Professor Lupin! I'm so sorry to bother you b-but I-"
"Calm down, Ms. Lain. I want you to tell me what happened slowly."
"F-for homework, you told us to practice our pronunciation and wand movement for the stunning spell. I...know we weren't supposed to really practice it without supervision, but I just really wanted to master it! Then I-I accidentally stunned Laura! She's knocked out! I am so stupid! What if she's hurt?"
"Ms. Lain."
"I didn't mean to! I swear! I hope she's ok. Oh, Merlin...I can't believe..."
Remus was starting to get a headache. He calmly called her name again louder.
"Ms. Lain!"
She stopped talking, shocked to hear Professor Lupin raise his voice, because he never did so in class.
"Ms. Lain," he began, lowering his voice back to its original volume.
"I'm sure Ms. Cale will be fine. Be glad that it's only a stunning spell. That can be easily reversed. I'm sure this will be a good lesson for you to not only learn to be more careful with the use of your wand, but also to follow my instructions. I don't provide random ones just for the sake of nothing. I hope you will listen in the future. I will see you in class tomorrow, and not anytime before that."
The student nodded and understood that she had better stay out of additional trouble. Noting the professor's dismissal, she turns to leave.
Remus went back to his desk, a little dismayed that that little conversation cost him so much time. He was planning to write to Sirius but never got the chance to. Remus tried his best to keep in contact with him, but Sirius' aloofness made it difficult.
Ever since their last encounter that involved him getting punched in the jaw, it was obvious to Remus that Sirius had been avoiding him. But that didn't strike him as odd since Sirius was avoiding everyone.
Remus hadn't exactly been mad about the punch, just stunned. He knew he had said something sensitive. Heck, they both flung some equally offensive comments at each other. But he did the one thing he shouldn't have. He had acknowledged Sirius' blame, or his...non-blame. Either way, he mentioned it. Almost everyone at Hogwarts knew of the events that caused Sirius to blame himself for his godson's death.
Dumbledore had warned everyone to avoid mentioning the unmentionable to prevent the release of Sirius's lightly suppressed aggression. Remus had disregarded Dumbledore's advice and had thought that maybe the one thing that's having the most effect could be the factor in helping his friend to his gradual recovery. But now he knew it only had the opposite effect. Since then, he had left it alone.
Dumbledore, being the generous wizard that he is, offered his advice and suggested that they all give Sirius some time to let the events sink in, but Remus thought otherwise. No one should have to grief alone. He remembered what happened after they left St. Mungo and before their argument. He understood what it meant to Sirius. The day that Sirius lost his godson was the day he lost himself.
They apparated into Remus' house. Both were baking in their exhaustion, mentally and physically. The second they entered, Sirius went into the garage and locked the door. Remus decided it was best that he left him alone for a while. But he couldn't stop worrying that Sirius might do something rash.
He had seen the look on Sirius' face when he came out of Harry's room. There was an angry gaze mixed with one of pure torture in his eyes. He stood stiffly and held his fist in a grip so tight that his knuckles were making cracking sounds.
There were unshed tears streaming down his face...but in seconds, those emotions disappeared to be replaced by a blank look. A lost look. One that is seen in those who have been given the Dementor's Kiss.
It was that look that scared Remus more than anything.
For the next few days, Sirius has yet to make an appearance. Remus was beginning to think that Sirius was doing something harmful inside the garage. He recalled that there was no food whatsoever in there, although there were some old whiskies lying around the last time he was in the garage. That certainly didn't make the situation any more positive.
Finally, Remus decided to unlock the doors. After a few unsuccessful attempts, it was clear that Sirius had a strong intent to be left alone. Remus knew he couldn't give up. This was suicide. He had never thought about death by the abstinence of food, but now, he was worried that it might just be the one thing that Sirius had in mind. When nothing else seems to work or even have a minimal effect, Dumbledore was summoned.
Thankfully, the wise bearded wizard discovered the identity of the spell and managed to break it. Whether it was too late or not, the werewolf didn't know.
Once the door was unlocked, a sudden dreadful feeling came over him. He tried to ignore it as he and Dumbledore entered. What they found wasn't a pretty sight. A man with a faint complexion, a pale face sat in the corner with eyes that could hardly stay open. Remus quickly rushed over to his semiconscious friend. He was devastated to see the change in appearance that had occurred in a week's time.
"Padfoot! What did you do?!"
He shook his friend by the shoulder when there was no answer. Sirius' eyes were drifting back and forth, not really focusing on anything.
"Padfoot! Listen to me. Listen to my voice. Stay awake! Whatever you do, don't close your eyes!" He turned towards Dumbledore at the doorway.
"Take him to St. Mungo's. I'll ready them." With that, the old wizard disappeared.
Remus turned back to his friend.
"How could you starve yourself like this?"
As expected, there was no answer. Remus carefully lifted Sirius. He was surprised at the weight that wasn't present. Even with his werewolf strength, he knew no one should be this light.
"I'm taking you to St. Mungo's. You better hold on, Padfoot."
"Harry..."
Remus pained at the words that came out of his friend's dry lips.
"I know, Padfoot," he said, remorsefully. "I know..."
With Sirius in his arms, he too disappeared to meet Dumbledore.
Remus snapped out of his momentary daydream. Why his mind decided to reminisce that memory, he knew all too well. No one seems to know what Sirius Black has been up to, and no one dared to ask, except for him. He used to be able to read his friend quite well, but this time, it has become impossible. Remus was almost convinced that whatever sanity left in his friend from his days as a carefree youth, that was not devoured by the dementors, had been shattered by Harry'sdeath.
With that fiery hatred dwelling and growing in him, Remus had no reservations that by now, Sirius had already done something he'd regret later. There was also no doubt in his mind that even if he knew beforehand...even with everything in his power, it wouldn't have been enough to stop Sirius from doing what he's determined to do.
----------
They were drenched in darkness, but they were definitely not alone. Harry shivered as a dreaded feeling came over him. Unconsciously, and mostly due to instincts, his wand automatically slipped into his hands. His heart was racing...it was coming. A part of him wanted to bolt and run away from it, but the part with a stronger voice planted his feet on the ground, and he felt as if he couldn't move. Then he felt someone grab his shoulder from behind. Before he could react, he felt his feet leave the ground, the whirlwind of colors rushing pass him, and then it stopped.
The first thought that came to mind as his eyes roamed the new setting was: the Shrieking Shack. He no longer needed to ask who brought him here, there could only be one person, "Sirius."
When he turned around, he was met with a face full of concern. Then it turned into anger.
"What in Merlin were you thinking standing out there like a bloody Phoenix in daylight?! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Damn it Harry, I'd wish you'd stop looking for trouble."
"Sirius, would you stop? I'm old enough to take care of those rotten Death Eaters and myself. And I know you know full well that I'm not looking for trouble. Trouble finds me remember?"
"Well you don't have to make it even easier for them!"
Harry gave his godfather a look of utter defiance and determination.
"I just killed Voldemort...and I'll be damn if the consequences will be the death of any of you. You were my father's best friend, weren't you?" Harry asked.
He didn't wait for an answer before he continued, "Then I suppose you would understand that I won't just lounge around and do nothing!"
"I'm not saying that you shouldn't help Harry, but I can't allow you to put yourself in danger by throwing caution out the door. Your parents made me your guardian and I'm going to do what I have to for your safety."
"I'm not the naive little boy that you first met anymore, Sirius. Like you, I'm going to do what I have to to protect my friends. I'm not going to hide behind Dumbledore or anyone else. This is my mess. I released the curse and I will stop it."
With that, the twenty-years-old walked towards the decay-looking door, ready to apparate back to Diagon Alley. When a hand grabbed his arm, he wasn't surprised.
"The curse is everyone's problem. You may have killed Voldemort and activated the curse, but you had no knowledge of it. The Order did and we warned you too late. So, you can't and won't take this all on yourself. Hermione and Ron may be your friends, but they're also Aurors-"
"And they've already lost too much. There's no way I'll allow them to lose what family they have left. As long as I'm alive, they will not be left completely parent-less like I've been. They don't deserve to suffer through that. I would know."
"But you'll put your own life in jeopardy," Sirius said, stating the obvious.
Sirius was startled when his godson released a bitter chuckle.
"Sirius, since when is my life not in jeopardy? I seriously don't recall a time in my life where I wasn't in danger. That just wouldn't be the life of Harry Potter the Boy-Who-Lived, now would it?" he said, cynically.
Sirius looked at Harry with a frown. "Why are you acting like this, Harry? What happened?"
"Oh, nothing. You know, just the usual...bodies all around, people I know dying in the hands of Voldemort's followers. You'd think when I found out that Neville and McGonagall were tortured and murdered in a manner so brutal...so vile, that it would've made me cry. But I haven't. I couldn't. Even when I saw their unrecognizable bodies with my own eyes, those tears refused to come."
Harry sighed a heavy sigh; something he has been doing a lot of lately. He met his godfather's eyes as he spoke his next words.
"Sirius, I've seen too many things that I would never agree to be a witness of if I had a choice. I've done too many things that I wish I had never done-"
Sirius was about to interject, but Harry wouldn't allow him to.
"Don't tell me that it was in the name of all that is good. Who's to say what we do in the name of good is good? What about what I did to Weasley? Was that right?"
Sirius was taken aback when his godson suddenly looked younger and older at the same time. If he looked hard enough, an air of innocence could still be found buried somewhere deep inside. But he didn't think that innocence would ever come back to the surface.
Harry's voice brought him back to the conversation.
"Do you know what this means?" Harry asked, almost as if it pained him to even think it.
They stared at each other in the only place where the soul was said to be reached...their eyes. There was no need to say it, Sirius could see the answers plain and clear there.
"Harry...you're not-"
"I am," Harry assured. "I didn't want to be, but I am by circumstances and not choice."
"You had a reason t-"
"No. Listen to me, Sirius. I've killed without a conscience. I'm turning into a cold-hearted bastard like him!"
"That isn't true, Harry. You did what you had to. I'm sure anyone that was put in your situation would've done the same."
Harry looked angry then at how little his godfather understood.
"You don't get it, do you? I'm sure anyone would've done what I've done in thought, but to carry it out...that's just inhumane. Which is exactly what I am. Ron is still mad at me, his whole family loathes me, and I don't blame them. I deserve every bit of resentment, hate, insult, and punches Bill and Charlie gave me."
"But Ron, Ginny, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley avoids me like the plague. My best friend-or should I say ex-best friend can't even look at me, much less come near me. That hurts more than all of the punches I've received from his brothers."
"You had no choice-" Sirius began, but was once again interrupted.
"Choice. I had one all right. It was a choice beyond tough, but a choice nevertheless. I killed their brother. I killed Fred Weasley! What more evidence do you need to prove that I'm a cold-hearted murderer just as Voldemort had been?"
Sirius cringed at the comparison. He desperately dug his mind for words to justify Harry's actions, but he soon realized that he didn't need to. They were on the tip of his tongue.
"You and Voldemort can never be compared in likeness, because both of you had different motives. You did what you believed is right and I'd have to agree that you made the best decision considering."
"Even if I was right in my decision, it doesn't change anything. I killed someone. Someone who didn't deserve to die. And right doesn't make it acceptable."
"You're right, it doesn't make it alright and I'm afraid it probably would never be okay. The main thing is that what's done is done. You should know that the decision you made saved a lot of people. It was a sacrifice that had to be made. People look up to you. Children look up to you. Whether you agree or not, you've been branded a hero since the day you-"
"-survived. How heroic is that? I didn't do anything to deserve a title."
"But it-"
"No. I did nothing that warrants recognition. My parents-they weakened Voldemort. They made him disappear for all those years. It was their magic. Not me. You know how people had always questioned how a boy barely a year old could inflict such damage on a wizard they deeply feared? Well, that's because I couldn't, I didn't. Just like I couldn't save Ron's brother. If anyone's a hero, Fred is."
"Harry, you never told me the whole story. For all I know, you could be making yourself out to be worse than you are. I've only heard bits and pieces of what had happened. And none of them came from you."
"It-"
The occupants of the Shrieking Shack quickly became silent when a low rumbling sound erupted.
"They're here," said Harry, alarmed.
"Why? How did they-" Sirius cut himself short.
"Maybe they followed me here. Or maybe they just sensed them, because they're all crowded there."
Abruptly, Harry ran out of the Shrieking Shack and towards the opening of the Forbidden Forest. Sirius quickly followed him as they made their way to the Whomping Willow...
Author notes: If the flashback confuses you, don't worry. It'll all be explained. Harry's death will be slowly revealed as the story progresses, but don't put too much thought into it yet. There will be more important things happening in the story other than that.