Where'd You Go?

Chapter One. Where'd You Go?

I want you to know it's a little messed up,

That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',

Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,

For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,

It seems one thing has been true all along,

You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone,

I guess I've had it with you and your career,

When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...

--"Where'd You Go," Fort Minor

In the end, it came down to a battle of wills. It was a battle that raged more within herself than with Harry. Her mind reviewed their relationship and everything that was said between them at the funeral. Her mind knew that Harry was right, that she would become a target, and that they would both be better off staying away from each other.

Her heart had other things to say. It remembered the good weeks, the years of longing and the happiness of it all. She remembered feeling like the luckiest girl in the world, like she was invincible.

To have wanted him for so many years and then finally be able to call him hers, just to have him snatched away was perhaps the cruelest thing that could happen to a person. She understood his noble intentions, but it had still hurt like hell. She was actually more than a little glad that he hadn't come to the Burrow right after summer holidays started, and even glad that he took Ron with him. It gave her plenty of time to think and reflect.

To get through those hard times of the summer, Ginny drew on her strength and calm from the funeral. She felt resigned and proud at the same time.

She tried very hard to give him up, and she was very prepared to see him by the time he, Ron and Hermione came to the Burrow for the wedding. But all that was pretty much shot when she actually saw him.

In an instant, Ginny remembered every single reason why she loved him. And though she knew his reasons for breaking up with her were more than valid, she couldn't see why they shouldn't have just one summer together.

"Just one," she whispered to him at Bill and Fleur's wedding. She had been dancing with Ron, and Harry with Hermione until Ron and Hermione had decided to "trade partners." Next thing she knew, she was dancing in Harry's arms. It wasn't something she much minded.

"What do you mean?" he asked her.

"I want just one summer with you. I respect your decision for breaking up with me, and I would never want to put either of us in danger. But I'm not quite ready to give you up yet," she said, leaning on his shoulder as they swayed to the slow music. Perhaps the magic of the moment had swept her away and she was being utterly foolish. Or perhaps she was right and they didn't have to end things just yet. She was probably the fool for thinking things could be picture perfect, but she preferred to call herself optimistic.

"I can't," he said tightly. "I shouldn't even be dancing with you right now. You're one of my biggest weaknesses, and I can't let him know that. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you because of me. Can you understand that, Gin?"

"Of course I can understand it. I've been understanding it. What I'm having a hard time doing is accepting it. All my life people have been trying to tell me what to do because they think they know what's best for me. But they don't. Only I know what I want and need, and that's you," she said fiercely.

"God, Gin, I need you too. More than you could ever know. I think I had some of my happiest moments with you."

"Me too."

They made no decisions, no promises. But with all the things that were never said, she felt them in her heart. She actually liked that they made no real commitments because it meant they had no expectations to live up to. It was a time Ginny would remember for the rest of her life.

They had a lazy, almost carefree summer. Almost

Ginny knew that no matter what else lay between them, it was her friendship with him that made all the difference. Even when he tried to shut her out, she wouldn't let him.

"You know that it's okay to talk about it, right?" she said to him, startling him from one of his brooding funks one day. He was sitting alone in the dark in Fred and George's room, which probably wasn't a very good idea anyway. Even though he tried his hardest to be light, especially with her, he was moody and distant with everyone since they had arrived. Maybe everybody else could treat him with kid gloves, but there was no damned way that she would do it.

"Talk about what?" he asked in a voice slightly scratchy voice, either from hours of disuse or from attempting to cover up that he had been crying.

Ginny closed the door behind her with a soft click. She quietly walked over, sat down opposite him, and leaned forward so that they were face to face.

"You know," she said, taking his hand. Even in the dark, she could sense his discomfort from the physical contact. She refused to let go.

"What's there to say? He's dead. He left me when I needed him the most. And it was all for nothing. For nothing, Gin! He died for nothing!" He was shaking his head and ran his free hand through his hair. Despite her surprise at his sudden outbreak, she didn't let it show and just continued to caress his hand.

"Tell me."

Ginny could see that he was clearly having a hard time with whatever he was trying to say and took pity on him. She got up and joined him on the bed, putting her arm around his shoulders. More than anything, she wanted him to know that she was there for him, no matter what. They were friends first and foremost, and she never wanted that to change.

Next to her, she felt him take a deep, steadying breath. "It's okay," she whispered to him.

"It's just that...okay, me and Dumbledore were working on something very important, and when he died, it was left unfinished. Now it's up to me to get it done if I ever want to finish this thing with Voldemort."

"Wow," she said. "I never knew you had so much on your plate." Her heart warmed for this boy who practically had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"It's okay," he said and shrugged. "I can handle it. I just need to know that you're safe because I can't afford any distractions," he said, moving even closer to her.

"I won't be," she said in his ear, while thoroughly distracting him anyway for entirely different reasons.

"Hermione, you are indeed a very special girl."

"What?" She looked up, startled from her book. Both Ginny and Hermione were lounging in her room (well Ginny was anyway; she wasn't sure if Hermione ever actually "lounged"), reading. The major difference was that she was reading Witch Weekly while Hermione was studying from some huge tome that looked mind-numbingly boring. She knew that she could never study like that over the summer.

"Is this some sort of declaration? Because I'll be honest with you, Ginny. I think I've had enough of them for one week."

Ginny's eyes widened and she laughed. "Where did that come from?"

Hermione sighed and stuck a bookmark in her book. "Ron," she said simply.

"Ah. So I see my prat of a brother finally spoke up, eh?"

"Yes," she said, smiling faintly and with a subtle hidden glow. Ginny recognized it because she saw it within herself.

"I'm glad."

"Yeah."

"Because I'm not sure if any of us could take the two of you not together, anymore. Quite frankly, you were driving us barmy with all the bickering."

"Mean..." Hermione said with a slight pout, though Ginny knew she didn't take her seriously. It always amused her to see Hermione in a playful mood.

"But true."

Well...yes," she conceded with a smile.

"Hermione!" Harry said as he burst in the room, effectively scaring the two girls senseless.

They both jumped up. "What is it?" Hermione asked frantically.

"It's time. I've been getting twinges in my head, and I know he's up to something, and I think I know where--" But he stopped suddenly when he noticed that Ginny was in the room. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know, Harry," she said sarcastically. "What am I doing in my own room? And it's time for what?"

"Never mind that. Where's Ron? We've put this off for as long as possible."

"He's in the bathroom," Hermione said uneasily. "Harry, are you sure--?"

"No, Hermione! We all agreed that when I said it's time to go, then we leave. And it's time to go."

"You're leaving?" Ginny asked. She felt as if she had just been punched - hard - in the stomach.

"Yes."

"I'll go get Ron," Hermione said quietly and slipped out of the room.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She felt a tear start to roll down her cheek and stubbornly swiped it away. She absolutely refused to cry right now.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I wanted to tell you, but I just couldn't. I didn't want my upcoming departure to be looming over our heads. I just wanted to have some time with you, just one damned summer! Why does he have to take everything away from me?"

"I'm sorry," she said, genuinely meaning it.

"You shouldn't be," he said bitterly. "This is his fault. And I've got to stop this. You didn't understand before, but do you understand now?"

"It's not that I didn't understand, I just didn't want to accept it."

"And do you accept it now?" he said warily, running his hands through his hair.

"I wish you could tell me more, and I don't want you to go, but I accept it. God, Harry, I love you."

Ginny threw herself into his arms and desperately attacked his lips with hers.

"I love you too," he said hard on her mouth. "I love you so much." Harry placed his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her away. "But I can't ask you to wait for me, you know."

"What do you mean? Don't be ridiculous. Of course I'll wait for you."

Harry shook his head fervently. "I have no idea when, or if, I'll be back."

"Don't say that!"

"I've got to be realistic, Gin! There's no denying how dangerous my mission is, and I don't want you pining for me your whole life."

"I don't pine, Potter," she said fiercely, poking him hard in the chest. Not anymore, at least. "And I won't need to. I have faith that you'll do what you need to do and still come back to me."

"You know I'll do everything in my power to come back to you, right?" Harry pulled her against him while absently rubbing the spot she had poked.

"Of course I do," she said, muffled against his chest. She had to admit, it did feel nice and comforting to just be in his arms. She felt very feminine and loved, but not helpless.

"But I won't make any promises that I'm not certain I'll be able to keep."

"Then let me make all the promises," she insisted. "I promise that I'll be waiting for you when you get back, whenever that may be. And I'll love you just as much as I do now."

"I don't know what to say..."

"You don't have to say anything at all. Your heart says it for you."

They stood in silence for a little while more. Ginny was determined to savor those last few moments as best she could. Finally, there was a quiet knock on the door, and Ron and Hermione poked their heads in.

"Harry, if we're going, then we have to go now," Hermione said.

"I know," he said gruffly.

Ginny came forward and enveloped Hermione in a hug. She would miss her very much. She was like the sister that Ginny had grown up without.

Stepping away from Hermione, she noticed Ron standing in the doorway and watching the two of them. By this point, the tears were running profusely down Ginny's face. It had only just struck her that Ron was a man now. Ron, the most temperamental, self-conscious prat of all her brothers. The one she had spent the most time with growing up, the one always ready to defend her with neighborhood bullies (and sometimes vice-versa). The one closest to her in age and the one she would miss the most. Her brother, Ron, the one who would make a difference. Ginny felt a rush of pride for her brother that she had rarely ever felt before.

She looked into his eyes and whispered, "I love you, Ron."

Years of hurt, revenge, and neglect were erased with those simple words.

"I love you too, Ginny." He caught her in an one-armed hug, and they quickly pulled away, not used to such open affection. "Now let's go before I puke from all this lovey-dovey nonsense, please?"

"Oh honestly, Ron! You're such an insensitive boor!" Hermione scolded in a hushed tone as she ushered him out the door. She knew that they couldn't risk waking anybody up for fear of getting caught and questioned. Ginny inwardly gulped at having to face her mum's reaction all alone.

Harry was the last one to the door. He came forward and gave her a quick kiss on the mouth before vanishing out the door without exchanging any more words. Ginny knew it was for the best.

She took a minute or two to compose herself before she went to the window and looked out. The three of them made their way down the road and past the Anti-Apparation ward. Ron and Hermione disappeared on the spot while Harry gave one last look at the house. Their gazes sought each other out for one brief instant before he too Disapparated without a backward glance.

Ginny suddenly realized that that may have been the last time she would ever see her boyfriend, her brother, or best friend again. She knew that despite everyone's best intentions, one or all of them might not make it out of this alive. The three people that meant the most to her in the world had left her almost without a trace. There was nothing she could do to change that. The very thought drove her to fling herself onto the bed in a fit of despair.

And for the first time in many years, Ginny sobbed.