In The Altogether

In The Altogether

You see right through me and I can't hide

- Avril Lavigne "Naked"

Today was probably was one of the worst days in Harry's life. And he had some real stinkers.

First was the day his parents died, though he couldn't remember that one. There was the day that the Dursley's had brought home the toy that he'd> really wanted more than anything for Dudley, and nothing for him. It had shattered his little five-year-old heart. He skipped ahead to some of his worst school memories, (remarkably, a lot of them featured Snape or Malfoy) including when Sirius died. And today joined the ranks.

Not only was Dumbledore's funeral today, he had broken up with Ginny - quite possibly the girl he could have loved, and was leaving the place he had ever really called home for six years, for an indefinite amount of time to go on a very dangerous mission. And now he had to explain that to Ginny.

She had taken their break-up surprisingly well. There were no tears or tantrums, or any other girly things. She was right when she guessed he was giving her up for her own good, she just had no idea to what extent that went. He would be gone to who know's where, for who knows how long. To call theirs a "long distance relationship" would have been an understatement. The only thing is, she didn't know he was leaving yet, and he couldn't even tell her the full reason why. But he did care about her, and she deserved to at least know that he would be gone. If only there was a easy way...

"I have something to tell you," he said to her quietly. They were currently on the train from Hogwarts to go home. They were sharing a compartment with Neville, Luna, Ron and Hermione, the latter two on prefect duties. Ron and Hermione were coming with him, and Ginny he felt he had to tell, but he really didn't want Neville and Luna to know.

"What is it?" She asked in a quiet tone matching his. She turned around slightly in her chair to get closer to him. Harry got a whiff of her unique smell and his stomach turned. This was going to be hard!

He could feel Neville and Luna's eyes on him, and when he looked up at them, they (well Neville at least) quickly turned back around. This made him even more nervous, and he just quickly blurted out to Ginny, "I'm not coming back to Hogwarts next year."

"What do you mean?" she said, her eyes narrowing and no longer quiet. He knew she wouldn't take it well and he was starting to doubt his decision. Perhaps he could embelish the already painted excuse he was going to give her.

"Well, er, since Dumbledore...you know...and everything, I, er, decided it wouldn't be safe for me to return and...stuff." Even to his own ears it sounded less-than-eloquent and Ginny would have to be an imbecile to see through it.

And sure enough: "Bull," she hissed. Neville and Luna weren't even pretending not to listen now. This was definetly not a good idea.

"It's the truth," he foolishly persisted. "You know that, er, Voldemort's after me and the like, and now that Hogwarts is unprotected, well...you know." There was a collective wince when Harry said Voldemort's name, even though Harry was sure the other two couldn't hear the rest of what he was saying. People always just to be tuned to hearing his name.

"No, I don't know," she said coldly. "But what I do know is that you're lying you arse off to me right now. You're stumbling over your words more idioticly than usual, and you're sweatly like crazy."

Under normal cirumstances Harry might take offense to that. "It's hot."

"Well it's about to be a damned inferno if you don't tell me what I want to hear right now!" Yeah, Neville and Luna definetly hear that one.

"I was telling you what you wanted to hear," he mumbled. Just turned out she didn't like it so much.

"Then turn it around to the truth, because I'm losing my patience." Translation=Ginny was a ticking bomb. He resigned himself to just be honest with her and get it over with.

"Well the truth is..." he started. But he knew there were eager ears in the compartment, and he did not want this overheard. He bent really close to her ear and whisped, "After the wedding, I'm going to take care of some personal business, and then I'm going away." There. He said it.

"Like a vacation?" she said lowly to him. She had calmed down, at least.

"Er, not exacly. One could call it an adventure but - "

"WHAT!"

" - I wouldn't," he finished weakly.

Next thing he knew, Neville and Luna were flying out the door (and if he wasn't mistaken, he thought he saw Ron and Hermione's shocked faces for a moment) and it slammed behind them, and Ginny was standing up andhad her wand pointed at it, with a most deadly look on her face.

"I can't believe this! You're going on an adventure! No wonder you broke up with me! You have bigger and better things ahead of you than just being with me. I must seem like a big joke to you!"

Harry jumped up. "Ginny, it's not like that! Not at all!"

"Oh yeah? So what's it like then?" She spat, putting her hands on her hips.

"I don't know! I can't explain it."

"You mean you just don't want to explain it."

"That's not true. I just don't know how."

"Try."

How could he put that he was going to try to find the horcruxes that would destroy Voldemort once and for all. That he was going to save all wizard - no - humankind from that immortal piece of skum? That he felt lost and was sorely in need of some guidance, but had lost anybody who could help him at least start his search? How could he possibly put any of that in a way she would understand?

"You're being more than a little unfair to me, you know! It's not like we're going off to have a hopping good time and - "

"What do you mean 'we'?" Then it dawned on her. "No."

"Well of course I have to take Ron and Hermione with me. I need them."

"But you don't need me?" Tears were starting to form in her eyes. God, how he hated this. He knew she felt left out, and he couldn't blame her.

"I do need you," he insisted. "But Ron and Hermione are the only one's who've been with me through this from the beginning. They're the only one's who've got a clue about what we're facing. I need Hermione's wisdom and smarts and Ron's bravery and willingness, and both their loyalty and - I just need them! I need them with me!" Harry felt stripped down to nothing, baring his soul like this to her. He had never had to put his feelings about his friends into words before. They were his rock. What would he do without them? Harry felt a strong rush of gratefulness towards them.

"Need them for what exactly?"

"I can't tell you. All I can say is that before Dumbledore died, he told me something really important, and now I have to finished what he started.

Ginny seemed to be taking this all in. She sat back down slowly and looked pensive. Harry didn't know whether to sit or stand, so he just remained standing.

"Take me with you!" She said suddenly. "I can come too! I'm brave and willing and smart and loyal!" She quickly got back up again and took him by the shoulders. "Please Harry, say you will!"

It was a very tempting thought. She was all those things and more. And it would be nice to have her around, too.

Harry inwardly sighed. There was no way he could take her with them. For one thing, nobody in her famiy would ever let her come, including Ron. And for good reason too. Their mission would be very dangerous, and he didn't want to see her hurt or worse on his account. He already carried the stain of two deaths on his conscience, and it was bad enough that Ron and Hermione would be with him. He wouldn't be adding Ginny to his soul.

"I'm sorry Ginny - I can't." There were no point in going into the whys and hows with her. Most likely, she already knew them herself, even if she wouldn't admit them.

"I hate you," she said with the most venom he had ever heard anybody say something with. Ginny threw the door open and stormed away.

"Ginny wait!" He stepped out to the corridor, called after her uselessly, knowing she wouldn't come back. Ron and Hermione were there waiting for him. Hermione came forward and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Did she hit you?" Leave it to Ron to be the one to ask the blunt question.

"Worse," he said, though it sure felt like she did. He walked back inside the compartment, feeling very low. Not only did horrible things just pass, more horrible things were still to come.

He felt Ron and Hermione's comforting presence and felt the tiniest bit better. At least no matter what happened, Harry and his best friends would face it together.