Harry Potter and the Pillar of Storage

Harry Potter and the Pillar of Storage

One day while snooping as usual through Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry the Golden Trio came upon a giant pillar in the middle of a room on the third floor.

"Why is this here?" asked Hermione. "It's obviously not a load-bearing member."

Harry and Ron snickered, "She said 'member'."

"Oh, grow up, you two," said Hermione, taking out her wand and tapping it on the pillar. "It's hollow!" she exclaimed. "I wonder if there's a door-Portal Manifesto!" she cried, waving her wand.

Suddenly a section of the pillar slid open revealing a dark, cavernous interior.

"Bloody hell," said Ron. "It's bigger on the inside than the outside!"

"Like the Tardis," breathed Hermione. Harry nodded.

"Like the what?" asked Ron.

"Nothing," said Hermione quickly. "It's just a reference to a Muggle TV show J. K. Rowling was asked to write for."*

"J. K.-" said Ron. "Oh, you mean the Creator."

"Exactly," said Hermione. "Hurry, let's go in."

They stepped into the huge room inside the Pillar. They found many things they certainly weren't expecting.

"What's that?" asked Ron.

"It looks like the Ark of the Covenant," said Harry.

"I thought that was supposed to be in some museum in America," said Hermione.

"What's that?"

"The Maltese Falcon?" said Hermione, disbelieving her eyes.

"And that over there is," said Harry, pointing at a sled, "Rosebud?"

"I don't know what the 'ell you are talking about," said Ron.

"These are things that are supposed to be lost forever," said Hermione. "Look! The lost Dr. Who episodes!" she exclaimed, picking up some old movie reels.

"And what's that?" said Harry. "The complete Warren report. So THAT's how it happened, there WAS another gunman!"

"And the Nixon tapes!" cried Hermione. She put them on the ancient tape player. "Oh, my Gods, he was INNOCENT!"

"Look, it's Excalibur in the stone," said Ron, happy to recognize something for the first time.

"And what's that over there?" said Harry.

"Oh, Merlin's bloody beard," whispered Ron. "That's Merlin in a tree trunk!"

They noticed Harry about to pull the sword out of the stone.

"You don't want to do that," said Hermione.

"Why?" asked Harry.

"What if you actually pull the thing out? You'll be King of England!" she answered. "Do you REALLY want to take on that much responsibility?"

"Oh, I don't think we'd have to worry about-" Harry stopped abruptly as the sword started to slip out of the stone. He dropped it back.

"That was a close one," said Ron.

"Look at THAT!" cried Ron. "Is that-"

"Yes it is," said Hermione. "That's the Holy Grail."

"And who are these people over here?" asked Harry.

"If I didn't know better I'd say they were Fiann and the Knights of the Red Branch, but they're supposed to be sleeping underground until-" said Hermione.

Fiann raised his head and said, "DO YOU MIND?"

The three got quiet and quickly walked away from them.

"OOOH!" squealed Hermione. "Look over there! That's all of Elizabeth I's dresses, and not a one of those was supposed to have survived. Look, the Pelican dress!"

"Hermione, keep your hands off those," came a familiar smooth low baritone. The three whipped around. Snape was standing in the doorway.

"Do you realize how much trouble you are in opening the Pillar of Storage?" he said, swooping inside. "Fifty points from Gryffindor each, and detention for the three of you." Just then the Ark of the Covenant let out a bolt of lightning which zapped the Potions Master. His robes sizzled and smoked as Snape did a putting-out spell on them.

"OK, we'll leave," said Harry. They tried to stifle a laugh as they followed the Potions Master out.

Just then something caught Harry's eyes.

"What are those books?" he asked. "Why are they here? They look brand new!"

Snape stopped and whirled around to look at the books as Hermione dived for them.

"They're books 6 and 7!" she cried.

"But WAIT!" cried Harry. "Those aren't lost; they just haven't been written yet!"

Hermione looked at book 7. "Harry Potter and the-" Hermione started.

"I don't think that's a good idea," said Snape, "since the person writing this spec has no more idea about these books as does anyone else."

THE END