Unbalanced Equations

The last bit of business I had to attend to before being released for the Christmas holidays was an interminably long staff meeting. I was already packed and ready to go home the minute the meeting was over. Restless and bored, I was only half paying attention to Dumbledore when something he said finally caught my

"...mandatory attendance at the Yule Ball for all Hogwarts staff."

"Er, excuse me." I raised my hand, startled into behaving like a student. "What do you mean, 'mandatory'? The Ball's on Christmas Day."

"Yes, Miss Vector, I am aware of the date of the ball. We need all teachers and staff to chaperone."

"But it's Christmas," I repeated. "Surely you don't need everyone here."

"Nearly all of the students are planning to attend; I do need everyone. It's only for a few hours and it's shaping up to be a lovely party." With that, Dumbledore dismissed me and turned to Minerva. "Anything else we need to cover, then?"

Minerva checked her clipboard and shook her head. "No, Albus. That was the last item."

"Excellent! If no one has any further questions, I think we're finished here. Have a wonderful holiday, and I'll see all of you at the Ball."

I stayed while most of the staff left. "Headmaster-"

"I know you don't want to come to the ball, but I'm sorry. I can't make an exception for you on this. Nearly everyone has somewhere else they'd rather be on Christmas. It's only fair that we're all here." He grinned. "Besides, it'll be fun. I've booked the Weird Sisters."

I was a bit annoyed that he simply assumed that I even liked the Weird Sisters (I didn't), but let it go. "Are we allowed to bring, er, non-staff guests?" I asked, suddenly hopeful. I wouldn't mind going if Remus could be there with me.

The Headmaster looked at me thoughtfully. "Well, a few of our invited guests will be from the Ministry, but it's mostly for the students. Do I need to ask who you had in mind to bring?"

"Probably not." I sighed.

"It might not be the best idea for Mr. Lupin to come to Hogwarts, Miss Vector," he said kindly. "He didn't exactly leave under the best of circumstances, as I'm sure you recall. However, I will personally guarantee that you will at least enjoy the meal. The house-elves have been planning the menu for weeks already."

"Fine. I'll be here," I muttered, feeling like a sullen teenager.

"Good, good." He clapped his hands together and produced a small poinsettia, which he offered to me with a grin. "Happy Christmas, Miss Vector."

I accepted the gift as gracefully as I could and left immediately. "Happy Christmas" indeed.

*****

"It's not so bad, Anna," Remus said soothingly when I told him about the Ball. "It really is just one evening. It'll be fine."

"I wish you could come. I don't want to go to a ball without you," I grumbled.

He smiled. "You'll go, eat dinner, dance with Dumbledore, Flitwick, and whichever student has a crush on you this term, catch a few kids snogging where they shouldn't be, and be home before your dad and I have played two games of chess."

"Stop being so nice about it," I laughed. "You're making me look horrible."

"Nothing could make you look horrible to me," he said seriously.

"What about when I'm really old and wrinkled and senile?"

"I'll be older and more wrinkled than you, but I don't plan on losing my mental faculties. I'll keep track of your quills and inkpots for you."

"I'll appreciate that immensely, I'm sure," I said dryly.

"Well, I'll just be paying you back for all the times you've done something ridiculously dangerous or inconvenient for me."

"I don't do anything dangerous or inconvenient for you."

Remus laughed. "Are you joking?"

"No." I frowned. "Why?"

"Anna, you've traveled hundreds of miles just to see me for a few hours. You risked your life and your job to help Sirius just because he's my friend. You've sent countless letters to the Ministry of Magic trying to do something about a law you think is unfair to me. You put up with my madness and my moodiness and you never ask for anything in return but my love. That's all I have to give, but it's yours for as long as you want it."

"I will always want you to love me," I promised. "And I will always love you."

"I hope so," he said solemnly

"Thank you," I said softly, wrapping my arms around him and resting my head on his shoulder.

"You're welcome for whatever it is, of course, but what are you thanking me for?" he asked, hugging me tightly.

"Just for being you." I turned my head to kiss the side of his neck. "For making me feel better when things seem so difficult, and for loving me so much when I don't deserve it at all."

"Don't be silly, Anna. Of course you deserve it. I'm only sorry I can't give you everything you should have."

"Oh, but you do give me everything. You make me laugh, and you make me feel safe and loved and wonderful."

"You are wonderful," he murmured into my hair. "I can't believe that you're really mine."

"Really yours," I said softly. I kissed him fiercely, laying my claim to him as well.

*****

"Get up, you lazy thing." Remus was annoyingly chipper for so early in the morning. "It's almost lunch time."

"What?" I squeaked. "I didn't know it was so late. Why didn't you wake me earlier?"

"I tried, but you just rolled over and pulled the covers up over your head."

"Sorry," I said sheepishly.

"Well, I suppose I could have tried harder." He smiled. "It was nice to see you sleeping so peacefully for a change."

"It's nice to be home." I got out of bed and stretched. "I think that was the first really good night's rest I've had in ages."

"Well, get dressed. Your cousin Richard is coming for lunch today, remember? To talk to your dad about coming to work in the shop after the holidays."

I groaned and flopped dramatically back onto the bed. "Oh, I'm not really needed for that, am I?"

"Why don't you like your cousin?" Remus asked. He grabbed my hand to lift me up, but allowed me to pull him down beside me instead.

"He just wasn't very nice to me when I was little." I pressed myself close to him, wondering whether I should try to convince him that it would be perfectly acceptable to ignore our prior obligations and spend the day in bed.

He pushed my hair away from my face and kissed my nose. "I don't think that's the whole story, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

I smiled and kissed him back. "It's not that I don't want to tell you. It's just that there's not any one specific story to tell. We never got along, and that's that."

"That's that, then," murmured Remus, slipping a hand beneath my nightgown. "You are completely irresistible, you know."

"Only to you," I sighed, content just to be beside him. "Of course, you're the only one that matters."

"Only to you." I felt an odd combination of sadness and joy when he said things like that. I was so glad that I helped him feel less alone, but heartbroken over all the losses he had suffered in his life.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Can I ask you the question now?" he asked, grinning mischievously.

"What question?" He really was touching me in the most distracting manner.

"You know the question. The one where I ask you to let me give you a shiny gold ring."

"Not yet."

"How about now?" Now he was just teasing me.

I laughed breathlessly. "No."

"Tomorrow?"

"Maybe. If the post brings a letter from the Ministry that says what we want to hear." I tangled my hands in his hair and let him make the rest of the world disappear, at least for a little while.

*****

I could think of at least a hundred ways I would rather have spent an afternoon than lunching with Richard Vector. A dementor might have been a more pleasant dining companion as far as I was concerned. It started the second I introduced him to Remus.

"You're a bit different from Anna's usual blokes, aren't you?" he said, shaking Remus' hand.

"Am I?" replied Remus mildly. "How so?"

"Never you mind, Remus Lupin." I didn't even want to ponder the sort of things Richard might tell Remus about other men I had brought home. "I like him, Richard. Be nice."

"I am always nice," he said in a hurt tone. "You never did appreciate me."

I snorted, but was stopped from replying by Mina summoning us to the dining room. I mostly ignored Richard, who was there to talk to my dad in any case. Remus was happy to distract me, first with quiet jokes and conversation and then with stealthy touches under the table when no one else was looking: his fingers brushing mine, his hand on my knee, his thigh pressing against mine. I was beginning to wonder why I'd been dreading this meal so much.

Just as we were finishing the chicken, we heard the shop bell that meant a customer needed something urgently; at the same time, Mina told my father that a Floo call had come into the study for him. Remus excused himself to take care of the customer while Dad went to take his call, leaving me alone with my cousin.

"So, Little Miss Professor, what are you keeping that one around for? Not much to look at, and he doesn't appear to have money." I glared at him, but he didn't stop. "Did he give you that necklace? It looks cheap."

I wanted to reach across the table to slap him, but restrained myself. "I prefer gifts with real meaning," I said coldly.

"What, like those silly Muggle things you used to get when we were kids?" he scoffed.

"I liked those silly Muggle things," I said quietly, a sudden vivid memory reminding me why I didn't much like this particular cousin.

When I was nine years old, I had wanted nothing in the world so much as a graphing calculator, a Muggle device I had seen in a shop while with my mother's parents. My grandparents gave me one for Christmas that year and I had never been so happy about anything in my life. When we were sent out to play before Christmas dinner, Richard had snatched it out of my hand and flown off with it on his new broomstick. He swore it was an accident that he dropped it, but I saw his face when my prized new possession smashed into a million pieces on the cobblestones of Diagon Alley: he was laughing.

His brother Vincent had helped me pick up the remains of my calculator and then filched chocolate biscuits from the kitchen to stop me from crying. I would have much preferred Vincent to come work with my father instead, but he lived in Wales with his wife and their two year old twins. I hadn't seen him since just after his babies were born, but we did exchange letters occasionally. I wondered if he knew that his brother had expressed an interest in my dad's shop.

"How's Vincent?" I asked, abruptly changing the subject before I either lost my temper or started to cry.

He rolled his eyes. "All he talks about are his kids."

"I think that's sweet."

"You would."

"What does that mean?" I snapped. Apparently, my temper won out.

"Well, this brings back memories," said my dad, returning to the table. "You two children bickering over a meal."

"Lovely, isn't it?" I muttered under my breath.

My father didn't hear me, instead taking up right where he'd left off arranging for Richard to take over Remus' duties in the shop. Richard wasn't planning to move to Diagon Alley, but to stay in his own flat in a posh part of wizarding London. I wondered idly how he'd been paying for it when his mother had mentioned the last time I'd spoken to her that he hadn't held a job recently

"Uncle Victor, it's very nice of you to let Anna's boyfriend live with her in your house. My mum wouldn't even let me have a girlfriend to stay the night."

"It's Anna's house," my dad answered. "She can have whoever she wants to stay here. I like having someone to play chess with in the evenings. Mina doesn't think I'm much of a challenge anymore and Anna doesn't like to play. Besides, she's at school most of the time, and it's nice to have the company."

It was a very near thing, but I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at Richard.

Remus returned from the shop. "That was Madame Malkin. Her new apprentice had a little accident with a pair of scissors and needed a healing potion." He sat beside me and patted my hand, which was clutching a napkin so fiercely my knuckles had turned white. "What's the matter?" he asked softly, so that only I could hear him.

"Nothing. I'm fine." I forced a smile in his direction and deliberately relaxed my hand. His expression told me that he didn't believe me, but he let it go. "I'll tell you later," I promised. The subject of sleeping together in the house he considered my father's was likely to make him blush, and I loved to make him blush. The anticipation allowed my false smile to transform into a real one.

"I love your smile," he murmured, raising my hand up to his mouth to kiss. Richard rolled his eyes at me across the table.

I found that I didn't care. His opinion meant less than nothing to me. The realization was quite liberating.

I turned to Remus and kissed his cheek. Before I could say anything, I realized that my dad had been looking on approvingly. "So, Richard, who's the young lady that makes you smile like that? Life isn't worth living without love, is it?"

"Well, ah..." Richard looked rather uncomfortable. "There's, er, no lady at the moment."

"Oh, a young gentleman then?" My father asked curiously. "Love comes where it will. I'm not one to judge."

"No, not a gentleman either." I really was enjoying Richard's discomfort far too much. "It's just me at present, Uncle Victor. No time for romance."

"Oh, there's always time for romance," my dad said wisely. "Once you've found the right one, that is. No point in it otherwise, right, Anna?" I choked on a mouthful of cake. "You see," he continued conversationally, "sometimes it takes a few tries before you find the right person. I was lucky with my Emmy. I knew she was the right one as soon as I met her. You just had to go though a few wrong ones before you found this one, didn't you, love?"

"Er, a few." I set down my fork. "If you'll excuse me, I just remembered that I have a bit of shopping I need to finish. Would you like to come with me, Remus? I think Richard can help Dad out in the shop if he needs it. A test run, right?" I smiled sweetly at my cousin, who glared back.

"What was that about, exactly?" asked Remus as he helped me with my coat.

I shrugged. "Maybe Dad wants to set him up with a date and was wondering if he should be looking for a man or a woman."

Remus chuckled. "Your father needs a hobby."

"Yes. Now he's seen me happily matched with you, he can work on the rest of the family."

*****

It was Christmas Eve, and I was in a panic.

"What is wrong with you?' asked Remus, sitting on the bed and watching me rummage frantically through my desk.

"I can't find my dad's Christmas gift!" I wailed, dumping a drawer out onto the floor. "I ordered a rare bezoar from Tibet. There's a herd of goats raised specifically for their bezoars. They can detect any ingredients that are off in a potion as well as poisons. It was perfect! I couldn't find anything but I saw this in a catalogue of Severus' and I ordered it and it didn't even arrive until yesterday and now I need to wrap it, but I can't find it!" Near tears, I knelt on the floor to dig though the pile of broken quills, odd bits of parchment and ancient hair accessories.

"Where did you see it last?" Remus asked calmly.

I thought hard for a minute. "When it came in the post. I saw the postmark, but I didn't even get a chance to unwrap the parcel."

"Why not?" prompted Remus, as though I were a student he was helping through some complicated exercise.

"Because my dad came in the room and I put it in my pocket so he wouldn't see it!" I leapt to my feet and kissed him enthusiastically. "Thank you, you're brilliant!"

He laughed. "And you are easily impressed. You wore the green dress yesterday. I love you in green."

"You're sweet." I smiled. "Is there any color you don't love me in?" I asked, digging through the laundry for my green dress.

"Yellow makes you look peaked."

I turned to look at him, dress in hand. "Does it really?"

"Yes, but I still think you're pretty." He grinned boyishly. "What'd you get me for Christmas?"

"You'll just have to wait until tomorrow morning, Mr. Lupin." I sat beside him on the bed and kissed his cheek. "You'll love it, though."

"I love you." He grabbed me and pushed me down onto the bed, kissing me in a sudden mad frenzy.

"Remus," I gasped, laughing. "What's come over you? I need to wrap my dad's gift and then we have to go to dinner at the Vablatskys'."

"I want to unwrap you." He leaned on his elbow and gazed down at me. "I suppose I can wait until later, though."

"Well, now I can't wait to be unwrapped." I pulled him back down for a lingering kiss. "I shall look forward to it all evening."

"As shall I," he said in a low voice that made me shiver. "But for now, I'll help you with the gift wrap if you'd like. Have you already wrapped my gift?" he asked innocently as we both sat up.

"You are shameless," I laughed, digging in the pocket of my green dress for my father's gift. "Oh, look. I must have put all of the post in my pocket." There were two letters in addition to the parcel from Tibet. One was from the Ministry of Magic, and I began to tremble as I ripped it open. It was from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, and obviously the response to my request to discuss changes to the new werewolf law. I glanced at Remus before unfolding the parchment: he had gone rather pale and was chewing his lower lip thoughtfully in an unconscious imitation of what I realized I was doing myself. I smiled at him nervously before reading the letter aloud:

Miss Vector,

Thank you for your interest in the recent Decree regarding lycanthropic rights and responsibilities. We would be willing to meet with you to discuss the issues raised in your letter. Please be here promptly at 10:30am on Thursday, the twenty fifth of February. You have been added to the list of approved visitors for that date. You may enter through one of the Visitors' Entrances following the appropriate procedure. (See attachment.)

Amos Diggory

Department for Care and Control of Magical Creatures

(Fourth Floor)

"Oh, that's Cedric's father," I said, relieved. "Maybe he'll listen to me, since he already knows me a bit."

"Maybe." Remus glanced up at me briefly before his gaze returned to the procedures listed on the attachment, which he was reviewing with an intense frown. "I can't go with you. No one can unless they are on the list of approved visitors, and it's too late to request to be added to the list, as you have to apply at least ninety days in advance. I don't like the idea of sending you in there by yourself. You might run into Macnair."

"Well, I'm going anyway. I have to."

"No, you don't. I don't want you putting yourself in danger just for this."

"'Just for this?' Remus, this is our future."

"I couldn't forgive myself if you were hurt because of something you were doing on my behalf."

"I'll be fine, Remus. I'm willing to risk anything for us to have a chance. You are not an animal, and it isn't right for you to be treated like one."

"It's not worth your life," he said quietly.

"I'm not going to be killed." I rolled my eyes at his overprotectiveness. "Nobody's going to attack me in the middle of the Ministry of Magic. You can go with me as far as the entrance and wait for me there. Really, it'll be fine." I kissed him and picked up the other envelope that had come in the post. "Oh, it's from Bill." Pleased, I tore into the parchment.

"Bill who?" Remus asked absently, taking my dad's bezoar out of the package and studying it curiously.

"Bill Weasley," I replied, unfolding the letter.

"Bill Weasley your old boyfriend?" He was suddenly interested in my correspondence. "Why would he send you a letter?"

"He sends me letters all the time. He hasn't really been my boyfriend for years, but we never stopped being friends." I glanced up at him. "Why? Are you jealous?"

"Should I be?"

"Do you think you should be?" I teased.

Remus was not amused. "I thought you needed to wrap this right away," he grumbled.

I stifled my grin; I thought his scowl was very cute. "Who am I getting ready to spend Christmas Eve with: Bill Weasley or Remus Lupin?"

"Remus Lupin," he mumbled.

"That's right. And who, not five minutes ago, was I discussing the future with? Our future?"

"Me." He gave me a small, sheepish smile. "Sorry."

I smiled and stood in up front of him. "Don't you know that you are the only man I want for the rest of my life?" I smoothed his hair back from his face and bent down to kiss his forehead.

"I know." He smiled up at me, his hands resting lightly on my waist. "What time do we need to leave for the Vablatskys'?"

"Too soon," I answered, reluctantly pulling away from him "But maybe we can sneak out early."

He grinned. "I'd like that, but you should spend as much time with your family as you can. I'll be ready whenever you are."

"You always are." I winked at him and took the bezoar from him. "I really am going to wrap this now."

"So you've already done mine, then?"

I rolled my eyes and snorted. "I know you're just trying to wear me down, Remus, but I can hold out until tomorrow."

"Can you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow suggestively. "We'll see, won't we?"

*****

"What's in the box?" Remus asked on the walk home from Christmas Eve dinner. "Is it for me?"

"How old are you again?" I asked, amused. I had hidden his gift with Mrs. Vablatsky, as it was something I knew I'd have a hard time keeping from him for very long. It was now carefully charmed so that he couldn't smell it or get any other clues as to what it was until he actually opened the box.

"It's almost midnight, you know."

"It's only half past ten." I laughed. "We're waiting until morning, Remus."

"Fine," he grumbled. "We're getting up early, though."

"Good. Brunch is at ten."

"Who will be there? The Vablatskys of course, and Mr. Fortescue?"

"Yes, and Tom from the Leaky Cauldron and Madam Malkin and her son and any other neighbors who don't have big family things to go to. We've done it for years."

"That's a nice tradition."

"Mina loves it. She gets loads of people complimenting her cooking. And it reminds Dad of Mum. She's the one who started it when they first got married. She loved to do things like that."

"You know, I almost feel like I know your mother. There are pictures of her all over the house, and your father talks about her almost as though she's just on an extended holiday."

"I used to wonder why he never even tried to find someone else after she died. I wouldn't have minded a stepmother if she made my dad happy. But now I think I understand why he didn't. He's never stopped being in love with her. He would feel as though he was being unfaithful."

Remus frowned thoughtfully. "If something should happen to me, don't do that. Find someone else who loves you."

I laughed nervously. "Just don't let anything happen to you, then. I don't want anyone else."

"I suppose it's all right if you think that now, but if it comes down to it, remember what I just said. Promise."

"I don't want to promise that, Remus. I don't even want to think about it."

"I know you don't, Anna. But it doesn't hurt to be prepared."

"Yes, it does. It hurts to even think about being without you."

"Don't, then," he said. "Just promise to remember this conversation if, by some circumstance beyond my control, you find yourself without me. Please?"

I nodded slowly. "Just don't, okay? Don't do anything dangerous that will make me remember."

"I'll do my best, but if the things that happened in June mean what Dumbledore thinks they might, I won't be able to keep out of it. I owe it to James and Lily and Harry and Sirius."

"You mean what Sybil said about You-Know-Who's servant? Everyone knows she's a fraud, Remus."

"She's been right before. If she is this time-"

I didn't let him finish, but stopped him with a forceful kiss. "I won't think about it. I won't!"

"You're right," he said. "It's the holidays. Time to think about all the wonderful things we have to be thankful for, and the things that make Christmas so nice. Like gifts." He grinned suddenly, looking very much like an eager little boy waiting for Father Christmas. "What'd you get me?"

I managed a small smile. "You'll just have to wait until Christmas morning like everyone else, Remus Lupin."

"Killjoy." He stuck his tongue out at me and laughed.

"You're going to keep after me to tell you right up until the last minute, aren't you?"

He shrugged. "Probably."

I noticed Remus' hand inching toward the box I held. "Are you trying to take this box from me?"

"Of course not," he said indignantly. "I just want to hold your hand."

"Oh, really?" I asked suspiciously. "Even though both hands are clearly needed to hold this package?"

"Oh, is it heavy?" he asked innocently. "Would you like me to carry it for you?"

"No, thank you. We're home. You may open the door for me, though."

He held the door as I entered the house and went to put the box under the tree, Remus close behind me. I set the box down and paused, staring pensively at an old ornament that I remembered hanging on a different tree with my mother when I was very small. Remus interrupted my reverie "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know you didn't." I pulled him close and kissed him. "I'm fine."

"Are you really fine?"

"Of course I am. It's Christmas."

"No, it's not. It's not Christmas until tomorrow. Otherwise, you'd have to let me open my gift, right?"

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Remus." I couldn't help but laugh with him. "Let's go to bed."

"Well, at least I get to unwrap one gift tonight," he said, sliding his fingers along the buttons on the back of my dress.

"You can unwrap me any time you want to, holiday or not."

*****

As we settled in front of the Christmas tree in the morning, it occurred to me that I'd never given Remus a gift in person before. He had been in France for his birthday during the summer and I hadn't seen him last Christmas, as it had been a full moon and he had stayed at Hogwarts while I had gone home. We weren't yet a couple at the time, in any case, although I had been desperately and silently in love with him. I smiled to myself, remembering the confession letter I had written and sent to him last Christmas Eve, after consuming far too much Firewhiskey.

"Happy Christmas, Remus," I said as I handed him his gift. "Now you can open it."

"No, you first," he said, setting it aside and offering me a small box.

"But- you've been pestering me for a week to tell you what I got you. Now I'm giving it to you but you don't want to open it yet?"

"The anticipation is the sweetest part." He grinned. "Pestering you was just fun."

My father chuckled.

"Were you in on this?" I demanded.

"No, dearest, I was not. But it is brilliant. Really excellent, Remus."

"Well, I'm glad you both take such delight in annoying me. I think I'd rather open a gift from someone else first." I flounced over to the pile of packages and chose a large one from my grandmother. "Gran wouldn't play with my mind like the two of you." I opened the box and immediately slammed the lid closed again.

"What's the matter?" asked Remus. "I thought your gran's gift would be safe. What is it?"

I lifted the lid again cautiously and peered inside. The contents hadn't changed. "It's a wedding dress," I whispered. "Honestly! Who gives someone a wedding dress for Christmas? I must have the maddest family in the world. You're all barking."

"Well, your mother wouldn't wear it when we got married. She said it just wasn't her style and she would get her own. I suppose your gran just thought that you might want it."

"But I'm not-"

"Oh, I told her that you were," my father said matter-of-factly.

"But-" I glanced at Remus, who had gone scarlet. "Dad, we're not-"

He waved my protest away with his hands. "Details, darling. Mere details."

I opened my mouth to argue, but couldn't think of what to say. Remus looked extremely uncomfortable. I decided that a complete avoidance of the subject would be the best course of action. "Here, let me open yours, Remus." I took the small box from his hand.

"It's not a ring," he said so softly I could barely hear him, even though I was right beside him.

"Good," I said quietly. "I told you I didn't want one." I smiled at him before ripping into the wrapping. "I thought you were going to get me a book? This is much to small to be a- ohh..." I breathed. "Oh, Remus. This is- it's too much."

"No, it's not." He took the bracelet from the box and held it up. "See this charm?" He touched the tiny gold book dangling from the chain. "It's enchanted. And it's connected to this." From the pocket of his dressing gown, he pulled a small pin that matched the book charm on the bracelet. "As long as they just look like normal charms, you can be certain that the person who wears the other is safe and well." He attached the pin to the front of his pyjamas and fastened the bracelet around my wrist. "So you don't have to worry about me anymore, no matter where I am."

"What happens if you're not safe?" I admired the lovely glow of the antique gold on my wrist.

"The book will whistle to get your attention. And my location and the severity of the danger will appear to be engraved on the pages of the book. Same thing will happen to mine if you're the one in trouble."

I looked at the book more closely. "It's already engraved." R+A enclosed in a small heart was engraved on the tiny page. "What does yours say?"

"Same thing," he said, smiling. "Do you like it?"

"It's the most thoughtful thing I've ever seen." I kissed him very hard. "Thank you. Now open yours."

"Oh, all right," he said, laughing. "What could it possibly be?"

"Don't shake it!" I warned as he raised the box up to his ear. "He won't like to be shaken."

"He?" Remus looked startled. "What did you get for me?"

"Just open it. Honestly, Remus," I said, laughing at the look of surprise on his face.

He opened the box. "A ball of feathers?" he asked, poking cautiously at the contents.

"It's a diricawl," I said, pleased with myself for having successfully surprised him. "He's been charmed to stay asleep until we wake him, so he doesn't get frightened. Here." I picked up my wand. "Ennervate."

The small yellow bird lifted its head and blinked sleepily up at us.

"Muggles think they're extinct, you know," said my father. "Except they called them dodos."

"Yes, I know," said Remus, gently petting the bird's tiny head with one fingertip. "They're not even very common in the wizarding world, are they?"

"Well, not every family has one as a pet, but they're not too terribly difficult to come across." I smiled at the tender look on Remus' face when the little bird chirped softly at him. "Since they disappear when they're frightened, you just don't see them very often unless one gets to know you well. This one's still only a baby, so he'll know us and won't be afraid of us as he grows up. They're really sweet pets. Cassie had one when we were little."

"What's his name?"

"Whatever you want to name him."

Remus blinked. "I've had animals to study for classes and things, but not one to name and just have as pet before."

"I know. You mentioned it once. I thought you might like one."

"I love it," he said, his voice catching in his throat. "Thank you."

I felt myself getting teary-eyed for no good reason, and buried my face against his shoulder. "You're welcome," I whispered. "Happy Christmas."

'The happiest," he murmured.

*****

My holiday cheer lasted all through brunch and well into the afternoon. Not even the knowledge that I would soon be leaving with Severus for the Yule Ball could ruin my good mood.

"I can't believe I'm sending you off to a ball with Severus Snape," grumbled Remus as I tucked one last pin into my hair and hoped it would be enough to hold it.

"I can't believe I'm going," I said, making a face at myself in the mirror and laughing. "These dress robes are just too much. I should know better than to let Cassie pick out clothes for me."

"Well, you look fantastic," he said, a gruffness in his voice that told me that my hair would have no chance of remaining presentable if I didn't leave soon.

"I might be leaving with Severus, but I'll be coming home to you," I reminded him.

"If you don't, I'll come find you," he said.

"You'd better." I kissed him lightly. "See you in a few hours."

"Have fun," he said, sounding dejected.

"I'll try, but I can't possibly have as much fun as I would with you." I suddenly felt quite dejected myself, and couldn't shake the feeling the entire trip to Hogwarts.

The Great Hall was done up beautifully, with the walls glittering with silver frost and countless garlands of holly and ivy nearly obscuring the enchanted ceiling, so that the stars were barely visible.

It was very romantic and I longed to dance with Remus there. I couldn't believe I had let Dumbledore force me into coming when I didn't want to. I really wasn't paid enough for this. I picked at my dinner and politely refused the few invitations to dance (from, as Remus had predicted, Professors Dumbledore and Flitwick, as well as sixth year student Lee Jordan, who I suspected had been put up to it by his friends George and Fred Weasley), preferring instead to bide my time at the back of the Great Hall. Severus stood nearby, and we were nearly companionable, united as we were in our desire to leave the ball as soon as possible.

We didn't notice the sprig of mistletoe directly over our heads until Sybil Trelawney approached us. "Have you kissed each other yet?"

"I beg your pardon?" growled Severus as I merely gaped at her in astonishment.

"The fates have decreed that you stand under that mistletoe for a reason," she replied in a misty voice, her eyes even wider than usual. "Do you really wish to tempt the fates by ignoring them?"

"The fates?" Severus said in an incredulous tone.

"Oh, don't be such a baby." I stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek.

"There, was that so bad?' Sybil wandered off, looking relieved.

Severus scowled. "I certainly hope your dangerously possessive boyfriend doesn't come after me now."

"Don't be ridiculous." I rolled my eyes and changed the subject. "Aurora's been acting odd lately, don't you think?" Aurora Sinistra was dancing with Professor Moody and she looked slightly more nervous than merely trying to avoid having her toes crushed by his wooden leg could account for. Of course, I may have been projecting my own inexplicable sense of unease about him onto her, but I didn't think so.

"I hadn't noticed," answered Severus. "However, as long as she is leaving me alone, I must confess to great disinterest in how Aurora Sinistra spends her time."

I stifled a grin, knowing that it would only annoy him. I was trying to have as pleasant an evening as possible under the circumstances, and antagonizing Severus wouldn't help. "Why didn't you invite Cassandra tonight?" I knew the second it was out of my mouth that my attempt to change the course of the conversation again was horribly misguided.

"I'd prefer that the students not see me with an actual date." To my surprise, Severus was as close to smiling as I'd ever seen him. "Besides, it will do a lot to take care of the problem with your, er, admirer if the right people see you with me in public."

"What are you talking about?"

"I, er, told Macnair that you and I are, ah, well. Ahem. Do you recall last year, what I told Lupin you and I had done in the past that upset you both so much? Well, I thought, and quite rightly it seems so far, as you've not had an incident since, that one way to get him to leave you alone would be to make him think he would have consequences to face if someone he, ah, respects, has a personal interest in your safety."

It took me a moment to translate Severus' words into a coherent statement. "You told him that we're sleeping together?"

"Are you angry?"

I started to laugh. "No. Not this time. It's really rather sweet of you."

He scowled. "I am not sweet."

"I didn't say you were sweet. I said that was a sweet thing to do. Thank you."

"Believe me when I tell you not to mention it."

"Consider it forgotten." I snorted with laughter. "Who are the 'right people' though? The ones who should see us together in public?"

"That isn't something with which you should concern yourself."

"You don't have to be specific, but I should probably know if there's anyone I need to steer clear of. I'm not going to avoid being seen in public with Remus. He's treated as subhuman by enough people; I refuse to even pretend that I'm ashamed to be seen with him."

"I didn't imagine that you would give up your unnatural attachment to the werewolf. Rumor is that he isn't enough for you, so you're shagging me on the side."

I felt my face catch fire. "Severus, really. Was that necessary?"

"Yes, it was. It's not a game, Anna. I'm not doing this for fun."

"I know. You don't have to do it at all," I said quietly. "Why are you doing it, anyway? I think you've more than repaid any debt you think you owed to me."

"Because not everything is about repaying debts. Sometimes, things must be done simply because they are the right things to do."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling this time. "I knew you had a nice side."

"I do not," he answered curtly. "I am not nice. I am not sweet. I don't believe in the power of true love and I do not like you or your werewolf. We are colleagues, and I have regard for you as such. Your father has been kind to me since I was a child, and I respect him. He has never asked me for anything, but he would if he knew you were in danger and that I was in a position to help you. We are not friends," he finished coldly, and any goodwill I had held toward him vanished.

"No, Severus, we aren't. I don't imagine that you have any real friends." I stalked across the Hall to get a glass of punch. I saw Severus walk off with an agitated looking Karkaroff, and grimly wondered why it was that Severus and I were so good at pushing each other's buttons when he was right about one thing: we weren't friends and never really had been. Still, we were oddly connected by the past.

Morosely, I sipped my punch and watched the students dance and laugh and enjoy their first big social event. It made me quite nostalgic as I recalled my own school days. Thinking fondly of Bill Weasley, who I had been mad about when I was a schoolgirl, I was quite startled to find myself suddenly face to face with his brother Percy.

"Hullo, Percy," I said as cheerfully as I could.

"Good evening, Professor," answered Percy gravely. "I trust you are well?"

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from laughing at him. I had never seen a Weasley boy act so pretentious without any sense of irony. "Yes, I'm quite well, thank you. And you?"

"Well, it is quite an honor to be here representing Mr. Crouch and the Ministry."

"Indeed it must be," I replied, managing to at least sound somewhat solemn. "And how is your family?"

"Oh, you know Mother and Father," he answered dismissively. "And Bill and Charlie are home for the holidays."

"Oh, how nice. Please tell them to come by my dad's shop if they get the chance. I'll be there for the rest of the holiday, and I'd love to see them."

"I'll pass on the message. If you'll excuse me, I should go speak to Mr. Bagman. Networking for Mr. Crouch, you know."

"Of course. It was nice to see you."

"Likewise." With a stiff little bow, Percy turned and left me alone with my melancholy once again. I really couldn't wait to get home to the more pleasant part of my holiday.

At least Aurora Sinistra appeared to be having a nice time. With Professor Moody, of all people! Well, there's no accounting for taste, I thought, as I longed to be back in the arms of my werewolf.