Unbalanced Equations

I was walking. A winding path through a lovely forest. Peaceful. Wandering. Calm.

I was alone. The woods were getting darker. Something was following me. Stalking. Chasing. Hunting.

I was stuck. I couldn't run away. Something was pulling me down into the ground. Lost. Falling. Buried.

Jolted awake by my own scream, I was still in a panic to escape as I fought to free myself from the blankets tangled around me. The chilly floor on my bare feet as I tried to flee finally shocked me to full consciousness. I sank back down to the edge of the bed, only then aware that I was crying. I hadn't had one of these dreams since the first night Remus had returned to me, and his absence now was almost tangible. I curled up in a ball, burying my face in a pillow. It was a poor substitute for Remus.

You are pathetic, I told myself. Absolutely pitiful. Get a hold of yourself, Anna. I sat up, annoyed with myself for being annoyed with myself, and then slightly amused by the absurdity. Remus would laugh if I told him that. The thought made me miss him even more. Pathetic. I glanced at the clock: it was half past three.

Without quite thinking it through, I found myself kneeling on the rug in front of the fireplace clutching a handful of Floo powder. I tossed it onto the flames, saying clearly, "Number twenty-eight, Diagon Alley, guestroom." I closed my eyes against the unpleasant spinning sensation of the Floo network. After a few moments, I cautiously opened my eyes and saw Remus sleeping peacefully, one hand under his cheek and the other relaxed on the blanket beside him. I very much wanted that hand to be resting on me, and had to remind myself that the Hogwarts Floo system didn't allow anything to physically travel into or outside of the castle. I sighed. Remus stirred slightly, his eyes opening briefly before he rolled over, turning his back to me. I started to pull my head from the fire to end the connection when Remus turned back toward me, blinking in confusion.

"Anna, are you really there?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, I just wanted to see you for a minute."

He jumped when I spoke, and then laughed. "You startled me. I really thought I was still dreaming about you."

I felt a broad smile spread across my face. "You were dreaming about me?"

"Of course." He rose from the bed, stretching and yawning and shaking himself awake. "Almost all of my good dreams are about you." He sat down in the chair beside the fireplace, still blinking the sleepiness from his eyes. "Are you all right, Anna? It's awfully early just to say hello."

"I'm fine," I said automatically. I could tell by the way Remus narrowed his eyes slightly that he didn't believe me. I should have known better than to think I could hide the truth from him. "Actually, I'm not really 'fine'," I admitted. "I was dreaming, too. But mine wasn't a nice one about you." I shuddered.

"Another nightmare?" he asked gently.

I nodded. "It was awful, Remus. I woke up trying to run away from something. I wish I knew what."

He shook his head thoughtfully. "You've been dealing with an awful lot of stressful things the past few months. It's most likely your subconscious just being overwhelmed by it all."

"I suppose." I smiled at his unsuccessful attempt to suppress a yawn. "Go back to sleep, Remus. I'm sorry I woke you."

"Don't be sorry. I just wish I could really be with you; you've gotten me over more bad dreams than I care to think about." He reached a hand toward the fire as though to touch my face if he could. "I'll see you next Friday at three o'clock, remember? I'm keeping an eye on things here for you. Try not to fret."

"I'll try." I gave another deep sigh. "Things just seem so much easier when I can kiss you goodnight."

He grinned. "Next Friday. That's a date."

"I'll be counting down the minutes," I promised.

*****

An official-looking Ministry of Magic owl swooped in with the rest of the post owls at breakfast. It landed beside me with an envelope bearing an even more official-looking seal. Finally, a response to the several owls I had sent to the Ministry in the past week. I eagerly slit it open with my butter knife and pulled out the thick sheet of parchment.

Miss Vector,

We thank you for your query on the recent decree involving lycanthropic rights and responsibilities.

While the Ministry welcomes the interest of the public, we regret that we are unable to meet with you to discuss the topic without following proper procedure. You may submit a proposal detailing the aspects of each provision of the decree that you wish to discuss. Upon receipt of your proposal, your request for an audience will be reevaluated.

Agnes Hinderton, assistant to

Dolores Jane Umbridge

Senior Undersecretary of the Minister

I frowned and read it again. It didn't make much sense that I couldn't get a meeting to discuss this "decree" until I sent them the exact details of what I disagreed with in writing. And how was I supposed to "detail each provision of the decree" without knowing exactly what those provisions were? I supposed I would have to write back and request a copy of the complete document.

I stirred a large amount of sugar into my third cup of tea, hoping it would be enough to keep me awake during lessons. I hadn't been able to go back to sleep after my Floo call to Remus. I had laid down for an hour or so before resigning myself to wakefulness and getting up to write Remus a long letter instead. I finished my tea and headed off to the Owlery to see if Selene had forgiven me for making her fly in the rain, which fortunately seemed to have cleared up overnight.

I met the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor in the corridor. Alastor Moody looked me over silently with that creepy magical eye of his for a long minute before speaking. "You're Victor and Emma Vector's girl."

"Yes, I am." I wondered how he knew my parents. "Have we met before?"

He nodded slowly. "I worked your mother's death. You look like her, now that you're all grown up."

"So I've been told." I was seized by a great desire to get away from the scarred old Auror. "I'm sorry. I don't remember much of the time right after my mother died at all. It was a long time ago. If you'll excuse me, I need to post this letter before lessons. Have a good first day, Professor Moody."

I found that my hands were shaking as I fastened the letter to Selene's leg. I wasn't sure why, because I really didn't remember him at all, but the encounter with Moody had left me feeling quite unnerved. The owl seemed to sense my unease, and gave me a reassuring hoot and affectionate nip on the hand rather than the bad attitude I had been expecting.

The inexplicable distress that Moody caused, combined with the fatigue from not having slept well made it seem a very long day indeed. I was so out of sorts that I know I forgot to assign homework to at least one group of students.

I was too tired to finish my dinner, so I went up to bed early. Selene was sitting on the windowsill when I entered my room, trying to shake Remus' reply to my letter off her leg. Smiling at the thought of one of Remus' lovely letters, I rushed across the room to relieve her of the envelope. I curled up on the sofa in front of the fire to read it.

Anna

I see that you didn't follow your own advice to go back to sleep after we spoke this morning. I miss you, too. It's a little bit strange to be here without you, just as you said you feel strange to be at Hogwarts this year without me. I hope someday soon we can both live in the same place at the same time, but I want you to give up this notion you have of leaving Hogwarts. I know how much you love your job there, and you are so wonderful at it. I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll be required to say it again: Anna, I will not allow you to abandon your students and your career for me. One of us, at least, should be able to do what we are meant to.

I doubt the world has ever seen a worse substitute for an apothecary's apprentice than I. Your father is being very patient with me though, and I think it will turn out all right. Today has been a good day so far; your father seems to be feeling quite well. He's just instructed me to tell you that he says hello.

Your father says, "Hello."

Mina says if I don't put down the quill and come to lunch right now, she will assume that I am not hungry and will throw out my meal. I am hungry, so I will continue this later.

(Later)

I hope you're feeling better today, and that you sleep well tonight. Here's a thought for you to keep in your mind as you lay your head down: remember the Hogwarts Quidditch Cup? That was a wonderful day. You can't possibly have nightmares if the last thing you think of is the time we spent together up in the stands above the Quidditch pitch.

I love you.

Remus J. Lupin

I was fast asleep on the sofa almost before my eyes registered his signature at the bottom of the page, the memory of kissing Remus at the top of the stands when Gryffindor was victorious in last year's Quidditch Final fresh in my mind. He was right; that lovely remembrance did indeed lead to a peaceful night's sleep.

*****

I quickly fell into a school year schedule that, while different from any year before, was routine nonetheless. I didn't spend very much time in the staff room, choosing instead to spend my evenings alone in my own rooms, marking assignments and adjusting my lesson plans. I often spoke to Remus through the Floo network, and we exchanged letters every day. It was a little bit of a struggle to concentrate on my students, as my thoughts were mostly at home.

Remus had noticed that my father seemed sometimes to be having difficulty seeing the labels on things and that he seemed to be depressed a lot of the time. And although he had been reluctant to tell me, Remus had mentioned that my dad's spirits were much higher when I was around and that was the reason I hadn't noticed the difference myself. It made me feel horrible, knowing that all I had to do to make him feel better was to be at home, but both Remus and my father were adamant that I stay at Hogwarts. My father's new attitude surprised me, but I had a feeling that Remus' gentle influence had something to do with it.

The delegations from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang were due to arrive the day before Halloween. Dumbledore had requested that all of the staff stay at Hogwarts for the weekend in order to make a good impression on our visitors. I agreed to stay since he so rarely asked anything of me and was so kind about making sure I got home most weekends. I spent that Friday breakfast writing a note to Remus, informing him that I wouldn't be home that evening as planned and asking him to meet me in Hogsmeade for dinner on Sunday instead. I had decided that Dumbledore could do without me for an hour or two. I sent Selene off with the message just as the regular morning post came into the Great Hall.

An official Ministry owl brought me a thick package, unmistakably the copy of the revised lycanthropy decree that I had ordered nearly a month before. (The mere request for the document had been a great deal of trouble, requiring a ridiculous amount of paperwork and a twenty Galleon fee, payable only by official Owl Postal order, of course.) I was very eager to get a look at it, but the arrival of a second owl distracted me from opening it.

This extremely exhausted owl landed with a thud in front of me, nearly toppling my juice into the eggs. He continued to lie panting on the table even after I took the slightly battered letter from him. I had never received a letter that seemed to have come from so far away, and I was intensely curious about who it was from. I poured some water into a saucer for the poor knackered messenger and slipped the Ministry package into my bag for later perusal before I opened the new parchment.

Anna,

I feel slightly presumptuous addressing you so informally when we really don't know each other at all. However, you did help save my life and I can't help feeling that we are old friends. It seems forced and ridiculous to call you Miss Vector. Moony and I have corresponded several times in the past few months, and he always speaks of you in such lovely detail that I can't help feeling that I do know you.

I glanced up to make sure no one could see the letter over my shoulder; it wouldn't do to have anyone find out I was corresponding with Sirius Black. I was quite alone at my end of the staff table, but I still reflexively crouched down a bit closer to the parchment like a student hiding an exam from prying eyes.

Please excuse my previous rambling, and please excuse my abruptness now. I really haven't much time.

Harry's scar has been hurting him. In the past, this has meant that Voldemort was near him in some form. I don't think he is physically at Hogwarts right now, so don't panic, but I do think you should be watchful. I wouldn't ask this of you, but you and Dumbledore are the only ones I can trust, who know that I am innocent of the charges that make me a fugitive, and who can watch out for Harry when he is at school. I know Dumbledore is already doing what he can, but you are in a unique position in that Harry doesn't know that you are watching over him or that you are in contact with Moony or me. This might be important, and it might not matter at all. I just feel better knowing another pair of eyes and ears are alert for possible danger.

Don't do anything to put yourself in harm's way; Moony would never forgive me if I caused anything to happen to you. Just be vigilant and tell Dumbledore if you notice anything amiss. I am on my way north, but it will take me some time to get there.

Take care,

Sirius

I stared at this odd missive for several minutes. On his way north? Was he mad? I knew as soon as the thought crossed my mind that it was a stupid question. Of course he was mad, heading back to Britain when he was a wanted fugitive. Even the Muggle authorities were still looking for him. He must have been very concerned indeed to be heading voluntarily back into this danger. I shook my head and destroyed Sirius' note with a quick incendio. The less evidence of his whereabouts, the better.

*****

I took advantage of my free period that afternoon to mark essays. I was having a difficult time making head or tail of Cedric Diggory's essay on mathematical logic. His circular reasoning led me to believe that he either understood the concept better than I did or he didn't understand it at all. I wrote a note to remind myself to catch Cedric on Monday morning and see how much extra help he might need. My quill, weakened by the fierce nibbling to which I had been subjecting it in my concentration on Cedric's essay, snapped in two as I pressed it to the parchment. As I dug in my bag for a new one, my hand brushed against the envelope from the Ministry of Magic that I had stuffed in there that morning and promptly forgotten about. I decided that the remaining essays could wait.

I felt increasingly ill as I read the many pages of small type, listing the things that Remus was restricted from legally doing. It turned out that not only could he not be hired for anything due to the fact that he had left his job at Hogwarts because he was a werewolf, but he was no longer allowed to work with children at all. I was trembling quite violently by the time I reached the part that made my heart skip several beats.

No registered lycanthrope shall enter into any legal or otherwise binding contract with any witch or wizard who is not also a registered lycanthrope. Legal and binding contracts include, but are not limited, to the following: property leases, financial and investment agreements, marriage licenses-

My eyes froze on those two words: marriage licenses. I couldn't breathe, and it was all I could do to make sense of it. Werewolves were not allowed to marry non-werewolves. Remus and I couldn't legally marry. We weren't officially engaged, but we had a very clear understanding that we would be relatively soon. I wondered if Remus knew about this part of the decree.

I haphazardly stuffed the stack of parchment back into my bag and went in search of Dumbledore. I couldn't stay at Hogwarts and put on a good face for our international visitors with this horrible revelation hanging over me. Blinded by impending tears, I collided with Minerva McGonagall in the corridor.

"Do try not to be so distracted, Miss Vector." Minerva grabbed my arm to keep us both from falling over. I could only stare at her blankly. "Anna? Are you all right?"

"I have to go home," I said in a small voice. "Please tell Professor Dumbledore I'm sorry that I can't stay. I have to go home."

"Is it your father?" she asked gently, concern etched on her face.

"What?" I had a brief moment of panic, wondering what she knew about my father that I didn't. "Oh. No. I don't know. I just can't stay here."

Somewhat startled by my obvious distress, Minerva led me back into my classroom and forced me gently into a student chair. She turned another chair around so that it was facing mine and sat down, clasping my trembling hands tightly between her warm steady ones. "Tell me what happened."

"Remus is a werewolf," was all I could say at first.

"Yes, he is. You knew that." She looked at me as though I were at least slightly feeble-minded.

"Of course I did. I just-just-" I took a deep breath, trying desperately not to cry because I didn't think I'd be able to stop once I started. "I just read the details of the Ministry's anti-werewolf law. It says I can't marry him. I didn't know it would say that. Why does the Ministry care about who I want to marry?" Despite my efforts, I felt a tear make its way down my cheek.

She squeezed my hands, the thin, angry set of her lips offset by the compassion in her eyes. "They think they are protecting us from tainted Dark creatures," she said scornfully. "As if we can't tell a kind man with a good heart apart from a beast. I'm glad the two of you are trying to find way to be together. I saw how devastated you were when he left Hogwarts. There must be some way around this; most laws have a loophole somewhere." She smiled. "I had no idea that you and Remus wanted to get married. You'll have lovely babies, with his gentle nature and your pretty smile."

"Goodness, Minerva," I laughed shakily. I had never thought of Minerva McGonagall as someone who spent time imagining what other people's future children might be like. "We're not even engaged yet, and we haven't talked much about babies. I'm not even sure if we can have them, but it doesn't matter to me, as long as I have Remus."

She released my hands and rose from her chair. "Go home, Anna. I'll tell Albus."

"Thank you." I was suddenly seized with an uncontrollable impulse that I would have found unimaginable just a few minutes before: I stood and flung my arms around my former head-of-house, who I had always thought of as so strict and unapproachable. "Thank you, Minerva. Your support means the world to me."

She patted my cheek lightly when I released her. "Tell Remus I said hello."

"I will," I promised. It went without saying that Minerva McGonagall's secret inner romantic was safe with me.

*****

I found Remus in front of the sitting room fire, curled up in an armchair reading one of my mother's old Muggle mystery novels. He looked up, startled, as I came in. "Anna! I thought you were staying at school this weekend. I'm glad to see you." He rose and crossed the room to where I stood frozen in the entryway. I returned his embrace and his kiss a bit desperately. "What's wrong?" He frowned worriedly at the look on my face. "Did something happen?"

I just held onto him silently for a long moment before speaking. "I got my copy of the werewolf laws in this morning's post."

"Did you?" His arms tightened around me. "Which part of it has you so upset?"

"Which part? All of it upsets me, Remus. The fact that it exists upsets me. Doesn't it upset you?"

"It does, but what good does it do? It's not as though the Ministry asks for my opinion on anything."

"You have to make them hear you, Remus. Of course they're not going to ask." I pulled away from him, frustrated by his complacency. "Did you know that there is a law that makes it illegal for you to marry anyone but another registered lycanthrope?"

"I was afraid there might be something like that, but no, I didn't know for certain."

"Were you ever going to mention the possibility to me? I never even thought about this decree affecting us any more than it already has, with you not able to get a job." I went to the fireplace, grabbed the poker, and jabbed violently at the log. I felt oddly satisfied by the destruction and flying cinders.

"You're burning the rug," he said almost tranquilly.

"How can you be so bloody calm about this?" I hissed. I wanted to scream at him just to get a reaction, but I didn't want to wake my father, who was asleep in his bedroom directly above us. "It goes against every basic human right-"

"It's not as though I have much choice in the matter," he said very quietly. His voice had a cold, hard quality I had never before heard him direct at me. "I suppose it's all right for you to talk about human rights when you are considered fully human yourself. You could never truly understand what it's like for me, Anna, so don't pretend that you do. Just go back to Hogwarts and don't worry about things that don't have anything to do with you."

"How can you say these things to me?" I couldn't seem to raise my voice much above a whisper. His words had knocked the breath out of me like a physical blow. "How can you say that this has nothing to do with me? You say that I don't understand what it's like for you, but I think you're the one who doesn't understand, Remus. I love you. Everything that affects you affects me, but especially this. Unless you think I've always known that you never intended to marry me, I don't see how you can say that a law forbidding you to marry me doesn't affect me."

"What do you mean, 'I never intended to marry you.'?" His eyes narrowed dangerously. "I wouldn't have mentioned it in the first place if I didn't intend to go through with it."

"First of all, Remus Lupin, you never really have asked me to marry you, have you? Secondly, 'go through with it'? I wouldn't want you to have any more burdens to bear on my account." I took a great, deep breath to steady myself. "If that's how you feel, Remus, I am so very sorry if I have led you to believe you have to 'go through with' anything or do anything you don't want to."

He grabbed my arm as I started to walk away. "Anna-"

"Let go of me," I snarled. "I'm going to bed."

"Anna, don't-" His grasp on my arm was starting to be painful.

"Don't what, Remus? Don't be honest about how I feel?" His fingers dug into my arm as I tried to pull away. "I said let me go!"

He released me, and as I left the room, I heard him say softly, "Don't you know this is killing me?"

I paused briefly in the doorway, but didn't look back as I continued up to bed without another word. I was far too hurt and angry to discuss the situation rationally. I changed into my nightgown, brushed by teeth, washed my face, and carefully tried not to think about anything at all. By the time I pulled the quilt up to my chin, I was furiously chanting the digits of Pi in my head. If I let myself think about the injustice, I was liable to start crying and never stop.

*****

"Anna?" Remus said quietly from the corridor outside my open bedroom door. I rolled over, turning my back to him. He sighed. "I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. I'll leave in the morning."

I heard him start to walk away. "Remus, don't be an idiot. Come back here," I called out very quietly. I knew he heard me, because his footsteps paused and then headed back toward me. I sat up as he stood silently in the doorway. "Come here."

He entered the room slowly, clearly expecting me to start attacking him again.

"Sit down, please," I patted the bed beside me, and took his hand as he warily sat. "I'm the one who's sorry, Remus. I shouldn't blame you. I'm not really angry with you. I'm angry because it should be easy for us, shouldn't it, when we love each other as much as we do? But it's so incredibly difficult sometimes, and I hate it. I hate that we can't be together every day, and I hate that you're so unhappy because you can't get hired for a job that's right for you, and I hate that I can't marry you even if you ask me. It's so unfair, and I want to fight it in every way I can, and at the same time, I'm just so tired of fighting against everything." I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed. "I'm so tired."

He leaned back into the pillows, pulling me with him. He held me tightly and stroked my hair for a long time before he spoke. "I never thought I'd meet a woman who was enough of a nutter to want to marry a werewolf," he finally said with a small snort of reluctant amusement. "Never mind loving anyone as much as I love you. I did warn you, right at the beginning, remember? I told you society was never kind to people like me, and you said you didn't care what anyone else in the world thought. Do you still feel that way?"

"What a stupid question, Remus. I want to tell everyone how much I love you. I want to take your name and wear a ring that you put on my finger to mark me as yours, and for you to wear mine. I want my father to walk with me down the aisle and to put my hand in yours and for him to know that I will always be all right because he is giving me to the one person I want to be with every day for the rest of my life. I want all those things, and it makes me so angry that the government can tell me that I can't have them just because we don't fit their stupid, narrow definition of 'normal'. It isn't anybody's business but ours," I finished indignantly.

"I want you to have everything you just said, Anna. Even if it isn't with me. It would be better for you if I-"

"Remus, stop." I twisted around to face him. "I want those things with you, or not at all. Don't ever tell me that I would be better off without you, because it isn't true. I've been without you, and with you is infinitely better. Other than missing you so much when we're apart, you are everything that is good in my life." I kissed him and laid my head back down on his chest.

I could hear the smile in his voice. "I'm not going to argue the point with you, because I feel the same way. I don't think I could give you up if I tried." He held me close and continued to run his hands through my hair. "The minute we figure out a way, I promise to officially ask you to marry me. I want to put that ring on your finger and to swear in front of witnesses that I will love you forever and to hear you do the same."

"That sounds like a good plan, Remus. Now we just need to figure out how to make it happen." I yawned and hugged him tightly. "I'll start first thing in the morning by writing my rebuttal to that stupid decree so I can get that Umbridge woman to meet with me."

"I'll help you write it," he said, twisting my hair around his fingers. "I love you, you know."

"I know. I'm absolutely mad about you, too. Or just mad, I suppose. Not much difference, is there?" We laughed quietly together. "Minerva McGonagall told me to tell you she said hello. Did you know she thinks you and I would have lovely babies?"

"B-babies?" I felt his body get very tense. "Anna, I don't think I should have children. No one knows what would happen, what the offspring between a werewolf and a normal human would be. I couldn't do that to a child, and I couldn't do that to you. Maybe we should have discussed this before. Why didn't we? Oh, Anna-"

"Remus, relax." Alarmed, I looked up at his panic-stricken face. "I never said I wanted children. I mean, if I had one, I'd want it to be yours, but I don't need one. I've told you that before, haven't I? I want a life with you. Whatever comes of that will make me happy as long as I have you to hold me like this."

I hoped he believed me because I was being completely honest. I was relieved when he seemed to relax. "I'll hold you like this forever if you let me, but promise to tell me if you ever change your mind, Anna. I don't want to be responsible for you missing out on anything you want."

"I promise, Remus." Lying there in his arms, I was filled with an odd sense of well-being, considering everything that seemed to be so horribly wrong in the world. "This is everything I want."

*****

I spent most of Saturday at the kitchen table reviewing the anti-werewolf legislation and trying to write a response that was more logical and reasonable than, "This is stupid and unfair." It was very difficult for me, as the wording in every section was so monumentally biased it made me feel ill. For the first time, I truly understood the extent of how horrible it was for Remus to have been judged like this since he was a child. He had no memory of not being a werewolf and nothing could erase the scars on his soul left by people as thoughtless and cruel as those who had written this law. Not his parents, who had cared for him and done everything they could for him; not his friends who had liked him for himself and helped him deal with his problem in their own unique way; not even I, who loved him to distraction, could ever heal him completely. He was right. None of us could know exactly what it was like for him, but I could imagine it well enough that it broke my heart.

"Anna, put down the quill." Remus gently tugged it out of my hand as he sat in the chair next to mine. "You've been working on this all day. Did you even have lunch?"

I frowned. "I don't remember." My stomach chose that moment to give a loud rumble, answering the question for me. "Well. I suppose not, then," I said with a laugh. "Mina's been gone all day shopping, and you and Dad never came inside. You didn't have lunch either, did you?"

"Actually, Mr. Fortescue brought sandwiches for your dad and me. The shop was really busy today, and we didn't think to come in and check on you. I forgot Mina was out running errands today. I'm so sorry." He took my hand and pulled me out of my chair and onto his lap. "And I promised to help you write this, but you've been doing it all alone. I'm horrible and thoughtless and you deserve much better."

"There is no better, but I'll keep my eyes open if you want me to," I said, kissing him and nuzzling his neck. "You smell like roses. What have you been getting into?"

"Hey, now. I thought I was the one with the good sense of smell." He chuckled softly into my ear. "I was selling love potion ingredients. They do smell much nicer than most of the other products, don't they?"

I murmured something in the affirmative, very relaxed and comfortable with my head on his shoulder. "You should have come in and told me it was so busy. I would have come out to help you."

"No, you were being very productive in here, it seems." He picked up my notes and started reading them over. "I really wish you could have known my father; he would have liked the way your mind works."

"I wish that, too. I'll bet that this dumb law wouldn't have passed at all if he still worked for the Ministry." Remus' late father had worked for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, and had been a fierce advocate of equal rights for his son and others like him. "Where's my father, by the way?"

"He went to dinner at the Vablastkys'. We are, of course, welcome to join them, but I told him I wanted you for the evening."

"Well, that was rather bold of you to say. What happened to your concern for maintaining my reputation?" I teased. "Not that I have any objections, really."

I felt his skin grow warm against my cheek as he blushed. "Honestly, Anna. I just meant that I'm taking you out to dinner."

"Oh," I said, feigning disappointment. I kept up the pretense for nearly half a second. "Where are we going?"

"Someplace Muggle." He nodded decisively. "It'll be fun."

"That does sound like fun. What made you think of it?"

He shrugged. "As much as I love it when you smile at me, I can't remember the last time I saw you really smile or laugh at anything or anyone else."

I thought about it for a moment. "I don't remember either. You're right. We do need a night out. Let's go get changed into Muggle clothes."

"And cleaned up. I'm sure I smell more like far less pleasant merchandise under the thin cover of rose petals, and while you smell delightful, you have ink spots here-" He kissed my chin. "And here-" And my cheek. "And here." And the tip of my nose.

"Goodness," I laughed. "Are you sure you want to be seen with me in public?"

He grinned. "Oh, I like you all smudged up like this, with your hair trying to escape from its pins." He tucked a rebellious lock back behind my ear. "I couldn't love you any more than I do if you always looked neat and spotless, because I always think that you are beautiful. It takes my breath away to see you wearing nothing but firelight, but it's not your outside that I'm in love with, you know. I love your kind heart and your sense of humor and the way your mind is always racing off in some unexpected direction and how passionate you are about everything that you care about." His hand brushed my cheek lightly as we looked at each other, our noses nearly touching.

"Remus," I whispered, quite overcome by his words.

"Shh," he said quietly, stopping me with a soft kiss. "I'm only telling you these things because I want you to know they are true. Everything I could ever need to know about how you feel about me is on that parchment on the table. Not in the words you wrote, but in the tears that smeared the ink while you were writing them. I know what it costs you to love me, Anna."

We stayed like that for what could have been one second or an eternity, our arms around each other as we shared breath and space and time. I knew that this moment was one I would always remember as perfect.

Until my stomach gave another loud grumble.

The intensity in the air between us lifted slightly as we both laughed. I started to stand up but Remus put his arm around my waist and pulled me firmly back into his lap. "Aren't your legs falling asleep with me sitting on you for so long?" I asked, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

"Oh, I think I can stand it for a while longer," he laughed, and kissed me.

"Remus," I said when I was finally able to force myself to leave his embrace. "I'm starving. But let's just find something to eat here. I don't want to go anywhere but upstairs. We can do something else fun in the morning before I go back to school. I only want to be with you tonight."

"I'm so glad to hear you say that," he said with a wicked grin. "I was just thinking that I doubt I could sit across from you in a dimly lit restaurant and control myself long enough to eat a proper meal."

I smiled back at him before turning to hunt for something for dinner. I wondered briefly why Mina wasn't back yet; surely she couldn't still be shopping? "Sandwich?" I offered. "I'm afraid that's about as far as my culinary skills go. I wouldn't blame you if you decided that you don't ever want to marry me, since I can't cook at all."

Remus chuckled. "Well, I managed to keep myself alive for a long time with my own cooking. I'll be in charge of that and you can be in charge of the finances."

"Deal." We shook on it. "You'll probably end up regretting your end of the bargain, though. I eat much more often than I could possibly need to balance accounts."

We somehow managed not to destroy the kitchen as we fried eggs and toasted slices of bread and boiled water for tea. Frequent pauses for laughter and kisses made the whole project take twice as long as it probably should have. It was a most satisfying meal.

After the debris was cleared away, I found myself in Remus' arms, dancing to the music from the wireless playing softly in the corner. A sudden vivid childhood memory popped into my mind and I started to laugh. Remus looked at me curiously and asked, "What? Did I step on you?"

"No. I was just remembering that my parents used to dance in the kitchen just like this. They would do it in front of my friends sometimes, and I was, of course, obligated to act mortified. But I always thought it was sweet, underneath the teenage mandate to be appalled by one's parents acting like people." I smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

He had a rather odd grin on his face. "My parents did this, too."

"I knew the two of you were meant for each other." My father was standing there watching us, looking very smug and as though he hadn't thoroughly disapproved of Remus at first sight or been extremely concerned when he had discovered that the man his daughter had brought home was a werewolf. "When are you going to get around to asking my little girl to marry you, Remus?"

My wonderful giddy mood instantly evaporated. "Why would you ask that?" I snapped at him, only a sudden surge of irrational anger subduing the desire to burst into tears. "What if he doesn't want to get married? What if I don't? You shouldn't ask people such things."

The crestfallen look on my father's face was awful. "Anna, darling-"

I didn't want to talk about it; it was all still so raw and painful. But I felt horrible to have attacked my father so, when I knew that he wanted nothing but my happiness. "I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I'm going out."

I heard him say, "Out? Where-" but I ignored him as I left.

Remus' soothing voice followed me into the garden as I closed the door behind me. "I'll go after her in a minute. But first, you should know-"

Good. Let Remus tell him. I could hardly remember a time when my father hadn't been after me to settle down with someone nice. Let Remus be the one to break his heart because the one man his finicky old maid daughter wanted was completely out of the question. I paused for a moment in the street as I realized that I didn't really have anyplace to go. It was far too late to go anywhere except possibly the Leaky Cauldron, so I started in that direction.

I hadn't walked very far before I decided that the last thing I wanted was to be among people. I sat down on the low wall in front of the cauldron shop, and finally noticed just how very cold it was. Not wanting to go back home any more than I wanted to go anywhere else, I stayed there shivering merely out of stubbornness. I probably would have frozen to death before admitting that I shouldn't have left the house in the first place if Remus hadn't found me.

"Hi," he said, dropping my cloak around my shoulders and sitting down beside me. "Nice night, isn't it?"

I sighed and pulled the cloak tightly around myself for warmth. "Is my dad really angry with me?"

"No. Why would he be?" Remus sounded puzzled.

"I was very rude to him. He was only trying to be nice, to tell us he approves if we were to get married, and I jumped all over him. I'm horrible."

Remus chuckled softly. "No, you just let your emotions get away from you sometimes."

I sighed again. "I know. I'm not like you at all. You should just bite me next full moon. That would solve all of our problems; I'd have to learn not to fly off the handle, and you'd be able to marry me if I was a werewolf, too."

I felt a shudder run though him. "God, Anna, don't even joke about that. I inflict enough of my life on you."

"I'm sorry. I didn't really mean it. I know you would never do that to me, or to anyone else." I barely suppressed my own shiver at the memory of watching him transform. "But I don't mind anything you 'inflict' on me. I'm sure I give you more than enough trouble to make up for it."

He put his arm around me as I inched closer to him on the wall. I leaned into him, grateful for his warmth. "I think it's a fair trade. Let's go home before we turn into ice sculptures."

As we got up to walk away, I thought I saw someone watching us from the window of the cauldron shop, but when I looked back there was nothing but a twitch of drapery.

*****

Sunday morning, Mina was in the kitchen cleaning up after breakfast as she always did. A strange look crossed her face when I asked her where she had been the night before. "I is not able to tell you, Miss Anna," she said, looking almost frightened.

"Why not?" I asked, bewildered. Mina had never refused to tell me anything, save where my parents had hidden the Christmas presents when I was small.

"Please, do not be asking that, Miss Anna." Mina violently beat her head against the wall.

"Why are you doing that?" I was horrified. I had never seen her like this before; never having been bound by excessively restrictive orders, Mina had always been free to speak her mind without any fear of punishment. I fell to my knees and tried to restrain her.

"Please, Miss Anna. I is not able to answer you." Her eyes were filling up with tears as she pulled away from me and continued to hurt herself. "Don't ask." Bang. "Don't ask." Bang. "Don't ask." Bang.

"Mina, stop! That's an order." I had rarely ever explicitly ordered her to do anything, but she complied immediately. "I won't ask you anything. Just please, please don't do that again."

"Yes, Miss Anna," she said quietly, her eyes darting about as she avoided looking directly at me. "I needs to go clean the study now."

"All right." I remained kneeling on the floor as she rushed out of the room, nearly colliding with Remus in the doorway.

"What are you doing down there?" Remus asked. "You look troubled."

"I am troubled. Mina is acting very odd. She wouldn't tell me where she was last night. She was hurting herself and begging me not to ask her why."

Remus frowned as he helped me to my feet. "Why would she do that?"

"I'm not sure. I think house-elves might punish themselves if they do something against orders from their family. But I don't think Dad would give her an order like that, and I know I didn't. Did you?"

He looked a bit strained. "Of course not. Besides, I'm not family. I thought we'd already established that."

"Don't be silly, Remus. You're family because I love you and I say you are." I pulled him close and kissed him quite fiercely.

"You know, you promised me we'd do something fun this morning before you go back to school," he said after he had more than returned my kisses.

I smiled. "That's right, I did. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, Flourish and Blotts is having a sale..." He trailed off, looking at me hopefully.

"Remus Lupin, you are the man of my dreams," I laughed. "A morning alone with you in a bookstore sounds like absolute heaven to me."

"A bookstore in the middle of what the sign in the window is calling 'The biggest sale of the year'," he said, nodding solemnly before breaking into a brilliant grin. "I'll get our cloaks."

As I waited for Remus to return, I saw Nike, Cassandra's owl, land on the windowsill and opened the window to let him enter the kitchen. He hooted cheerfully, shaking the light dusting of snow from his feathers and taking the owl treat I offered. I was rather surprised to see that the handwriting on the letter he had delivered was not Cassandra's, and stunned when I scanned to the signature on the bottom of the page. Remus came through the kitchen door as I gasped.

"What?" he asked, crossing the room to my side.

"Why do you suppose Cassie's owl would bring me a letter from Severus?" I mused, shocked, slightly horrified, and more than a little bit amused at the implication.

"Well, reading it might answer that question," he suggested reasonably.

Miss Vector,

As you missed the Halloween feast and thus the choosing of the Tri-Wizard champions, I thought I would take the opportunity to inform you of what transpired. I'm certain that Lupin will find it interesting.

Rather than the expected appointment of one champion per school, Hogwarts has been assigned two representatives in the tournament: neither are first-rate choices. While Cedric Diggory is a Hufflepuff, he is, at least, of age. Harry Potter, on the other hand, is underage. Dumbledore has not been able to determine how Mr. Potter's name was entered despite the age restriction, but the Goblet of Fire has chosen him. According to the rules of the Tournament, he must be allowed to compete, despite anyone's judgment against the wisdom of the decision.

While I truly do not find this something to concern myself with, Miss Vablatsky has informed me that you and Lupin are actually interested in Potter's activities. I am in an unusually pleasant mood this morning, and have allowed myself to be persuaded to inform you of the situation in advance of your return to Hogwarts.

Regards,

Severus Snape

Remus made a small noise in his throat as he read over my shoulder. His face was a frightening ashen gray when I turned to look at him. "Are you all right?" I asked.

"Of course," he said, sitting down in a kitchen chair rather abruptly. "The Tri-wizard Tournament? I've read about some of those competitions held in the past; it can be really dangerous. People have died. I can't let Harry be killed in some tournament, Anna. How was he even chosen? I thought they instituted age limits this time?"

"They did." I hadn't really given the Tri-wizard Tournament much thought, immersed as I had been in my own problems. "I suppose we could go talk to Dumbledore and see what can be done to protect Harry."

"You know I can't go to Hogwarts," he said tensely. "All the students know that I am a werewolf and the parents would be up in arms if I were to be seen at the school."

"I'll go talk to Dumbledore alone, then," I said, resigned to giving up my morning with Remus.

"Thank you," he said quietly. "I'll miss you, but-"

"I know, Remus." I leaned down to hug him as he sat in the chair. "I had to go back today, anyway."

"Yes, but not so early. I wish-" He stopped himself and shook his head. "No. It doesn't do any good to wish, does it? I'm happy with what I have, really." He scowled at the parchment still in my hand. "It's just so very generous of Snape to send you that letter, when he could have sent it directly to me. As if you care who he spent the night with! Does he think you'll be jealous?"

I had to repress an urge to laugh at him. "Remus, I assure you that Severus Snape has no interest in me whatsoever. Other than as a tool for annoying you, apparently. I wonder if Cass is still at Hogwarts? I'd love to find out what happened last night."

"Ew." Remus wrinkled his nose in a manner I found rather comical. "I don't want to know anything about what Snape does at night."

"Then I won't tell you anything about it," I promised. "I shall make it my duty to shield you from the horrible sordid details."

"Thank you, I'd appreciate that," he said dryly.

"I'll get my things and say goodbye to my dad," I said, smoothing back his hair and kissing him on the forehead. "And I'll send you an owl the minute after I speak to Dumbledore. I'm sure it'll be fine. He wouldn't let anything happen to Harry."

"I hope you're right." He looked so worried that I wanted to do nothing but hold him and assure him that everything would be all right, even though I really wasn't so sure of that myself. He deserved to be able to help his friend's son who needed him, and yet he couldn't, not because of who he was but because of what he was, something he had no control over. I couldn't make it right, but I could at least make sure he knew what was happening.