Unbalanced Equations

I bet you can't believe that I'm up and around before you are. Just remember, my dear, there is a first time for everything.

I love watching you sleep, so peaceful and beautiful with your hair all over the pillow. You have the sweetest sort of half-smile right now: I wonder what you are dreaming. Am I there? You are almost always in my dreams.

Stay in bed. I'll be back soon, with breakfast. (I know where your priorities lie first thing in the morning.)

Love, Remus

I smiled, clutching the note I had found on my pillow to my heart as I snuggled back under the quilt.

"Good morning." Remus came back into the room, bearing a tray of tea and my favorite chocolate croissants. They were a favorite of his, too, and I had a feeling Mina had made them for him rather than for me. Our house-elf adored Remus.

"Good morning. What got you up so early?" I took a bite of a still-warm croissant. "And how did you talk Mina into making these?"

He smiled guiltily. "I told her you said for her to take the day off. I didn't mean her to take it as an indication that we didn't need her. I just thought, since no one will be here, she should have a bit of a break."

"Never tell a house-elf you don't want them to work, Remus. You have to be sneakier than that." I had learned a thing or two about the ways of house-elves; Mina had been with my parents since before I was born. "You just leave a tiny bit more of a mess than usual, so they feel justified about loafing a bit afterwards." I crumbled a bit of croissant between my fingers and scattered the crumbs on the sheets. "That should do it."

Remus chuckled. "You're an evil genius, Anna."

"If only I could use my powers for good, right?" I winked at him and took a cup of tea. "Why did you get up so early?"

"I don't know. I was just awake. Maybe I'm just excited about the Quidditch World Cup." He started on another croissant. "Is that what it's like for you most mornings? The way you're just awake all of a sudden? Because I'm not sure I like it. There's no transition period."

I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "Don't worry. It was probably just a freak thing. I wouldn't want you to lose your 'transition period'. You're so cute when you're all groggy in the mornings."

He smiled self-consciously. "Well. I won't worry about it unless it starts happening all the time, then."

"Thank you for the lovely note. You were in my dream." I sipped my tea thoughtfully. "We were shopping at Honeydukes with Albus Dumbledore and Sybill Trelawney, but Honeydukes was selling nothing but spoons, instead of sweets. Mrs. Norris walked in wearing a beret, and Argus Filch was running after her with a pair of socks." I shook my head. "I wonder what that was all about."

"Sometimes a dream is just a dream, you know." He grinned. "Maybe your feet were cold, and you wanted Filch to bring socks for you."

"Maybe." I giggled. "Anything's possible, isn't it?"

"I think so." He offered me the last croissant, proving his love to me beyond a doubt.

I split it with him.

*****

"Excuse me. Do you know where Quality Quidditch Supplies has set up shop?"

"Right." The harried looking Ministry employee checked his clipboard. "Just outside the stadium. Follow the crowd; should take you right there."

My thanks went unheard as he rushed to intercept a new arrival who appeared to have enchanted an enormous Irish National banner to sing a racy song about broomsticks.

Remus and I were absorbed into the mass of excited Quidditch fans as we walked leisurely toward the stadium. There were tents everywhere, some much more elaborate than others. Some were so obviously magical that I guessed most people had given up the pretense of pretending to be Muggles.

"Look," Remus said into my ear with a laugh. "It's Camelot."

It was indeed Camelot; or, rather, the most elaborate tent I had ever seen, complete with moat and drawbridge. "That's impressive. I wonder-" I realized that Remus was no longer walking beside me. He had stopped in his tracks. "What is it?"

"Harry," he said quietly. Harry Potter was sitting in front of a pair of tents, laughing in the middle of a crowd of redheaded boys.

"Oh, and the Weasleys. Shall we go and say hello? I wouldn't mind catching up a bit with Bill and Charlie."

Remus hesitated. "No. He's having a good time being a normal boy. Seeing me would just remind him all sorts of unhappy things."

"I doubt he'd mind seeing you, Remus. But if you don't want to, we'll leave them alone." I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. He watched the children for a moment before turning to walk away. I walked beside him, still holding his hand. "You know, Bill Weasley was the second boy ever to kiss me, and the first one to do the thing properly."

"I did not know that," Remus chuckled. "First one a bit lacking, then?"

"Oh, it was horrible." I still cringed at the memory of my disastrous first kiss. "Bill was sweet, though. He took me to the Gringotts Ball seventh year." That memory made me smile. "Who'd you kiss first?"

He colored slightly. "Lily Evans."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. We were fifteen and studying together one night and got to talking about all kinds of things. Neither of us had ever kissed anyone and we were both curious about what it would be like, so we tried it. It was nice." He shrugged. "And then she went and fell in love with James."

"Thwarted first love?" I asked lightly.

He smiled sadly. "No. It wasn't like that. We were friends, but she and James-" He stopped walking. "When they finally fell in love, no one really saw it coming. Least of all the two of them. I was happy for them, but a little envious too. I thought there would never be anyone like that for me." He kissed me very gently just on the tip of my nose. "Thank you for proving me wrong."

"Oh, you know I just love to be right." I squeezed the hand I still held tightly and used my free hand to pull him to me for a suitably tender kiss, as the crowd ebbed and flowed around us.

"Erm, excuse me. Professor?"

Remus and I jumped as though we had been caught doing something we shouldn't have been.

Oliver Wood, a former student who had just left Hogwarts the past term, was looking at us strangely. "I thought that was you, Professor Vector." He frowned at Remus. "What is he doing to you?" Oliver obviously hadn't forgotten the shocking revelation that Remus was a werewolf, which had been sprung upon the student body at the end of the term, and leapt immediately to the conclusion that I might need rescuing.

"He's kissing me, Oliver," I answered flatly. "And I am clearly not objecting. You know Professor Lupin. He's the same nice man whose class I know you enjoyed. Anything else you may have learned about him after the fact doesn't change anything about him at all." I had a sudden vision of an elderly version of myself, still reassuring people that Remus (even more elderly than I, standing beside me and leaning heavily on a cane) wasn't dangerous. It was bound to get even more tedious. "And we're just Quidditch fans today, not teachers. You've left school anyway, Oliver. You don't have to call either of us 'Professor' anymore."

"No, I suppose not." Oliver relaxed visibly, seeming to take my words about Remus to heart. "What do I call you, then? I'd feel weird calling you by first names."

I smiled. "Miss Vector and Mr. Lupin should be sufficient, I think." Oliver had always been such an earnest boy without much of a sense of humor; completely and totally obsessed with Quidditch, but nice.

"How is life outside Hogwarts treating you, Oliver?" Remus asked kindly. He wasn't one to hold a grudge against someone for being a bit wary of a werewolf.

"Oh! That's what I wanted to tell you." Oliver was obviously very excited. "I've been signed to the Puddlemere United reserve team! I'm really going to be a professional Quidditch player!"

"That's fantastic, Oliver! I can't wait to see you out there with your team."

"Thanks, Prof-er, Miss Vector." Oliver seemed to notice that Remus and I were still holding hands. He blushed to remember that he had caught two teachers kissing, even if we weren't his teachers anymore. "I, er, have to go. It was nice to see you."

Remus and I exchanged a grin as Oliver rushed off. "I suppose it is a bit difficult to relate to teachers as people when you've just finished being a student, isn't it?" Remus asked.

"Yes. Minerva McGonagall still intimidates me a little bit sometimes."

"Me too," he laughed.

*****

I was having a fine time at the Quality Quidditch Supplies party after the World Cup match until the victorious Irish National team and their various hangers-on showed up.

"Hello, Anna. How have you been?"

I nearly dropped my drink. It was Anthony Thompson, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I had once thought I might spend the rest of my life. He had left me, he had said, not because he didn't care for me, but because he realized he couldn't possibly be in love with me. He had come to the conclusion that he didn't like women in that way at all. He had been with Aidan Lynch, the Irish National Seeker, ever since. I should have been expecting to run into him here.

I took a long swallow of my drink until I finally found my voice. "Hello, Anthony. I'm quite well, thanks. You?"

"I'm great. Work's good. Aidan's good." He paused, running a hand through his hair. "I saw your dad a few minutes ago. He said you're doing really well. Teaching at Hogwarts still, and you have a new fellow he seems to like a lot. Better than he likes me, at least."

"Well, you did break my heart. I may have forgiven you, but I think it'll still be a while before my dad gets over it." I managed a smile. My father had been even more upset than I was at the time, which was saying quite a lot. The very idea that anyone would discard his little girl in such a manner had offended him deeply. I was surprised that he had spoken to Anthony at all.

"Have you really forgiven me?" he asked.

"Yes. It's all worked out for the best, hasn't it?" I quickly gulped the rest of my drink and took two more from a passing waiter. I might have forgiven him, but talking to him was still a bit upsetting, even after nearly three years.

"I'm glad. Hurting you like I did was the worst thing I have ever done. But I couldn't go on pretending-" The look on my face must have stopped him from continuing. "I am sorry."

"I know." If he apologized to me again I thought I might burst into tears.

"You look really pretty," he said quietly. "I always thought that you should wear your hair down like that more often.

"Thank you. I need to go. My drink is gone." I held up my most recent empty glass. I couldn't bear him being nice to me; it made it too hard to hate him for falling in love with someone else while he was supposed to have been in love with me.

"I'll see you around," he said with the crooked smile that I had once loved as much as I had thought possible.

"Right." I turned and saw Remus across the room laughing with Mr. Vablatsky. I changed course and headed toward him instead of the bar. I knew I really shouldn't have anything more to drink unless I wanted to regret it in the morning.

"What's wrong?" Remus seemed alarmed by the look on my face. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I ran into an old boyfriend, is all. Plus, I'm not sure how many of these I had while I was talking to him." He took the glass from my hand as I grabbed his sleeve for balance. I was suddenly not feeling very well.

Mr. Vablatsky took the empty glass from Remus and sniffed it. "Anna, sweetie, you know Ogden's Old Firewhiskey doesn't agree with you."

"I always seem to forget that, don't I?" I laughed shrilly. "Can I go lie down in your tent?"

"Of course, dear." Ivan Vablatsky, my father's best friend and my best friend's father, had always treated me as if I were his own daughter. He patted me gently on the shoulder. "I'm sorry. I should have warned you that the teams might show up. Although I did think that perhaps some people might show some courtesy and leave other people at home." He glowered in the direction of Anthony and Aidan.

I impulsively kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you for caring, but I really am fine. I got over him ages ago. You and Dad don't need to defend my honor anymore. Even though it's awfully sweet of you."

"Well, if we didn't look out for our girls, who would?" He gave me a quick one-armed hug before heading off to circulate amongst his guests.

"I would," Remus said quietly. "Look out for you, I mean."

I smiled and leaned against him. "You would, wouldn't you? My hero."

"I don't know about the hero bit, but I would defend you in any way I could." He offered me his arm, which I accepted gratefully. It seemed awfully difficult to remain standing on my own. "Come on. I'll walk you to the tent." He chuckled suddenly. "No wonder you don't drink often. It doesn't take much to get you smashed, does it?"

"I am not 'smashed'," I replied indignantly. "I am merely tired. It's been a long day." I stumbled over a stone in the path as I spoke.

"Right. Just tired." I knew Remus was only humoring me, but I didn't care. I really just needed to lay my head down for a minute.

As I curled up on the sofa in the Vabatskys' tent, I felt a sudden surge of appreciation for wizarding ingenuity; there wouldn't be a sitting room in a Muggle tent. My Muggle grandfather had taken me camping a few times when I was a child, and it had never been as comfortable as this.

"You don't have to stay here with me. Go back to the party." Remus had settled himself into the armchair across from me.

"I wouldn't have any fun without you." He smiled at me. "Are you sure you're all right? You really do look more upset than drunk."

"I don't really know quite why I am so upset. I don't love him anymore. I don't hate him anymore, either. I think he just reminded me of how awful I felt for such a long time." I punched a pillow and tucked it under my head. "No pressure or anything, but if you ever suddenly decide that you really don't love me after all, that's it. I am not going through anything like that again. You are my last shot at happily ever after, whatever that is."

"No pressure, though," He said dryly, looking thoughtfully at me. "Would you want him back, if he came to you and said he had realized he'd made a horrible mistake?"

"Of course not. I know now that our relationship was horribly-" I paused, trying to find the right word. "Unequal. He was never as infatuated with me as I was with him. We got along well, and had fun together, but.... There was just something missing. Passion, I think. He never looked at me the way that you do."

"Which way is that?" His forehead crinkled as he watched me intently.

I chewed on my lower lip for a moment, thinking. "I don't really know how to describe it. You just look at me as though you always want to touch me. And you know that I want you to touch me. I love that."

He smiled suddenly. "You are lovely, Anna. I can't imagine ever not loving you, so take that off the list of things you worry about." He came over to kneel on the floor beside me as he took my hand and kissed it. "You look like you can't even keep your eyes open, so I'll leave you alone for a bit. Do you need anything?"

"I'm a little bit hungry."

"Then I'll go nick you some food from the party." He kissed me lightly before he rose to leave. "You should eat anyway, to absorb some of the alcohol you've consumed tonight." He snickered a bit at my expense. I didn't care, as I really was having a terrible time keeping my eyes open. I dozed off before he had even left the tent.

*****

I woke to the sound of screams. I thought it was a dream at first, but it didn't stop even when I knew I was awake. I felt very sober, but still a little bit ill. I had no idea how much time had passed since Remus had left, but I appeared to be alone. I gripped my wand tightly and peeked outside.

It was total chaos. People were running in every direction. The sound of screaming and shouting and crying filled the air. The acrid stench of smoke made me choke.

I retreated back inside the tent, trying to decide on a course of action. I might be safe if I stayed here, but where was Remus? And my dad. The thought that my father might be in the middle of all this compelled me to leave the tent. He was in no condition to be defending himself from whatever was going on.

I heard the cruel laugh before I saw the man in the mask. "Well, what do we have here? Didn't your mum ever tell you not to wander alone at night?"

He grabbed the arm that held my wand, so I elbowed him sharply in the chest to make him release me. I only managed a few steps away before he yanked me back by my hair. "Like playin' it rough, do you? Thought I recognized you, Teacher. Bitch," he spat, shaking me violently. "Still haven't paid you back for the last time."

He jerked my hair hard enough to make tears come to my eyes, wrenching my head back. I added my scream to the general bedlam taking place around me. The mask he wore identified him only as a Death Eater, which was frightening enough, but I suddenly knew who he was: Walden Macnair, Ministry of Magic executioner. I had hit him very hard in the crotch with my knee during the course of my small contribution to the escape of Remus' friend Sirius Black at the end of last term. To be fair, he had touched me inappropriately first, but he didn't seem the type to take that into consideration. He seemed the type to want retribution.

"Let-let go of me," I stammered, trying to sound as though I wasn't frightened half to death.

"No, I don't think I will." He pulled a knife from his pocket and pressed it against my throat. "I don't think I'll kill you right away, either. You look like a girl a man could have a good time with."

"Let me go," I whimpered. I had never been so terrified in my life.

Macnair laughed. "Is that the best you can do?" He traced the tip of the blade along my breasts; I could feel the cold steel through the fabric of my robes. "I intend to make you beg for more than your life before I'm through with you."

"Oi, come on! You can have that sort of fun anytime in Knockturn Alley." Another man in a Death Eater robe and mask came around the side of the tent. "Tonight we're playing with Muggles. Let's go."

"We'll have our date later, Miss. Don't think I'll forget," he hissed in my ear. "Oh, no. I'll be planning something special for you." He shoved me so that I fell face down in the mud. I felt his heavy boot in the middle of my back as he walked away.

I struggled to raise myself up on all fours, trembling and gasping for breath. My stomach gave a violent lurch and I was suddenly sick. Wiping my mouth on my sleeve, I spotted my wand a few feet away where I must have dropped it when he yanked my hair. I clutched it tightly in both hands and sat there huddled on the muddy ground, too frightened to move.

I was released from my paralysis by the sight of the Quality Quidditch Supplies party tent going up in flames. Nearly everyone I loved in the world had been at that party. I stood up shakily and headed in the direction of the inferno, my mind filled with horrible visions of my father and Remus and Mr. and Mrs. Vablatsky trapped inside.