By the Numbers

"Filch will kill us if he finds us like this in his office," I murmured.

"I don't care. We'll just tell him the truth. We're looking for a Boggart."

I chuckled, "Well, you're not going to find one in there."

Remus grinned. "You're probably right." He pulled himself away from me and looked at his watch. "I'm supposed to meet Harry in an hour. We're never going to find a Boggart before then."

For the past two days, I had been helping Remus search the castle for a Boggart to use in teaching Harry Potter the Patronus charm. He had definite misgivings about trying to teach such advanced magic to someone so young, but felt he owed it to the memory of his dead friend to help James' son learn to defend himself. We had finally given up hope of finding an actual Boggart before eight o'clock, and were merely engaging in highly inappropriate behavior in the caretaker's office.

"Well, we should at least keep trying." I started opening random drawers in the many file cabinets along the wall. I wasn't really paying attention to the contents of the drawers, as I was occupied with watching Remus out of the corner of my eye as he hunted though the desk. I saw him watching me, too, and smiled. I was not prepared when the huge glowing green skull rose out of the next drawer I opened.

I screamed, and backed away. I knew, intellectually, that it was only a Boggart. It didn't matter, as the opposite wall stopped my retreat. I was trapped. The snake protruding from the mouth of the skull was advancing toward me. I knew the Death Eaters would be right behind it, and this time I would not get away. I screamed again, and slid down the wall to the floor, my hands covering my face.

From a great distance, I heard Remus' voice as he subdued the Boggart and forced it into the large packing case he had brought along in the event we actually found one. It was a long time before I felt his arms around me and heard his words of comfort as I crouched trembling and sobbing on the cold stone floor.

"Shh, it's all right. It's gone. You're safe. Shh, it wasn't real," he was muttering into my hair.

I hugged him tightly, and took a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm sorry. Bit of an overreaction to a Boggart, hmm?" I wiped my face on my sleeve, and gave him a shaky smile.

He shook his head. "The Dark Mark? Don't apologize for being frightened of that."

'But, I knew it wasn't real." I was disappointed in myself. I had never before thought of myself as some weak, scared woman who wanted or needed to be protected, but I was incredibly grateful for his strong arms around me.

"You've really seen the Dark Mark before, though, haven't you?" He was frowning slightly. "Most of the time, the shape taken by a Boggart is something a person is afraid of, but hasn't actually been threatened by. Like a mummy, or a banshee, or a giant eyeball. It can be much more intense if it's something you've actually faced before."

I nodded. The completely irrelevant thought crossed my mind that I would have paid much more attention in my own Defense Against the Dark Arts classes if I had had a teacher like Remus.

"What happened?" he asked gently.

It had been a long time since I had spoken to anyone about this, and it took a moment to find a place to start.

"My mother didn't meet me at King's Cross at the end of my fifth year." I knew as soon as I had started speaking that I was not going to be able to stop until it all came out. "I wasn't really worried, just annoyed that she had forgotten me. I felt really awful about being angry with her, later: she had never done anything like that before, and I should have known something had happened. I was just fifteen, you remember how the whole world revolves around you when you're that age?" He nodded, and a small smile flickered across his face.

"Cassie and I took a Muggle taxi home. I didn't think to go into the shop and ask my dad if he knew where she was. I just went into the house, and there was a note on the kitchen table for my dad. It was from my mother, saying she was going to have tea with the Olwen's and would be home later after meeting Cassie and me at the station. I wanted to know what was more important than picking me up from the station. So I went to the Olwen's. They owned the Magical Menagerie; you might remember them from back then." I could see from his eyes that he did remember Mr. and Mrs. Olwen, and what had happened to them.

"I saw a flash of green light though the window when I was still across the street. Then I saw two men in masks and black robes come out the door. One of them pointed his wand at the house and the Dark Mark appeared. The other one had turned around and saw me there, watching them. He pointed his wand at me." Remus seemed to hold me a little tighter then.

"I think the man who had conjured the Dark Mark stopped the other from cursing me. I don't know why. I couldn't hear what they said to each other, but they Disapparated a few seconds later. No one had noticed the Dark Mark yet. There was no one else around. I went in the house. They were all dead. It wasn't just the killing curse, though. There was blood everywhere. Everywhere-" I choked.

"I remember when that happened. I didn't know you were involved," Remus said very softly, and kissed me on the forehead. Of course he would remember. The Daily Prophet had talked about little else but the "bold, daylight attack that struck terror in the heart of wizarding London" for months. There was nothing else to say, so just I leaned against him as he held me, feeling drained, but very safe.

"What is going on here?" It was Argus Filch, clearly displeased at finding us in his office at all, much less in such a seemingly compromising position on the floor.

Remus stood and offered me his hand. I was very stiff from being in such an awkward position for so long, and gratefully accepted the help up. "Just a little mishap. We took care of the Boggart in your cabinet. He won't be bothering you again."

I wanted to laugh, but didn't dare. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop. "Yes, Professor Lupin was a bit startled, but the Boggart has been captured." I indicated the packing case, which had just begun to quake as the Boggart stirred inside it.

"No thanks necessary. Our pleasure." Remus lifted the case by the handle with one hand, and held the door for me.

"Goodnight, Argus," I said, flashing an over-bright smile at the perturbed caretaker. I think he may have growled something in return.

Once we were around the corner and well down the corridor, I stopped, unable to continue my struggle against the semi-hysterical laughter that had been threatening since Filch had entered the office. "It's a good thing he didn't come back earlier. Can you imagine his face...?" I leaned against the wall for support, weak from the conflicting emotions of the last-how long had it been since that Boggart had turned up?

"Remus, you're going to be late meeting Harry!"

"Are you all right, though? I can-"

"I am perfectly capable of walking upstairs by myself, Remus." The desire to be protected had passed.

"I know," he said mildly. "I was being polite."

"You're always polite." I smiled. "It's one of the things I like about you, even if it can be a bit aggravating sometimes."

He raised an eyebrow. "Aggravating?"

I just continued to smile, as I was rather enjoying teasing him. "Good luck with the Patronus lesson. I'm tired. Goodnight." I reached up and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"You really find me aggravating?" he asked.

"Only sometimes, and only a little bit." I definitely enjoyed teasing him. "I did say I liked it, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did." After a quick glance along the corridor to check that we were, in fact, alone, Remus pulled me close for a quick but very satisfying kiss. "Goodnight."

*****

I had been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, for what seemed like days. I was very tired, but every time I closed my eyes, I saw the Dark Mark. It was as if it had been burned into my retinas. I was convinced that I would never be able to sleep again, when I thought I heard a tentative tap at my door. I got up to check, and found Remus, just about to walk away.

"I'm sorry if I woke you, but I was on my way back to my room and saw the light under your door, and thought I'd check to see if you were all right." It was a lame excuse, as my room was nowhere near any practical route that would take him from the History of Magic classroom to his own room, but I was much too glad for his company to call him on it.

"I couldn't sleep." I had left a lamp lit, to avoid being alone in the dark. Childish, yes, but at least minimally comforting. "How was Harry's lesson?"

"Not great, but he did better than I expected." We sat together on the sofa, as Remus gave a soft, shuddering sigh. "He heard James tonight, as well as Lily, being killed."

"Oh, Remus..." I didn't have any words, so I just held his hand. I was touched that he felt comfortable enough to share these things with me and I hated to think of all the years when he had had no one at all.

"He asked me if I had known his father. He knows, now, that we were friends. He pushed himself so hard to try and conjure the Patronus. I wish there was an easier spell." He shook his head regretfully. "And then he asked me if I had known Sirius Black, as well as James."

"What did you tell him?" I was curious, but also dreading the answer. Remus would not have wanted to lie to Harry, but it could hardly be comforting for the boy to know that one of his parents' best friends had been responsible for their violent deaths.

"He already knew that James and Sirius had been friends, so I told him the truth: That I thought I had known Sirius," he said bitterly. "It makes me wonder how well any of us can really know another person."

"I promise that you know me as well as anyone could." It might not have been much, but it was all I had. I couldn't give him back his dead friends, or take away the pain of Sirius' betrayal: I could only give him myself.

"Do I, though?" he said thoughtfully. "Although if I were you, I would be much more concerned about whether you really knew me. I am much more likely to be unpredictable, you know. Who knows what horrible act a werewolf might be capable of?"

I hated it when he spoke of himself so harshly, but I was much too exhausted to argue with him. "Remus, can we talk about this in the morning? Or not. Maybe you'll be less irrational then." I yawned.

"Irrational? I'm not-" He stopped, noticing that I could barely keep my eyes open. "You're right. It's late. I'll go." He started to get up, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"No, stay. Please." I was terrified of the nightmares I was sure I would have if I were alone. "Just for a little while."

He put an arm around me, as I laid my head on his shoulder. "For a little while, then."

*****

In my dream, I heard crying. I couldn't figure out if it was from a child or an animal, but I had to find and comfort it. The desolate voice was breaking my heart. I was searching, searching...

I jerked awake. It was Remus I had been looking for, whimpering in his sleep. He was half sitting, half lying on the sofa; one arm still around me where I had fallen asleep slumped against him. He looked terribly uncomfortable.

I sat up and tapped him gently on the cheek. "Remus, wake up." His fingers twitched, and he whimpered again. "Remus."

"No!" Remus shouted as his eyes flew open. He stared at me without really seeing for a long moment. "Anna?" He blinked and looked around, bewildered at waking up in my tiny sitting room.

"Well, who else?" I said reasonably. "You were having a nightmare."

He sat up fully, dazed. "I should go to bed."

"Don't bother, it's morning." I gestured toward the window, where the sun was starting to peek through the curtains.

"Oh." He frowned, not quite awake yet. "I was here all night?"

"Looks that way. Although I never imagined that the first time we spent the night together we'd do so much actual sleeping." I grinned at his expression, mentally noting for future reference that it was easier to fluster him first thing in the morning.

"You've, er, imagined that, have you?" he asked after a moment. He was approaching coherence. Definitely not a morning person.

"Of course. Haven't you?" I was very much enjoying they way his ears turned red when he was thrown off balance. It was my reward for waking up quickly.

"Thousands of times, probably. I-" Much to my dismay, he had now reached full consciousness and stopped himself from going on. "What time is it?"

"Quarter past eight." I stood up and stretched. "I need to get ready for class."

"So do I." He rose as I headed to the bedroom.

I paused in the doorway and looked back at him. "Thank you for staying. I don't think I would have gotten any sleep at all if you hadn't."

"You're welcome. Although I am probably going to be aching all day from sleeping on that sofa."

"Next time, we won't sleep on the sofa, then."

It was a new experience to not be the one with the scarlet face. Rather empowering, really. I wanted to find out if his skin burned when he blushed, as he said mine did, but put that impulse away for another time. I had a class of sixth years wanting their essays returned.

*****

One morning in late January, I had been drawn into a detailed conversation about the previous day's lecture on deficient numbers with Hermione Granger. She was a dream of a student; never out of questions and quick to come up with her own theories. Normally, I would have been thrilled to continue the discussion, but I was going to be very late for class if I didn't hurry.

I was almost to my sixth floor classroom when Peeves the Poltergeist appeared at the top of the stairs and began bouncing a package of Fizzing Whizbees (probably stolen from the headmaster) one by one down the stairs. Of course my foot came down directly on to one of the large, round sweets and slipped right out from under me. I had been running up the stairs, and my own forward momentum brought me heavily to my knees on the very edge of a step. Before I could stop myself, I had slid down half the staircase.

"Shut up, Peeves!" I hissed at the cackling troublemaker. I pulled myself up with the banister, and immediately had to sit down. I lifted my skirt to peek at my legs: they were a bloody mess. I must have left all my skin on the stone steps. I may have blacked out for a second or two at the gruesome sight.

"Oh, didn't want any sweeties, Miss Professor Lady?" Peeves was doing back flips in the air around me. I had always disliked that obnoxious poltergeist and now I actively hated him. I picked up a stray Fizzing Whizbee from the step beside me, and hurled it at him. He stuck out his tongue, did one last back flip, and zipped away up the stairs.

"The problem there is that your players tend to be larger, rather than faster."

"At least we don't set all our efforts to supporting an over-ambitious Seeker."

Minerva and Severus' voices preceded them. They never seemed to tire of discussing their House Quidditch teams. They stopped at the foot of the staircase and looked up at me.

"Why are you sitting there?" Severus asked.

"Peeves," I said shortly. "I fell."

"Miss Vector, is that blood soaking through your skirt?" Minerva exclaimed.

"Yes, probably," I answered. I was afraid to look again. "I'm late for class."

"I'll take care of it. Severus will help you to the hospital wing. Poppy can fix you up in no time, I'm sure." Minerva swept up the stairs before she had even finished speaking. No doubt the thought of what my class of fourth years might be up to while left to their own devices was quite motivating.

Severus looked as though he would rather have been anywhere else in the world than alone with me. I tried again to stand up on my own, and was more successful this time. I took a tentative step down, and nearly fell again. I was a little light-headed, from shock and pain.

In a flash, Severus had grabbed my arm. I leaned on him gingerly, and limped down the remaining steps. It was a long walk to the hospital wing. Neither of us spoke until we were nearly there. Severus stopped suddenly. I had to grab his sleeve to keep from stumbling.

"I had a very strange letter from your father," he said slowly, clearly reluctant to bring it up.

"Did you?" Knowing my father, this letter was probably going to be one of the most horrific things I had ever heard. As Severus recounted some of the details, I resolved to never confide in my father about anything ever again.

Dad and I had had a long talk on New Years Day, and I had finally gotten through to him that I would not ever be with Severus in a romantic way. He had told me that he only wanted me to find someone who would make me happy, and he had simply thought that Severus was a good candidate for this position. He was willing to allow that perhaps Remus might be a contender as well, and had promised to withdraw his campaign for Severus. Apparently, Dad had seen fit to share most of the details of this conversation in his letter to Severus.

"Severus, I really need to sit down." I was feeling both queasy and light-headed. Everything suddenly went dark.

When I opened my eyes, I was laying on a bed in the hospital wing, Poppy Pomfrey leaning over me. "You see, Severus, she's fine," she said over her shoulder, but there was no one there. "Oh, well, he must have had to leave. I wouldn't have expected him to hover, but he did seem rather worried when he brought you in here. Drink this."

I did as I was told, and made a face. "Ick! What is this?" I wondered, not for the first time, why it seemed to be impossible to make a useful potion that did not taste horrible.

"Exsanguis potion. Blood replacement." She took the empty vial from me and shook her head. "As if all these students weren't enough for me to deal with. Worst case of skinned knees I've ever seen, and they're on a teacher. Lie down!" She barked when I started to sit up.

Again, I did as I was told. Madame Pomfrey certainly did have a manner which brooked no nonsense from anyone. Besides, I was completely humiliated that I had fainted over a couple of skinned knees, and the cool linen pillowcase felt good on my hot face. Even without the blood loss, I might have fainted anyway if Severus Snape actually had been about to say anything about something so foreign to him as anyone's love life, much less my own, and, quite possibly, if my fears were correct, his. I truly hoped that I was wrong, but he had had the look of a man about to confess something. I was very glad that the conversation had been cut short.

*****

Remus tried not to appear as though he were rushing up to me at the staff table at lunch. It made me smile. While we weren't exactly trying to keep our new relationship a secret, it really wouldn't have been appropriate to demonstrate it in front of the students, or really, for that matter, the staff. We tried to maintain a certain amount of decorum in public. In private, things were progressing nicely, if a little slowly. Remus was still afraid he would hurt me, and I could feel his struggle to hold himself back. I tried not to pressure him.

"Are you all right?" He spoke quietly, but urgently. "I heard Hannah Abbott saying that she saw Snape carrying you to the hospital wing! What happened? I went straight there, but you'd already left. I've been looking for you everywhere."

I wanted to hug him, he seemed so worried. I settled for patting his hand. "I'm fine, Remus. I'd like to kill Peeves, if he weren't already dead, but really, I'm all right." I filled him in on most of my eventful morning, leaving out Severus' mention of the letter from my father.

"Hannah was saying that you were unconscious. I though something horrible had happened..." He had a rather wild look in his eyes, reminding me that tonight would be a full moon. That was a shame, really. I supposed that my little accident might go a long way in proving that he was not the most dangerous thing in my life. I gave his hand a little squeeze.

"Lupin. Your potion," Severus growled as he slammed the goblet of Wolfsbane Potion between us, a few steaming drops spattering onto the table. He started to turn away immediately.

"Severus, wait," I said before he could get away. "Thank you for helping me earlier."

"Don't mention it." He directed his glower at the table, where my hand still rested on Remus'.

I picked up my fork, and poked at the food still on my plate.

"Why did you do that?" Remus asked after Severus had stalked away. He was looking at me with his eyes narrowed. "Why did you take your hand away when Severus was looking? He knows about us. He was there at New Years, remember?"

"I don't know." I concentrated on smashing my remaining carrots into mush.

"Do you still have feelings for him?" he asked quietly, a very sharp edge to his voice.

"What?" I looked at him, taken aback. "What makes you think there has ever been anything between Severus and I?"

"Do you honestly mean for me to believe that you don't see how he looks at you?"

"How does he look at me, Remus?" My voice sounded cold even to me.

"As if he knows what he is missing." In case I had missed his meaning, he added, "He told me, that night at the Gringotts Ball, that, given the nature of your relationship with him, you might not wish to discuss the details with me." His tone left little room for interpretation as to how he felt about the sort of relationship he had been led to believe that Severus and I had shared.

"I see." I set my fork down slowly, resisting the urge to stab him with it on purpose this time. "You just immediately believed Severus, who has hated you for more than twenty years, when I, who you supposedly love, could have told you it wasn't true if you had only asked?" I stood up quickly, almost knocking over my chair. "I am leaving before we both say something that we will regret later."

I had to get out before I started screaming in the middle of the Great Hall. I was absolutely furious. My anger was almost evenly split between Severus for his blatant misrepresentation of our so-called "relationship" and Remus for believing him. I paused at the foot of the stairs, shaking with barely suppressed rage.

"Anna?" I jumped. It was Minerva. "Are you sure Poppy should have let you go so soon? You still look pale."

"Do I?" I put a hand to my cheek.

"Your hands are shaking. You should go lie down for a bit. I'll send your class to the library. Irma will keep an eye on them. I assume they have work to keep them busy?" I just nodded. Minerva McGonagall was formidable when she set her mind to something, and she was determined that I needed rest.

I didn't want to rest, but I really was in no state to deal with students. I stomped around my room for a while; picking things up and then slamming them back down. What Severus had told him obviously bothered Remus a great deal. What upset me even more than Severus' lies was the fact that in all the time we had spent together since then, Remus hadn't said a word about it to me. I had thought that we had become so close. I remembered him coming back to me at the ball after he and Severus had spoken. How could he not have said anything about this? If our positions had been reversed I would have asked him. Did he not trust me to tell him the truth?

*****

I couldn't stop thinking in circles. I had to get out of the castle, so I set out for a walk around the lake. I hadn't gotten far, when I heard someone call out to me.

"Hello, Hagrid." A visit with Hagrid was usually guaranteed to improve my mood (provided, of course, that I didn't eat anything he offered).

"Still can' git used ter callin' yeh 'Professor.'" There was a grin somewhere in his beard. I had known Hagrid since I was a little girl, when I had been certain that I could convince a unicorn to be my pet if only I could catch one. Hagrid had caught me out alone one night. (Cassie had not been nearly as obsessed as I, although she had agreed to share in the care and feeding of it, as long as she was able to decide who else would be allowed to pet it. Even as a first year, she could spot an opportunity. I just wanted a unicorn.)

Instead of getting me into trouble, Hagrid took me to see a family of unicorns living in the forest. I saw how happy they were there, and Hagrid had explained to me how sad they would be to leave their home. One of them allowed me to pet her, and I was satisfied with that. During the rest of my time at school, whenever I saw Hagrid, he would always have some unusual new creature to show me. Some, like the Nifflers, were sweet, if potentially destructive. The worst was the Mackled Malaclaw, a horrible lobster-like animal that Hagrid, of course, thought 'interestin'.' The ghastly thing had bitten me just as Hagrid was informing me of the fact that a Malaclaw bite brings the victim a week of bad luck. I ended up in the hospital wing nine times before that week was over.

"Jus' got some more salamanders," Hagrid said. "Come an' see."

I approached the fire gladly, as I was very cold. I don't know what I had been thinking, going for a walk in that weather. The salamanders were having such a lovely time scampering among the burning logs it made me feel better just to watch them.

"I see y've got yerself yer own fantastic beast, now," Hagrid said, winking at me. "Lupin's a good man."

"Does everyone know?" The heat I felt on my cheeks was not entirely from the fire.

Hagrid chuckled. "Only anyone that knows yeh, an' sees the way the two o' yeh look at each other. I'm glad fer yeh."

"Well. Thanks, I suppose." I picked up a long stick and poked it into the fire. "I don't know what to do, Hagrid. Remus believes a lie about me that's not very nice, and he never even asked me about it even though he's obviously been thinking about it for weeks. He could have avoided being upset at all if he had given me a chance to tell him the truth in the first place."

Hagrid frowned and scratched his beard. "Well, I dunno. If it's today he told yeh he's upset, it could jus' be 'cause o' the moon. Maybe he's not really as upset as he seemed ter be. It's a good rule not to take anythin' a werewolf says too much ter heart aroun' the full moon. The day before, they're feelin' the pull o' the moon, ready fer the change. The nex' day, they're feelin' bad fer what they mighta done las' night."

A salamander ran up the length of my stick and onto my arm. I caught it with my other hand and held it, enjoying its warmth on my cold fingers. Hagrid's advice did seem to make sense. Remus wasn't entirely himself around the full moon. I would talk to him about this in a day or two, when he was less under the lunar influence. How I might manage to avoid him until then was something I would worry about later. For now, I accepted Hagrid's invitation to tea. I figured it would be safe, as I wasn't at all hungry and even Hagrid couldn't ruin a cup of tea.

*****

When I returned to my room, there was a note slipped under the door. I unfolded the parchment slowly, knowing that it was from Remus.

I'm sorry. I

should have asked you about something that troubled me so much. I just didn't want to pressure you to tell me anything you weren't ready to share. I do love you, there's no 'supposedly' about it. I am simply too stupid to know what to do with it. I hope I can convince you to forgive me, although I will understand if you cannot. Yours, Remus J. Lupin

"Remus J. Lupin," indeed. I was unaccountably amused that he had signed his full name, and made a mental note to ask him what the J stood for. I was still a bit annoyed with him, but I was no longer really angry. I understood him thinking that there might be things I did not want to share with him yet. I got the same impression from him sometimes, and I had to admit that it bothered me, too.

Severus, on the other hand, was still the object of my fury. I planned to have a little chat with him as soon as possible.

*****

I went down to the dungeons early the next morning to try to catch Severus before breakfast. I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to say to him, but I wanted to say it as soon as I could. I wondered how anyone could stand to live down here in this cold and oppressive dungeon. That must have been why Severus liked it. He didn't answer, but the door was not completely closed and swung open a little when I knocked.

"Severus?" I pushed the door open a little wider. It was very unlike him to leave his door open. Before I knew it, I had walked all the way into the room. "Severus?" He wasn't there, so I decided to leave him a note. I opened the stationary box on his desk for a piece of parchment, and was shocked by what I found.

"Fulguritus."

I yelped as I was hit with a Lightning Bolt hex.

"What are you doing in here?" Severus snapped as he entered.

"That hurt." I could still feel sparks of electricity crackling through my hair.

"Well, you shouldn't have been going through my personal belongings." He crossed the room in a few long strides, and reached for the box on the desk.

I remembered what had shocked me before the hex, and stepped back quickly, taking the contents of the box with me. "These are not your things, Severus. I wrote this letter, and not to you! And this is mine, too, isn't it?"

I held up the quill that had been in the box along with what appeared to be a copy of the letter I had written to Remus at Christmas, when I had told him that I loved him. The quill was broken at the tip, and looked as ragged as most of mine ended up.

"It's not what you think, Anna," he said quietly.

"You don't even want to know what I think," I said coldly.

"I don't really have to ask. I'm quite sure that you believe that I am in love with you." His patronizing tone made me even angrier with him than I had been before, while his words made my stomach turn over.

"If that is the case, Severus, rest assured that I do not return your feelings." I held my breath, waiting for him to respond.

He just looked at me impassively, not even attempting to explain.

I couldn't stand the silence any longer. "Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"

"What would you like me to say? Do you want me to lie and tell you how I long for you and my world will be complete if only you would love me? Would that make you leave your werewolf?" He asked mockingly.

"There is nothing you could do or say that would make me love you." I was starting to feel rather ill.

"Then I am glad that there are few things I care less about in this world than your love life, Miss Vector." His contempt was palpable.

"Then why did you tell Remus that you and I- That we-" I couldn't even say it. The thought of having sex with Severus was not one I wanted to dwell on.

He arched an eyebrow. "I merely told him that we had socialized a few times. If he chose to jump to conclusions..."

"Just stay away from me, please, Severus. Actually, I take back the 'please.' I don't even want to talk to you. And if I find out about any more lies or any other cruel thing you do to Remus, I'll-" I couldn't think of a single thing to threaten him with. Well, I would come up with something if I had to. "You'll be sorry, Severus."

"I already am," he said almost inaudibly as I stormed past him, somehow defying all the fates and actually making a dignified exit, quite possibly for the first time in my life.

*****

"Why, though?" Remus and I, after an exhaustive and somewhat heated discussion regarding the effects of lunar cycles on our relationship, had turned to the matter of the possible significance of the items I had found on Severus' desk. I could not understand what he was up to, stealing that letter. The obvious reason was that he had wanted to keep my words from Remus, but Remus had eventually received the it. Why make a copy? I couldn't make it add up, no matter how much I tried to make his actions fit into a logical equation.

"I'm not trying to start a fight," Remus said hesitantly. (I had been very clear on the subject of my feelings about being the victim of his moon-induced moodiness: we had both agreed to make an effort to be more aware of the other's temper during those days when it might be more of an issue than usual.) "But maybe you should consider that he might have feelings for you. I'm not accusing you of returning them," he said quickly, holding up a hand to stop the denial I was about to launch. "It's just that these are such very personal things."

"I wasn't really attached to that quill, though." I still blushed to think of Remus reading the letter; the thought of Severus doing so was appalling. An ordinary quill, on the other hand, did not seem important. "It wasn't special at all." I picked up the unbreakable quill that Remus had given me for Christmas from its spot next to where I was sitting on my desk and started to chew on the tip thoughtfully. This quill was special because it had come from Remus.

Remus watched me with an odd smile. "The way you usually mangle the poor things really puts your mark on them. It makes them uniquely yours."

"Oh." I self-consciously removed the quill from my mouth and put it back on the desk.

"I like how you almost always have a spot of ink on your lip, just here," he said, touching a gentle finger to the spot in question.

"Do you?" I hoped to never lose the thrill I got whenever he touched me. "I've always thought it was rather a disgusting habit, myself."

"Well, it is, a bit," he said, grinning. "But I figure if you're willing to try to accept the more frightful aspects of my personality, I should do the same for you."

I snorted, amused in spite of myself. I laid my head against his chest, enjoying the feel of his arms around me. He really was awfully sweet most of the time.

"You know, this is a really messy copy." Remus picked up the letter I had liberated from Severus and looked at it closely. "Snape must have been getting into the Firewhiskey when he made it. I can still smell it."

"It was me who got into the Firewhiskey, actually." I didn't meet his eyes as I took the letter from his hand and sniffed it myself. I didn't smell anything.

"What, you had to get drunk before you could write me a love letter?" I thought he sounded offended.

"Well, I was taking a bit of a risk, don't you think? What if I wasn't able to properly get across what I wanted to say? What if you-" I stopped, as I finally looked at his face and realized that he was trying desperately not to laugh. "Think it's funny, do you?"

"I did wonder whether you were in your right mind when you wrote it," he confessed. "It just doesn't sound exactly like something I could imagine you saying aloud, just out of nowhere like this seemed to be. I knew they were your words, somehow, but not quite your voice."

"Cassie says alcohol brings out my inner romance novelist," I said, reluctantly admitting to myself that it was a little bit funny.

"Thank heavens for Old Ogden's Firewhiskey, then," said Remus dryly as he reached into an inner pocket of his robe and pulled out a folded bit of parchment. "The letter I got didn't smell of any sort of whiskey. I'm thinking that maybe I got the copy, and Snape held onto the original."

"You carry it around in your pocket!" I gasped as he unfolded his copy of my letter.

He turned a brilliant shade of red rarely seen in nature. "It's a nice letter," he mumbled, not looking at me. He tried to focus on comparing the two letters, but he was holding one of them upside down and his hands were shaking a bit.

I took the two pieces of parchment from him and placed them underneath the antique abacus my father had given me when I was hired at Hogwarts. I slid off the desk and into Remus' arms. We had much more pleasant mysteries to explore. The question of what Severus had been doing could wait.

*****

Few things can equal the excitement of a Quidditch match, evidenced by the willingness of the entire school to brave the clear but crisp February Saturday to cheer on their teams. I didn't mind the chilly weather, as it gave me an excellent excuse to sit very close to Remus (for warmth, of course).

Thursday evening we had had a lovely dinner at the Three Broomsticks. Remus promised to return after Harry's Anti-Dementor lesson and I had hoped to make the remainder of the evening very special. Unfortunately, that lesson left Remus in an extremely black mood; the subject of the Dementor's Kiss had somehow come up, hardly a fitting prelude to a romantic encounter.

Friday night, on the other hand, had been entirely wonderful. Waking up beside Remus on Saturday morning had been the most delightful way imaginable to start the day. I would have been happy to spend the entire weekend there in bed with him, but Remus was worried about Harry, on the off chance that there might be trouble.

The match was quite exciting, culminating in the arrival of what appeared to be three Dementors. Remus clutched my hand tightly in alarm, but Harry didn't even hesitate. His Patronus was impressive, if rather unusual. A stag wasn't something one usually thought of when considering protective entities. The Patronus charged down the supposed Dementors, revealing several Slytherin students in disguise. Minerva was furious, even though Gryffindor won the game in spite of the prank.

"James would be so proud of his son," Remus said when we were back in his room. He was melancholy, thinking of his dead friends.

"Yes, I'm sure he would be. Harry was wonderful today, thanks to you. That was an astonishing Patronus for someone so young."

He shrugged. "Maybe. It's not enough, though. It can never be enough.'

"Remus." I put my hand on his cheek and made him look at me. "You can only do what you can, now. If we could change the past, a million things would be different."

"What would you change?" He gently pulled out the hairpins that held my hair back in its usual loose knot.

"Nothing, if it meant I would be anywhere else in the world right now." I sighed as he ran his hands through my hair.

"It just breaks my heart, sometimes, seeing Lily's eyes looking out of James' face and knowing they will never see how much he is like them both. And that he will never know how much they loved him."

I just held him tightly, giving him whatever comfort I could. He made me so happy it didn't seem right for him to be miserable.

His kiss was so sweet and fierce, it took my breath away. It was a long while before we needed any more words.

*****

I woke to find Remus leaning on his elbow and looking at me intently. It was rather startling. I had no idea what time it might be. "Good morning?"

Remus smiled and shook his head. "No, I think it's only around one o'clock. Did you know that you talk in your sleep?"

"No. What was I talking about?" I hoped it was nothing too embarrassing.

His grin turned a bit sheepish. "I'm not entirely sure. Something about analytic number theory that made no sense to me whatsoever."

It certainly could have been worse. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"Don't be." There was a mischievous gleam in his eyes as he bent down to kiss me. "Since we're both awake..."

The fire suddenly flared up with bright green flames, and Minerva McGonagall's disembodied voice resounded throughout the room. "All staff report to the Great Hall immediately. Sirius Black has been seen in the castle."