Help Me Let Go

.Help Me Let Go.

Chapter 1: Ginny's Secret.

Harry Potter made his way to dinner followed by his best friend, Ron Weasley. They had been staying at number 12, Grimmauld Place since Harry's birthday three days ago, and had been called down after the Order of the Phoenix meeting in the drawing room had finished. Harry was definitely not looking forward to that night's meal. 'Today is the day, he thought. Everything will be fine. It's better this way.'

Harry and Ron entered the kitchen. They sat across their other best friend, Hermione Granger, and Ron's little sister, Ginny. They smiled warmly at the boys. Ron returned the smile, but Harry found that he couldn't. Instead he looked around the room. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were there, of course. Remus Lupin, Bill, Fred and George were also there, along with Tonks, who wore her hair a bright neon green. He wasn't sure how to do this, but he had to do it. It was now or never.

"Harry, you seem awfully quiet today," Hermione said, sounding concerned. "Is something wrong?"

"It's none of your business," Harry answered, hoping he sounded annoyed.

"Harry," Hermione sounded offended. "I'm sorry. You just looked a bit out of it." She looked down at her hands. Harry saw Ginny narrowing her eyes slightly. Ron looked furious.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked Harry, his face turning red. "She just wanted to know if you were okay, and you were rude to her in return. What is up with you?"

Harry smirked slightly. "You're just jealous that Hermione seems worried about me, but doesn't care what the hell happens to you."

"That's not true," Hermione said immediately.

"Keep out of it, mudblood," Harry said angrily.

The room went suddenly silent. Hermione looked as though she had been slapped. Ginny gasped slightly. Ron stood up and pointed his wand at Harry. "Apologize to her now!"

"Make me," Harry said, looking completely unconcerned of what had happened. Ron raised his wand and was about to hex Harry when Mrs. Weasley grabbed his arm. "Ronald, don't you dare!"

"But he called Hermione a- a- a you-know-what!"

Mrs. Weasley looked at Harry sternly, as though she was waiting for him to apologize to Hermione, but Harry returned her stare and tried not to blink. He felt everyone's eyes on him, but he wasn't about to give in to the guilt and shame he felt swelling up inside him. He had to do this. Lupin looked at him oddly. Harry turned to him and narrowed his eyes. "What are you looking at, werewolf?" he snapped.

Lupin flinched. "Not much, apparently," he answered coldly. Harry felt a sudden pang of remorse. But he had to keep them all safe. And this was the only way.

"Harry, what is wrong with you?" Ginny asked, standing up from her place at the table.

"Absolutely nothing, Weaselette," Harry said. He noticed all the Weasleys tense up at the deliberate insult. Ginny walked over to him. "Apologize to all of us right now," she demanded.

"Why should I listen to you?" he tried to make his voice sound full of hatred he didn't feel. "You're just a little slut that's trying to get with every guy at Hogwarts."

Harry didn't even have time to register Ginny's fist flying at his face. He felt it make contact with his jaw and staggered back slightly. Ginny looked poised to hit him again, but Hermione and an unwilling Ron pulled her back. Fred and George, who looked ready to join her in beating Harry to a pulp, took charge of their little sister and led her upstairs on their mother's orders, while Ginny struggled against them. Harry took one look around the kitchen before leaving it and going to the drawing room. He sat in the couch in front of the fireplace and sighed. His green eyes looked intently at the fire that he was sure Mrs. Weasley had started for the Order meeting. A lot more people had joined and the meetings were moved from the kitchen to this room, as it was much bigger. Harry let out a groan in lament.

He knew it was the right thing. Ever since he had arrived at Grimmauld Place, he had been plagued by these recurring nightmares in which his friends and the members of the Order, including Dumbledore, were captured, tortured, and then killed. Because he loved them. Because Voldemort knew that to get to him, all he had to do was get his friends. But he couldn't let his dreams become a reality. That's why he did what he did. It was for their own good. He preferred to have them alive and hate him than to have to watch them being killed, the way he had to see Sirius die.

Harry absentmindedly rubbed his jaw where Ginny had punched him. George was right: Size was no indication of strength. Ginny had to be about three inches shorter than him, and had a small, delicate frame. She looked almost fragile, except when she got angry, the way she had today. That's when she looked anything but frail.

Harry must have sat on that couch for hours, thinking. He heard everyone going upstairs and retire for the night. He was getting drowsy himself, but he knew that if he went to his room, Ron might murder him for what he said to his sister and Hermione. He was about to close his eyes and sleep on the couch when he heard soft footsteps coming down the stairs. Ginny entered the room, still dressed in the pink blouse and muggle jeans she had worn that day. He stood and Ginny walked slowly towards him. "What do you want, Weasel?" he growled, hoping to sound upset.

"To know what you're thinking," she replied quietly, almost to herself.

Harry's deep green eyes looked her up and down. He didn't say anything, just stared at the beautiful young woman in front of him. She met his eyes, and he felt ashamed of what he had done.

"Everyone here loves you," she said silently. Her calm demeanor made Harry uneasy. He knew he would be able to handle anything she said if she threw a tantrum, or yelled and screamed, maybe even hit him again, but he couldn't handle this. "They all care for you," she continued. "They all baby you, they try to keep you saved and loved. And you return the favor by making them all feel worthless." She took a step towards him and looked him straight in the eyes. "I wouldn't have bothered with you if I was them. I mean it's your fault your parents died. Your fault Cedric Diggory died. If it hadn't been for you, Sirius would still be alive."

"Shut up," Harry hissed angrily.

"You don't see it, do you? He doesn't care if you love us or not! We love you and that alone merits for our deaths. I'm living proof of that."

Harry turned away from her, but she grabbed his face in both hands and forced him to look at her deep brown eyes. "If I didn't love you so much," she said, her voice breaking. "He wouldn't have taken me down to the Chamber of Secrets. He wouldn't have tried to kill me. And you don't even love me back. You didn't back then, and you don't do now." She released him and walked over to the fireplace.

"Of course I don't love you, Weasley," Harry said, wanting to hurt her, to make her stop loving him with all his heart. "You repulse me."

Ginny laughed as tears rolled down her cheek. "You're repulsed by me, Harry. I don't blame you. I'm repulsed by me. You don't know what it's like. You don't know how good I felt when Tom touched me, when he kissed me, when he draining all the life force out of me, I enjoyed dying at his hands, and I wished more than anything that he could bring me back to life so he could kill me again and again. I loved that feeling of being powerless to him. And then you saved me. And I realized what happened. And I looked in the mirror and I didn't want to be me anymore. I wanted to die, to not feel so dirty and disgusting. And I did the unforgivable."

Ginny grabbed a knife that was lying innocently on the table next to her and aimed it at her chest. Harry lunched forward, knowing what she was thinking of doing. She had been getting hysterical. She looked Harry in the eye and plunged the blade into her heart.

Harry looked on in horror and shock as Ginny pulled the knife out of her body. Her blood covered the once shinning blade. He couldn't move, he couldn't even breathe. Ginny laughed at the expression on his face and opened the top button of her blouse. Harry saw the wound for a split second before a golden light covered it. Then, it was gone.

"It doesn't even leave a scar," she said, still laughing. "It doesn't hurt anymore. I can't die."

"How?"

Ginny ignored him. "Everyday I kept thinking that this was my punishment for having been so silly and stupid to believe in Tom. Then Sirius died, and I knew that my punishment was much worse. I have to stand by and watch my family and my friends die, whether of old age, or at his hands." She sat on the couch and cried pitifully. Harry crouched in front of her, trying to wipe away her tears. She leaned forward so that their foreheads touched and their lips were only inches away from each other. "But my biggest punishment," she whispered to him, "is having to watch you die. I love you more than you will ever know, Harry. That's really my punishment. To sit by and watch you die, to slip away from me and for me not to be able to do anything about it. And the pain of just knowing that is the only thing that let's me know I'm still human."

"Ginny, I love you, too," Harry was shocked at he words that had come out of his mouth. He had never allowed himself to admit it, but he knew deep down inside him that Ginny was the one for him. Ever since he rescued her from the Chamber, he had seen her in a different light. She was beautiful, funny, kind, sincere, and she was stronger than anyone he knew, except maybe Sirius. And all those feelings of admiration had somehow turned into love without him having realized it.

Ginny pulled back slightly. She had always dreamed of Harry saying something like this to her, but she never allowed herself to really believe that he had any feelings for her whatsoever. She felt him put his hands on her hips. He leaned into her, and soon she felt his lips on hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and allowed his tongue to enter her mouth. It was a slow but passionate kiss. She forgot where she was, or why she was there. All she knew was that Harry was kissing her and that was all that mattered to her.

Harry had felt Ginny tense up when their lips first met, but relaxed slowly. Her tongue was playfully teasing his. He didn't want that kiss to ever end, but reluctantly pulled back.

"I love you, Gin," he whispered to her again.

Ginny smiled weakly at him. "I love you too, Harry, more than I thought was humanly possible. I would do anything for you. I would die for you, if I could."

"I'm sorry, Ginny," he said. "If I had known, I-"

"You would have still saved me," she laughed slightly. "The hero in you would have won in the end, and you would have saved me. And it's not like I'm complaining."

"How-" Harry hesitated. "How is it-?"

"I can't die?" Ginny finished for him. She smiled sadly at him. "I did die. Tom had taken my soul, but there was a small sliver of it in me, even though I was dead. When you killed him, my soul came back to me. Remember when Nearly Headless Nick was petrified?" Harry nodded. "Well, he was petrified because he was dead and couldn't die again. People can't die twice. I died, and now I can't die again."

Harry nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry, about tonight," he said.

"It's nothing, really," she said. "Sit besides me." She patted the empty seat next to her. He stood and sat, putting an arm around Ginny and with his other hand turning her face slightly towards him.

"How are you so strong?" he asked, admiring her face.

"What do you mean?" her face looked confused.

"You have this secret you have to carry around with you and you're still able to be happy. How do you do it?"

She looked down for a moment. Harry noticed that even though she looked fifteen, her eyes were those of someone who had been forced to grow up too fast. "You learn to live with it and accept it. And then you move on."

Harry pulled her into a tight embrace. She sighed as she wrapped her fragile arms around his waist. She felt him kiss the top of her head, and they held onto each other quietly. Soon, they were asleep in each other's arms.

~*~

Ginny woke up to the feel of strong, masculine arms around her. She shifted and smiled as she remembered the night before. She looked up at Harry and grinned. He looks so cute when he's sleeping, she thought. Carefully, so as not to wake him, she pulled away from his embrace and walked silently into the kitchen, where she could hear the murmur of her parents' voices.

"Good morning, Ginny dear," Mrs. Weasley said while putting a place of bacon and eggs in front of her.

"Morning, Mom," Ginny replied with a smile. "Morning, Dad."

Mr. Weasley looked up from the Daily Prophet and smiled at her. "And how is my favorite daughter tonight?"

"Dad, I'm your only daughter," Ginny laughed as she went to hug her dad.

"Good morning, everyone," Hermione said brightly as she pulled a sleepy Ron into the kitchen.

"Good morning," they all replied.

"Have any of you seen Harry this morning?" Hermione asked worriedly.

"Don't know why you're eager to see him," Ron said, suddenly awake, his face clouded with anger.

"Ron, we know he didn't mean what he said last night. He's just been really upset lately," Mrs. Weasley, placing two more plates on the table.

"Yeah, and you yourself said that he had been having terrible nightmares. He's probably trying to push us away so that we don't get hurt. I think maybe that was what he was dreaming about," Hermione added.

"Yeah, but that doesn't give him the right to-" Ron was cut short by Harry's entrance.

Harry looked around at the now silent faces of each of the people in the room and quietly sat down next to Ginny. Ron glared at him, while Hermione politely looked away and Mrs. Weasley laid breakfast in front of him. Harry looked down at his bacon and eggs and refused to look at them. Ginny laid her hand on his thigh, letting him that she was sympathetic, and he had her for support.

"So, Ginny," Hermione said to break the uneasy silence as she poured herself some coffee. "Have you started thinking about what you're going to do in the future? You know you've got O.W.L.s this year."

"Not really," Ginny shook her head.

"You should really start thinking about it, dear. You have that career advice conference this year, you know?" Mrs. Weasley said as she put glasses of orange juice in front of all them.

"Oh, don't worry, Mum," Ginny grinned knowingly. "I have all the time in the world for that."

Harry, who had just taken a sip of his juice, choked slightly, understanding Ginny's joke. The other five inhabitants of the kitchen turned to look at him.

"Are you all right, Harry?" Ginny asked sweetly.

"I'm fine, thank you," Harry said. He took the opportunity to speak now that he had everyone's attention. "Um, about last night," he started, hesitantly. "I just wanted to apologize for what I said. I-"

"No need to apologize, Harry, dear," Mrs. Weasley said as she went to pull him into a bear hug. Ginny hurriedly removed her hand from his leg and placed it on her own.

"Yeah, Harry, we understand what made you say those things, it's no big deal," Hermione smiled warmly at him. Mr. Weasley grinned at him, letting him know it was okay.

Harry waited for Ron to say something. Ron, however, kept glaring angrily at him, and did not accept Harry's apology until Hermione had elbowed him in the ribs, and Ginny kicked him under the table at the same time.

Fred and George apparated at the doorway at that same moment. Harry told them he was sorry, and they accepted his apology, although they did so with the same reluctance as Ron.

After breakfast, and a few more apologies to the members of the Order who had come to headquarters, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny went upstairs to the boys' room. The girls sat on one bed, and the boys in the other.

"Hey!" Ron exclaimed all of a sudden. "How come you two hit me earlier to accept Harry's apology, but Ginny got away unscathed and without taking it?"

Hermione bit lip as she gave Ginny a "he's got a good point" look.

"That would be because, last night, I told Ginny I was sorry, and that I loved her, and we decided to start going out," Harry said slowly. He hadn't really asked Ginny to be his girlfriend, and he figured Ron might just tear him to shreds.

There was a brief silence in which all eyes were on Ginny, waiting for her to verify the information just given. She nodded slowly, and smiled at the looks of utter shock that were on her brother's and her best friend's faces.

Hermione was the first to come out of her reverie. "You two are dating?" she asked as though she didn't believe them. "What about Dean?" she added, turning to Ginny.

"Oh, we broke up weeks ago. There was just no chemistry between us, really," Ginny explained calmly, as Harry turned his eyes downcast. He had forgotten Ginny had been dating Dean Thomas.

Ron turned to look at Harry, a flash of anger in his blue eyes, so different from his sister's. He had always been a bit over-protective of her. Hermione, however, squealed excitedly ands hugged Ginny, who was closest, "Congratulations!"

Instead of congratulating them as well, Ron lunged at Harry, knocking him off the bed. They started to wrestle on the floor while the girls screamed at them to stop. Fred and George, who had heard the commotion, apparated into the room and pulled them apart.

"Ron, what the hell?" George said, trying, along with Fred, to hold him back.

"He's- trying- to- corrupt- our- sister," Ron said, struggling against his brother's grip.

"Oh, well, then," George said as he released Ron, who immediately made to tackle Harry to the ground again.

"Stop!" Ginny screamed getting in the way. Harry pulled her by her ridiculously tiny waist and held her tightly against him, like a shield.

"You wouldn't hurt the man holding your sister, would you?" Harry asked, as Ron stopped. He looked furiously at Harry, but started to settle down. Harry's grip on Ginny relaxed, too, but he never made to let go of her.

"So what's this all about?" Fred asked after Hermione pulled Ron to sit next to her.

"Last night, Harry and I had a long talk and he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I accepted. That's all," Ginny said, linking her hand with Harry's.

"That's not all," Ron growled. "Harry didn't sleep in this room last night, and Hermione told me earlier that Ginny had left her room and didn't return all night." He gave Harry an accusatory look.

The twins simultaneously looked at Harry and Ginny. Harry tried to avoid their eyes.

"Nothing happened," Ginny said, her temper rising at her brother's insinuations. "We just talked."

"All night?" Fred asked, raising an eyebrow.

All night," Ginny answered convincingly.

The three Weasley boys gave the couple a hard look, but seemed to decide that their story was believable.

"Well, hate to leave you, but," Fred started.

"Time is galleons," George finished. And with a loud 'crack!' the twins were gone.

Ginny smiled mischievously at Hermione as soon as her brothers were gone. "Isn't there anything you want to tell us?"

"No!" Hermione and Ron said together. Harry looked down questioningly at his girlfriend. She reached up and whispered something in his ear. His face broke into a large grin and he whispered very audibly, "About bloody time. They were driving me mad."

"Fine!!!" Ron shouted. "Hermione and I are going out. Okay?"

"We know," Harry said, nodding.

"I caught the two of you snogging in the broom shed before we came to headquarters," Ginny smirked. "I had gone to get my broom and there you were. Trust me, I'm still having nightmares." She shuddered visibly, and Harry's arms instinctively wrapped tighter around her.

"Why didn't you say something before?" Hermione asked scandalized. Ron stared at his feet, his face becoming as red as his hair.

"More fun for me," Ginny laughed. "Besides, it's blackmail material over Ron." She walked over to her brother and jokingly put an arm around him. "I mean, can you imagine the talk that Dad would want to have with ickle Ronniekins if he were to find out."