As The Parchment Turns - Clean Up On Isle Three

As The Parchment Turns-Clean Up On Isle Three

"No I'm not missing. I haven't been destroyed either. For 6 years the wizarding world has been free of me, Lord Voldemort. Why you ask? Because I'm tired. I deserve a break; so I straightened up, changed my name, grew some hair, thanks to Rogaine, and left the wizarding world all together."

Voldemort, know known as Bob O'Henry, clutched the bread bag and sighed heavily. It had been 3 weeks at his new job. He needed someone to talk to, but who would listen? The large selection of food products would, and so he talked. He spilled out his heart and soul to the yoghurt, canned food, and the bread.

"All I have is you now Harry. Ugg, Harry, I despise that name, but what other name could I give you? You have his eyes. Yes you do. Oh come on, don't lie. I knew you would agree with me. I love you too"

He squeezed the bread bag between his arms, and wiped a tear from his cheek.

"BOB!! What are you doing...I told you not to talk to the food items!!!!"

"How dare you yell at me you simple muggle!! I could destroy you!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What did I say about acting crazy in front of the costumers Bob?'

"Well I could crush you so easily!"

"Don't make me fire you Bob."

Volde....err Bob silently weighed the differences in his head.' Kill him and risk being exposed and sent to Azkaban, or worse, muggle prison? Or listen to his constant nagging and look of constipation day in and day out for no more then $6.50 an hour?'

"I will try harder sir."

"That's what I thought! Now back to work!"

Bob picked up his mop and continued working. He glanced at the bread every now and then, just to check if it was okay. After a while he again wondered away from his work to finish his conversation with Harry the bread bag.

"So there I was. Me and that damned Harry Potter!"

Voldemort continued with the story of his almost defeat. The reason he left the magical world and was forced to work at a local shopping center in Bristol. He was ashamed to face another witch or wizard from that day on. Potter had embarrassed him beyond repair.

*FlashBack*

Potter raised his wand toward Voldemort.

"I'm not afraid of you anymore. Not anymore!"

"Oh you daft boy, you should never have been afraid of me."

"Why not? YOU KILLED THEM!! You killed my parents!"

"Oh that. I almost forgot. Okay so then maybe you might have been a little scared. It was a complete accident actually. You would never believe how close the Potters resembles the Hotters. I got the wrong address. I thought Joes hair looked a little messy; and last time I checked his wife Jill was a bit over weight."

"You mean it was an accident? Then why have you been after me so long?"

"My dear boy. Tsk tsk. I was looking to apologize to you. That's all."

"So you expect that to make everything better?"

"Oh come on. If I had my way the world would not hate. People would always hug and smile. No one would every crush a flower, and we would frolic through fields of daisies and other pretty wild flowers!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I fricken sleep with my teddy, Mr. Huggington, and a nightlight!"

"YOU DO!?"

*FlashForward*

Bob set the bread back on the shelf. He sighed and looked away, flushed.

"The next morning it was all in the papers. How the mighty Lord Voldemort was just a sissy boy."

"I understand Bob."

"What, who said that!?"

"Its me Bob, Harry."

"Harry you can talk! I knew it."

"All bread can talk Bob. Only you can hear us."

Bob's eyes glazed over as a boyish grin appeared on his face.

"We will recruit all the frozen foods and other such food items to help you earn back your title as Lord Voldemort!"

"Its brilliant, Harry! No one can stop us now!"

Bob...uhh Voldemort...whatever he's called now. Boldemort! Okay. Boldemort's evil laugh echoed through the shopping center.

"We will conquer the world!!!!!!!!!"

"Yes Bob we will!"

"And the first to go is that pesky manager!"

"Yes. I never did like him."

"MWHAHAHAHA---"

Boldemort's evil cackle was suddenly interrupted by the sound of the speaker over head.

"Bob! Clean up on isle 3. Clean up on isle 3."

And I will leave you with this.

Was Boldemort really insane? Yes...yes he was.

Did the loaf of bread really talk? Yes...yes it did.

Did Boldemort trip on a twig and die on his way home that day? Yes...yes he did.

Is this the story about a mad-man on the loose or just a demented soul that needed a little love? Ill leave you to decide that.

Join us next time on As The Parchment Turns.

I'm Your Host, Jennifer Stick-it