Over My Head

Chapter Two: Repressions

"You never get to sleep when I'm away"-Pain, by Four Star Mary

I've been known for my exquisite cruelty, the kind where you know just where to hit and just how hard. And I carry it off by waxing poetic.

And then I couldn't do it.

I saw Hermione in the hall, and I knew just what to say and how to say it, and I couldn't do it. The words would not form. Instead I merely nodded in her direction, turning her lovely face bright red.

And then I realized I'd thought of her as lovely.

Okay, I'd known for a long time that I was gay, but Hermione?

Not to mention the whole Harry situation. What with him suddenly free of Cho, every single girl in the school (except me) was going quietly insane. And of course, since I wasn't, he decided to attach himself to me. Wonder what the ulterior motive was there...

"Ginny," he said for the third time the breakfast after he'd broken up with Cho.

"You're really determined to pester me aren't you?"

"I need help."

"Congratulations. Most patients can't admit that for several weeks."

"Ginny!"

"Fine," I replied, my annoyance overwhelming me. "What do you want me to do? Pretend to be your girlfriend? Set you up with a nice gay guy?"

"No," he looked truly confused. I smiled, thinking about what might be going on in his fucked-up little head. "I just want you to talk to Hermione for me."

My smile vanished.

"Bite me Potter."

"What?" His confusion deepened. "What did I say? I just-"

"Do it yourself. Just because I appear to have tons of free time does not make me your little lapdog. If you're really that scared to talk to your own best friend, how do you expect to face Voldemort?"

"That's different. I don't have feelings for Voldemort."

"Really? And I was hoping you two crazy kids might hit it off."

"Gin, can you be serious for a second?"

"No."

"Look, you're the only girl I know who Hermione actually respects. Can you just mention, even in passing, that I'm...thinking about her or something?"

"Fine. Whatever. Just go away."

"Thanks." He went off to sit by Ron again and I stood up again.

"Miss Weasley," Snape said, seeing my clothes. "Where are your robes?"

I looked down at myself. I was wearing black pants and a black tank top.

"Laundry. Besides, no classes for me today." His expression changed swiftly to one of deep loathing and disgust. The only reason he had classes that day, Saturday, was because Ron had been sick the past week. Normally he would just have to do the homework, but apparently the class he'd missed was very important. I figured it was Dumbledore's version of quality time.

I slipped off before Snape could continue with me, deciding to go outside.

Fall was quickly turning into winter, and I must admit, wearing what I was wearing was not the best choice for an early morning stroll. I walked silently over the grounds to a beautiful weeping willow that still had its leaves. Once under them, I was completely cut off from sight, allowing for some much needed self-evaluation.

I stared down at my hands, having once heard that if you focus on the space between them you can see memories play right before your eyes. I was beginning to think it didn't work when I saw Hermione in the space. She was crying...then she stopped, I was there. We were kissing, melding into one another, indifferent to the rest of the world...

I heard a soft noise behind me, making me jump up and pull a knife out of a concealed pocket.

"Who's that?" A voice came to me.

The very voice I'd been remembering not a moment before.

"Hermione?" I called out to her. "It's me, Ginny."

"Oh," she came forward. "Why are you holding a knife? Wouldn't a wand be more useful?"

"The people at Hogwarts know how to deflect attacks from a wand, but are surprisingly useless when it comes to swords and daggers and other sharp objects. It's funny because really, all you have to do is be sure the pointy end goes into the opponent, and not you."

"I see your point."

We stood for a few moments in awkward silence. Well, she certainly seemed to be feeling awkward, I felt fine. I was planning how this meeting was going to go down in my head. When the planning was over, I began...

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"Perhaps it would be inappropriate, but no one can see us here you know."

"That is true." I lunged at her, pinning her against the tree. She kissed my neck in a chaste manner, unsure of how to conduct herself as my hand traveled towards her skirt. She threw her head back, skin meeting skin. "Oh, ohh, oh, Ginny...oh, no...no..." I stopped, wandering why she had said those last two words. "Don't..." Her eyes opened. "Why did you stop?" I smiled secretively at her before beginning again.

A scurrying noise tore us apart violently. She straightened out her clothes and I pulled my knife out again. A squirrel ran past us, up the tree. I turned back to her, smiling sheepishly before we began again.

***

After we were finished, we sat down at the base of the tree, fully clothed and satisfied. According to the sun's position as its light sifted through the leaves, I figured it was about noon.

"How long have we been here?" Hermione asked in her tentative voice used for such occasions as these.

"Hm...three, four hours maybe..."

"Harry and Ron might be worried-" I cut her off with an intense kiss, her bittersweet taste on my tongue once more.

"Do you want to go?"

"No...oh, but Harry-"

"Harry! That reminds me, he wanted me to mention to you in passing that he's been thinking about you or something." I began to kiss her again, but she pulled away.

"Harry's thinking about me?"

"Uh...sure. He said something like that."

"Why did he tell you to tell me?"

"Urgh," I sat back, accepting the fact that Hermione was not in the mood to fool around anymore. "I don't know. Boys do that. They can't do their own dirty work, so they send other people whom they think of as otherwise useless. Thus, they can believe that they're doing a good thing by giving these people meanings to their lives."

"What does he mean he's thinking about me?"

"Hermione, if you want to know so badly just go talk to him yourself."

With that, I left her.