Blood of Mud, Wing of Bat

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Chapter 16: James Patterson, Owl Magnet

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Dear Mr. Patterson,

Sorry for owling you so late, but one of our moles has reported that Draco Malfoy is considering quitting his position with your department. Can you confirm or deny this? Has he spoken to you at all about it? We've confirmed that he hasn't formally applied to any of the other departments. Our source says he would be devoting the time to his business instead. Let us know anything you can.

Codename Rising Hawk
Cov Ops

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Dear Mr. Patterson,

Our newspaper has received a tip that Draco Malfoy has quit working for the Ministry. Is this true? When can we interview you? I hope you don't mind being owled at home. We're hoping to include it in tomorrow's - well, technically today's - news. Thank you for your time.

Lotta Brockstnappel
Co-Editor, People Section
The Daily Prophet

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Dear Mr. Patterson,

Begging your pardon sir, but I just had to owl when I heard. Are you seriously consider letting Malfoy go? Don't you realize how difficult he'd be to replace?

Jana Lichs
Assistant to the Director, Supernatural Relations

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Sonja,

Sorry to wake you, but what's all this about Malfoy quitting? All of a sudden I'm getting all these owls and this is the first I've heard of it. Has he said anything to you?

James Patterson
Director, Supernatural Relations

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Dear Mr. Patterson,

No, he hasn't said a word. Of course, he's missed so much work recently I haven't seen him as often as I normally would. He hasn't been complaining or anything but maybe he was interviewing with one of the other departments and no one knew? Sorry I don't know more but I'll see what I can find out. Oh, and don't worry, you didn't wake me. Ricky got a bonus at work today and we were celebrating.

Sonja Lake
Reception, Supernatural Relations

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Patterson, old chap,

Heard you finally lost Malfoy. I guess this means you'll be forced to define a coherent interdepartmental policy? Ha! Ha! Ha! That boy had you spoiled, didn't he. Looking forward to seeing what you come up with, and who you find to implement it.

Jax Jameson
Director, Elf Relations

P.S. I know it's late, but I figured you'd be losing sleep over it anyway.

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James,

Sorry to hear about the loss of your employee. I just wanted to let you know we had nothing to do with it! It is true though, right? He's quit? Owl me when you get a chance.

Arthur

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Dear Mr. Patterson,

I am so pleased to hear that Malfoy has left your payroll. Certainly he was the only person (on the planet most likely, but certainly employed by the Ministry) capable of taking your department's arrogant hypocrisy, disorganized erraticism and blustering coverups in stride and presenting them to the rest of us with a perfectly straight face. With him out of the picture, you'll have no choice but to clean up your act. It's about time you people realized that as far as the rest of the Ministry is concerned, you only deal with the gods and spirits. You aren't gods yourselves!

Reba Hearst
Muggle Relations

P.S. Merlin, is that the time? Ah well. I think I'll send it anyway.

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Dear Mr. Patterson,

I flooed everyone else and he hasn't said anything to them either. Most people seem to think that his recent absences were because he was trying to get something going regarding a business he just acquired. That's pretty much what I thought too. Not that he'd necessarily tell us if he was planning something else all along. Anyway, the schedule shows him back today so we ought to be able to ask him when he comes in. I'll let you know if I find anything else out.

Sonja Lake
Reception, Supernatural Relations

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Malfoy,

Get your butt out of bed and get in here! There's rumors flying everywhere that you're quitting! This isn't funny, and I don't appreciate it one bit. I'm telling this owl to drag you here by your ear if it has to.

James Patterson
Director, Supernatural Relations

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Dear Mister Patterson Sir,

Itsy is very sorry but Master is not here right now. Itsy be sure to give very important message to Master the moment he comes home!

--Itsy

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You Wretched House-elf,

You tell your "Master" I want him here the instant he arrives home. And what is he doing out at this hour anyway? No, don't tell me, I'm better off not knowing.

James Patterson
Director, Supernatural Relations

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James, old bean,

Sorry to hear about Malfoy. Rotten luck, that. High maintenance fellow but he sure did a bang up job of putting a pretty face on your department. You know, I might be able to help with a replacement. My nephew Frank graduated from Hogwarts last year and is attending Prezwalski's School of Wizarding Law and Public Relations. He could use some part-time work and I think he might be just perfect for the position. Let me know if you'd like me to bring him by for an interview.

Yours truly,
Roger Lemmons
Department of Conformity and Inspections

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James Darling,

Where on earth are you? You got up to let that owl in and never came back. You didn't go in to the office did you? You could have said something!

Love, Your Smoochiekins.

P.S. Should I put the cherries and whipped cream away?

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