Blood of Mud, Wing of Bat

Chapter 6: Trelawney's Owls

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Trelawney,

We need to talk. Now.

Draco L. Malfoy
Owner
Batwing Alchemical & Pharmaceutical

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Dear Ms. Trelawney,

I am sorry to owl you instead of coming by in person but in the interests of keeping my job I thought I'd better wait until I've cooled off a bit before making an appearance at the office. Regarding Draco Malfoy, are you absolutely sure you spoke to him about me? Because when I showed up at Batwing this morning he behaved as if he'd had no idea I was coming. He wouldn't even speak to me, and his house-elf kicked me out! Please let me know what is going on as soon as possible.

--Hermione Gran Weasley

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Dear Hermione,

Where are you? This is the fifth owl I've sent in response to your letter, and they all claim they can't find you. Regarding Draco Malfoy, don't you worry about a thing. I've got him handled.

Sibyll Trelawney
Enchantress, Diviner, Problem Solver Extraordinaire
Sibyll & Co. Know-it-All Consultants

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To Whom It May Concern:

I am interested in making use of your consulting services. I am in need of Charms expertise to facilitate the construction of wards around a castle I have been contracted to build. Do you think a Knowitall Ball filled by the right expert would be sufficient, or would it be necessary to hire a full blown consultant? Enclosed is a limited specification for the wards as listed in the original project documents. See my changes in red.

Matt Nables
Blitz & Clowd Clifftop Dwellings

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Dear Sibyll,

I'm going to be in town to do a signing on my latest book, We Can't All be Me. I was wondering if you'd like to have a cup of tea and maybe go out on the town… and maybe more? Just for old times sake? I hear you've made quite a name for yourself. I knew you had it in you, you trickster you! Looking forward (get it? Ha ha!) to hearing from you soon.

--Gilderoy "The Phoenix" Lockhart

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To: Customer Service Department
Knowitall Ball, Ltd.

Dear Sir or Madam, I have a question about my Knowitall ball. I was making it up as an anniversary present for my wife and I accidentally included that I know she's been cheating on me. Is there any way I can erase just that part without buying a new ball or doing all my work over again? Please reply ASAP.

--Sincerely, Anonymous (please reply using this owl)

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Dear Sibyll,

Sorry to keep asking you for help, but you have so much more experience than I do. What do you do if you know the students are making up the answers for the homework assignments? There isn't any way to prove they didn't actually See anything is there?

Shalandra James
Professor of Divination
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

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Dear Ms. Trelawney,

We've looked over your quotation and everything sounds good. We're still in the process of determining if we can use pre-owned, recorded Knowitalls or if only the clean ones broken in manufacture will do. We estimate our experiments will be complete within the week, and then you should be receiving our first order for crushed Knowitall powder. Thank you very much, and we're looking forward to doing business with you.

Michael N. Prescott
Head of R&D
Mama's Magic Mirror Co., Ltd.

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Dear Madame Sibyll,

Do you do horoscopes? I found your card on the floor of the Foot and Mouse last night, under the bar. Did you leave it there on purpose so I would find it just when I needed someone the most? How did you know? I think Divination is so dreamy. Please write back soon.

-- Windblossom (not my real name... do you like it?)

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