Musings of a Red Head

I don't know exactly what possessed me to run down the corridor that day. Looking back on it now, I wish I hadn't. Running after Malfoy caused more problems than I could have imagined, some of which I didn't realize were there until it was too late. I know I have said that the 24th of October was when it all really began, but that day in December marked the point where I couldn't turn back; from then on it was as if a path had been chosen for me, one where I felt like I had no choices and that there was no way I could alter it.

Later that same evening I was sitting in the common room, to all outer appearances looking as if I was studying for Potions; I was, in fact, having an internal conflict with emotions. A smile kept playing on my lips and I wondered why Ron or Harry didn't ask me why I was so happy studying.

Well, I know why Harry didn't ask; he had been avoiding me ever since I rejected his invitation to Hogsmeade. Back then I couldn't understand why he was so cold towards me; he seemed to have been doing fine with his new girlfriend Padma Patil, he couldn't still have had feelings for me. Surely we could still be friends. I wasn't about to bring it up though and I didn't want to have an extremely awkward situation on my hands.

That night Harry definitely wasn't the foremost on my thoughts. I could have cared less about him then. My daydreams were more geared towards the tall silver haired types, the Death Eaters son types. Yes, I know that sounds dark and forbidding, but earlier that day I had been sharply reminded of who Draco Malfoy really was, or rather what he was and where he had come from.

I ran after Malfoy as fast as I could but he always seemed to be one step ahead of me, his long legs carrying him swiftly past the dungeon classrooms and down into another corridor I didn't think I had been in before. His footsteps slowed and I remember hearing a faint voice speaking up ahead.

We drew closer to the voice and I realised it was coming from a room at the end of the hall, dimly lit with a single candle. Draco slowed down; his steps were cautious and wary. I saw him peer around the open door and he gave a small gasp. I could see Malfoy's form silhouetted by the light in the doorway and his sharp features pulled into a questioning, then angry look.

He stepped back, grabbing me by the wrist and pulling me into the small room to the left. There seemed to be a need for silence so I held my tongue, although I must admit I was a bit surprised that he knew exactly where I was. Later I realised that he probably had known I would follow him, almost as if he had wanted me to.

"Keep quiet," He whispered unnecessarily. He was closer to me in the room than I had thought; I could feel his breath on my face and his arm brushed up against mine in the darkness. I swallowed loudly, nodding.

Realising that he couldn't see this, I fumbled in my robes for my wand and said, "Lumos," under my breath. The wand tip lit up the room with a soft light and I could see Malfoy's grey eyes watching me.

"What're you doing?" Draco's voice was sharp but still held that quiet control I had come to notice in the Malfoys. He pressed up close to me and covered my mouth with his hand, the other grabbed my wand and I heard him mutter, "Nox."

The light went out and my sense of touch became stronger. I could feel the roughness of his hand on my mouth. I had always thought that Malfoy would have soft perfectly manicured hands, not these tough weathered ones hardened by work. It was beyond me then what kind of work a Malfoy would do.

I remember the feel of his body pressed up against mine; we were closer now than we had been outside the common room earlier that day. I could feel his eyes on mine but I was too scared to look back, afraid of what I would find there I suppose. It was torture standing against the wall andnot being able to put my hands on his body, they yearned for his touch. I knew though, that whatever I started I would not be able to finish. Draco after all, was the son of Lucius Malfoy, not to mention a Slytherin.

I'm not sure how long we kept this position, Malfoy's body close to mine and me trying to stay away as far as possible. As we stood there I began to wonder when I had started to really find Draco Malfoy an attractive person. I mean, at that point in time I felt like I had always liked him, but I know that's not true. It was just a few months ago that I had completely hated his guts and would have done anything to avoid him. He began to act strangely though and it was my curiosity as to why that I began to pay more attention to him. I started to feel extremely shallow then, I hardly knew anything about Malfoy and yet there I was thinking about him like he was some kind of God. I felt like all the other girls who had lusted after Draco Malfoy just for his looks.

I remember thinking how stupid I must've looked earlier that day, acting as if I actually needed someone to love me. I thought, who am I kidding? I don't need love; I've never needed it before. I began to think like I used to, that there really wasn't a need for a relationship and I didn't have to waste my time looking for one. I must have an extremely terrible short memory because while I was standing there I had forgotten why I had been following Draco Malfoy in the first place, then again it could have just been Draco's effect on me. I asked myself, was it just because I wanted answers to Draco's strange behaviour? Or was it because of something else entirely that I followed him? Then I realised that I was still in a small room with Malfoy pressing me against a wall and I squirmed uncomfortably.

Draco had been watching the window but when I moved he turned his head towards me, brushing his cheek against mine as he did so.

"Am I really that repulsive, Weasley?" he asked.

If he had only known what he was doing to me, I had so many different opinions of him and was confused as to which I should follow.

He had taken his hand off my mouth and was waiting for an answer.

"Yes," I said, trying to imitate his careless tone of voice. Then I looked in his eyes and saw what I believed was hurt and rethought my reaction. "No. Yes. I mean... I don't know." I finished lamely, my cheeks flaming red. I was lucky it was so dark.

I felt Draco's muscles relax as he loosened his hold on me. I could feel his face close to mine although I couldn't see it. I felt his hand come up and tilt my head upwards, his face came closer to mine and I started to panic, my heart rate increasing. I wriggled, not knowing exactly what to do, then his lips had descended on mine and they were rough at first but warm. I felt my whole body become hot as he pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around my waist. I have to say I wasn't exactly experienced at these sorts of things, but he was pushing me backwards with such force that I just pushed back, kissing him as hard and long as I could.

The only things I remember from that moment were how his lips were so rough, yet felt so good; how they roamed my face and then came back to my lips; how our breathing quickened and his hands were in my hair and then down on my back again. Our need rose and I moaned, pulling him closer with my arms around his broad shoulders, all I wanted was his body as close to mine as possible. He pushed me against the wall and lifted me so I was at his height. I felt his hands wander lower and lower until they reached the bottom of my shirt and snaked their way underneath it.

My eyes opened wide; it was still pitch black inside the room and I couldn't see a thing. Draco was kissing my neck and his leg was still wedged in between mine, holding me up. I ran my hands up his body to find his shoulders and then gently shoved him off me. He let go and I stood up straight, but his hands still lingered around my waist and his face was dangerously close.

I resisted the urge to kiss him again and whispered, "Stop it."

I couldn't see his reaction, although I heard him groan and back away. I didn't know what else to say so I just slumped against the wall and tried to suppress the emotions coursing through me. Malfoy must have stepped back also, there was a loud clang and I heard him mutter some particularly offensive language under his breath.

Our attention was brought to the door when a deep voice called, "What was that?"

The window lit up with lights and I could see that Draco had fallen to the floor, his body frozen and his eyes wide. I noticed a shadow appear in the doorway and the knob beginning to turn. The next thing I recall was Draco grabbing me by the waist and us apparating out of the small room.

We appeared in another small room, this one circular. The door to the room was open though and led out into another room whose main feature was a large circular pool.

I opened my mouth to ask a question, but Malfoys glare warned me and I stayed quiet.