This is What a Story Looks Like When You're Drunk

This is What a Story Looks Like When You're Drunk

"When you are desperate you are truly desperate. And I guess you try - hic - to do all you can in your power to make it happen. But when people just shove you off to one corner and they make out that you're part of the wall paper - hic - just because you blend in then it's not very fair. I mean, I didn't ask to have red hair and - hic - maroon clothes. But when you're desperate you're -hic- desperate. Somehow I think I've said that once already, but no matter, I will say it again and again and again and-"

"Ron, just get on with the story will you!" Harry said irritably.

"Alright, alright! Keep your Knuts on! Hem, hem it goes a little bit like this, the story I mean ...hem hem"

*****

"All is lost for me. There is no hope. Life would be better off if I were gone, gone as far as the wind takes me. If it were only up to me."

"Hermione! That is a **** thing to say in a suicide note," Ginny exclaimed, taking the parchment and ripping it to shreds.

"Reparo! How dare you tell me what's **** and what's not? You've got all the boys wrapped around your little finger. Do you blame me if I want some attention? If I want at least two guys fighting over me like ruthless animals?" Hermione felt her heart pounding with anger and threw aside the fifth Butterbeer bottle on the floor.

There was a minute's silence. But it was quickly broken by an ice-cracking laughter. Ginny held her stomach in pain and tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"Stop, stop, stop! You're breaking me up here! Ruthless animals? Excuse me; remind me which two guys you had in mind."

Hermione blushed and mouthed, "Crabbe and Goyle".

"Sorry, I couldn't hear that," Ginny said patronisingly.

Hermione felt like slapping her. "Crabbe and Goyle you red-headed, freckled-faced bitch!" Hermione screamed, and quickly grabbed her wand to jinx Ginny.

But Ginny's wand reached first and was now pointing at Hermione's heart. "Ouch Hermione. That really hurts. Bitch? Not a nice thing to say in a civilised conversation, don't you think? Ginny Bitch Weasley, nah doesn't sound good at all. For that, darling, you will pay! Expelliarmus!"

Hermione's wand flew into the clutches of Ginny's hand. But as Ginny was about to escape with both wands, Hermione grabbed Ginny's ponytail. "Give me back my wand you ****ing bitch! Does that title suit you better?"

"NO!" Ginny turned around, causing a lot of her hair to be pulled off, and slapped Hermione hard on the face. She stunned Hermione and ran for it to her boyfriend Dean's dormitory. But when Ginny slammed open the door; she hadn't expected what she faced.

"Hello Ginny my love. I've got the whips and cream ready", her boyfriend said as he lay on his bed and -"

*****

"STOP! Stop reading!" Harry yelled. That is a totally ****e story! Ron, you have to understand that this is way out of character from start to finish. Besides, you've had too much to drink. And Crabbe and Goyle?"

"Which bit Harry? Ooh, I know! The bit where Hermy says the F-word! And about the Crabbe and Goyle bit, I didn't know who to write. I'm drunk, remember?"

"No, everything is crap! Scrape it, now."

"I can't."

"And why not?"

"Because it's already published on Fictionalley and I can't delete it."