Wayside

Warning - SLASH dwells herein!

This is sort of an aside to Switch - if you haven't read through that fic, I suggest you do so - otherwise the plot will not make much sense to you.

Wayside by Verity

"But the person underneath - Where does he go? - Does he slide by the wayside? - Or ... does he just die?" - Dial A Cliche, Morrissey

"Three years," Harry Potter says to him. "Almost. Not quite."

"Yes," Severus Snape says, smoothing the folds of his robes over his knees. "I know."

"They have festivities. At Hogwarts."

"I know that too."

"You're never there."

Hogwarts' Potions Master looks up at the Auror sitting on top of his desk. "It's none of your business."

"Don't you hate her?"

"Potter," he says, calmly, his voice a force that quiets all noise but the breeze coming through the open window, ruffling the Confidential papers tacked up on the walls, "It's not something I want to discuss."

"You never want to discuss anything", the young Auror snaps at him.

"Consider it one of my idiosyncrasies." Through the window he can see the outline of one of the Ministry's other buildings, draped in shadows and mystery. "Would you wish me to ask you of Virginia?"

"I don't want to talk about her."

"You brought up the subject."

"I - never mind that." The boy looks like James then, furious and angry with the world. He was always the serene, calculating rival. Never mind that James struck first.

"No. You should."

"I hate her."

"Not Virginia."

"No." He can hear a changing in Potter's breathing in the long, empty pause - a sort of sigh. Sadness? Regret?

"I have no regrets."

"I do."

"She loved him, don't you understand? She knew what was going to happen, and she couldn't stop it, so she went along. And you betrayed her. She never forgot that part."

"She didn't forget anything! She was Obliviated!" James was always so angry. He had never understood why.

"No. She didn't forget."

"And if she loved him-" Potter's voice is almost a whisper- "Why did she want for him to die?"

"She never wanted him to die. She only wanted to destroy the empty shell that he had become. In her life... perhaps he was the only person ever to love her."

"Yes."

"You are not your father," he says then, offering some comfort. "James could never admit that he was wrong."

"Did you hate him?"

"I cannot hate, Potter, and neither can you."

"It was much more complicated than hate." He doubts that, for a moment - remembering the violent words and blows they had exchanged, over a beautiful girl who had, in time, destroyed the two who loved her. But he had never been that furious.

"Yes."

"What is love, then? Wisdom? Never having to say you're sorry?"

"Knowing..." he sighs, "When you can't say sorry any longer. That life is fragile."

"You did love her, then."

"Who said anything about love? You brought it up." The breeze ruffles the hem of his robes, and lifts a few strands of hair back from his face. "Perhaps never discussing anything is better."

"I'll get you the address."

"Thank you."

Potter leans forward to kiss him, and they both know that this is the last time, for it's always been more about finding solace than about finding each other.