The Hospital Wing and the Astronomy Tower, the Sequel

"Professor Dumbledore, I am really confused," said Terry, as he and Dumbledore walked down the corridor to the dungeons. "What is going on? And where were you?"

"Well, as far as I know," said Dumbledore, "a couple of the Gryffindor students are having a little joke. But the joke seems to have gone too far. As for me, I was here the entire day, only you couldn't see me in physical form."

"Gryffindor students having a joke?" said Terry. "Which ones?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that, Terry," said Dumbledore. "But I can tell you that Colin Creevey and Pansy Parkinson never did disappear."

"Then where are they?" Terry demanded. "They've made this school a laughing stock!"

"I discovered their hide-out earlier this day," said Dumbledore. "The two will be punished with time, but not by me."

"Okay, okay," said Terry. "But what about this 'Bob' nonsense? Is it all part of some sick joke?"

"As far as my eye can see," said Dumbledore. "However, I have found one too many 'Bob's for my liking. I have not yet found the identity of one mystery imposter. This imposter remains hidden, under the guard of Miss. Blaise Zabini, which I am sure is quite a safe move on our part."

"But what if it turns out it's You Know Who?" said Terry. "Blaise won't be safe, and neither will the rest of the school."

"It cannot be Voldemort," said Dumbledore. "I am sure it would be quite impossible for him to enter the castle."

"So where's this mystery imposter, then?" said Terry. "Why don't we go find out who he is now?"

"Because we have one more item of business to take care of," said Dumbledore. "One of the house elves feels there is a 'bad man' in the school"

"Bad man?" said Terry. "Who?"

"Gilderoy Lockhart, I think," said Dumbledore. "How and when he arrived at Hogwarts, I cannot say. But he is here, and for no apparent reason thus far."

"Lockhart?" said Terry. "How many people are involved in this mess anyway?"

"Including Lockhart," said Dumbledore, "and including Mr. Creevey and Miss. Parkinson, nine."

"Nine?!" said Terry. "This is absurd! I want to hear names!"

"With time, Terry," said Dumbledore. "But as it turns out, we have one more person involved; the person in the closet, we cannot over-look him or her, or it."

"And with You Know Who running around and all," said Terry. "I wouldn't be surprised if his servants are all in the school; I mean, Lucius Malfoy's here."

"And Peter Pettigrew," said Dumbledore. "But no one knows why..."

***

"Harry!" said Blaise. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough," Harry replied, stepping into the room. "And I can tell you this: you aren't bad for me, Blaise, because if you were, I wouldn't be with you. And I want to be with you, and no one else."

Blaise got unsteadily to her feet and made her way to Harry. "Oh, Harry," she said. "I don't know what to say; it's just that I feel like I'm a burden. No one approves of us, especially your friends, and I don't want to do that to you."

"Which means you've got a heart," said Harry. "And somewhere in that heart, you've got human feelings, and you should let them show more often."

"I would if I could," said Blaise. "Just imagine there are tears in my eyes, okay?"

Harry chuckled. "Okay."

Just then, Ron and Hermione stepped into the room.

"See?" said Ron. "She can't be in two places at once!"

"Ron, what's going on?" said Hermione. "I haven't finished my game yet, and Dean might cheat while I'm gone."

"She seems to think you're 'Bob'," said Ron, gesturing towards Blaise. "But I told her you aren't, and I was right!"

"How do you know that's Hermione?" said Blaise. "That could be anyone, considering what's going on these days. Polyjuice Potion is like a toy to the crazy people of the world."

"This is Hermione!" said Ron. "You're just trying to complicate things now."

"It's what I do best," said Blaise with a little smile.

"Why wouldn't I be Hermione?" Hermione asked.

"Because with what's going on, we can't be too sure," said Blaise. "Prove to us that you're the real Hermione Granger."

"I've, er," said Hermione. "How?"

"How many times have you read Hogwarts: A History?" Harry asked. "And I want an accurate answer."

Hermione blushed. "Seventy-seven and a third," she replied. "I never quite got to finish it my seventy-eighth time."

"Is that proof enough?" Ron asked.

Blaise nodded, satisfied.

"Good lord!" Hermione cried suddenly. "There's a rat on fire floating in mid-air!"

"Oh, you started without me?" said Ron, sounding all too disappointed. "I wanted to fill his insides with stones and drop him from a high window with his tail on fire."

"We've still got time," said Blaise. "But we might lose him, and I don't think Professor Lupin would be too happy."

"I suppose you're right," said Ron. "But it's still fun to imagine, isn't it?"

"Very," said Blaise. "But not as much fun as imagining Draco wearing Madam Pomfrey's dress."

"Now why would you imagine that?" Ron asked. "Or did you open the closet already and find Malfoy?"

"No, I haven't opened it yet," said Blaise. "But since we saw Lucius in a dress, it only seems right to try and picture Draco in a dress."

"I don't think it's right to picture any man in a dress," said Ron. "It's just disturbing."

"You can't let the poor rat burn to death!" cried Hermione, who was trying to put out the fire on Pettigrew's tail.

"No, you're right," said Blaise. "Professor Lupin would be so angry."

"And the poor rat would be dead!" said Hermione, finally putting out the fire.

"Who really cares?" said Blaise. "He's just a rat. A worthless, stupid, ass of a rat."

"How could he be an ass and a rat at the same time?" Ron asked. "Unless he's some strange hybrid thing from Hell, or something."

Blaise looked thoughtful for a moment. "You know," she said finally. "He could be a rat's ass; it makes a little more sense that way, don't you think?"

Ron shrugged.

"So where's everyone else?" Harry asked.

"Er, well," said Blaise. "They all vanished in a big poof! and then you've just come back now, and, yeah..."

***

Lucius and Narcissa had shortly parted from the headmaster's office, and were now strolling down the corridors of Hogwarts.

"Do you remember when we were still at school?" said Narcissa. "All those times we'd be wandering the corridors in the middle of the night, only to be caught by that nasty Filch and his good-for-nothing feline whore. This really brings back memories, doesn't it?"

"In a way, yes," Lucius replied. "Only, we never had a son to look out for in those days. Now where is that wretch of a son?"

"If I know Draco, and I'm quite certain I do," said Narcissa. "He'll be exactly where he shouldn't."

"And where shouldn't he be?" Lucius asked.

"At this time of night," said Narcissa, "the only place he should be is in his dormitory."

"Well, that really narrows it down, doesn't it?" said Lucius.

"At least we know the one place not to look," said Narcissa.

"Where should we begin?" said Lucius. "The kitchens? The dungeons? The toilets, perhaps?"

"You tell me," said Narcissa. "Put yourself in Draco's shoes; the two of you think so much alike it's uncanny."

"The dungeons it is," said Lucius. "And we won't find him alone, either."

"Oh?" said Narcissa.

"We'll most-likely find him in a state he won't want us to find him in," said Lucius. "This will be an interesting night..."

And so they headed off to the dungeons together, both wearing cruel smiles without knowing so.

***

Dumbledore and Terry arrived at the dungeons of the school. They decided to take their chances by opening doors at random. Luckily for them, the second dungeon they looked in, they found what they were looking for: Draco, Ginny, and Lockhart, along with Dobby, the now very frightened house elf.

"Hello, Professor Dumbledore, glad you could join us," said Lockhart, upon seeing the headmaster. "I was just spying on these two here for an article for the Gossip Union."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled ever so slightly. "So you're in on the charade, Gilderoy?" he said. "How nice."

"Professor Dumbledore!" Ginny cried. "Where have you been?"

"Long story," said Terry. "And there isn't time right now."

"Why isn't there?" Draco asked. "It isn't as though you've got something important to do; we found 'Bob' already."

"Who was it?" Terry asked. "A Gryffindor, right?"

"Yeah," said Draco. "What was her name, Ginny?"

"Lavender Brown," said Ginny.

"Just as I suspected," said Dumbledore. "Now if you'll all come with me, we have a misunderstanding to sort out. Mr. Malfoy, your mother and father are roaming the corridors, I hope you know."

"My mother?" said Draco. "Where is she?"

"On her way down here with your father," said Dumbledore. "And we're on our way to a certain unused classroom. Now if you'll please follow me."

"Professor Dumbledore!" cried Dobby the frightened house elf. "The bad man! The bad man!"

"The bad man will be punished, Dobby," Dumbledore smiled. "But as for you, off to the kitchens!"

"Yes sir!" said Dobby, saluting the head master before scuttling off out the room.

"I'm sorry," said Gilderoy. "Who is the bad man? And will he make a good article for the Gossip Union?"

Immediately, Terry grasped Lockhart's arms and wound them behind his back. "You have the right to remain silent," he began.

"What the Hell are you on, Boot?" said Draco.

Terry blushed at the cheeks. "I've always wanted to say that to a criminal," he said.

"Let him have his fun, Draco," said Ginny. "Goodness knows we could all use a bit of fun."

"What, this hasn't been fun enough for you?" said Draco. "I'm having the time of my life, haven't you noticed?"

"Enough talk for now," said Dumbledore. "Or we can talk as we walk to our destination." And with that he led the three students and the useless, brainless man named Gilderoy out of the dungeons, up the stairs and to a certain empty classroom in which Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Blaise Zabini were busy arguing over plots to torture a rat name Peter.

"Professor Dumbledore!" Harry exclaimed when he saw his headmaster. "We thought you'd gone missing, and here you are!"

"As someone once said earlier tonight," said Blaise, "this night is full of surprises. And as I forgot to say, very ugly surprises, such as Lockhart, for instance."

Hermione looked for a second as though she would object to this, but Ron silenced her with an odd sort of look.

"Well," said Lockhart. "My hair is so much more perfect than your grotesquely lovely raven black hair."

"Why thank you," said Blaise. "And your nose is off-centre, if you failed to notice."

Lockhart scowled.

It was then that Professor Remus Lupin and Kiera McCourt, along with Sirius Black, Pansy Parkinson, and Colin Creevey appeared in the doorway.

"Well, isn't this interesting?" said Sirius. "Professor Dumbledore, it's nice to see you, up and walking."

"Where else would he be?" Draco asked. "Down and slithering?"

Blaise laughed. "Just another mental image," she said, clearing her throat at the strange looks she received.

"Well, isn't this pleasant?" said Lucius Malfoy from behind Sirius in the doorway. "A formal gathering, and I wasn't invited."

"Oh but you were invited," said Sirius. "This is the unveiling of the Lucius Malfoy in a dress."

"Lucius Malfoy in a what?" said Narcissa, stepping passed Lucius into the room. "And I never got the chance to see it?"

"And no one will ever see it again," said Lucius.

"Have you seen it?" Narcissa asked Ginny, who stood closest.

"Yeah," said Ginny. "I also saw Lucius Malfoy with messy hair and a stubbly face dressed in rags."

Narcissa's blue grey eyes widened. "Now that I never would have thought possible," she said.

"Let's open the closet for pity's sake!" Blaise said, with an air of great impatience.

"Miss. Zabini?" said a silky voice from behind Lucius.

The colour drained from Blaise's face. "Hide me!" she cried, ducking behind Harry.

"I have looked everywhere for you," said Severus Snape, entering the room. "And where have you been, avoiding detention, again?" Then he looked around and noticed the strangeness of the situation.

"Blaise has been excused from detention, Snape," said Sirius. "As I'm sure you won't understand."

"But for what?" said Snape. "What are all these people doing here? And Professor Dumbledore! Alas! I thought you had vanished! And Creevey and Miss. Parkinson, where have they been?"

"The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind," said Blaise.

Everybody gave her a strange glance.

"A song I once heard," said Blaise. "But that's not important right now, what is important is that I've been excused from detention, and we've got to open the closet, so on with it!"

"Wait, wait! Not without us!" Verity called from just outside the classroom. She and Seamus pushed their way through the people blocking the doorway.

"Okay, now," said Blaise. "Everyone's here, and we've left it off long enough! Open the damn closet!"

"What about the rat?" said Seamus. "What did you do with the rat?"

"To Hell with the rat!" said Blaise. "He's been burned and hung; he's old news."

"Rat?" said Gilderoy Lockhart, who was still being held by Terry Boot. "Where's the rat?"

"Up your-" Blaise began, but Sirius raised a hand to silence her.

"Not in front of the head master," he said. "I once made that very mistake; it wasn't fun."

"All right, open the closet!" said Blaise. "Time to open the closet!"

"And open the closet we will," said Lupin, stepping towards the wardrobe.

But just then, Professor McGonagall came rushing into the room.

"Oh Albus! Thank goodness I've found you," she said. "He Who Must Not Be Named is lingering on the edges of the forest. He can't step onto the grounds of course, but his position is not safe at all, what shall we do?"

"Open the closet!" Blaise cried.

"I don't see how that'll be of any help," said McGonagall.

"I'm opening it," said Lupin. "Be patient." And then he pulled open the closet door.

Everybody in the room stared in complete shock at the person who stepped out of the closet, for it was Neville Longbottom's grandmother in Madam Pomfrey's uniform.

"Is it a Bogart?" asked Blaise. "It's a Bogart, right?"

"No, it's not a Bogart," said Remus. "It certainly is Mrs. Longbottom."

"But why?" said Harry. "Why would she have done everything she did?"

"The Gossip Union promised me big money," said Old Mrs. Longbottom. "Of course, I haven't yet found a good story, except that I have pictures of Lucius Malfoy in a dress."

"I want to see!" said Narcissa.

"Disgusting," Draco muttered. "I've just been disturbed by my own mother's words."

"Albus," said McGonagall. "What shall we do about He Who Must Not Be Named?"

"Come on Lucius," said Sirius. "Duty calls."

Lucius grinned widely. "I feel like an Auror," he said. "This is really exciting!"

"Can I come?" Terry asked. "Please?"

"Have you joined Lord Malfoy's side?" Lucius asked.

"I joined long ago," said Terry. "I was the second one on the side."

"Come on then! No time to lose!" said Lucius, and he and Terry followed Sirius out of the room.

Later that night, or earlier the next morning, if you like, Pansy Parkinson, Colin Creevey, Kiera McCourt, Lavender Brown, Parvati Patil, and all of the Gossip Union were punished with three weeks of detention and prohibited from all extra curricular activities, such as balls, and Hogsmeade visits for the remainder of the year. Yes, for these pupils, this would be a very long year.

Gilderoy Lockhart and Neville Longbottom's grandmother were let off rather easy, as they were only sent to their homes (in Gildie's case, the mental ward at St. Mungo's) and forced to promise they would never again involve themselves in such matters as the Gossip Union again.

Everybody went to sleep that night, and awoke with clear minds. Blaise was especially relieved. Lucius and Sirius were both rewarded with the Order of Merlin, first class for their outstanding performance against Lord Voldemort, and Terry was recruited as an Auror, scheduled to start training after Hogwarts.

Narcissa finally got her pictures of Lucius in a dress, and has treasured them since, much to the disgust of Draco. But the two agreed that as long as Narcissa would act kindly towards Ginny, she could keep these ridiculous pictures. Lucius, who was made an Auror because he's just so good at catching the bad guys when he isn't one, seems to have grown a liking to Ginny; he still doesn't take too kindly to Arthur Weasley, though... He also seems ecstatic to start working with Terry Boot, now why would that be so?

Voldemort was locked in prison, and Peter Pettigrew was kept by Ron, who held the rat hostage in a glass jar. Ron and Blaise held weekly rat torture marathons. Surprisingly, the ministry didn't care, but Hermione did. Harry also joined in on these rat torture marathons, and he always seemed to come up with the cruelest of punishments. When questioned about these punishments on a late night "stroll" with Blaise, he said, "My aunt used to treat me like that." And Blaise proceeded to "comfort" the poor boy.

Hermione and Blaise resolved a few of their differences, although Hermione is still annoying, and Blaise doesn't like anything annoying. And Blaise is still a complete disaster in the eyes of Hermione (she's Head Girl, what do you expect?)

Lucius and Narcissa were permanently released from Azkaban (obviously), and Lucius and Sirius became good friends (and colleagues), much to the annoyance of Professor Severus Snape, who lost his idol/friend to his enemy/envy.

Don't worry about Draco and Ginny, they never were bothered by that wretched Gossip Union again. Although, that's more than can be said vice versa...

Criochnaigh, Fin, Ende, and for all the English Muggles out there, the end....