Shades Of Grey

Holding back Providence

Severus Snape allowed his piercing gaze to sweep over the classroom. He inwardly marveled at how divided the classroom had become; it looked just like it would had they had been in the war. There were silent, designated places for each person on different sides. The students might not have been able to detect it, but from here, Severus had a clear of what was to come. His eyes stopped on the bowed head of Hermione Granger. Next to her was Ronald Weasley, carefully measuring out some brown looking powder. Wartcap, probably, Severus mused absently.

Next to their desk, was Draco Malfoy and― well, now the seat remained empty, and a silent Draco solemnly stirred his cauldron. Severus's expression softened as he gazed at his three best students. It still surprised him to no end that Ronald Weasley had taken his O.W.L level classes. Ron's dislike for him, he thought, would surely make the Weasley drop Potions as soon as he could. But he had really hitched up his pants (not that they needed hitching, Weasley was already too tall) and scraped and "Excellent" in Potions. Severus let him in grudgingly.

Hermione Granger had, of course, managed a very respectable OWL indeed and he was secretly glad to have such a fine Potion brewer as her in his class though she was somewhat annoying. The only downfall was that Hermione was an all around student without trying to be; it was just in her nature and Severus couldn't help but think that she didn't put her heart into any of her work. All of it didn't mean anything to her; she just did it, and to the best of her ability because it meant marks. Though she had practically proved herself many times over the years, Severus still wished that she'd had somewhat of a passion for it and therefore only half-heartedly gave her the marks she got.

Draco was a different matter. He put his heart into whatever he was doing these days. Over the past two years, his father's imprisonment and his mother disowning him and then his father's escape from Azkaban seemed to put the young boy in a very fragile position indeed. It was true that he had now become immune to the Slytherin's jeering of him as a traitor, but everything seemed to have taken a toll on the boy. He did everything with a hard, bold exterior, and was quiet, only speaking up to give the occasional sharp retort; one could say he had become quite the loner.

Severus, of course, felt deeply for the boy having known what solitude meant, his entire life. But then, Draco had befriended Potter and the two of them were often seen together.

Severus now turned his attention painfully to Potter and the empty seat beside Draco, void of the boy.

It had been three months now and there was no sign of Harry. Severus shuddered thinking about Dumbledore's face when he had found out that Harry was gone. That such anger, such energy could resonate from a man who looked resolutely ancient was something that was beyond Severus's comprehension. Perhaps that was why Severus respected him so much; that though he was slightly mad, he was brilliant at the same time. His acts of senility seemed to actually give way to brilliance; an odd quality in a person to be sure but one that kept Dumbledore quite high in Severus's eyes.

And as much as Severus disliked Harry, it certainly didn't mean he wanted harm to an innocent child. His memory was as good as ever and he had by no means forgotten how much the boy irritated him; after all, he wasn't that bad....he had managed to get into his OWL level Potions class. Severus remembered with what ease James and Sirius had entered O.W.L level Potions. He had been seething at the time, thinking of how the two wouldn't take it seriously.

Truth be told, Severus was like any other man on the market; stuck in a backward job that he had no passion for. Potions was all very well, but he wasn't out there doing what he really wanted. Life, it seemed, had fallen into one continuous circle, a pointless pastime for those too materialistic to break free. Severus wasn't materialistic by any means, he was just too tired and weary about everything these days. And as much as he showed otherwise, he knew he was really fortunate to be surrounded by students and teachers who all tried to warm up to him.

It could even be said that when he heard the news, Severus had felt as though his worst fears had been confirmed. He knew that something of this nature would happen; he was, after all, in Lord Voldemort's inner circle. He just wished he knew more of the details as to when and how. Now Severus certainly wasn't one to dwell on things but he couldn't help feeling that he had a little hand in this, somehow. He didn't know whether it was because he was a Death Eater in general or whether he just felt a certain obligation because it was Harry Potter.

"Professor?"

Severus left his thoughts, sure to be continued as he found he always had time to himself. A little too much time in fact. "Yes, Ms. Granger?" he said in that same monotone voice he had been using on his students for years now. In fact, Severus used it so much, that perhaps his students had begun to actually detect traces of emotion in it. Dear God, I hope not.

"Aren't you going to ask us to hand in our work? Class is over." Oh damn. Leave it to Granger to remind him of that in front of the whole class. And he already had to mark snotty little first year's work. Why, oh why did he have to insist on being so damn intimidating? Did he have to collect each and every single piece of work just to scare them? He sighed inwardly. Well, he had brought it upon himself.

"I realize that Ms. Granger, but thank you for gracing us with that," he said dryly. Hermione looked away. Hah! Severus was actually on much better terms with Harry, Hermione and Ron than he was ever before. The war was doing wonders for them in terms of their relationship; he could almost sometimes see eye to eye with. Sometimes. But working towards a common goal for more than three years had undoubtedly brought the four to a silent understanding of where each of them stood. Severus managed now to talk to Harry without slipping one insult about his father. He had to practice restraint on this very much, but it all worked out in the end. Oh no, Potter again. Alright, OK, think about something else.

"There is no need to hand in your work today." The class looked at him and he quickly gauged their expressions; most of them looked downcast, which meant that they had gotten it right and were hoping to gain marks. Excellent. He'd made a good call on choosing not to mark this (as if he needed more work) as they seemed to be doing well anyway. But he would never voice this, heavens no! What would become of his image?

"But Professor." Granger again. God! Someone needs to drill self restraint into that brilliant little head of hers.

"Yes, Ms. Granger?" Severus looked up and was surprised to see the brown haired girl already at his desk.

She handed him a little vial of maroon-red solution. "I would appreciate it very much if you accepted this as.....as extra credit? Me and Ron have worked so hard on it and we were hoping you would mark it." Severus stared at her for a minute then caught Draco's eye. He was shaking his head while packing his Potions ingredients. It was hard to tell if he was amused or disgusted.

"Ms. Granger, I'm sorry to say that, despite the fact that you're quite a good student, you're obviously not very bright. And your arrogance plays a big role in this. You know you don't need the marks yet you come and hand it in. I'm certainly not accepting this from you, especially not as extra-credit. I do, however, suggest on working on your humility. If that were marked on a scale of one to ten, I'd give you a minus one. You may leave."

Wow.

Hermione looked so shocked that Severus almost softened. Almost. Now that he thought about it, he had gone too far; everything had just come tumbling out of his mouth, his whole day's exasperation and this whole month's worry and weariness, that too in one short instance. And though he felt slightly cleansed, it didn't help to know that he had hurt a student. But then again, she was asking for it and it was Hermione after all; Severus knew, stoic as she was, she'd just let it bounce off her eventually.

Hermione turned a shade of red and Severus almost seemed sorry to see her like that. Perhaps it was a bit much. Ron's expression, which was surprise, was quickly turning into one that Severus knew all to well; a strong dislike, to be put delicately. Still, she slammed the vial on his desk and stormed out with Ron.

Draco was the last to leave. He always was.

Actually, him and Harry. Ron, Severus noticed, always tried to pretend that Draco didn't get on his nerves and the two were straining to remain polite to one another if ever they spoke at all. And Draco never spoke to Hermione. "Goodbye, Professor."

"Should I mark it Draco?"

Draco cracked a smile. It wasn't a true smile; just a stretch of the mouth, really. "No, Granger's too smart for her own good."

"Actually," he continued thoughtfully though he was halfway out the door now, "You should see if it's horrible. If it is, then mark it and make it count for her entire Potions grade. That'll jerk her back to reality."

Severus took the vial in his hand and smirked. "My, my, aren't we evil?"

"We are Slytherin."

"And here's me thinking that you were converting to Gryffindor."

Draco laughed a mirthless laugh. "Do I look like Potter? I'm much smarter than him; I know when and how to act. I don't rush around trying to be everyone's hero. I'm hardly a Gryffindor."

Severus stood up and placed the vial in a cupboard behind. "First step is always denial."

"Pardon me, Professor?"

"Nothing. You may leave now."

"Hermione, will you look over my Transfiguration essay for me?"

"No."

"C'mon!"

"No."

"What are you doing anyway?"

Hermione looked up from her piece of parchment quickly and flushed. Ron looked at her closely. Hermione was sitting on a squishy armchair next to the fireplace with an enormous textbook resting on her lap. She looked rather suspicious. "Oh, nothing, you know just some extra notes." Ron got up and walked over to Hermione who quickly shoved all her 'notes' in the textbook and slammed it shut. She got off the armchair just as Ron was approaching her.

Ron caught her wrist and wheeled her around.

"Hermione. Let me see the textbook."

"What? Why?" asked Hermione obviously looking flustered. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Hermione......" said Ron in a warning voice.

Hermione pulled her wrist out of Ron's grip and turned around and placed the textbook behind her. The she turned around and seemed to gain a little strength to fight back. Her tone became defensive and she spoke very quickly. "I don't see why I have to. It's my textbook. So I have a right to decide who gets to see it and who doesn't." Hermione let herself pick up steam. "And besides, who are you anyway, to come demanding my textbook from me as if I'm supposed to let you? Honestly Ron, you've got to learn that I'm not―"

Ron caught her wrist again and pulled Hermione closer. "Shut up. Just shut up," he said angrily, jabbing a finger in her face. Hermione looked indignantly at him while he searched her eyes. "You're not allowed to talk."

"Well don't―"

"Uh!"

"Ron―"

"Aba!"

"Oh honestly―"

"Hermione!!!!!!!"

"What?!"

"Are you incapable of keeping quiet? Now as Prefect of Gryffindor I command you to SHUT UP!"

Hermione made a derisive noise. "You forget Ronald Weasley, that I myself am a Prefect!" She glared at Ron's unreadable expression. He slowly bought her closer. Hermione lost her anger as Ron's face softened.

"You're such a bad liar."

Hermione's eyes now shone with tears. She gave half a laugh, half a cry and leaned into Ron. Her body shook with the effort of not crying. Ron put his arm around her. Gone was the awkwardness that separated the two; after all, now they only had each other. Don't think like that. It's not true, Ron chided himself silently.

"I'm not lying......."

Ron smiled sadly. "You see what I mean?"

Hermione looked up at him, slightly annoyed. "I'm not."

"Really?"

"Yes......"

Ron lifted her chin up. She sniffed like a little child and took in Ron's amused face. "Well do you have any better ideas?" she yelled out finally. Ron didn't say anything as she found his arms again. He guided them to the sofa. He silently wiped Hermione's tears.

"'Mione, you're always the one who says that Dumbledore's there. And as long as we have him, everything will be alright. So? Why don't you trust him enough for this? He won't give up! I mean, this is Harry we're talking about. We'll find him, don't worry."

Hermione noticed a little bitter edge to Ron saying "Harry" but brushed it off as her own imagination. "I-I know.......it's just....Oh Ron! How can you stand it? How can you stand to sit here and do nothing? I mean, doesn't it eat you up from inside?"

"Do you think it doesn't? But Hermione, life doesn't stop, does it? We can't afford to let it. We've got other things on our plate. Like the Order. And our own schoolwork. You're the one who always has the most trust in Dumbledore then―"

Hermione got up abruptly. "I know that! But nothing's happening! And we're Harry's friends Ron! His closest friends! Wouldn't he like to be found by us, instead? And don't you think that wherever he is right now, he must want to talk to us? Wanting us to help him?"

Ron didn't say anything. He didn't want to voice out his thoughts. That perhaps, Harry wasn't even-― No! No, he mustn't think like that. He must keep hope. For Hermione's sake. For Harry.

"Well, you'd be going against Dumbledore anyway," he said brusquely, "because you know that owls are being watched! You know there's a chance they can be intercepted! Not even the Floo is safe, you know that Hermione. You of all people should understand that! You should be making me see that, not the other way around."

"And besides, sending an owl won't matter. You think he's going to be able to read it? Do you honestly think he might be in that position? 'Course not, 'Mione! His captors are going to read it first! And if it's from us, or anything suspicious there going chuck the letter and the owl right back to where it came from!"

Hermione wordlessly slumped back on the squishy armchair and Ron sat by her feet. He looked up at her, his eyes unnaturally shining in earnest. "Please 'Mione. We've been over this about a hundred times before. This is really not good for your health. And nothing's going to come out of it. Harry was everything to us. Everything. He only had us to begin with. I know how you feel, 'Mione. But we've got to keep hope!"

Hermione looked at Ron. These past few months, he had been so supportive....of nearly everything. Time had closed all the distance between the two and Ron had dropped the discomfited look he wore at emotional setbacks. It was reassuring. Hermione was surprised at first, not really knowing what to think. He was so much more mature, more understanding; a part of her told her that he always had been like this. It was just sad that it had taken Harry's disappearance to bring the Ron she had come to like so much, about.

Now he stood up and took her hand. "C'mon, 'Mione. You need to go to bed," he whispered into her hair as he walked behind her. Hermione shivered pleasurably. No, no, no, no. Stop it Hermione!

As they got to the end of the staircases, Ron patted her head lovingly. "Everything will be alright. You know it will."

Hermione smiled up at him like a little girl and hugged him quickly. "Thanks."

"C,mon, Pig! Stay still," muttered Hermione as she tried to tie the pieces of parchment to the excited owl's leg. It wouldn't remain in one place long enough and Hermione was losing her patience so early in the morning. Ron wouldn't notice his absence for a couple of days as he only usually received packages from home and that was via Errol, the family owl. At least, I hope so.

But then, Hermione regained her former spirit and asked herself, so what even if he did find out? It wasn't as if she was committing any sort of crime and it was a free country, wasn't it? There you go. She had nothing to worry about.

As she watched Pig fly away from the entrance of the Owlery, however, Hermione stood wondering why she didn't feel more sure about this.

Don't worry, Harry. We're coming. I promise you. Just hold on a little longer. We're coming. We are...............