Lost

Lost

Chapter Eight

"Are you ready?" Hermione looked at Severus with big eyes. Their animagus potion was finally ready to be tested, and she was more than nervous about it. They had been very meticulous in their preparations, but there was always a chance that something could go wrong. Hermione was having second thoughts about taking the potion, remembering how awful it had been to be stuck as a cat for part of her second year, and she couldn't imagine what would happen if she got stuck as an animal for the rest of her life. Although that was rare, it had happened before, in fact the cat that worked with Filch, Mrs. Norris,was previously a witch whose animagi potion had gone wrong.

"I... think so. Are you sure about this Severus?" She tensely fingered the small potion vial that held the black liquid. That was unsettling as well, it was hard to believe that something so sinister looking was not poison.

He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "The potion is perfect, but you don't have to do it if you don't want to."

She straightened her shoulders, and took a deep breath. "No, I want to do this." She smiled at him, warily. "Promise to still love me if I end up as a slug or something?"

"I highly doubt you would be a slug," he said, with distaste, "but yes, I will love you no matter what you are."

She seemed to accept that and held up the vial as if it were a champagne flute. "Cheers, then." He clinked his vial with hers, and then they drank down the black liquid, making a face as it passed their tongues.

They stood unmoving for a moment, waiting for something to happen. However, other than the foul taste in their mouths, there was nothing. After a minute, she turned to him with slightly relieved eyes, parting her lips to say something. Instead of words, her voice came out as a scream as searing pain began to rip through her. Severus ran to her side, as she doubled up onto the floor, but there was little he could do as the pain hit him as well.

They writhed on the floor, eyes closed and muscles clenched. Somehow she had found his hand, and clamped onto it, although neither knew whose comfort it was for. Her pain abated first, and she opened her eyes to see him still in pain. She pulled him into her lap and smoothed out his hair. After a few moments, his shuddering stopped and his breath became regular again. He looked up at her with a guilty expression. "I guess I was wrong, the potion isn't right."

She was about to answer him, when a strange floating sensation filled her senses. It seemed to have hit him too, because he pulled away from her with an expression that she was sure that they shared. They stood up again, and looked at each other, not able to speak, or really do anything except stand and breathe.

Hermione shut her eyes and the floating sensation intensified; she felt her body start to shake and shift. It felt as if she was shrinking, almost like folding into herself, and it was actually very pleasant. She sighed as the feeling started to leave her, and she opened her eyes. Strange she thought I don't remember falling down. She was close to the floor, at the height she would be if she were on her hands and knees. Her brain was still fuzzy from the floating feeling, but things started to come into greater focus, and she realized that there was something wrong with her body... it wasn't her body anymore.

Severus was going through much of the same thing as Hermione, except he realized what was going on. The potion had worked. He opened his eyes, realizing that his body had changed. He tensed his muscles slowly, trying to get an image in his mind of what he looked like. He realized that he was small, with four legs, and he had a tail. Not much to go on, but at least I'm not a snake he thought. He had decided that it would be much too cliché if he turned into his house animal, mostly impractical as well. He turned to his left, where he could hear Hermione's breathing. His small furry mouth dropped open as he saw what was in front of him.

She had turned into a black panther. She was only about three feet high, small for a panther, but larger than his form was. Her eyes were black as well, and he idly wondered if that had something to do with the potion. Something caught his interest though, and he smiled to himself inside. There was a distinct marking on her neck; a small patch of blood red fur in the shape of a tear.

She still seemed to be in a daze, and he forced his small legs to walk over to her, so that he could nuzzle against her. It snapped her back to reality, and she looked down at him, cocking her head to one side.

He was small, and just as black as she was. It took her a minute to figure out what animal he was, but if she could have laughed, she would have. He was a fox, a small, sleek, fox. It suited him perfectly. She looked at him carefully, but she could find no marks on him. He seemed to be completely black, practically absorbing all the light that was around him.

Nipping him playfully on the ear, she motioned with her head that he should follow her to the mirror that they had set up against the wall. They stood in front of it for a long time, looking themselves over in the mirror. Hermione decided to become human again first, although it took her a minute to manage it. She picked up the fox Severus in her arms, and sat on the couch petting him idly.

He wormed out of her arms, and willed himself to become human again. "I told you the potion was perfect." He said casually, as if they had not just become illegal animagi.

Yawning, she moved to put her head in his lap. "I feel all fuzzy... drunk almost."

"I feel it too, must be the after affects of the potion." He paused, as he stroked her hair. He had been trying to figure out her past since she had arrived, but every time he tried to talk to her about it, she closed off. Now he was in a situation where she would be likely to tell him anything. The Slytherin in him took over, and he tried to think of how best to open the subject.

She fingered the little ruby around her neck and she sighed. "I love it, you know. It's the best present I have ever gotten." She smiled. "Of course, my Most Ponte Potions comes close... although I don't know if you would count that as a present."

He raised an eyebrow... perhaps this could be an in. "Oh? Why is that?"

"Well, it was Ron's idea, really. He knew how much I loved the book; I was always sneaking into the library to read it, so he staged this whole thing where he 'accidentally' destroyed the book. Only he didn't really destroy it, he just gave it to me." She paused. "I feel a little guilty about it, stealing it and all, but lord knows that Madam Pince can always order another copy." She yawned.

He tried to act like this was just a normal conversation, but the wheels in his mind were in overdrive. Madam Pince? She had now shut her eyes, and he could tell that she was drifting off into sleep. He was beginning to understand... but he wanted to be sure, he had to ask more questions. He tried to act like he was remembering something she had told him. "Oh, what house was Ron in again?"

She smiled a little, "Gryffindor."

Suddenly, he had an idea, a crazy idea, something that even most wizards wouldn't believe. He could tell that she was almost asleep, and that he had time for only one more question. Still stroking her hair he asked her softly, "Mya, what year were you born?"

His eyes went wide as she yawned and sleepily murmured, "1981."

~*~

Hermione sat on the edge of her bed, biting her lip nervously. It was almost midnight, Severus would be coming soon. She hadn't spoken to him since the animagus potion. She had woken up alone in the little room, with no sign that he had even been there. He hadn't come to her room that night, nor spoken to her in classes the next day. She had tried to go up and say something to him at dinner that night, but he walked away before she could get there. So it had gone for the next four days.

Then, this morning he had sent her an owl at breakfast, a short note saying that they needed to talk, and he would be in her room at midnight. She had tucked the note away in her robes, trying hard not to start crying at the table. He had never been this cold to her before, and she was beginning to think that he wanted out of their relationship.

She sighed and started to pace the room. She honestly didn't know what she was going to do. Part of her wanted to run from the room to avoid whatever it was he wanted to tell her, to just pretend that things were perfect between them. Still, she couldn't run away, she needed to find out what had made her lover so loath to be around her.

The door opened slightly then closed again. She could feel his presence in the room. She could tell exactly where he was, although she could not see him. She took a deep breath and tried to casually cast her usual silencing and locking spells over her dorm. As she finished the last spell, her lip started to tremble, and she knew that if he didn't speak soon, she would start to cry.

Moving to sit on the bed, she felt him move to the other side of the room. Not a good sign. A few minutes of silence went by before it started to drive her mad. She had to know what was wrong between them. "Severus, talk to me... what's going on?" Her voice broke slightly as she finished, but she willed herself not to cry.

He became visible, his face unreadable. He was sitting on the chair across the room, just looking at her. "You lied to me."

"What?" She was confused now. She had never lied to him about anything, unless you counted the fact that she was lost in this time, but surely he couldn't know about that.

"You know what I am talking about, Mya." He shook his head. "I knew there was something you were hiding from me, from the moment you showed up here. I knew that you were lying about something, how you got here, where you came from, but in times like these I figured that you were running from something, and decided to leave you alone about it." He paused. "Then, we became friends, and I hoped that you would tell me... but I only got more questions instead of answers. Little things that didn't add up... I knew there was something, but I couldn't put my finger on it."

He got up now, apparently unable to get sit still anymore. He paced around the room, almost oblivious to the fact that she was there; he seemed to be talking more to himself than to her. "Then, I fell in love with you. I hoped that maybe that would make you see that you could be honest with me, to share whatever it was that had happened to you. Again, I only found more questions. Slip-ups you would make, about the future. You would claim it was just your sight, that you would get confused... but it wasn't the future you were seeing, it was the past, your memories."

He contented himself to sit again, falling back into the chair, looking tired. "I'm ashamed to admit that I went behind your back. I suppose that I could blame it on the Slytherin in me, but it was more because I couldn't face accusing you of something. I got the records of Sunnydale Academy, and there was no record of a Hermione Granger ever going there, in fact there was no one with the surname Granger or the first name Hermione ever. Then, I broke into the Hogwarts records, to check your file, and to my surprise there was nothing, only your current information about classes. There was no address, no parents, no record of you ever having existed before that night I found you."

Hermione's eyes were wide, she was torn with a mix of emotions, angry that he had snooped into her life, worried that he would reveal her secret, happy that she didn't have to lie to him anymore, and scared to death that this would be the end of them. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words could come out. He didn't seem to notice, and continued on in his monologue.

"I started to get an idea, a crazy idea that could not possibly be true. It would explain everything, put all the pieces into place... but I couldn't be sure. Then, on the night we made the potion, you let your guard down. For the first time you completely let your guard down. You probably don't even remember, but I do. You proved my insane theory to be correct when I asked you one innocent little question. The year you were born."

He looked at the horror on her face, and he knew that he was right. He shook his head. "How? How is it possible that you are sitting here with me, when you won't be born for another three years?"

She placed her hands over her eyes and gave a little groan. "I was in my seventh year, here at Hogwarts. I had been given a time turner, in order to take more courses in school. The night you found me, I was leaving the dungeons after a detention, and I fell down the stairs. The hourglass must have turned over and over as I fell, and finally flew from my neck as I landed. As a result, I got sent back twenty years, I got sent here."

"Time turners can only send you back a few hours." He said, not wanting to believe what she had said, even though he knew it was true.

"I used one made twenty years from now, they can do a lot more than the ones here." She bit her lip; they were now avoiding an inevitable conversation.

"Why did you lie to me?" He asked, knowing that he didn't really deserve an answer.

"I didn't want to, you have to believe that." She clutched her knees under her chin, but her stare didn't waiver from his face. "It was too complicated, Dumbledore told me not to tell anyone."

He looked at her searchingly, by now he could always read her emotions, she was holding back. "There's more. Tell me all of it, don't lie to me again."

"I know you... I mean, I knew you." Her brow furrowed and she started to cry. "You hated me."

He couldn't stand to see her cry. He walked over to the bed, and sat with his arms encircling her. "I could never hate you, you know that."

"But you did. You were my professor, and you were awful to me, from the very first day. You made me cry more times than I can count." She buried her face in her knees, rocking slightly.

"Mya," he pulled her face up so that she was looking him in the eye. "I could never, ever, hate you. I don't know why I acted... or will act... that way, but I can promise you that I will never stop loving you, I will never hate you."

"Really?" She sniffled, giving him a small smile.

"I swear it." He opened his arms to pull her into a hug, feeling a large weight lifting off of his shoulders. "I still wish that you told me earlier, and I can't pretend that I'm not slightly hurt, but nothing in this world could keep me from caring about you. You know that, right?"

She smiled, laying her head on his chest. "I know."

~*~

Severus sat on the bed, watching as Hermione finished her Charms essay. He found that he spent more time watching her lately; almost as if he was afraid she was going to disappear. He could still barely believe all that he had found out about her. It seemed absurd that the girl sitting in front of him hadn't even technically been born yet. They had talked about it several times since he had confronted her, and through their discussions he had learned that he would grow up to be Potions Master at Hogwarts. He had never thought about teaching before, which made sense considering that he didn't like to be around many people, but somehow it seemed like a perfect thing for him to do.

There were thing about his future self that she refused to tell him. That had annoyed him at first, but then he realized how uncomfortable it made her, and decided to leave well enough alone. All in all it had been a blessing for him to have found out. She had nothing to hide from him anymore, and it brought them closer together.

She sighed, brining him back to reality. He watched as she threw her quill down, rolling her head tiredly. With a swift and silent movement he was standing behind her, hands on her shoulders. As he rubbed her tense muscles she closed her eyes and grinned widely. "Thank you, I needed that."

"I can tell." He kissed the top of her head lightly. "You work too hard."

She gave a derisive sort. "You're one to talk." He pinched her in response. "Hey! Play nice!"

"Play nice... like this?" He leaned down and started kissing her neck, making her sigh just the slightest bit.

He pulled away, grinning at her indignant "Don't stop!" He pulled her up from the chair and over to the bed. He sat down and pulled her into his lap, his arms circling tightly around her back. They sat for a long time, holding each other close. Hermione pulled away for a second mumbling a charm that put out the candles, leaving them bathed only in moonlight.

Severus watched as she pulled away from him, feeling as he always did when she was near, like he was floating in a dream. He picked her up slowly and turned around, placing her lightly on the bed. She looked up at him with big eyes, watching his every move. He sat over her and silently started unbuttoning her robes. It was a slow process, and after what seemed like hours he slipped it from her body. He started next on his clothes, but this time he could not force himself to move so languidly, he took them off with haste and threw them into a pile on the floor.

He gasped as he turned back to look at her. Her hair was spread behind her head in a way that was reminiscent of a halo. The moonlight reflected off of her skin making it glow. It was all wonderfully ethereal; she looked as if she were an angel dropped directly from heaven. He traced the lines of her body with his eyes, taking in every bit of her; the way her chest rose slightly with every breath, the little freckles that dotted her shoulders.

Slowly he moved them underneath the sheets, careful not break the contact between them. She reached her arms around his neck and kissed him lightly, an unspoken consent for an intimacy they had not yet explored.

It was the most amazing thing he had ever felt. In that moment, they became one person, one life, one passion. It took his breath away, never had he felt so connected to another person, and never had he felt so loved. It was love, being with her. Love made physical.

What seemed like a sweet eternity later, he rolled to her side, pulling her to lay across his chest. His mind was empty of everything except for her, brining a grin to his face. He stroked her hair with his fingers, murmuring lovingly to her softer than a whisper. Her breathing became regular, and he smiled as he realized that she had fallen asleep. He lay there for a long time, listening to her breathe, and he felt for the first time that all was right with the world.

~*~

A figure sat on a chair bathed in firelight, although the cold coming from him could have frozen a flame. His eyes were narrowed and glittering in a frenzy of hate and rage. Seething, he slowly rose and made his way to a long stair case trembling from the force of his anger as he ascended.

In front of the fire a parchment lay on the floor, deserted, but not forgotten.