Lost

Lost

Chapter Seven

Hermione woke up Christmas morning with a large yawn.  She looked to her right, where Severus lay sleeping, and gave a little grin.  After the night they had spent, it was no wonder that she was still tired.  She rolled her head and propped herself up on her shoulders.  There was a small pile of gifts at the bottom of her bed.  It made her a bit sad to see them, knowing that there would be nothing from her parents, or from Harry and Ron. 

She sighed, and snuggled back up against Severus.  Whenever she felt sad, about being lost here, all she had to do was look at him, touch him, and she felt better.  It certainly helped now.  She would have given up anything for this, waking up beside him.  He stirred slightly, and she could tell that he had woken up. 

"Happy Christmas," he said, running his fingers through her hair.

She smiled and sat up to give him a soft kiss.  "How did you know that I was awake?"

He shrugged.  "I just knew.  How did you sleep?" 

"I slept wonderfully, how about you?"  She rolled out of bed and put on a long white robe, before throwing open the curtains to let in the light.

"All right," he said, stretching his arms over his head.  "I had a really strange dream."

"Oh?"  She looked over at him from across the room.  "What was it about?"

He got out of bed, and looked around for his pants.  "It was really odd.  I was at a Quidditch match, and you set me on fire.  Only you were really young, like ten or something."  He paused to duck his head under the bed, still searching for his pants.  He came up with a satisfied grin, and pulled on his newly found pants.  "What do you think it means?"

Hermione fought back a laugh and shrugged.  "I don´t know Severus, sounds pretty random to me."

He nodded, as he wandered around her room, looking for the rest of his clothing.  Finally he sat back on the bed, still wearing only his pants.  "I found my robes... but I can´t find my sweater."  He frowned a little bit. 

She sat down next to him, rubbing his chest a little.  "I like you better this way.  It´ll turn up." 

"I got a present for you," he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.  "Can I give it to you now?"

She nodded happily.  "I love presents!  I got one for you too."  They got up and retrieved to small packages.  She raised an eyebrow as she saw that he had wrapped her present in Slytherin colors, while she had wrapped his in Gryffindor colors. 

"Open yours first."  He said, handing her the package.  She smiled at him, noticing that a faint blush was painting his cheek.  There was a small card attached to the box, and she opened this first.

Silently if, out of not knowable

Night´s utmost nothing, wanders a little guess

(Only which is this world) more my life does

Not leap than with the mystery of your smile

Sings or if (spiraling as luminous

They climb oblivion) voices who are dreams,

Less into heaven certainly earth swims

Than each my deeper death becomes your kiss

Losing through you what seemed myself, I find

Selves unimaginably mine; beyond

Sorrow´s own joys and hoping´s very fears

Yours is the light by which my spirit´s born:

Yours is the darkness of my soul´s return

-you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars

I love you.

Severus

"E.E. Cummings," Hermione whispered as she read the poem.  She had mentioned to him only once who her favorite poet was, and she was amazed that he remembered.  She finished the poem, and read the last two lines, her mouth opening slightly.  "You love me?" 

She looked up into his face, only to see him frightened, something she had never seen in him before.  Their eyes were locked, as she waited for his response.

He took a deep breath and nodded.  "Yes."  He shut his eyes and smiled, before lifting his face to stare into her eyes again.  "I love you."

She found herself at a loss for what to say.  Something wet rolled down her cheek, and she realized that she had started to cry.  He leaned over and kissed away her tears, and she found herself pulling him into a tight embrace.  "I love you too, Severus.  I really do."

He smiled at her and pulled her in for a kiss.  It was like their first one all over again, full of passion and mystery.  They felt themselves sinking into each other, drowning in the new warmth that had suddenly spread over them.

Suddenly, there was a loud knock at the door, making them jump quickly apart.

"Mya!  Open the door!  It´s us!"  Sirius´ voice caused a dark flash to go through Severus´ eyes.

"Just a second!"  She called, before turning back with a guilty expression.  "Severus, you have to go! I´m so sorry, I wish you could stay."

He nodded grimly, and pulled his robes on.  She handed him his present and gave him a kiss.  "Go open it with the rest of your presents.  I´ll meet you later today, alright?"

"Alright," he said grudgingly before shutting his eyes and becoming invisible.  Hermione felt his lips over hers, before losing track of him altogether.  She smoothed out her robe and her hair, and tucked the note from Severus into a drawer before walking calmly to the door.

"Happy Christmas!"  She said as she opened the door, finding five smiling faces in front of her.  Sirius bounded into the room first, grabbing her into a huge hug.  The rest of the Marauders and Lily came in after him, all holding bundles of presents. 

"We decided to open presents in your room, since it´s the only one that is actually clean."  Remus said, dumping his presents onto the floor in front of the chair he sat down in.  "Hope you don´t mind."

"Not at all," Hermione smiled.  "I was just about to open presents anyway."

An hour later there was wrapping paper all over the floor, and everyone was admiring their new presents.  Hermione had gotten a book from Remus, a new quill from Peter, chocolates from Sirius, a wizard´s chess set from James, and a framed picture of the six of them from Lily.  If her friends had noticed that she hadn´t gotten anything from her parents or old friends, they chose not to say anything.  All in all it had gone quite well until Lily had spotted the gift from Severus that she had tried to push out of the way.

"Oh, Mya... you forgot one!"  Lily said, handing her the small silver and green package.  "Open it!"

"Thanks,"  Hermione said, taking the package.  She had wanted to open it when she was alone, but she knew that it would raise suspicions if she refused to do it now.

The boys sat up and looked over as she slid off the ribbon and tore through the wrapping.  Inside was a small black velvet box with a silver clasp.  She ran her fingers over it before lightly lifting the lid.  She gasped as she saw what was inside.

It was a beautiful silver necklace with a ruby charm in the shape of a tear.  The ruby seemed to swirl, and she looked closer at the stone, realizing that there was indeed something glistening inside of it.  She recognized what it was, but could hardly believe it.  It was a phoenix tear, suspended in the gem.  Together, the two substances represented passion, and were extremely rare to come by.

"Wow, is that what I think it is?"  Lily leaned over to stare at the necklace, her eyes wide in envy.

"It looks like a necklace."  James said, with a look that showed that he didn´t see what the big deal was.

"It´s not just any necklace, its ruby and phoenix tears."  Lily looked at Hermione. 

This caught the boys´ attentions, and they all got up to look at the charm in Hermione´s hand.  "Who is it from?"  Peter asked, picking up the delicate chain to get a closer look.

"I´m guessing it´s from who ever this belongs to."  They all turned around to look at Sirius, who was holding up Severus´ missing sweater with a grin on his face.

All of the blood drained from Hermione´s face.  She looked to Lily for help, but the other girl didn´t seem to have any explanation either.  "Who´s the guy, Mya, and why haven´t you told us about him?"  Sirius looked absolutely thrilled to have caught her in such an embarrassing situation.

"It really isn´t any of your business, Sirius," Hermione said briskly, taking the sweater and necklace back from the boys.  "I´ll tell you about him when I´m ready."

He raised his eyebrow.  "Don´t be so defensive.  I´m just messing around; you don´t have to tell me if you don´t want."

She smiled apologetically.  "I´m sorry, I just..." she trailed off, but they all got her point.

"Alright," Lily said, standing up.  "If you boys will excuse us for a few moments, we´ll get Mya dressed then we can all go down to breakfast together, okay?"

"Sure," said James, standing up and leading the boys out of the room.  "We´ll just leave you to clean up the mess."  With that they ran from her room, holding their presents and laughing madly.

Lily shut the door, and turned to Hermione.  She walked over to the bed, and picked up the sweater.  "You guys are getting sloppy."  She dropped the sweater, and picked up the necklace.  "I´m guessing Severus gave this to you."

Hermione smiled.  "I can´t believe it... it´s the best present any one has ever gotten me."  She walked to her bureau and opened the drawer, pulling out the card from Severus.  "Read this."

Lily took the card and read it quickly.  "Wow." 

"I know, E.E. Cummings is my favorite poet."  Hermione said, pulling on a black cashmere sweater. 

"That wasn´t what I meant, and you know it,"  Lily said, throwing her a look.  "He loves you?"

Hermione smiled.  "Yes, and I love him." 

Lily let out a screech and launched herself at her friend.  "Oh, Mya I am so happy for you guys!!"  She paused.  "Wait, what are you doing here then?  Why aren´t you off with him?"

"Well, he was here, before you guys burst in on me."  She gave Lily an accusatory look.  "We´re going to meet later today."

Hermione charmed her hair and reached out to take the necklace from Lily.  She clasped it around her neck, and could almost feel the heat that it represented.  There was an impatient knock on the door, and the girls hurried out, feeling full of Christmas cheer.

~*~

                                                                                                                                                                                          

Severus walked back towards the dungeons with an impassive face.  He had lived in Slytherin too long to let his guard down.  Still, with the little package clasped in his hands he felt as if he were floating.  She loves me. The thought kept floating through his mind, twisting and turning to be absorbed into every part of him.

He walked into the common room, oblivious to the looks he got.  He had been much less careful lately, and it was widely known in his house that he rarely spent the night in his own bed.  He made his way to his dorms, and onto his four-poster, closing the curtains and casting a privacy spell.  He needed to be alone now. 

The look on her face as she had read the card... he would remember it for the rest of his life.  The poem was perfect; he had spent the better part of the last two weeks reading through the muggle poet´s work looking for it.  It had been in a beaten up anthology that he had borrowed from a Ravenclaw he was on civil terms with.  His eyes had passed over it as they did the rest of the myriad of poems, but on this one it lingered.  Every line of it seemed to be written by the part of his soul that he couldn´t express.  He had written out the lines, carefully and in his best hand, but on the parchment it seemed to be incomplete.  It wasn´t planned on his part, adding the last line, telling him that he loved her, but once he had written it, it had all made sense, and he knew he had to give it to her.

She had smiled so sweetly when she recognized the poem, the little lifting of the corners of her mouth, but her expression when she finished was one of wonder.  He had worried for a second that he had made a mistake.  Then she had started to cry, and somehow he knew that it had been the best decision in his life.

Severus, you´re going soft. He thought to himself, shaking his head a little bit.  It was still strange to him, that after seventeen years of complete stoicism that he allowed himself to be indulged with emotions.  To the rest of the world, he was still Severus Snape, snide bastard and Slytherin extraordinaire, but around her he turned into a completely new person, he became whole. 

He set about to open the large pile of presents that lay on the foot of his bed.  There were many from family, few from friends.  He noted that Lucius had been extravagant, getting him a very illegal Dark Arts books, and several even more illegal ingredients.  He´s actually been useful this time.  He thought as he looked at a bottle of unicorn blood.  He had realized a week into making the animagus potion that they needed the blood, and until now they had no way of procuring it.  Making a mental note to thank Lucius he picked up the last present on his bed, one from his mother.  It made him pause, when he ripped open the wrapping.  He had looked through the pile on Hermione´s bed, and he never saw one thing from anyone outside of Hogwarts. 

Curiouser and Curiouser.  He thought,picking up the present she had given him.  There were a lot of things about her that just were not adding up lately.  He had his suspicions, but he wasn´t going to even think about it until he was sure. 

He turned his attention to the package, shaking his head at the Gryffindor colors.  Of course, he had done the same thing with her present, wrapping it in his own house colors.  Great minds think alike.  He slid off the bow, and carefully took off the paper, hands trembling the slightest bit.  A piece of parchment slipped out and he reached to read it first.

Severus

This is for when we are apart, so that you never have to be alone.

Happy Christmas

Hermione

Short and to the point, how well she knew him.  He looked at the box for some clue as to what lay inside.  There was no insignia, nothing to suggest where she had gotten it.  He took the lid off and looked inside.  There lay a small silver stone, about two inches around.  It was sort of flattened out, with a depression in the center.  He wrinkled his brow, wondering what on earth it was.  He picked it up, and noticed that there was writing on the bottom of the box.  Place your thumb in the middle.  He shrugged and put his right thumb in the depression. 

At first, nothing happened, and he was about to put the stone down, when a sudden warmth flowed through the tips of his fingers.  Then, the traces of a melody crept into his mind, as if the music was playing inside of his head.  The melody grew stronger, and suddenly a voice began to sing.  He knew immediately that it was her, although she had never sang to him before.  He closed his eyes and listened to the words, feeling as if he were floating.

All through the night

I´ll be watching over you.

And all through the night

I´ll be standing over you.

And through bad dreams

I´ll be right there baby telling you

Everything is going to be alright.

And when you cry

I´ll be there baby telling you

You were never anything less than beautiful

So don´t you worry

I´m your angel standing by

The music faded away, but he kept his thumb rooted to the spot.  After a few seconds the melody started again, and he listened to the song again before moving his thumb away.  He had never heard her sing before, but now it was all he wanted to hear.  He smiled, it was absolutely perfect.

He undid the spells on his bed and threw back the curtains.  He placed the stone in the box and put it on his nightstand before making his way to the bathroom.  Luckily there was no one else around, and he took a long, hot shower in peace, subconsciously humming the tune to her song. 

~*~

"I just don´t like it, Remus," Sirius said, walking down the hall to their transfiguration class.  "I don´t like that she´s keeping secrets from me."  It had been three weeks since Sirius had discovered Severus´ sweater in Hermione´s room, and it was becoming somewhat of an obsession to him.

"I don´t know, man, maybe she´s just embarrassed."  Remus, along with the other Marauders, had tried to talk some sort of sense into Sirius, tried to get him to leave Hermione alone about the whole thing.  Sirius, of course, could not be distracted.

"She should tell me!  I´m supposed to be her best friend."  He cast a sideways glance at his friend.  "You know, it would be really easy to find out who he was... I mean, just a glance at the map and..."

Remus cut him off quickly.  "No way, she´d never forgive you for that.  You know that isn´t what the map is for."

"I know.  I just wish she´d tell me who it is."  He slumped into one of the chairs.  "Maybe it is Greg Holland from Hufflepuff?"

"I don´t think so, last I heard he was after that sixth year from Slytherin."  Remus sank down into the chair next to Sirius.  "Don´t dwell on it, she´ll tell you when she´s ready."

"You ought to listen to Remus, Sirius."  Lily smiled at sat down in front of the boys.  "Did you ever think that maybe she has a reason for not saying anything?  You aren´t exactly the most accepting guy, you know."

Sirius shrugged, and turned to the door as he heard Hermione´s voice approaching.  He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it quickly when he saw who she was talking to.  Severus Snape.  He shook his head at her as she parted from Snape and came to sit beside Lily.

"I don´t get why you hang out with that greasy git, Mya," he said shooting daggers at the other boy.  Severus sat down next to Lucius and the two lowered their heads, talking and smirking about something.

"Don´t even start, Sirius,"  Hermione said, pulling out her books and going through her notes.  "He´s my friend, and I want you to leave him alone."

"He´s up to something, I can tell.  Just look at the way he´s talking to Malfoy."  He frowned.  "I don´t like that you hang out with him."

"Yeah, well, he doesn´t like it that I hang out with you, so that makes it all even."  Hermione had gotten used to this sort of behavior from Sirius and hardly even bothered to think about it anymore.  "Just drop it, okay?"

"Fine," Sirius grumbled as McGonagall walked into the classroom.  She gave an affectionate smile to her Gryffindors before launching into a lecture on how to turn a needle into a flower.  Sirius sat back and pretended to take notes, but found that his mind kept wandering.  He looked around the room at the other students, wondering how on earth they managed to keep their minds on their work.  All except one.  He thought, narrowing his eyes.  He had noticed that Snape kept looking sideways at Hermione, and kept playing with a little silver disk looking thing.

He hated Snape more than anyone else he had ever known.  There was just something about the boy that rubbed him the complete wrong way.  Snape was a Slytherin, which automatically made him the enemy, and besides that he was arrogant, snide, rude as all hell, and always acted so superior.  Sirius hated the boy with every fiber of his being.  The fact that Hermione seemed to be such good friends with him only made it worse.  They were always talking in the halls, or studying together in the library. 

Sirius glared, wondering if he would be able to get away with hexing the boy from across the room.  He decided that this was a wonderful thing to think about, and spent the rest of the class silently imagining the other boy´s demise.  Finally McGonagall gave them their homework and turned them lose for the rest of the day. 

"I´ve got to say to talk to McGonagall for a minute,"  Hermione said to Sirius as she packed up her things.  "I´ll meet you up at dinner."

"Sure," he said, giving her a little kiss on the cheek before he walked back to the rest of his friends.  He caught up with Remus, who was waiting for Lily to tie her shoe.  "I really wish that she would tell me," he said, for what seemed to Remus to be the billionth time that day.

"And we all wish you would shut up about it, Sirius.  She´ll tell you when she is good and ready."  Remus shook his head and helped Lily to her feet.

A sarcastic voice cut loudly through the noise, and they all turned to see Severus laughing about something with Lucius.  The only thing that Sirius hated more than Severus was Severus talking to Lucius.  He glared at the other boys, and then paused, noticing that Severus was holding the stupid silver disk again.  He walked over and grabbed it out of the other boy´s hand.

"What´s this, Snape?"  Sirius threw the object up in the air a few times, grinning at the angry look on Severus´ face.

"Give that here, Black."  Severus narrowed his eyes and took out his wand.  Lucius, sensing a fight, drew his as well and leered at the Gryffindors.

"No, I think I´ll keep it... what ever it is.  Knowing you Slytherins, it´s probably something illegal."  He waved the silver in front of Severus´ eyes, and laughed loudly.

Severus sneered.  "If you knew what that really was, your head would explode."  He paused, "Now, that´s a good idea."  He pointed his wand at Sirius´ throat.

Sirius pulled out his wand and pointed it back.  The boys opened their mouths at the same time, preparing to hex the other with everything they had.  Suddenly, Severus stopped dead, putting his wand down and looking at something across the hallway.  Sirius decided to take advantage of this and yellow sparks shot out of his wand hitting Severus square in the chest and knocking him down to the floor.  A large grin spread over his face, and he was about to gloat over his victory when a very angry voice forced him to turn his head.

"What the hell is going on?"  Hermione was jogging down the hallway looking at Sirius with something like horror.  "What did you do?"

"He was going to hex me too... I just did it faster."  Sirius looked to Remus and Lily for help, but neither offered anything.

"He was going to hex you when he had his wand down?  I don´t think so, that was low, Sirius."  Hermione knelt down next to Severus who was now writhing in pain and covered in large yellow boils.  She looked up at Lucius, who was casting evil looks at Sirius.  "Help me get him to the hospital wing, okay?"  The two helped Severus to his feet, and set off down the hall towards the infirmary. 

Sirius walked up behind Hermione, a guilty look on his face.  "Mya, I..."

"You´ve done enough,"  She snapped at him, turning around to look at him.  Her eyes narrowed as she saw that he still held Severus´ present.  She reached out a hand and snatched it away, putting it inside of her robes.  "I´ll talk to you later."

With that she and Lucius started their walk once again, mumbling something to each other as they walked.  Sirius stood with a dumbfounded look on his face, as if the previous events hadn´t quite registered with him.  He turned around to look at Lily and Remus, who were standing together trying very hard not to laugh.

"It´s not funny."  He growled, as they turned around towards Gryffindor tower. 

"Sirius, if you swallowed your pride, you´d drown."  Lily laughed.