Lost

Lost

Chapter Six

"No, if you add a dragon´s scale, the potion is going to explode.  You can´t add chimera skin and dragon´s scale, any first year knows that!"  Severus glared across the table at Hermione.  They had been arguing for the past ten minutes about the order in which to put ingredients into the caldron and by the looks of things they weren´t going to come to an agreement any time soon.

Hermione put her hands on her hips.  "I know that, Severus, but you´re overlooking the fact that we added the kelpie blood first; that neutralizes the explosive aspect of the chimera skin.  Which means that the dragon´s scale goes next."

He shook his head.  "No, we need to put the powdered mandrake root in next.  We need it to act as a catalyst for the scale.  It won´t work if we put it in second."

She narrowed her eyes, and then broke out into a small grin.  He´ll change his tune in twenty years.  She thought.  He´s the one who taught me about this stuff in the first place.  She smiled at him, and walked around the table.  Giving him a kiss on the neck, she murmured, "Let´s not fight."

He sighed heavily, and shut his eyes.  "We´re not fighting.  You´re being stubborn."

She bit her lip, and moved her arm as he shut his eyes, slyly dropping the dragon´s scale into the potion.  "We´re probably going to fight now."

He opened his eyes and looked at her, "Why is that?"

"Because I just added the scale to the potion."  He swirled around and looked at her with a deadly expression.  She tried to look serious, but she couldn´t help but break out into a bout of furious giggles.  "Oh, I´m sorry Severus, it´s just that expression."

"What?"  He asked, ice dripping from his tone, "Most people would run away scared if I looked at them like this."

She nodded, laughing a bit harder, "Tell me about it!  There was this one time, you looked at me like that, and I swear I couldn´t sleep for a week!  I kept having nightmares that you were going to poison me in potions!"  Suddenly her eyes went wide as she realized her mistake.

"I´ve never given you that look before, and I should think that you would know better than to think I would poison you."  He looked at her searchingly.

She walked around the table, trying to compose herself.  "I´m sorry... sometimes I confuse the past with the future," she said, avoiding his eyes.

"That isn´t it.  That was a memory, not a vision.  There is something you aren´t telling me."  He watched as she busied herself with the potion.

"You see?  It was the scale that went first.  Now we have to add the mandrake root, and let it boil."  She smiled at him warily.

"Don´t ignore me, Mya.  What´s going on?"  He crossed the table to stand directly in front of her.

"Nothing," she said softly.  "I just get confused sometimes."  She moved away from him and sat on the sofa, eyes glazed over in thought.

He watched her for minute, emotions running wild in his head.  Part of him wanted to run over and apologize for upsetting her, praise her for her brilliance, and do anything to put a smile back on her face.  Another part of him wanted to know what the hell was going on.  She had slipped a lot like this lately, talking about things that had never happened.  He knew she was a seer, but part of him didn´t believe it.  There were too many things that didn´t add up.  Too many times that she got `confused.´  He knew there was something she wasn´t telling him, and it pained him to know that she was purposely keeping it from him.

Finally he resigned him self to go sit beside her.  "I´m sorry," he said evenly, "but I know there is something you aren´t telling me.  I won´t push you... but, you know you can tell me anything."

"I know," she sighed, and turned to look at him.  "Things are just complicated, okay?  I´ll tell you, one day, just... I can´t now."

He nodded and she moved to put her arms around him.  He placed one hand on the small of her back, and let his other hand run through her now curly hair.  It still amazed him that she could so easily tame him.  He sighed, pulling her closer to him.  "Alright, I just don´t have to like it," he kissed the top of her head softly.

She smiled as she felt the weight of his lips.  She knew that she had been slipping lately, telling him things about her past.  It wasn´t like she meant too, it was just that she felt so safe around him, that her guards went down and she let things escape.  It was strange though, part of the reason that she kept slipping was that she was beginning to look back at her past with Snape with fondness.  Memories that used to make her cringe now made her feel warm. 

She leaned her head against his chest, and lost herself in thought.  She could remember dozens of times when Snape had been absolutely awful, his poisonous expressions permanently branded on her mind.  Except, now, she saw those expressions as adorable.  Too see him put on an angry face made her laugh now that she knew she could melt him with a kiss.  She never would have imagined her potions master to be so warm and comforting, but she found that he was.  It seemed out of character the way he loved to hold her, or the way that they slept side by side almost every night.  Maybe she thought the older Severus is the one who is out of character.

"What are you thinking about?"  His voice rolled over her, and she looked up to find his endless eyes staring down into hers.

"You," she answered, grinning as she saw the corners of his lips twitch up into a small smile.

"Oh?"  He asked, obviously pleased that he was on her mind.

She ventured a small kiss on his cheek.  "Are you going to come tonight?  You´ve spent the last three nights in Slytherin."

He thought about it for a moment.  He loved sneaking to her room late at night, falling asleep next to her.  It was reassuring,it gave him the strength to face the rest of the world the next day.  Still, he had to be careful.  He knew that he had roused Lucius Malfoy´s attention, something that could prove to be dangerous if it went unchecked.  Lucius had been trying to persuade him over to Voldemort with more intensity as the days went on.  Severus knew the other boy´s tactics, and he didn´t want Lucius to see Hermione as some sort of leverage that he could use.

He frowned a bit.  "No, I don´t think so, not tonight."  He could tell that she was disappointed, but she tried not to show it.

"Alright then," she glanced at his pocket watch.  "I am going to head back to Gryffindor.  They are going to get suspicious if I spend yet another night out of the common room."

She stood up, and he followed her over to the door.  Placing his arms tightly around her waist, he pulled her in close for a kiss.  It made him smile that she still took his breath away.  She pulled away reluctantly, and without a word slipped silently out of the door.

Severus sighed and walked back over to the couch.  He missed her already.  When she was with him, he could feel the tension melt from his body, the worries of the day all became meaningless when she was in his arms.  When she was gone, thought, they all came rushing back.

Severus sighed, knowing where his mind was heading, not knowing how to stop it.  After years of hiding behind his sneer, he had gotten used to introspection, although he still didn´t like it. 

He had come to Hogwarts with an already thorough grounding in magic.  The Snape line was an old one, wealthy and powerful, and it only made sense that the only heir of this generation be ahead of the rest.  His father had been in Slytherin before him, and had taught the boy well.  When he was sorted into his house he was already well versed in control, deception, and ambition.  Most of the other members of his house came from almost identical situations.  Slytherins tended to come from the most influential families, well versed in politics, although highly lacking in true intelligence.  Severus was almost an abnormality in his brilliance.  His house mates new better than to taunt him for his abilities, but that did nothing to gain him popularity.  He was mostly left to his own devices, with people appropriately nice to him, but paying him no real attention.  He quickly discovered that he liked it that way.

From the first day of classes, when he found how little the other children truly knew about magic, he had felt a great disdain towards them.  He felt them unworthy of the craft, and only the Slytherins could escape his sneering insults.  He had quickly found enemies in the other houses, mostly ignorant but arrogant males who couldn´t stand to be beaten.  That was how the feud began with the Gryffindor quartet.  Severus had found an easy target in the bumbling Peter Pettigrew, and of course when you attacked one, you attacked them all. 

The feud had grown over mutual envy and ill will.  All four of them envied Severus for something.  Peter for his power, Remus for his money, Potter for his intelligence, and Black for his confidence.  Severus envied them for one thing, their friendships.  It all turned out to be highly volatile situation. 

Of course, not all in the school feared or hated Severus, no there were a select few who appreciated his talents; namely, Lucius Malfoy.

The Malfoy family had roots deep in the Dark Arts, although, until Voldemort they had kept the appearance of being loyal to the ministry.  Now they were right in the Dark Lord´s inner circle, and were his most notorious recruitment agents.  The Snape family was decidedly neutral to the whole situation, and always had been.  Severus´ father had told him early on to never declare open support for one side.  He said the Snapes had the sense to keep out of such affairs.  So far, Severus had heeded his father´s advice.  He remained strictly indifferent to the whole matter.

Lucius Malfoy meant to change that.  Voldemort knew that the Snape name and fortune would be very powerful allies, if they could be persuaded.  They knew that Severus´ father was too set in his ways to change, but he was old, and soon would no longer be the head of the family.  No, the easiest way to the Snapes was through their only child, Severus. 

Lucius had been working on Severus since the beginning of fifth year.  At first, it was a gentle prodding.  A mention of the Dark Lord here, the power it would bring there, nothing too tangible, just the planting of seeds in the mind.  However, as time progressed Lucius started to take a more aggressive approach.  He would talk to Severus at every possible chance, buttering him up.  He procured illegal ingredients, knowing his love of potions.  Mysterious books on the dark arts would make their way onto Severus´ bed, books that Lucius knew he couldn´t resist reading.  It was a very calculated approach.  

Severus knew exactly what Lucius was trying to do, and laughed at his efforts.  He took every ingredient, every book, but remained firm in his disinterest.  He was Slytherin enough to know that there was much more to be gained by not showing support.  He didn´t worry about Lucius becoming violent, or handing him an ultimatum.  He knew how valuable he was, and therefore it was his game.  When he chose to turn, if ever, it would be strictly on his terms.  Lucius, of course, realized this, but knew the lure of the power he offered.  It was like an expertly played game of chess.

Severus exhaled deeply.  It had been a simple game, one that he was almost fond of playing, until now.  Now there were complications.  Now there was Hermione.

The comment that Lucius had made that he had found a chink in Severus´ armor was not an idle one.  Severus knew the boy had been looking for an in for years, something that could be used to manipulate him more than knowledge.  Hermione was just what Lucius was looking for.  Whether or not she knew it, the girl had an enormous power over Severus.  She had easily slipped past his mountain of defenses and endeared herself to him in a way that no one else had before.  He couldn´t afford to let Lucius know that another player had entered the picture.

He knew that Lucius sensed that there was something between them, that much was obvious.  Still, the boy didn´t realize how far things had gotten, and Severus intended it to stay that way.  As much as it pained him, he had to make sure not to arouse too much suspicion, and that meant spending more time in the dungeons and less time alone with her.  Of course, he had to be careful with this as well.  He was not known to spend time in the common room, fraternizing with the others, and it would certainly appear to be suspicious to any who were paying attention if he suddenly decided to start making appearances.  It was a very calculated and careful game that he played.

Severus stood and looked at the fire.  The wood had turned to embers, still glowing, with but a few dancing flames.  It was late, and he had stewed in his thoughts far to long.  With a sigh he swept out the door and down the hall, preparing himself to yet again step into the serpent´s den.

~*~

"I swear if you don´t get off of me right now I am going to hex you into last year!"  Hermione laughed as she squirmed under Sirius and Remus, who were sitting on her and tickling her mercilessly.

"What do you think, Padfoot?  Should we let her up?"  Remus grinned at his friend, after finding a particularly sensitive spot on the bottom of her foot. 

"No, I don´t think we should, not until she tells us where she´s been."  Sirius had ambushed her the moment she stepped into the common room, demanding to know where she had been.  She had been telling them that she was spending all of her time in the library, but they had gone to surprise her and of course she was not there.  Luckily for her they didn´t think to check the Marauders Map until she was already nearing Gryffindor Tower.

"It isn´t any of you business Sirius."  She struggled against the boys trying to throw them off.  It was useless as together they were almost three times her weight.

"Oh, but it is, Mya dear," Remus said. "You lied to us, and we want to know the truth."

She thought for a moment before answering.  "If I tell you, will you leave me alone?"

The boys looked at each other for a minute, and stopped her torture.  "Okay.  Where were you?"

She shoved them off of her and stood up, dusting off her robes.  She looked at them for a minute as if they were three year olds.  "Now, really, was that anyway to treat a girl?  For your information I am working as an apprentice to Professor Rickman.  He´s letting me work on some more difficult potions.  I´m not supposed to tell anyone though, because students aren´t supposed to be doing them."

She held her breath, hoping that they would believe her.  To her relief, the boys rolled their eyes at each other.  "Why couldn´t you have at least been doing something interesting, Mya?"  Sirius said, flopping down on the couch.  "I swear, you are in love with your work."

She smiled inwardly at how close he was.  "I know, Sirius, but just because you don´t understand doesn´t mean that it isn´t exciting for me.  Now will you leave me alone about it?"

Remus yawned and answered for Sirius.  "Yeah, don´t worry about it.  Just... if you´re going to go off and do something cool, let us know."  He pulled the other boy´s arm, and Sirius got to his feet.

"I guess we´re going to bed then," they walked over to her and gave her hugs goodnight.  "Don´t stay up too late studying, you nearly fell asleep in transfiguration last time you did."  Sirius called to her before he disappeared into the boys´ dorm.

She sighed and turned up to the girls´ dorms.  The boys just didn´t understand her like Severus did.  If she was doing a special potions project, he would congratulate her for it, not bemoan that it was un-cool.  She was making her way to her room when a small hand caught her by the shoulder.  She spun around to see Lily standing there, a smile on her face.

"A special potions project, I suppose that will do as an explanation."  Her eyes twinkled mischievously.  Hermione pulled her into the room and shut the door behind them.

"Why don´t you just announce it to the world, huh?"  Hermione sat on her friend´s bed and gave her a glare.  "You´re supposed to be keeping my secret."

"Oh, come off of it, Mya.  No one is listening."  She sat opposite Hermione and gave her a grin.

"Yeah, well the walls have ears... mouths too!"  Hermione said stifling a yawn. 

"Well, you better hope they don´t have eyes, little missy.  I´m sure they´d go crazy if they watched your room for one night!"  She threw a pillow at Hermione, who simply took it and placed it under her head as she lay down.

"Funny.  You´d think I get enough teasing from the boys.  I really don´t think I need more from you."  She shut her eyes.

Lily laughed.  "You can never do without too much teasing," she lay on the bed next to Hermione.  "How are things going anyway?  You told me he´s spent the last few nights tucked safely in his own bed."

Hermione sighed.  "Things are good, I guess.  Severus is... his normal self, but," she shrugged, "that´s what I love about him."

"You know, the way he acts you would never think he was with someone.  I swear, the closer the two of you get, the more he pulls away," Lily said.

"I know," Hermione said, exhaling deeply.  "He´s never been happy before, he doesn´t know how to react."

Lily sat up.  "Well, I still think it´s a good thing you´re together.  At least he can be something good in his life."

Hermione sat up as well.  "Yeah, and I really think he´s happy with me," she yawned.  "I´m going to bed Lils; I´ll see you in the morning."

She got up and walked into her own room, nearly collapsing onto the four-poster.  She slipped into a nightgown and settled into bed, quickly falling into dreams of Severus lying next to her.

~*~

A week later Hermione lay on her bed, flicking pieces of parchment at Severus´ back.  He looked up from the book he was reading with an irate look on his face.  "Did you want something?"

"No," she smiled at him.  "I just thought I would bother you."

"Well, you are succeeding brilliantly."  He turned his attention back to the book in front of him, pretending not to notice as she sighed dramatically.

 

Hermione stuck her bottom lip out in a mock pout.  "Fine, it´s obvious you like that book more than me."  He simply nodded in reply.  She opened her mouth in outrage.  "Well, if that´s how you feel about it, maybe I´ll go find someone who appreciates me."  He didn´t look up.  "Maybe another Slytherin... Lucius Malfoy perhaps?" 

"Yes, I believe he would be accommodating."  He didn´t lift his eyes from the book, but the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile.

"You rat!"  She threw a pillow at his head, forcing him to look up.  He raised an eyebrow and shut the book lightly.  "Can´t you take your mind off of that book for two minutes?  We´ve barely seen each other all week, and you´re just ignoring me."

He stood up and looked at her, "You´re acting like a girl."

Now it was her turn to raise an eyebrow.  "I was under the impression that I was a girl."

"No," he said walking over to her and placing his arms around her waist.  "You´re a woman.  A woman who is usually mature enough to leave me alone when I am doing something important."

She cocked her head skeptically, "Always throwing an insult in with a compliment.  I never know what to do with you, Severus."

"Well," he slowly pushed her over to the bed.  "Now that you´ve completely destroyed my train of thought, I can think of a few things you can do with me."

"Oh really?" she replied, playing innocent.  "Like what?"

"This, for example," he said, leaning down and kissing her gently.

"Now, isn´t this better than books?"  She asked, pulling him closer to her.  He laughed and kissed her on top of her head.

"Most definitely."  He reached down and lifted her chin so that he could look at her in the eye.  "Being with you is better than anything."