Lost

Lost

Chapter Five

Hermione woke up to find the bed cold.  She lay there for a moment, trying to hold on to the memories of the night before.  I should have known it was too good to be true.  She thought, stretching her arms over her head and opening her eyes.  She stared at the ceiling for a moment before turning to the place where Severus would have been.

She was greeted by the sight of a long stemmed red rose and a note with her name on it.  She smiled and sat up, smelling the rose.  It was a doubly sweet gesture because she knew Severus hated “foolish wand waiving,” and he had transfigured this for her anyway.  She took the parchment with her name on it, and opened it slowly, wondering what he had to say.

Dear Mya,

I wish that I could have woken up with you, but I wanted to sneak out before people started getting up.  I need to see you today, meet me after lunch.

Yours,

Severus

She grinned.  Short and to the point, it was in the typical Severus fashion.  She placed the note back on her pillow and slowly rose out of bed.  She could tell by the light streaming into the room that she had slept late, so she hurried getting dressed.  After throwing on dark blue robes, she headed down the stairs and into the common room, unable to keep the smile off of her face.

“Morning Mya,” Lily said to her as she lightly fell into one of the chairs by the fireplace.  “You slept late.”

“I know… I had a wonderful nights sleep!”  Hermione grinned at the memory.

“Obviously,” James looked up from the game of exploding snap that the boys were playing.  “You’re practically glowing.”

She shrugged, and Lily laughed.  “You have to tell me your secret.”  Hermione looked at Lily slyly but didn’t respond.  Lily didn’t notice and continued, “Hey, do you think that I could wear your green robes today, Mya?  I’ve been wanting to borrow them.”

“Sure, they’re on the chair.”  Hermione waived up towards her room, and Lily jumped up.

“Thank you!”  She ran up the stairs and into Hermione’s room.  A few moments later she stood at the top of the stairs with a funny smile on her face.  “Oh Mya,” She called in her sweetest voice.  “I need to talk to you.”

Hermione looked up at her friend, “What is it Lils?”

Lily shook her head.  “Why don’t you come up here?”  She looked at Hermione pointedly.  “I just read the most interesting thing, and I wanted to ask you about it.”

Suddenly, all of the color drained from Hermione’s face.  She looked at Lily with wide eyes and quickly got out of her seat.  “Coming,” she said in sort of strangled voice.  She took the steps two at a time and grabbed Lily’s arm, pulling her into the room and shutting the door.

Lily looked at her friend with a wide grin.  She waived the note in the air a bit, “I was looking for your robes, when I came across the most fascinating thing.  Care to explain?”

Hermione grabbed the note back from Lily before sinking onto the bed.  “Severus… spent the night.  Here, he spent the night here.”

Lily’s eyes went wide and she sat down next to Hermione.  “What?  Are you serious?  I want the details!  How did it happen?”  Her eyes went even wider, “Did you sleep with him?”

“No!”  Hermione blushed, “I mean, I slept with him, but I didn’t sleep with him.”  Lily laughed at her friend’s embarrassment, and Hermione frowned.  “It isn’t funny!”

“Yes, it actually is.”  Lily giggled.  “So, come on, tell me everything.”

Hermione sighed and filled Lily in on the night before.  “Then, when I woke up this morning he was gone, but he left a rose and that note.”

Lily put her hand to her chest.  “How romantic!  What happens now though?”

“I don’t know.”  Hermione furrowed her brow.  “I mean, I guess I’ll go meet him after lunch… but… I don’t know.”

“Well, I can’t say that this all surprises me… but what about Sirius?  I thought you two were…”  Lily gave Hermione a look.

She shook her head.  “No, we kissed last night, but there isn’t anything between us.”  She paused.  “He’ll kill Sev if he finds out though.”

Lily nodded.  “Unfortunately, I have to agree.  Any of them would.”  She glanced at the door, referring to the Marauders.  “I take it you aren’t going to tell them.”

“No, defiantly not.  That means you can’t tell them either.”  Hermione looked at Lily pleadingly.

“Of course not.”  Lily gave her friend a hug.  “I’m happy for you though.  I hope things work out.”

“Me too.”  Hermione said with a sigh.

“Why don’t we go down to lunch?”  Lily took Hermione by the hand and pulled her to the door.  “The sooner you eat, the sooner you get to see him.”

The two girls left the room, gathered up the boys and made their way to the Great Hall, although Hermione had the distinct feeling that she had left her stomach back in her room.

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Severus walked into the Great Hall nodding absently to Lucius Malfoy.  The boy had been talking his ear off since breakfast, and Severus had finally tuned him out.  He had much more important things to think about.  Namely, he had to think about Hermione.  He truly hadn’t planned on spending the night with her.  He had simply wanted to scare her, just to show her that the potion worked.

He had gotten the idea when she walked into the secret lab, looking for him.  He hadn’t expected her to be there, and he was pleasantly surprised that she seemed to be sad that he wasn’t around.  Following her had been easy.  She had gone straight to her room, and hadn’t met another person on the way.  Once she had gotten to her room, she went to sit by the window.  Just as he was about to jump at her, she sighed his name. 

He couldn’t help himself after that.  She had looked so beautiful, framed there in the moonlight, he had to answer her, had to touch her.  It hadn’t occurred to him that she might not welcome his caress.  At the time, he didn’t even care.  He just needed to be near her.  When she responded to him, saying his name and holding him close; it was like he had fallen into heaven.

Things had elevated quickly, things had almost gotten to the point where he wouldn’t have been able to control himself.  She had stopped things, and he had gotten up to leave.  He hadn’t counted on what happened next.  She had asked him to stay the night, to sleep, chastely, in each others arms.  He hadn’t dared to believe it, his heart had almost stopped when she asked him, but she pulled him close, and they got into bed together.

He lay awake for a long time, not wanting to miss a second of their time together.  He had traced the lines of her body; let his fingers run through her hair.  He had taken in her smell, vanilla and honey, and memorized the way she smiled.  When he finally slept, he dreamt of her, so it was almost as if he hadn’t fallen asleep at all. 

It had pained him to leave her in the morning.  She looked so peaceful lying there, that he didn’t have the heart to wake her up.  Instead, he transfigured a rose for her, left a note, and slipped silently out of the room.  The walk down to Slytherin had been the longest of his life.  Every step he took made him want to go back, to take her in his arms again.

No one said anything about his having spent the night away.  That was a perk of being in Slytherin, his housemates not only knew discretion, but they knew to stay out of others’ business.   He had fallen into bed, but he couldn’t sleep.  He couldn’t get her out of his head.  In the end, he had started a discussion with Lucius in hopes of being distracted, but even that didn’t work.

They sat down at the table, and Lucius paused to fill his plate with food.  This gave him the opportunity to look around the Great Hall.  Oh, who was he kidding?  This gave him the opportunity to look for her.  He turned his eyes to the Gryffindor table, and bit his lip to keep down a growl. 

The Gryffindor seventh years were approaching the table, laughing and causing their usual commotion.  The part that made Severus mad enough to kill was that Hermione, his Hermione, was literally in the arms of Sirius Black.  He was carrying her, and from the looks of it, she didn’t seem to mind.  Black set her down and the two joined the others in conversation.  It made him furious to see the two of them together like that.  He speared a potato violently.

“Is something bothering you, Severus?”  Lucius’ voice cut back into Severus’ thoughts.  He mumbled something about Black and several ways he would like the boy to die.  Lucius laughed.  “Yes, I think I would have to agree with your sentiment.  I’ve never been partial to Gryffindors.”  He gave Severus a knowing look out of the corner of his eye.  “Although, the girls aren’t half bad, in fact, the new girl, Mya, is pretty sweet.”  He smiled as Severus gave the reaction he had hoped for, snapping his head up and dropping his fork. 

“Stay away from her, Lucius.”  Severus eyed the other boy carefully.  He didn’t want Lucius anywhere near her.

Lucius laughed deeply.  “Severus, it seems I have found a chink in your armor.”  He smiled; it was not every day one got such emotion from Severus Snape.  “Don’t worry; I have my eye on another girl.”  He nodded towards a Ravenclaw sixth year named Narcissa.  Besides, I don’t think it’s my competition you have to worry about.”

 They both looked back at the Gryffindor table where Sirius was currently whispering something into Hermione’s ear, making her blush.  Severus scowled. 

“If you’ll excuse me, Lucius, I seem to have lost my appetite.”  He got up from the table and stalked towards the door, pausing only once to cast one last look at a laughing Hermione.

It was just jealousy, he knew that, but it didn’t matter.  He couldn’t help but feel infuriated.  Seeing her with that ghastly Black was sickening.  Black would never understand a woman like Hermione.  He couldn’t appreciate how amazing she was, how intelligent, how beautiful.  It made him furious that the Gryffindor could have so much effect over her, make her smile like she did, and make her blush.

He wandered down to the dungeons with a frown painted on his face.  He wanted to feel the joy of the morning again, not the pain of seeing her with someone else. 

Opening the secret door, he started to feel a little bit better; he always did when he entered his sanctuary.  He sat on the couch that she had transfigured and picked up her book, Most Ponte Potions.  He leafed through the pages absently, looking at the illustrations for various potions.  At least she spent the night with me and not with Black.  He thought as he fingered the pages.

Just then, the door to the lab opened.  He looked up and he saw Hermione walk through, looking nervous, but smiling.  She walked over and stood near where he was sitting.

“Thank you for the rose.”  She said simply, looking at him with an unwavering stare.

He nodded, wondering why he couldn’t speak.  She walked the last few steps and sat beside him, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she did. 

“I wish you could have stayed longer.  When I woke up, before I found the note, I was afraid that you just didn’t want to stick around.”  She took her eyes off of him and looked down at the floor, wishing he would say something.  He just sat there, looking at where she had been standing.  Suddenly she got a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.  “Oh.”  Her face fell, “Oh, I… I understand.  I won’t… I mean I’ll just…”  She started to get up, moving to the door.

Realizing what was going on, he jumped up and caught her wrist, making her spin around.  “Mya,” he said softly, placing a hand on her cheek.  “I wanted to stay there with you forever.”

She smiled, obviously relieved and let him lead her over to the couch.  They sat down, nervously looking at each other.  She spoke first, “So what happens now?”

“I don’t know.”  He eyed her thoughtfully.  “I hope you don’t expect me to hold your hand and run through a field of daisies.”

She laughed, pulling him into a hug.  “I cringe at the thought.”  He wrapped his arms around her as well, burying himself in her neck and hair.  She stroked his back lightly, “Whatever this is, Sev, I don’t want to define it,” she paused and added softly, “I just want to be with you.”

“And I with you.”  He responded, pulling away from her so he could look into her eyes.  They sat like that for a moment, neither daring to move.  Slowly, he leaned in to her, and pressed his lips against hers. 

They sat, entwined in each other, for a long time.  Letting their hands explore and caress as they had the night before.  So close together were they pressed that their hearts began to beat as one, a rhythm for their bodies to dance to.  All thoughts were banished from their minds, their senses taking over.  Every feeling, every smell, the simple taste of one another grew and expanded to encompass them in warmth. 

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Hermione held her nose and swallowed the potion, gagging slightly as she did.  Its lucky Sev and I are such powerful potion brewers.  She thought, as she placed the empty vial down on the counter.  They had brewed such a strong invisibility potion that they only had to take a dose once a week to keep the spell working.  She thought the spell was much better than using an invisibility cloak, as they could become invisible at will, and didn’t have to bother with carrying around a heavy piece of fabric.

Aside from allowing her and Severus to meet without being caught, the potion had many other perks.  Hermione had been spending much more time in the library after hours, never having to worry that she would be caught.  It had also proven useful in avoiding large groups of Slytherins when she was alone.  That had come in handy a few days before.  She had been on her way to the dungeons to discuss a paper with the Potions Master when she had heard a group of male Slytherins coming along the corridor.  She had instantly turned invisible, and was able to pass without incident, something she never would have accomplished had they been able to see her.  A Gryffindor alone in the dungeons was never a good thing.

She turned to the caldron, which was simmering with a new batch of the potion.  They had made a huge supply this time, enough to last them for the rest of the year.  After this batch was finished brewing they were going to start on another complicated potion.  This one was nearly impossible; she doubted seriously that they would be able to pull it off.  If done properly, it would allow them to become animagi without the fuss of years of work.  Of course, doing it this way they had no control over what animals they would become, which was exciting and frightening at the same time.  Hermione couldn’t wait to get started.

Moving over to the couch, she picked up a book, flipping through the pages.  She had come here to finish up some homework, but found that she couldn’t concentrate at all.  Being here reminded her too much of Severus, and once she started thinking about him, she could go on for hours.

They had been together for three weeks now, although it seemed as if it had only been a day.  They were very careful to keep it a secret, and as of yet, no one except for Lily had any idea.  This suited both of them just fine.  If people found out, they would have to explain the situation, which they couldn’t do considering they weren’t sure of what the situation was at all.  To put a label on what they had seemed wrong.  Severus could never be someone’s boyfriend; the thought of using that word on him was just ridiculous. 

She liked the fact that there was no definition for what they were.  It made her feel as if their relationship were wild and natural, growing on its own course, with nothing to stop it.  It excited her to no end, never knowing what was going to come next.  She nearly died with anticipation every time they were to meet, not knowing how it would turn out, not knowing where the night was heading. 

Still, between all of the excitement and joy, there were still doubts hidden in her head.  She would dream of Severus, only to have him turn into Snape, sadistic and sneering.  They weren’t nightmares exactly; they just served as a reminder of what was to come.  No matter how much she wanted time to stop where it was, he would not be this way forever.  Something was going to happen, something that would make him turn to the Dark, to Voldemort.  She couldn’t help but shudder at the thought of it.

It made her wonder about her future.  At this moment, she knew she would follow Severus to the ends of the earth, even if that meant she followed him to Voldemort.  It scared her, knowing how easily she could be persuaded. 

She sighed, and rolled her head on her shoulders.  It was too hard to believe that he was really going to turn to the other side.  Like Lily had told her when she had first met Severus, he wasn’t nice, but he was a good person.  Severus had a hard, sarcastic personality.  Yet she knew him enough to know that it was only his way of coping with the world.  He wasn’t a mean person, just lost, looking for a place where he could be himself.  He was so serious, so brilliant; it was hard for him to fit in with the other kids.  So he put a wall around himself, made it hard for others to get through.  She had gotten through that wall, he had shown her who he really was, and it wasn’t an evil person.

She laughed a little, thinking about him.  Three months ago she never would have believed that she could care this much about Snape.  Snape, who hated her, who made her cry…. She could barely believe it herself.  Still, it was true, she cared for this boy, more than she had ever cared about anyone before, and she knew that extended to the man he would grow up to be.  If she saw Snape now, she would throw her arms around him just as she would Severus.  She knew that much.

As much as the future scared her, she felt safe in the present, safer than she had ever felt at ‘home.’  Being with Severus was a large part of that.  Sometimes, when she was with him, she couldn’t believe how at home she felt.  Late at night, when she would wake up in his arms, she would forget that she was lost in time.  She would hold him close, and feel as if his arms were her true north, her true life.  She had the feeling that he felt the same way… she could tell by the way he smiled in his sleep.

They had gotten into the habit of spending almost every night together.  Since Hermione had her own room it was easy for him to sleep over.  He would sneak out of his dorms almost every night, and she would meet him in front of the Fat Lady at midnight:time>.  It worked perfectly, and since she was able to make herself invisible, no one saw her leave the common room every night.  They just assumed she was in bed.  No one was ever the wiser.

For all the times he had slept over, they had never slept together.  She wasn’t ready for that yet.  He was more understanding then she thought any teenage male could be.  He never pressured her, in fact, just the opposite.  Every time things started getting serious, he would slow down and make sure it was what she wanted.  Hermione shut her eyes, thinking about all the times they had come so close…  She sighed.  She wanted to be with him, completely, she just wanted it to be special, magical.  Of course, every thing with Sev is magical.  She thought, with a lazy grin. 

She put the book down, and began to gather up her things.  She had to meet him in twenty minutes, and she didn’t want to be late.  She shrunk her bag and placed it in her pockets.  She concentrated and made herself invisible before leaving the room behind.  The walk back up to Gryffindor was always interesting.  She would often walk in on very interesting situations.  It was this way that she had found out that Gregory from Hufflepuff and Anton from Ravenclaw were seeing each other.  She chuckled, that had been a rather interesting discovery. 

The walk to Gryffindor was a long one, she had the feeling of being so close, and yet so far away.  At night the corridors seemed to take a life of their own, twisting and turning in an attempt to tease her, make her farther from her goal.  When she reached the last staircase she started to run, trying to get to him as soon as she could.  Finally she reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.  She looked around to make sure that no one was there, then briefly became visible again, just to show him where she was. 

She felt a strong pair of arms circle around her waist, and she smiled, even though he couldn’t see it.  They exchanged one soft kiss before taking each others hands and ascending together to the warmth of her room.

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